Not long after, the official document arrived, calling the fool by name. The officers tied him to the execution ground and beheaded him. The fool then cried: "I regret not listening to others' advice, even today! But I learned my lesson today. This is the only time I will suffer!" There are two idiots with black teeth and white teeth. One has black teeth, and the other has black teeth. Born as white as snow; one tried every means to hide his black teeth, and the other tried every means to show off his white teeth. Someone asked Hei Ya what her last name was, and she closed her lips tightly, puffed out her cheeks, and mumbled in her throat: "Gu." Then asked how old she was, and she puffed her cheeks and answered, "15." Finally, asked if she had any age. What kind of skills did she have, she replied in her throat: "I know how to play drums." Others asked White Teeth ***'s last name, and *** opened her mouth and replied: "Qin." When asked how old she was, she again Opening her mouth, she replied: "17." Asked what she could do, she opened her mouth wide, exposing her white teeth, and said, "I know how to play the piano." Boasting that his son's father walked with his son. An acquaintance of the father met his son and asked, "Who is this?" "My son." Before going to a friend's house for a dinner alone, I was half drunk and my face was red. When I went to a friend's house for a banquet, I found that the wine tasted very weak, and the more I drank, the more tasteless it became. I even woke up from the wine I drank, and my face turned red. After the banquet, he said to the host: "Your wine is very good, but please return my red face!" An old man who wants to be a son is described as haggard and weak, but as long as he is said to be old, he will be annoyed. He is young and loves it endlessly. After one person knew about it, he deliberately took advantage of him and said: "Although your beard and hair are white, your face is as delicate and delicate as that of a child. It is also as fresh and delicate as my newborn baby's skin." The old man was overjoyed and said: "If your face can be so fresh and delicate, , I would like to be your son." From quick to slow, the teacher was very angry that the master did not invite him to drink. When the students came to the school to study, he quickly taught the poem: "Spring Tour to Fangcao." The student said. I reluctantly read along with tears in my eyes. However, he understood the teacher's intention and said: "Father". The teacher asked: "What does father do?" The student replied: "Buying meat." The teacher slightly slowed down the teaching speed of the poem: "Appreciating the green lotus pond in summer." The students still couldn't follow. After reading, the teacher asked again: "What does your father do to buy meat?" The answer was: "Sir, sir." The teacher's anger gradually subsided, and he slowly taught the third sentence: "Drink yellow flower wine in autumn." He asked again: "When do you want to invite me?" Me?" Answer: "Today." The teacher was overjoyed and slowly and clearly taught the fourth sentence: "A poem about white snow in winter." There was a person who was happy to open a skylight, and he took the lead in asking everyone to chip in when doing things for relatives and friends. When hosting a banquet, he would often hide his share of the expenses and would pocket the extra money. The king of hell hated him for having such a dark conscience. Take him to the underworld and put him in a dark prison to suffer. But as soon as the man entered the cell door, he shouted: "This room is so dark. There are a few people here now. Please collect money to open a skylight. It is also very bright and bright." (For the advocates of embezzlement and corruption who collect everyone's money , the proverb is called "opening the skylight") There is a crazy son who often likes to say depressing words at the wedding banquet. One day, his brother-in-law's family was getting married, and his father took him to the banquet. Just as his son was about to speak, his father said: "Weddings in his family are a time of joy, so don't say depressing words." The son said, "No need to tell me, sir, I understand: "Marriage is not a funeral." A man went out to pay for a pig's head debt during the New Year. He encountered a bird dropping feces on his hat. He thought it was unlucky and wanted to sacrifice to the Bodhisattva to eliminate the disaster, so he owed a pig's head to the butcher on credit and used it as a sacrifice. Not long after, the butcher saw him and said, "The pig's head has been owed for many days. It's time to pay." The man replied, "It's been owed for many days, but I have an analogy: If the pig doesn't give birth to a head, Are you coming to ask me for money for a pig's head?" The butcher said, "How can there be a pig without a head?" The man said, "Since this doesn't make sense, I have one more thing to say: If I paid you back the money last year, wouldn't you? Don’t you have any more money for the pig’s head?” The butcher said, “You are even more ridiculous. If you had paid me back last year and used it, you would have saved me other money.The debtor lowered his head and