Beg 150 joke! (mandatory)

A fly and its child are walking on a bald head. After a while, it said thoughtfully, "son, time flies." When I was your age, it was just a path. "

With bare arms

One day, a sparrow said to a pigeon, "Do you dare to shoot an eagle?"

"Of course, I dare." After that, the pigeon flew away. After a while, the pigeon flew back without feathers. The sparrow asked, "What's the matter?" The dove said, "That boy is not convinced, so I will hit him with my bare hands."

emphasize

A family planning service team came to the countryside to publicize family planning knowledge. When introducing condoms to an old farmer, the propagandist said, "You must stick to them when using them, or you will fall short." A month later, the family planning team came again. The old farmer anxiously found the propagandist and said, "I blew it up like you said, not only did I chew it, but later my wife was pregnant ..."

Go straight at the red light.

Aunt Wang is going to attend May's wedding. Because she is going to be late, she drives very fast and the red light keeps on. So I was stopped by the police. The police will give Aunt Wang a ticket. The policeman asked Aunt Wang, "How to write a red light?" Aunt Wang thought she was going to be late, but she stopped people from coming down. She said impatiently, "I can't write!" " "After a while, the police gave the ticket to Aunt Wang, and she stuffed it into her purse without reading it. A few days later, Aunt Wang went to pay the fine and showed it to the counter lady. The lady looked at it for a long time and said to Aunt Wang, "You can go back! "Aunt Wang Mo said wonderfully," Isn't there a fine? " The young lady said, "No! There is no such traffic rule as' red light never stops'! "

Naked woman

A naked girl ran into a taxi and the driver looked at her all over. The girl scolded, "What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked woman? " ! ! "The driver said," I just want to see where your money comes from! " "

Just look and don't touch

A new bathhouse has been built in the factory. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, gay men take a bath, and lesbians take a bath on the 2nd, 4th and 6th. Gay men take a bath on Sunday morning and lesbians take a bath in the afternoon. Just this Sunday, there was an exhibition of revolutionary martyrs' relics. The factory director announced at the staff meeting: "This Sunday morning, gay men took a bath and lesbians visited; In the afternoon, lesbians take a bath and gays visit. Again, just look and don't touch. "

figure

9 saw 6 and said: Nothing to play handstand. 0 sees 8 and says: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing? 7 See 2 and say: Don't think that I will marry you if you kneel. 2 See 5 and say: Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days, and I have breast augmentation.

A: how can I live longer?

B: Give up drinking.

A: I don't drink.

B: No color.

A: I don't like women.

B: Vegetarian.

A: I don't eat meat!

B: Then why do you want to live a long life?

Professor of Philosophy: A fool's question 10 can't be answered by a wise man. Student: No wonder I failed the exam.

Integrated circuit card

That was a few years ago. At this time, the bus arrived at the station and a tall woman came over. Her IC card may be in the back pocket of jeans, so as soon as she got on the bus, she leaned her ass against the card swiping machine and got into the trunk with a drip. This woman is followed by a short old woman. She thought it was strange that she could get on the bus as long as her ass was against that thing, so she weighed it desperately as soon as she got on the bus. Aunt said: Isn't that girl riding on her ass here? Haha, I see. The driver was very upset and could only explain to him that the girl used an IC card, but the aunt didn't know what an IC card was and pestered the driver. "You are so unreasonable. When a beautiful girl pouted with you, you let others in. My wife has pushed your ass so many times, and you won't let me in. What do you mean? " Everyone in the trunk laughed, and the driver just waved her in because he couldn't get off the stage.

A man threw a handle forward on his bicycle and met a traffic policeman at a fork in the road. The traffic police shouted to him: good palm. The man replied happily: comrades have worked hard!

The hot girl called a taxi. Miss, what will you wear in the future? Spice Girl: Red miniskirt! Recipient: Then where to go? Spice Girl: It's thighs!

