I urgently need a sketch script

A: Time flies so fast, and I become an old lady in a blink of an eye. Looking back on my girlhood, young men were loved by everyone and almost kept my unmarried husband busy. He wrote me a small sack of love letters. later? Later, I gave birth to a son and became a policeman. He was so handsome. Why? Isn't this obvious? I'm pretty and the old man is pretty good. Let's go find my son - what is this called? readily!

B: My daughter graduated from the police academy and is involved with crime all day long. When I heard the police car screaming, my old lady was frightened. On the first and fifteenth day of the Lunar New Year, I will burn incense and pray (kowtow while holding incense) to Guanyin, Tathagata, the Queen Mother, Jesus, Christ, monks, and Taoists. You say this is superstition, I think it’s very flattering. No one present was allowed to reveal this secret information to me. My daughter found out and wanted to make a fuss with me.

C: When I was in my twenties and thirties, I was busy getting married and having children. When I was in my forties and fifties, I was busy saving money to buy a house. When I was busy, I became an old woman and waited for my daughter-in-law to have a baby. Fat grandson, but she is busy solving cases all day long. Alas, one day she will be able to conceive me with a big belly that is not round or round.

Ding: My daughter married a police officer’s son-in-law, and everyone in the neighborhood looked down upon her. It’s just a pain for my plump daughter.

A: What’s wrong?

Ding: It’s not easy to meet my son-in-law. Busy, he opened his eyes, he was so busy that he turned off the lights, and when the phone rang, he had to go out again. As long as a case was reported, he would be so busy that he couldn't sleep or eat well, and he couldn't see each other for three months.

B: Then write him a letter!

C: Send Yi Meier (e-mail).

Ding: You don’t know that my daughter is just like me since she was a child. She is definitely overweight when she steps on the scale. Her whole body trembles when she takes a step, and her eyes are slitted when she smiles. The classmates imitated her, teased her, laughed at her, and got angry and stopped studying. I am still very illiterate now.

A: This is called "dragon begets dragon, phoenix begets phoenix, the son of mouse can..."

Ding: "can make holes", what's not easy to say, old man The cat sleeps with the kitten bent, and it is passed down from one generation to another. My daughter is very smart. She does not follow her father (pointing to herself), but follows her mother. She can play the erhu and draw.

B: How do illiterate people write letters?

Ding: My daughter frowned and came up with a plan, and drew a cartoon for her son-in-law.

C: What are you painting?

Ding: A gray wolf is drawn on the top, and an erhu is drawn on the bottom.

A: The wolf and the erhu are not related to each other! Even if the wolf tendon pulls onto the dog's leg, it can't pull onto the erhu!

Ding: Daughter means Lang Yalang, my consort, please come back and visit me when you have time. Our family is living a happy, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time. If you want to think about our mother and mother, just play the New Year video.

B: Is your daughter pretty good at romance?

C: A police officer’s wife is called a government official and a government official, a Han official has a wife, and a police officer’s wife is not bad either.

Ding: The son-in-law caught the letter and it was broken.

A: What’s wrong?

Ding: He got it wrong. He said that his daughter's letter said: Lang, Lang, Lang, please come back soon. If you don't come back, I won't be able to bear it any longer. I'm going to have sex with someone else (playing the erhu). .

B: I’m afraid this is not your daughter. It is most likely a good thing you did when you were young, right?

Ding: How did you know it was me? You really guessed it right. My old man came back and beat me hard indiscriminately.

C: He dares to hit you? Pay homage to him.

Ding: Goodbye, Gooder, shall I marry you, old man? But I'm not afraid if he hits me. As the saying goes, a dead pig is not afraid of being scalded by boiling water. I was even fatter than this back then. He beat me until I was panting and choked. I felt so comfortable lying on the kang, as if the massage girl had stepped on me with her bare feet several times. .

A: Whoever marries you is going to the temple fair naked -

Ding: What do you mean?

A: I lost all my people.

Ding: I don’t wear any clothes except for bathing, and I wear floral pajamas when I sleep.

B: You are pretty good at advancing with the times.

Ding: It’s not me who has lost all his hair, but my son-in-law, who is a police officer, has been working hard all day long and has almost lost all his hair. I wrote him a poem about his bald spot.

C: Can you also write poetry? Is it some kind of "bullshit" poem?

