Help tell a few cold jokes

1, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair: "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

2. Once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

3. Once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

In high school, everyone has a name tag. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

5. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words, held back for a long time and shouted: "Retreat!"

6. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

7. A colleague, one day when I was driving on the road, I had a flat tire and asked where there was inflation. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

8. A teacher probably played mahjong all night, and when he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

9. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

10, when the teacher leaves homework, I copy other people's homework if I can't do it, and then I go to the office to hand it in. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" " "

1 1. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder is in Liu Xiaoqing & lt>. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted.

12. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

13, a classmate from my dormitory high school called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

14. Before, someone came to my aunt's house and just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

15, we used to have a political economy teacher who especially liked to talk! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He is too

"Do you know why only US dollars are called' US dollars', but you have never heard of a name called' English'?

"Gold" and "Fajin"? "

16, during the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: align with your sidelight ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

17, the female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner, and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know how I made the following mistake.

Error: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently. Eat more!" " "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. .

18, our company had a car to go to work in the morning, because the car was not big. Once, there was no seat when we got on1mm.

Hello, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off ~!

19, once obsessed with online games, often killing people in internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of friends, and the train was about to leave, but we haven't found the platform yet. I suddenly said, "MD, there's not even a coordinate here (actually looking for a sign)!" ~ "The elder brothers burst into laughter after hearing this ~ ~

When I was 20 years old, I went to Hengshan to play in college. I was halfway up the mountain. I was so tired that I just wanted to have a rest when I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside. I went up and asked, "Wife ..."

2 1. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! !

22. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

23. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

24. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow) you." At that time, the students immediately calmed down.

25. Once I ordered a song at ktv, a mm shouted: Give me a stick chop of "Double Jielun" every week ... 1. My classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and shook his hair, and it was cool: "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

2. Once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

3. Once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

In high school, everyone has a name tag. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

5. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words, held back for a long time and shouted: "Retreat!"

6. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

7. A colleague, one day when I was driving on the road, I had a flat tire and asked where there was inflation. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

8. A teacher probably played mahjong all night, and when he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

9. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

10, when the teacher leaves homework, I copy other people's homework if I can't do it, and then I go to the office to hand it in. I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" " "

1 1. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder is in Liu Xiaoqing & lt>. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted.

12. Tell a true story. On the bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

13, a classmate from my dormitory high school called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

14. Before, someone came to my aunt's house and just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

15, we used to have a political economy teacher who especially liked to talk! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He is too

"Do you know why only US dollars are called' US dollars', but you have never heard of a name called' English'?

"Gold" and "Fajin"? "

16, during the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: align with your sidelight ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

17, the female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner, and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know how I made the following mistake.

Error: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently. Eat more!" " "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. .

18, our company had a car to go to work in the morning, because the car was not big. Once, there was no seat when we got on1mm.

Hello, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off ~!

19, once obsessed with online games, often killing people in internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of friends, and the train was about to leave, but we haven't found the platform yet. I suddenly said, "MD, there's not even a coordinate here (actually looking for a sign)!" ~ "The elder brothers burst into laughter after hearing this ~ ~

When I was 20 years old, I went to Hengshan to play in college. I was halfway up the mountain. I was so tired that I just wanted to have a rest when I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside. I went up and asked, "Wife ..."

2 1. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! !

22. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

23. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

24. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow) you." At that time, the students immediately calmed down.

25. Once I ordered a song at ktv, a mm shouted: Give me a stick to cut "Double Jay" every week. ......