You are very lucky (super funny)

When I was shopping, I suddenly felt a pain in my stomach, so I walked into a hot pot restaurant on the corner and wanted to borrow a toilet. But I couldn't find the first floor, so I ran to the second floor, which was still under renovation. Nothing, but I found a sticker on the toilet door. It says "The fault needs to be repaired, please don't use it", but I can't help it. Whatever. Anyway, there was nobody around, so I took off my pants and squatted in the toilet. That's so cool! ! After that, I went downstairs and found no one there. Strangely, the wedding is downstairs laughing while eating. Why did people go to that building at once? Even the waiter and receptionist were gone ... so I approached the bar and asked, "Is anyone there?" Why is there no one? "At this moment, I saw a waiter come out from under the bar and said," ... weren't you there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now? You are very lucky.

A farmer in a county feeds pigs with swill every day, and as a result, he is fined 10,000 yuan by the Animal Protection Association-cruelty to animals. Later, the farmer changed to feed the pigs with Saussurea involucrata, and was fined 1 10,000 yuan by the Environmental Protection Association for wasting food. One day, the leader visited again and asked the farmers what to feed the pigs. The farmer said, "I don't know what to feed." Now I give it 100 yuan every day and let it go out to eat by itself. "

One day Xiaoming put a plaster on his hand. The teacher asked, "What happened to your hand?"

Xiaoming said, "It's broken."

The teacher said, "Why? 」

Xiaoming said, "Because I am too lazy."

The teacher said, "Too lazy will break your hand? 」

Xiao Ming said: "One day I was walking on the road and my shoes touched a stone, but I was too lazy to do it with my hands, so I shook my feet with a telephone pole and let the stone fall out." Passers-by thought I was electrocuted, so they hit my hand with a wooden stick. ..............

Teacher: ..........

-

Once I suddenly thought of going swimming and bought a pair of cheap swimming trunks in the supermarket, because there was no other color, only red. As a result, I didn't expect the swimming trunks to fade. When I was soaking in the pool, a wisp of red came out of my lower body and rippled in the water ... An uncle swam past me, looked at the red "blood" under me and looked at my bare upper body. For an instant, his expression was very contradictory. ...

Tell me about my childhood! Everyone knows the big 28 bicycles with beams! When I was four or five years old, I used to sit directly on the beam of my father's bike and sit sideways. After a long time, my feet would be numb and uncomfortable! Last time I went to grandma's house, I suggested sitting in the back seat, because my feet wouldn't get numb! Agreed! Haha, let's go! ! As a result, when I arrived at my destination, something terrible happened … My father forgot me, took my leg off from behind and kicked me straight away …

I heard a friend say that when he was in college, a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" ? : "cold". . "Cold, I'll cover it for you?" . The girl blushed and whispered "Yes". Then the boy stood up. . . Cover the drip bottle with your hand.

It is said that when I was a child, I often bullied my sister because of my age. One night, my father came to tuck us in and suddenly found my three-year-old sister sitting in the dark watching me sleep! -

Why don't you go to bed? Dad asked.

Sister quickly said: shh! Keep your voice down and hit her when she falls asleep!

I have a classmate who is a Christian and feels a little possessed.

School should do morning exercises in the morning, and he thinks that teachers must also get up early to do exercises, otherwise it is unfair.

So I went directly to consult with the principal.

The headmaster paused and said, where are you from?

My classmate said affectionately that I was sent by God to save you.

Client: ×※% () ￥××※%

This man is hard of hearing as he grows old. I remember when I was a child at my grandmother's house, one morning my grandfather was going fishing, and I met the old man next door as soon as I went out. The old man said to my grandfather, "Go fishing!" My grandfather said, "No! I'm going fishing. " Then the old man said, "Oh, I thought you were going fishing?" I was stunned.

I didn't pay attention to washing the dishes and dropped the bowl on the floor. Fortunately, I only lost a corner on the side and became a small gap.

Then continue to wash the dishes. My right hand didn't pay attention. I passed through the gap ... it was broken.

I thought: Is it really that fast? I can break my hand. Then I tried it with my left hand and it broke.