Ding: You curse! The fine is 100 yuan.

C: Now you are the white radish.

A: You don’t even know the “bullshit” allusions, but you still write poetry?

B: (Talk) It is said that one day it snowed heavily, and scholars, businessmen, rich men and farmers all took shelter under a temple. The scholar said: "Heavy snow falls to the ground one after another", the businessman said: "This is the royal auspiciousness", the rich man said: "It doesn't matter if it snows for three years", the farmers are anxious, if they can't get food in the next three years, won't they all starve to death? So he retorted loudly: "Fuck you!" Even primary school students know this, don’t you?

C: Tell me about the poem you wrote.

Ding: I didn’t write it, it was an adaptation of Chairman Mao’s poem.

A: Do you dare to change Chairman Mao’s poems? You are playing a monkey on the head of the Tathagata Buddha and ruining the saint!

Ding: This is called stripping poetry. Hum, listen, what I modified is Chairman Mao's "Niannujiao": "Kunpeng spreads his wings for ninety thousand miles, flipping the Fuyao horns. Looking down with the blue sky on his back, the son-in-law has no hair."

A: Haha, your son-in-law is bald!

Ding: (Sternly) Don’t laugh. My son-in-law is grateful for the support. He puts on a police uniform and a police hat, and he looks more elegant and graceful. When you look at the leaders, professors, and scientists on TV, aren’t they all (touching the top of their head) making a brilliant appearance one by one?

B: Once bald heads become popular, will Zhao Zhangguang’s 101 close down and go bankrupt?

Ding: Have any of you seen my son-in-law?

A, B, C: Never seen it.

Ding: The TV series "Public Security Chief" that was aired during prime time on CCTV a few days ago was about my son-in-law.

A, B, C: Is it Li Ju, Huo Ju or Dai Ju?

Ding: Of course it’s Director Li Jian played by Pu Cunxin. I heard that Pu Cunxin is the idol of middle-aged women.

A, B, C: We all dreamed about him at night.

Ding: You old people are still middle-aged? It’s really a toad that wants to eat swan meat, Pu Cunxin, and my son-in-law. My son-in-law is only middle-aged. Look at him “crossing the Yalu River with great vigor and high spirits...”

A: Stop, stop. (Gestures), why did your son-in-law go to North Korea?

Ding: Oh, that’s crossed the line.

A: If you want to talk about majesty, look at my son, (singing) "He is majestic, high-spirited, and powerful."

B: If you want to talk about majesty, look at my daughter, (singing) "Vigorous, high-spirited, powerful and powerful, it shakes Taihang,

C: If you want to talk about power, look at my wife, (singing) "Vigorous, high-spirited, powerful and powerful, it shakes Taihang,

Catch the thief, Catch criminals and crack down on drugs.

A: My son is a good policeman.

C: My wife is virtuous.

Ding: My son-in-law respects my mother-in-law.”

A: Look how beautiful you are. You only see the steamed buns but not the steaming, you only see the children but not the birth. That hardship, that sacrifice, that danger, that character, which of you can do it?

B: If we can’t, how can we give birth to them?

C: My daughter-in-law was not born to me.

Ding: My son-in-law was not born to me either.

B: Even if you call a baby "Mom", you won't be allowed to enter your house unless you call her "Mom". This means you can tell how old your children are by looking at your mother's heels.

Ding: Not even 70% will be fine.

A: My son once said he wanted to solve a major case, but I haven’t seen him for more than a month. It was almost Chinese New Year, so my wife and I quietly went to the police station to see him, and saw seven or eight police officers singing softly in a circle.

B: Is it the song "Go Home Often"?

A: How do you know?

B: I’ll come too. I went in through the back door.

Ding: I’m coming too. I entered through the small door.

A, B, C, and Ding sang together: (full of affection) I want to go home and see, go home and see, even if I peek through the window. Wives, children, parents and the elderly long for peace every day, and the people's police should be at the forefront when shouldering heavy responsibilities. I want to go home and have a look, even if I want to have a cup of hot tea and a bowl of instant noodles. My father is retired and my mother is old and has children to take care of. How can I work for a company and take care of my children?

A: Stop singing, the thief is coming.

C: I will deal with it. It's hard to buy old and fat if you have money. Even if a thief sees me, he won't dare to do it.

