What jokes do you want to laugh at after listening?

There is a student whose name is Tan Jinte (this story is pure fiction, and if it is homophonic, it is pure coincidence), because he is homophonic with the tangent function Tan in mathematics, and he is famous in school. Some students deliberately joked, and analogically read the cotangent function ctg as "baking Tan Jinte", which means baking Tan Jinte in the fire and eating his meat. Everyone kept calling him behind his back, thinking that he didn't know, until one day, Tan Jinte was called by the teacher to see the order of the self-study class. He stepped onto the platform in the self-study class and shouted, "All those who just said Tan Jinte was baked, stand up for me!" As a result, several students were frightened and staggered on the way to the podium. Finally, Tan Jinte told them to line up and stand at attention, and then said, "Remember, if ctg wants to roast my meat, I will definitely struggle upside down in the boiler, and the whole person will be upside down. So, ctg is the reciprocal of Tan. Do you remember? Remember, everyone can go down. "

There is a very interesting thing in my life.

The neighbor gave birth to a child and seven daughters, all of whom were beautiful.

His family always wanted a boy, so they kept giving birth to him. When all four brothers were daughters, everyone called him a super-life guerrilla.

But this man doesn't believe in fate, and he will continue to live. Three more children were born a few years later. Neighbor brother took it.

The seven fairies have grown up now.

Now everyone sends him messages.

In the first half of my life, I was poor, and in the second half, I was as rich as an enemy.

one

After drawing an apple on the blackboard, the teacher asked:

"Students, what is this?"

The students said with one voice:

"Teacher, this is the ass!"

The teacher began to cry at once, and the crying attracted the headmaster.

The headmaster asked the teacher, "Why are you crying?"

Before the teacher answered, the headmaster saw the picture on the blackboard.

He asked angrily, "Who drew a donkey on the blackboard?"

two

On the bus, a beautiful woman got on.

Take out your card and swipe it, only listen to the reply from the swipe machine:

Drop ~ old card ~!

The whole car froze and looked at her.

Her face turned black and she said, what are you looking at? Haven't you seen it before?

An uncle stood up and said, come, aunt, sit here!

Daughter: Mom, I want to broadcast live.

Mom: The investment is too big for us to do.

Daughter: It doesn't need much investment.

Mom: Mom said that you have no money for plastic surgery.

Second, the man's ex-girlfriend called to sell insurance.

M: I have already bought it.

Ex-girlfriend: This accident insurance can cover even being struck by lightning. You swore so many poisonous vows to heaven before, and you still don't want to die?

Third, my wife is pregnant with a second child, and the baby is moving badly in her stomach. At night, the baby punched and kicked in his stomach again. Wife can't sleep, mouth muttered:

What's that kid doing in there? Keep moving!

Husband is here: living in a second-hand house, busy decorating!

Fourth, the husband and wife go to a restaurant for dinner. The next table is a woman who is drunk. Her husband suddenly stared at her.

The wife asked: Do you know her?

The husband said: She is my ex-wife. She used to be a teetotaler, but she has been drinking since she divorced me seven years ago.

The wife exclaimed: my god! She has celebrated for so many years!

In the middle of the night, the sleeping husband was picked up by his wife and beaten severely. The husband was cheated and asked his wife why. The wife said: I dreamed that I was pregnant, so you didn't want me.

Husband consoled: Fool, dreams are the opposite.

The wife was stunned and immediately roared: You mean, if I'm not pregnant, you won't want me?

Say that finish, the wife beat her husband again!

One,

Ginseng is very strong.

My uncle, who is over 70 years old, uses ginseng slices to soak in water every day. He hasn't broken for decades. He looks over 50 years old, with black hair and looks about my father's age.

An old man from a friend's house is dying, but my friend is still in the field, and it will take at least three days to come back, hanging by a ginseng, and it will take several days to die after he comes back.

My neighbor's great-grandfather has been dead for decades. It took neighbors ten years to get a thousand-year-old ginseng from the deep mountain and pour it on the grave. The golden light of Zeng emerged from the grave and soared into the sky. You can see it from miles away and fly on the spot. The whole process lasted for seven days and seven nights, and people from several surrounding villages kowtowed. Finally, the people of the public security bureau suppressed the matter.

Two years later, the silly son of Lao Zhang's family at the entrance of the village, who was seven years old and could not speak, dug out the medicine pot for boiling ginseng in his neighbor's house and went home to eat without washing his hands. That night, he finished his sister's five-year and three-year college entrance examination simulation questions, and the space for washing his face the next morning proved Goldbach's conjecture. Now he is the host of Taihu Lake Light in Wuxi Supercomputing Center.

Second,

What's sister's name? Sister: "Do you know sister's name?" Brother: "I don't know."

Sister: "Just a hint, it's bigger than a ball."

Brother: "Oh, stewed lion's head?"

Third,

After using the mobile phone for more than three years, I felt that I couldn't keep up with the trend, so I asked my mother to change it. Mom said: "If you want to change, change it, one step at a time!" " I was surprised to hear that, but my mother added: I will give you an old man-machine directly!

Fourth,

A friend said to drive back first. I said, how can you drive back after drinking? He proudly said: absolutely no problem, I know the people in the traffic police team! Wocao, you have a lot of contacts! Do you know who it is? My father was just caught drunk last week!

Five,

Parking downstairs in the community, I saw a young woman coming across the street, walking forward with a five-or six-year-old child. A word made me laugh ... the child said, mom, are you awkward when you walk, and you always bump my head?

When I was a midwife, a mother gave birth in the delivery room, and my father cheered beside me. Honey, you are the best. I love you. I was so moved at that time. The baby may have heard what his father said, and he was very obedient and was born soon. I heard a bang in the back, and my father fainted with excitement in the back. ...........