thought for a while and said, "That doesn't make sense. Let me make it clear to you. For example, if this bird droppings were sprinkled on your head, you would definitely use a pig's head as a sacrifice to the gods to ward off disasters. Where would you get any money for a pig's head?" Woolen cloth? "The Opposite of Wind and Rain. There was a teacher who liked to drink, and often drank like crazy. Once, he occasionally asked the students to answer a word-"rain", and the students said "wind". He added three words: "urge" Flower rain. The student said to him, "You are drunk and crazy." "Five more words were added: "It rains in the garden. "The student said to him, "We often drink alcohol and go crazy at the banquet." The husband said, "That's right, but you shouldn't talk about my husband's shortcomings. The student said: "If I don't change my ways, I will be your teacher's teacher." "Fart Article" A scholar was very good at talking and was used to helping people with lawsuits. The county magistrate hated him very much and said, "Scholars should study with peace of mind behind closed doors. Why do they have to go in and out of the Yamen?" I think the article you wrote must be ridiculous, I will give you a test when I come up with a question. "While he was thinking about the topic, he suddenly farted, so he asked him to compose an essay on the fart title. The scholar immediately respectfully presented the text: "The teacher raised his golden gun high and let out a precious fart loudly, like the sound of silk and bamboo. It's so sweet, and the smell of musk orchid is so fragrant. It is a great honor for Xiaosheng to stand in the limelight. The county magistrate laughed and said: "This scholar can't write serious articles, but he can do fart articles extremely well." There is a mass cesspit on the east street of this county. He was made to stand by the cesspit and smell the scent of musk and orchid every day, so that he would not disturb others when he had nothing to do. "Inexhaustible" A man asked the temple to stay at night and said, "I have things that will never be used by generations to give to your temple." "The monk was happy to let him stay and was very polite to him. The next morning, the monk asked him what it was. The man pointed to a tattered curtain in front of the Bodhisattva and said, "Hey, take this thing apart and make a small lantern. Bangbang, how can we use it up for generations? "Mother of Salted Eggs" A and B ate salted duck eggs for the first time. A said in surprise: "The eggs I have eaten in the past are very bland. Why is this egg so salty?" B said: "Fortunately you asked me about this. Let me tell you, this egg was born from a salted duck." "Wooden Wedge Stops Hungry. A certain rich man was stingy and always gave his servant only half a full meal. One day when he was going on a long journey, the servant asked, "What if I get hungry on the way?" The rich man found a rope and a wooden wedge and said, "Don't say you are hungry on the road, otherwise you will be laughed at." If you are hungry, I have a way. Just say, "I'm hungry," and I will make you feel less hungry. "After walking for a long time, the servant was so hungry that he hurriedly followed the rich man's instructions. The rich man quickly took out a rope and tightened the servant's belly. After walking not far, the servant shouted again, and the rich man took out a wooden wedge and stuffed it into the rope. He found a brick, banged it against the wedge, and said, "It's so tight, so I won't be hungry anymore!" " After he couldn't walk a few steps, the servant shouted more urgently. The rich man was furious. He untied the rope and the wooden wedge fell to the ground. He said, "You hungry slave, go and find someone else. I have this." What a great guy, don't worry if no one can use it. "My rough moon. Someone often humbles himself when speaking. One day, he entertained guests and while he was drinking, the moon rose. The guest said happily: "The moon is so beautiful tonight! The man quickly raised his hands and said, "Don't dare!" Don't dare! This is just a rough moon in my family. "A few officials and robbers were drinking and writing poems. Each of them had to use a poem to describe a person with the same nature as the robber. One said: "The person who takes the lead in collecting money is opened (the person who takes the lead in collecting money)". Another person said: " Defrauding people and harming others is a bad scholar. Another person said: "Four sedan chairs are coming and shouting." Everyone started shouting: "This is an official from the Yamen. How can he look like a robber?" The man replied: "Look at the people sitting in the big sedan chair carried by four people, 9 out of 10 are more powerful than robbers!" "Xiucai Trial Case" A fool said: "I wish I had 100 acres of land." The neighbor said, "If you have 100 acres of land, I will raise 10,000 ducks and eat all the rice in your field." "The two quarreled and went to the government office together to review the case. When they passed the academy, they saw the high red wall and the gate tower. They thought it was the government office, so they pulled them in.