B: Why did the thief come to you, steal three inches of your body and five inches of your skin?

Ding: No need to steal it. If anyone can remove it for me, I will give it to him for free, and I will pay for it.

C: Free? Backpost? Who still uses lard for cooking nowadays? It’s high blood fat!

A: What are you afraid of when a thief comes? My son is a master of pickpocketing. As long as a thief dares to attack, my son will put on handcuffs and twist him away.

Ding: Your son went to a school for thieves? Why is he so awesome?

A: Your son just went to a school for thieves.

B: That’s called a university. Now the public security and police teams have long since changed their guns. It's high-tech, high school, and everyone's skills are extraordinary. They dare to go to the fire and sea, and the criminals will be terrified when they hear it.

C: I heard from my daughter-in-law that the police in our mining area are amazing! Are there any police officers, civilian police, traffic police, road police, patrol police, bailiffs, criminal police, film police, mounted police, cyber police, fire police, water wells---

Ding: Where did the water police (well) come from? ?

C: What I mean is that if an employee’s family has a problem, such as no water or gas, just call the police and someone will come to solve it.

Ding: Water, electricity, gas, and heating belong to the logistics management. Do you understand?

C: You poison the water, you light the gas to explode, just call 110, the police car will stop in front of your building immediately, take you back and sentence you to ten years in prison.

Ding asked Yi: Can your daughter solve this case?

B: There is no case that my daughter cannot solve. She will dig deep and dig deep to reveal his true colors, and then look at his **** all over.

A: Look at other people’s ****? Is she a lunatic who uses a telescope to see which guy is handsome upstairs and secretly writes letters to others?

Ding: If you write a letter, you should not draw a gray wolf or an erhu, lest people get into a fight.

B: Fuck you, my daughter is a forensic doctor. She graduated from college and studied abroad. She is the best at dissecting corpses. If you dare to drink Poison, she will disembowel and disembowel you. You can no longer be arrogant.

A: Don’t just say those unlucky words, but pray more for the police. You see, they "seek to benefit the country's life and death, but they avoid it because of misfortunes and blessings." It’s not easy to have one foot in the Yang world and one foot in the Yin world. The police profession is the most dangerous profession. Isn't there a specialized position of "danger police"? Audience friends, am I right?

B: The tree wants to be quiet but the wind doesn’t stop! There are some turtle bastards who have nothing to do but find ways to cause trouble.

C: Hey, what about you! I tell you, that carefree little old man, don't get dirty, don't go to that dirty place to eat wild game, and don't meet my policeman, my daughter-in-law.

Ding: What’s wrong?

C: She specializes in combating pornography and illegal activities. It’s the old lady who blows her nose--

Ding: It’s disgusting.

A: Just pinch it and you’ll be right.

Ding: The policemen in our bureau are all the best in height, and they are among the best among men. All of them are capable of both literary and military skills, and have both political integrity and talent. This is all due to the good leadership of my policeman son-in-law. You three Why don't you hurry up and fawn over this old lady.

A, B, C: Why are you currying favor with me?

Ding: You have the ability!

B: If you look at your mother’s heels, you will know how old your daughter is. On the other hand, if you look at your daughter’s heels, you will also know how old her mother is.

Not only are Qi Lang, Eight Tigers, Eight Sisters and Nine Sisters heroes, but Mrs. She can also lead troops to fight!

A: You mean, we four old ladies can also show you our grappling and fighting skills?

B, C, D: Yes! If we don't wander around in front of the audience, we would think that we are just gray donkeys who can only bray. Come--

A, B, C (perform Kung Fu in sequence)

Ding: Son-in-law, bring me the guy. (The actress presents a musical instrument)

A: Is this your son-in-law?

Ding: She is my female secretary. (Play the little swan dance music, A, B, and C dance the little swan dance together; then play the theme song of "Plain Clothes Police", and A, B, and C sing a chorus.)

How many times of wind and rain, how many times of spring and autumn, wind, frost, and snow The rain beats the torrent.

After all the hardships, the infatuated heart never changes, and the youthful ambition never worries.

The golden shield is forged with blood and shows its strength and skill in dangerous places.

For the mother’s smile, for the harvest of the earth, why not be afraid of death in these great years. ……

(Curtain call)

Author: Duan Yongxian