Longing for a classic joke ~ ~

Granddaughter Shi Jia's new mobile phone, the last two numbers are 14, which is unlucky, so her husband enlightened her.

She: "8 is hair, 4 is half of 8, and it is half a hair." If you and I can send it, it will be big.

Ji; But if one person does it, it is also a good thing. "

Ms. Sun feels very reasonable, not only relieved, but also quite gratified.

"anti-theft"

An old lady said, "I used to hide gold under my mattress. I was told this."

This place is the most unsafe. Now I put them in the box. "

"Aren't you afraid of forgetting which box you put it in?" A neighbor asked her.

"No," she replied, "I put a note under the mattress,' The gold is in the black suitcase.

Li. "

"State Law" and "Family Law"

Son: "The teacher said it was illegal for a father to beat his son."

Dad: "Idiot! The teacher said the national law, and I beat you with the family law. "

"That lady is a man."

Mother said to her five-year-old son, "Dad said he would have dinner at home tonight.

Yugoslavs with business contacts. "In the evening, as soon as the father and guests set foot in the house, the child ran away.

Go into the kitchen and whisper to his mother, "Mom! Come and see, that lady is a man! "

"Whose egg is broken?"

Some leaders go to a place for a meeting. The local people's habit is that everyone eats steamed bread, porridge and a chicken.

Eggs. This morning, a leader peeled an egg, and the egg was bad. He said to the waitress, "Give it to me.

Change it. This egg is bad. "In a short time, miss will come back, but forget who it is.

Then he shouted, "Whose egg is broken?" The leaders were silent. Miss shouted again

In a word: "whose egg is broken?" , still no one promised. At this moment, the restaurant director approached the waiter.

Said, "You little girls are so rude. You should ask,' Which leader's egg is broken?

"All of a sudden, the restaurant director felt something was wrong, quickly changed his mind and shouted:

"Which leader is the bad guy?" .

The premise of "eternity"

"Do you believe that love is eternal?"

"Of course I do, but only if couples are constantly changing."

What is Historical Records?

Son: "Dad, what is a historical record?"

Dad: "Idiot, rote memorization means rote memorization, you can't master it flexibly, understand!" " "

10%

Stubborn professors are used to the young people's love concept now, and make comments in class:

"A recent report said that 90% of adult women in China are not virgins. Mr. President, regarding this matter,

I really felt incredible, so I sent a letter to other women 10% who are virgins. Ladies and gentlemen,

Do you know what the president wrote in his letter? "

Everyone shook their heads and said they didn't know. "You really don't know!" The professor said, "well, what about you?"

None of the children has received this letter. "

Top Ten Black Humor in 98 Football

Xu Genbao: The cooked duck almost flew.

Dalian Wanda bosses Wang Jianlin, two of a kind and Xu Genbao "privately booked for life", but who knows "wedding"

The ring on Xu Genbao's hand was torn off alive-the upcoming "conference"

Can't open, almost became the shortest term coach in China football. Because of "private life" and "mother-in-law"

Unpleasant Fortunately, Wang Jianlin and Xu Genbao "don't marry, don't marry", much like Sima Xiangru in those days.

Zhuo Wenjun has a deep affection for selling wine, and all shall be well, and Genbao and Wanda can get married legally.

As many fairy tales say, "From then on, they lived a happy life together." ...

The illusory "300,000 yuan grand prize"

At the beginning of this year, without the permission of China Football Association and Qi Wusheng himself,

A press conference was held to announce a grand prize of 300,000 yuan for the national team coach Qi Wusheng last year to compensate him.

I worked hard during the first ten periods. Not all the national media unanimously condemned commercial speculation.

Give positive reports.

It is suggested that coach Qi Wusheng get this 300,000 back in an upright manner and set up a "national team coach base" accordingly.

Gold ". Horton can earn 250,000 pounds a year coaching China, while coach China can only go to the national team.

A training allowance of 60 yuan a day, why is the equal pay different? So, coach China, who's coming?

On the national team?

Fan Zhiyi was not fined for spitting.

Fan Zhiyi, the best star in China, is lucky this year. In addition to entering the Crystal Palace,

The last three disturbances were all safe: First, there was an argument with fans in Shanghai at the beginning of the year, and they began to hit people.

2,000 yuan is "private" and does not bother the judge; Second, Taishan will be a foreign player when the league is away.

Paulista complained that Fan Zhiyi spat in his face, and Taishan was bent on justice, but no one had any evidence.

"Which eye did you see me spitting at him?" For a while, it was passed down as a famous market saying; Third, there are people in Britain.

Said that he "pushed" the referee, Weinabus was worse than Fan. He asked the hapless referee:

What seems to be pushing me? If someone pushes me, I will know clearly.

Who pushed me!

The old lady wearing a red armband at the railway station caught spitting, but she didn't catch any.

This is a safe bet. It is suggested that every A-A stadium should hire an old lady to be on duty and wear a red armband.

If 5 yuan is fined, an official receipt should be prepared to avoid disputes.

Yu Yuancong was mistakenly "lifelong"

Beijing referee Yu Yuancong did have a "technical failure" in the FA Cup match between Dalian Wanda and Liaoning team.

"Wrong", according to the regulations, short-term suspension punishment should be given, but due to the anger of Wanda Club, China is full

In the absence of any "evidence", the association suddenly announced the suspension of Yu Yuancong. Ideal place

The question is: is it a lifetime ban or a short-term ban? Don't say before "National Day" that I was angry, and I was prepared.

Some Dalian fans who went to Beijing to complain were happy for a while and didn't go. After the National Day, China

The Football Association just said that it was a "one-year ban", which was very considerate and had the art of "handling".

