Laugh till you cramp.

1. endless work, lack of sleep, not fat wallet, can't buy mink. I earned 200 million yuan in my half life: 1 amnesia, 1 memory.

I am happy for you if you are doing well, and I am happy for the whole world if you are not doing well.

My cousin asked me, "Sister, what do you think the perfect boyfriend looks like?" I said decisively, "someone else's!"

4. Three magic weapons to establish friendship between women: praise each other's clothes; Share hot gossip; Agree that a man is a special scum.

As a senior otaku, I have been single for 30 years. I always thought I liked women, but later I found out that I just liked beautiful women.

6. I have been waiting for happiness to knock at the door. After waiting for so many years, I didn't knock. Is my family a little biased?

7. Once upon a time, there was a fat man who heard that yoga could lose weight. Many things happen. Two months later, he became a soft fat man.

8. In ancient times, when girls were dating, they said whether they wanted it or not, but their parents had the final say. If you don't want to, say that your daughter wants to live with her parents for two years.

9. Although you have a bad temper, bad grades, bad temper, bad personality and bad looks, the only thing you can be proud of is your good appetite!

10. "They all say my face is too oily. Will you look at me carefully? " "I don't know, reflective, can't see clearly!"

1 1. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever? -Stop dreaming and study hard!

12. I can't hear the sound of mobile phone vibration at home during the holiday, but it feels like an earthquake when I go to school.

13. The furthest distance in the world is that I look at you frequently and you look at me frequently. I fell in love with you at first sight, but you clung to your wallet.

14. TV is all about: I will give you tens of thousands and keep my daughter. The reality is: give us tens of thousands, or leave my daughter.

15. I don't want to chat with people now, but I usually "eat" and "I'll take a shower later", which is not as cool as our junior high school, and directly "not myself!"

16. Whenever I am ready to save money, there is always a voice saying to me: Be nice to myself, which is why I can't save money.

17. Everyone is primitive at birth. Sadly, many people have gradually become pirates.

18. The teacher accused me of not listening carefully. I retorted, "Teacher, it's really not my fault. You are so beautiful, it is hard for me not to be distracted! " The teacher forgave me at once.

19. Q: How to comfort a fat man? Your life is complete.

20. The wife asked her husband, "Why didn't you give me a present after you got married?" The husband said, "Have you ever seen a fish caught to feed the bait?" The husband was beaten up by his wife. The son came over and said, "Shit! I caught a crocodile! " " .

2 1. My parents always advised me never to fall in love at school, so I didn't want to listen to it, as if someone could have a crush on me.

22. I ate bad two days ago. Food poisoning. Keep throwing up. Hungry to death. Later, there was really nothing to vomit, and I couldn't vomit if I wanted to. That feeling! Baidu said chopsticks can be inserted into the throat. Just spit it out! I squatted by the toilet for a long time with a pair of chopsticks! Put it in your mouth. My mother came in! Knock off my chopsticks. Scared! You can't eat shit no matter how hungry you are!

23. If one day I hack you, it's not that I hate you, but that I can't afford what you sell.

24. I was beaten by my father just now. When I came back to my room and saw your circle of friends, I couldn't help laughing. My father thought I was dissatisfied and beat me up again.

25. There is always one for you: ugly but introverted, poor and idolized. Friends don't love home very much, and women are crazy. Fools don't work hard, idlers look forward to the peak. Fat women eat too much, and being single is always melodramatic.

26. I have mastered 100 ways to hurt my girlfriend, and now I need a girlfriend.

27. Thin, put it far away from the mouth; Eating is just around the corner. Let me live, that's enough.

28. I have a dream since I was a child: wearing sunglasses, driving a Lamborghini sports car and wearing gold clothes to go home. Now I have realized half my dream and have sunglasses.

29. Every time there is a girl I like, I turn on the front camera and take a look at myself.

In the past, as long as the feelings were true, age was not a problem. Now as long as the feelings are true, gender is not a problem.