I thought to myself, that was fast. If this bowl is used for eating, it will soon be miserable. Then nc, I tried it with my mouth ... my lip was broken ...

A couple on the bus, the woman let a pervert touch her, and her boyfriend was expressionless. After arriving at the station, her boyfriend pulled the pervert out of the car, beat him skillfully and took his girlfriend away. Analysis of the reasons for a website's voting. 75% voted "This kid is waiting for his skills to cool down ..."

10 There is a steamed stuffed bun shop near the subway station, and the business is very good. Next to the queue every day is the train ticket sales point.

Queue up there to buy steamed buns today. When I was about to arrive, I heard two men behind me say, Oh, this is the steamed stuffed bun shop, the train ticket conductor … Ah, it's over there!

1 1 Just sent a drunk buddy home, and the man called for a massage all the way. Sent to the door, his wife opened many relatives and friends and said to me, "This, this, this young lady is really like my wife, hehe." It's inconvenient to have an attack at the sight of his wife's face. Help him into the living room with me. He said he had to go to the bathroom, so he went in by himself. After seeing his wife, he answered the phone and left angrily with doubts. This buddy came out of the toilet and said to me, "I just called my wife and said that the company will not go back after working overtime."

12 once went to the underground city to brush the map with the warriors ... half an hour passed, and suddenly a message came from the loudspeaker, which almost killed me. "The students from the middle school affiliated to Zhejiang XX Mine came and ran away." .....

I bought gloves on 13. The boss wants 35, and I said 30. The boss insisted on 35 and refused to give in after several rounds of talks. I thought about it and gave a 50. He quickly gave me 35. . . .

14 and one more.

In high school, our toilet had a door with a spring, which could return to its original position, but it could only be opened in, not out.

Many people have the habit of opening the toilet door and kicking it.

Most people just kick about knee-high. I have a classmate who has practiced martial arts, probably to show off or to maintain his flexibility. He always lifts his feet high and kicks them to about the height of his chest.

One night, this man went to WC, walked to the door, without thinking, lifted his foot and kicked-

As soon as our dean had finished speaking, he pushed the door and went out.

So our dean was kicked back to the toilet by my classmates. . .

15 took my wife to have a prenatal examination in the morning, and after taking blood.

Nurse: You can get the list on the 32nd.

Wife: 65438+1October 32 or February 32.

I (weak): February 1.

Nurse (Khan): Yes ~ Yes ~ Yes ~

16 I flew a few days ago and found a beautiful woman sitting next to me after boarding the plane. According to the principle of chatting up, I blurted out, where do you get off?

17 cooked porridge in a rice cooker in the dormitory last night. Suddenly my roommate rushed into the dormitory and said, no, the hospital leader led a team to check the illegal electrical appliances in the dormitory. It's next door. What should I do with a cooker? In desperation, I hid the pot directly under the bed. When the teacher came, he said, well, I can still trust Xiao Lei, so I won't look at your locker. I feel glad, the teacher went on to say, see if you use an electric blanket. As a result, I was recorded

1 1 I remember one time my classmate played a prank and put a monster sticker on the back of my clothes when I was not paying attention. I was so stupid that I never noticed. I posted it for several days without telling me … finally, I found it and asked my aunt: Aunt, didn't you see this sticker when you were washing clothes? My aunt said: I saw it! I asked, then why don't you help me take it off? My aunt said innocently, I thought it was a trademark. I was afraid of washing, so I took it off and washed it, and then I dried it and stuck it on you …

12 once I met a primary school teacher I hadn't seen for years. I am very excited and feel very kind. I don't know what to think. I ran up and touched the teacher's head excitedly. The teacher was shocked, and so was I. Then I said ... you've grown so big!

That sweat at that time, I wanted to take a shit quickly …

14 send an anecdote about a classmate: the classmate is also a girl. She felt something was wrong with her breasts for a while and went to the hospital for examination. The doctor said it was lobular hyperplasia of breast; My classmate froze for a long time and asked angrily, what did you say? I have lobular hyperplasia? Is my only cup full, too Then what else do I have besides proliferation?