Zhang Bin took pains to try Chen Yiming's "cooperation"

After Chen Yiming roared "killing innocent people", he was going to CCTV to clarify the matter.

Zhang Bin, the host of Football Night, pretended to be independent prosecutor Starr to "try" Chen Yiming.

I tried my best to induce hints and want to have some shady football. Unexpectedly, Chen Yiming is smarter and calmer than Clinton.

Too many, that is, "don't say", the "zipper" of the trousers is always tight, unlike Clinton.

What is the zipper door incident?

I remembered an old joke a few years ago: "The enemy threw pepper water at me, and I went to the tiger stool without saying anything.

I still don't say it. Later, the enemy used a honey trap, so I played with it ... in the end, it didn't.

Say! "-Chen Yiming, a truly strong revolutionary hero, whose sentence" When you say nothing "can become" Nine.

China Football Academy Award for Best Route ".

The certificate of studying abroad was questioned.

Since the beginning of this year, coach China has often been "gilded" abroad and brought it with him after studying abroad for a short time.

All kinds of "certificates" were returned, but "the eyes of the masses are discerning", and the certificate of studying abroad was quickly characterized by various kinds.

Doubt and spread it as a football joke.

After the game, the referee changed his clothes and broke in.

After the match between Jiangsu and Hongyan in September, fans were dissatisfied with the referee on duty and besieged.

Beijing-born referee Li was not allowed to leave the stadium, and experienced Nanjing police took two emergency measures.

One is to turn off the lights in the stadium, and the other is to let the referee put on casual clothes. As a result, the referee left safely

Six fingers make black "judges"

Two years ago, the general manager of a club with deep pockets used his quick wits to watch a game.

Make a six-finger gesture to the referee on duty, 60 thousand or 6 thousand? Can only understand, can't express,

It's time for the referee to "understand", but after the game, it seems that nothing happened to the general manager, just a couple.

Fang's "misunderstanding" only annoyed the referee. This year, whenever he is in charge of the team game, he will fight.

Life blew away the team, making the team complain and appeal angrily.

Judge won the "Popularization Award"

In a game in Guangzhou, the referee's penalty caused boos from fans, who used the "provincial curse".

Express dissatisfaction to the referee, who has a good psychological quality, turns a deaf ear and insists on his own penalty.

Fans immediately switched to the word "black whistle" in Mandarin, which actually attracted the audience's "* * *".

This is the only successful "promotion of Putonghua" in Guangdong Gymnasium for many years, which is ridiculous.

"Iron camp, mobile soldiers"

Chi Shangbin, coach of Sichuan Quanxing Team, and Liu Guojiang, coach of Bayi Team, were training before the final round of A-A.

Meeting on the sidelines, the game attracted the attention of the whole country.

Liu Guojiang: "The PLA is a big school. Over the years, there have been many soldiers. You were in the army.

Yes "

Chi Shangbin was in no hurry: "The iron camp is a flowing soldier." Liu Guojiang Tim.

This is the "best dialogue" of 98 China football. "Do you think so?"

Top ten catchwords of 98 football.

China football has created some new buzzwords at an amazing speed, such as the previous "fake ball black"

Whistle ","fake a fake b ","Xiong Qi ","class dismissed "and words including" positioning ",

It's a little behind the times now. 1998 the most memorable thing about China football is as follows.

The top ten new buzzwords are:

Passive competition: the word "negative" contains many meanings and connotations, and there are also many different ways to deal with it.

Method, fully embodies the profoundness of China people, similar to "match-fixing". Behind the "negative" is

A few people are bold and have great interests.

Don't play: This year, several football bosses announced that they would not play China football, but not "no".

Play ",but" can't afford to play ",or don't want to be" played ",or play for China once.

Football says "no", or doesn't want to play and then "kicks".

Official whistle: It was invented by Li Huannan, the former boss of Shenzhen Jin Peng team, which is different from the "black whistle". This word is

Mark Jian, director of the professional department of China Football Association, dismissed it as "nonsense".

Rebellion: The reporter reported that a team translator called Mauro, a foreign aid of Shaanxi National Strength Team, and asked him to "release water".

I used this working term similar to "underground party". This has also become a new football this year.

"Speculation" business, for example, some players did not receive the promised signing fee after the transfer, so

It is always suggested that opponents can "do some underground work" to make their team lose, which is also true.

It is one of the "rebellion".

Delisting: a new transfer term, some people compare "brand" with the "grass label" of the previous population market.

On the same page.

League: In the past, China suffered from the "West Asia League" in international competitions, but now it is in the league.

It is also rumored that there is a so-called "tobacco alliance", an underground "Kunming Conference".

Evidence: This is the most problematic place in this year's league, and it is also one of China football from 65438 to 0998.

"Goldbach conjecture", it must be hidden in the middle of A A A B, but so far no one.

The way to find it.

Jianghu rules: Football has become a "Jianghu". In the end, there is only one rule:

Don't say that. Say it and die together. Many people are reckless,

Just because you are in the domino array, if you fall down yourself, you will definitely knock others over.

People, so in the end, in fact, no one dared to "touch" him. People in the Jianghu can't help themselves. A lot of things,

It can only be "when you say nothing." Jia Xiuquan broke the "Jianghu rules" in his honesty, so

The degradation of national strength is really unexpected and lucky.

Do: several teams join hands to "do" a team. With "rivers and lakes", there will be "unity"

Trade unions ",naturally there will be" doing ".

Judicial intervention: This is what 1998 China football needs most, but it is said to be the most difficult to operate.

Without this kind of "intervention", China football will go to a dead end.