A scholar came out. They thought he was an official, so they rushed to talk about their own reasons. The scholar smiled and said: "One of you will buy a field first, and the other will raise ducks first. When I become an official, I will try this case." "I forgot about the Dragon Boat Festival. My husband didn't receive the boxing gift and asked the students why. The student asked his father and came back and said: "My father forgot." The teacher said: "I will fight you with the first couplet. If you don't agree, I will fight." The first couplet he wrote was: "The Han Dynasty has three heroes: Zhang Liang, Han Xin, and Yu Chi" "Mr." The student couldn't answer the second line and was afraid of being beaten, so he cried to his father. The father said: "There is a mistake in the pairing. Duke Yuchi is from the Tang Dynasty, not the Han Dynasty." The student reported to the teacher. The gentleman smiled and said: "Your father remembers things thousands of years ago very clearly. Why did he forget yesterday during the Dragon Boat Festival?" During the Southern Song Dynasty, there was a monk in Suzhou who drank and caused chaos. , and sent a messenger to escort him to a remote place for punishment. The transportation was inconvenient and the dissatisfaction was resented. Therefore, the sticks were constantly used and the monks complained endlessly. A few days later, while staying at an inn, the monk began to think of running away, so he said some kind words to the monk, then took out some broken silver and invited him to drink. Jie Chai, who was greedy for drinking, immediately took off the monk's shackles and drank to his heart's content. After a while, he was drunk and turned into a pile of mud. At this time, the monk found a razor, shaved Jie Chai's head, put sin clothes on Jie Chai, put shackles on him, and then escaped through the window. The next day, I woke up after a night of work, but I didn’t see the monk, so I became anxious. But when I looked at the prison clothes on my body, the shackles on my collar, and my head in the mirror, which was also bare, my worries turned into joy. He said to himself: "Haha, even if I don't think you dare to run away!" But after thinking for a while, he was stunned again: "Hey! The monk is here, where did I go!" After the surgery, there was a soldier's arm He was hit by an arrow and the pain continued, so he asked a famous surgeon for treatment. The doctor cut off the arrow tube exposed outside his arm, then asked for money and left. The soldier said: "Who doesn't know how to cut off the arrow barrel? But the arrowhead is still in the flesh, why did you leave?" The doctor shook his head and said: "I have finished the surgery. The arrowhead in the flesh is a matter of internal medicine!" He It was a cool and hot summer day, and several officials were discussing official matters. During their chat, they talked about the hot weather and the best place to enjoy the cool weather. One person said: "There is a garden where the water pavilion is very cool." Another person said: "There is a temple and the hall is very cool." A commoner shouted from the side: "It is the coolest place in the Yamen Hall!" The officials asked in surprise. "Why?" The people laughed and said, "There is a place with no sun, so why is it not cool?" Rotten Plate Once upon a time, there was a local official who, when he took office, swore to the God: "If I ask for money with my left hand, If the right hand wants money, the right hand will be rotten." Soon, someone offered him a bribe with a lot of money. He wanted to accept it, but was afraid of breaking his oath. After thinking about it, I came up with a way: ask someone to bring out an empty plate, ask the briber to put the money in it, and then bring it in. The official comforted himself and said: "The fine I swore and swore at that time was money, but today the payment is silver. My master never took any action. If he wanted to die, he would just rot the plate. It has nothing to do with me." "Integrity Officials" wrote a new county official In order to show his integrity, the official posted a couplet on his door: "If you accept Muye's money, you will be punished by heaven and earth; if you listen to the words of the Yamen servant, men will steal and women will be prostitutes!" The people saw this and thought he was an upright official, and were very happy. Soon, the county official became corrupt. In order not to conflict with the couplet, all bribery must be done openly during the day; as for money, the parties must personally deliver it themselves, and no government officials are allowed to handle it. After realizing that his son didn't like reading, his father locked him in the study room and ordered: "Read the book carefully with your eyes and think about the book again and again, and you will understand the truth from the book!" Three days later, the father asked Did he understand any truth from the book? The son said seriously: "You are absolutely right! I have been reading according to your teachings for three days, and I have gained a lot. I understand: the book was originally printed!" A Square Snake Someone saw a snake and said exaggeratedly to others : "It's 10 feet wide and 100 feet long." Others naturally didn't believe it. He then reduced the length of the snake by 20 feet. People still didn't believe it, so he reduced the length of the snake by 30 feet and 40 feet, and finally reduced it to 10 feet.
" Standing at Thirty The teacher asked two students to explain the topic " Standing at Thirty ". One student wrote: "Two fifteen-year-olds dare not sit on chairs and benches even though they have them. "Another student wrote: "I am over half the age of sixty, but I still have to stand on two legs. "Two Clay Statues There are two clay statues in a temple: Laojun, the founder of Taoism, is on the left, and Sakyamuni, the founder of Buddhism, is on the right. As a rule, the left has a higher status than the right. One day, a monk came in and saw it, and he was very dissatisfied. He said: "My Buddha's power is boundless, how can I succumb to Laojun? So they moved the Buddha statue to the left side of the Laojun statue. When a Taoist priest saw it, he said angrily: "Our Taoist ancestors are extremely noble, how can we stoop to Buddhism and put it on the right side?" "As he said that, he moved the statue of Laojun to the left side of the Buddha statue. The two kept moving each other back and forth, and actually broke the two clay statues. Identifying the word "鱼" Someone asked what the word "鱼" means. He looked at the word horizontally and vertically, and finally shook his head: "This character has two horns on its head and four legs on its feet. , the fish swimming in the water, where do the horns and legs come from? The writer said: "This is indeed the word "fish". If you say it's not, what is the word for?" He shook his head and said seriously: "Look, it has horns and legs. It must be an animal that walks on land." The exact word depends on the size you write: if it is big, it must be cow; if it is medium, it is deer; if it is small, it is sheep. "The Name Guang Guang" There was an old lady Wang who was rich and easy to talk big. She built herself a coffin and wanted to inscribe something on it, so she rewarded the Taoist priest with a lot of money and asked him to come up with a name for Guang Guang. After his death, he left a good reputation. The Taoist priest thought about it and finally wrote this: "The Grand Master of the Hanlin Academy, Guozijian, offered sacrifices to the coffin of Granny Wang next door.