15 The classmate's father is a taxi driver. On that day, two men stretched out their hands and stopped the car:

How much is it to XXX?

Probably 10 yuan.

Can two people go 15?

..... let's go. Let's go

16 It was the same when my deskmate was at school.

Once he was found sleeping in class by the teacher, and the teacher said xxx stood up.

I woke him up and said that the teacher told you to stand up. He glared at the teacher and refused to stand up.

Teacher is anxious xxx, you stand up for me! He still didn't get up and rolled his eyes at the teacher.

The teacher lost his temper, xxx. I can't control students like you to continue their classes.

I whispered xxx at the bottom. You are really against the teacher.

Xxx said that I actually wanted to stand up.

But ~ ~ ~ ~ my legs are numb. . .

17 At the New Year's Eve dinner, there were several tables with famous brands, and everyone else could sit at will. Then I heard a woman say, "Go and sit in the front, where there is your memorial tablet." I suddenly collapsed. ...

18 the second mid-term exam. In 2008, a classmate was arrested by Duan Chang for texting in the toilet, but he refused to give up his party anyway. Duan Chang calmly sent a short message on his mobile phone-"Come to the men's room on the second floor to get the answer."

Then ... the same party came from all directions, and ........... was wiped out. ......

19 There are two fruit stalls at the school gate. A girl bought bananas at booth A and kept pinching bananas with her hands when she picked them. I guess she's ripe. At this time, the stall owner of B XE booth said happily, classmate, come and buy it from me. My banana is hard. . . .

20. A good friend of my roommate, who is particularly playboy and has many girlfriends, asked him one night, "Why do you like women so much?"

"I lacked maternal love since I was a child, and my parents are not around."

"What if there is a lack of fatherly love?"

This man said the words that he regretted all his life, "I have you."

Since then, this man has been taken great care of in our dormitory.

2. Teacher: "Why do you think pebbles are round and slippery?"

Student: "This is the result of the long-term impact of water movement and the friction between stones."

Teacher: "Why do people do things so tactfully nowadays?"

Student: "I don't know!"

Teacher: "this is the result of long-term air flow and friction between people!" " "

Today, I heard an eight-year-old girl sing, two tigers, two tigers, falling in love, falling in love. All men, all men, so perverted, so perverted.

4. Child A: Do you know why the sea is blue?

Child b: why?

Child A: Because there are fish in the sea.

Child B: Why is the sea with fish blue?

Child A: Because fish can spit bubbles.

Child B: Why is the sea blue when fish spit bubbles? A: Because it is blue, it is blue.

1, house slaves are like Fu Nan batteries because they are "great"; Real estate developers are like Harbin No.6 Pharmaceutical Factory because they are "awesome".

2. Sleeping position determines hairstyle, and oil price determines travel. Starting today, we will study the relationship between sleeping posture and hairstyle at home.

3,2011,everyone changed "refueling" to "forcing". Why is this? Because "refueling" is getting more and more expensive, "giving force" costs nothing. . . . . .

4.2020

Lao Li: "How much salary did you get this month?"

Lao Wang: "8 million after tax. I heard that you have a lot of bonuses this month? "

Lao Li: "There are many things, just 2 million. I lost all the mahjong last night. "

At this time, Lao Wang's mobile phone suddenly rang, and it took less than 5 seconds to connect the phone. He put his mouth to Lao Li's ear in horror. "Carrefour, cabbage special, fifty-one thousand jins! Keep quiet quickly! "

Recently, two people pursued me. Should I promise to buy a house or a gas station?

6. I study hard, work hard and save money, but I can't afford to buy a house.

7. I am a very traditional man, so I always support the system of three wives and four concubines.

8. A confident woman is not necessarily beautiful, such as Xifeng. Powerful women are not necessarily attractive, such as extinct teachers.

Valentine's Day is coming, can Tomb-Sweeping Day be far behind?