How did I get out of my childhood shadow?

When you were a child, did you feel inferior because of the poverty and misfortune of your family? From time to time, I deny myself, fear the eyes of others, and even feel that I am the most failed person in the world?

I am such a person, and that shadow has been with me since primary school. When I was a child, because my family was poor, my mother had to carry a heavy burden to sell fruit outside, and she was often seen being chased by the city management. He is only in his thirties, and his skin is rough and dark because of long-term sun exposure. Because of the pressure, her mother has a particularly grumpy temper, because she fights with her fists for a little thing. She often tells me about her pain and her father's incompetence. If it weren't for my birth, she would have divorced. It seems that it's all my fault. When I was a child, I planted an evil seed. I hated my father and myself.

In order to give me a good education, my mother sent me to the best school in the city. The class is full of good-looking, excellent grades and good family, so I am often laughed at and insulted by my classmates when I wear wool shoes in winter. Once, my mother came to see me at school, and my classmates deliberately asked me if she was my grandmother. Shame and anger welled up in my heart, but I could only swallow it.

Unfortunately, I didn't get into high school. At that moment, I felt that I was the most pitiful person in the world. My parents, teachers and classmates do not like me. I shouldn't live in this world. But I'm a little unwilling to be trampled under my feet. I pray that my mother will give me a chance to enter high school at a high cost.

I saw with my own eyes a thick pile of money handed over to the school. I was heartbroken and secretly made up my mind to be successful. When I entered high school, I learned from a bitter experience and finally got into college with the first grade in my class. However, I feel inferior and introverted since I was a child. In high school, I was often afraid to walk in the crowd. My classmates are wearing beautiful brand-name clothes and carrying beautiful schoolbags. I feel so small and humble. I hate myself. Crowding out after school, I am particularly afraid of being squeezed among them, as if I were a clown.

When I was admitted to work, I couldn't believe that I could be the envy of everyone who worked after graduation. However, that kind of shadow can't be left. I am especially concerned about other people's eyes, especially afraid that others don't like me, and I am afraid that saying the wrong thing will make others hate it. This kind of entanglement bothers me.

One night, my boyfriend was angry, and he scolded me for breaking through myself. I decided to write down my advantages. When I wrote that I changed my pessimistic parents, my fighting student and my frivolous brother, I suddenly felt really good.

Since I got my first salary, my parents' mood has been relieved. I often tell jokes to amuse them and buy them presents. I scrimped and saved just to save money for them to live a good life. Just as they were quarreling and getting divorced, I cried and told them all about my depression in recent years. I said I hated them all my life. I hope to stimulate them by saying that I will quit my job and fly away when they get divorced. Seeing their surprised eyes and tears, I calmly analyzed the causes of family disharmony. I said my wish. This is the first time a family has had a heart-to-heart talk together. I was surprised to find that they have deep feelings for each other, but they are ashamed to express them.

My rebellious brother, who is in adolescence, is addicted to surfing the Internet. He is very tired of studying and often skips classes. His parents scolded him, which disgusted him. His parents began to despair of him and thought he was hopeless, so they gave up their discipline. I can't watch him fall and I don't want to make my parents sad. I started trying to get close to him. That year, I often braved the cold wind to pick him up, took him out to play, often invited him to eat delicious food, bought him favorite clothes, and discussed with him the stories that happened at school, even the girls he secretly loved. We became friends who talked about everything. He often begged his parents to let me go at school, and I took a lot of the blame for him. He failed in the middle school entrance examination. In those two months, I told him inspirational stories from time to time to stimulate his motivation to study and let him come to our school to repeat. Unexpectedly, this year has changed a lot, and he has become the envy of everyone in the class. He suddenly said to me one day: Sister, I really enjoy being asked questions, and I suddenly found my goal in life. I am pleased to say: as long as you work hard, you can succeed, and even if you don't succeed, you won't regret it.

The class I just took was very bad, with bad behavior habits, fighting, smoking and playing cards. I often cry because of them, but I never give up on them. I find various ways to show them videos every week, tell examples of my classmates, hold class meetings and train a group of class cadres. After a year of hard work, they managed the class in order, and there was no previous situation. Moreover, our class is the only class in the whole school that consciously goes to the class school in the afternoon, so it has been praised by the teachers of the whole school. From the beginning of this semester, I can finally concentrate on my grades.

After attending the class reunion, I saw that most of the girls were married, and the boys who had laughed at me all gained weight, as if they had burned out their youth. My life has just begun. Writing here, I forgive the past.

I think about where a person's self-confidence comes from, and I think it comes from finding the meaning of his own existence. When others are still young at this age, you are working hard, and this kind of effort is also changing the person you love the most. This sense of accomplishment will gradually illuminate all your shadows and become confident and confident.