What jokes can make people happy?

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

It is said that a lady bought a female parrot on a whim. I didn't expect to take it home. The first thing it said was, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

When the lady heard this, she thought: No, outsiders thought I was teaching this, which didn't ruin my image as a lady. So she tried her best to give the parrot something elegant, but the mother parrot was very determined and would only say, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

..... What should I do? When the lady lost her mind, she heard that the priest had a parrot (male). The parrot not only didn't swear, but also was a devout believer, praying most of the time every day. So the lady went to the priest for help. After understanding her purpose, the priest looked a little embarrassed and said, "Well, it's difficult. In fact, the parrot didn't deliberately teach it anything. The reason why I am so pious may be because I have been edified here for a long time. "

Seeing that the lady was very depressed, the priest said, "Tell you what, you bring me that parrot and I'll put them together." . I hope your parrot will be affected after a period of time. That's all I can do. It's up to God ... "

Hearing this, the lady can only do this. Isn't there a saying: Is it near Zhu Zhechi? Just try it. So she took the parrot to see the priest. The priest put two parrots together as promised. At first, the female parrot was a little stiff. Seeing the male parrot in the corner of the cage and praying silently, I really can't bear to bother. But she still can't help herself. Finally, the clear voice said, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

Hearing this, the male parrot stopped praying, turned to look at the female parrot, and suddenly burst into tears: "Thank God, my wish of praying for so many years has finally come true ..."

7. Girls should not say that.

A man said to a woman, "I invite you to dinner."

The woman said, "Some other time."

8.saving bucket

A widow went to buy cucumbers and told her not to slice them, but the cucumber seller forgot to slice them. When the widow saw it, she scolded, "Do you fucking think I'm a money bucket?"

9. Internship

A large group of girls went to the farm for internship, and the bishop of the farm milked the cows. After the demonstration, they taught everyone to try it by themselves. At this time, a girl was puzzled to see that others had squeezed a small part of the tube, and her own was only a little. The farmer came over to have a look and said, Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow.

10, a handsome guy wants to buy condoms.

A handsome guy wants to buy condoms, but he doesn't know the size. The waitress had no choice but to check it and said to her colleagues around her: a box of 5 inches, oh, no, 7 inches ... Oh, my God, go and get the toilet paper. . . . . . . .