The name of escape I is like an origami and a long weapon.

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. Woman: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

3. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

4. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

5. Minimum standards for college students; Peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

7. I said you were a pig, but you said: I am a pig. From then on, I will call you "pig head monster"! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig!

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

9. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

10. The sunshine last night was really good.

1 1. One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he hesitated because the car shop didn't have Geely's license plate number. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile, "This license plate is good, 00544 (let me try), and no one dares to mess around, right?" !

The rich man was moved and bought the car at once, but something happened the next day. The rich man got off the bus angrily, thinking that you would dare to hit this car, but as soon as he got off the bus, he left in despair. The other party's original license plate is 44944 (just try it).

2. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway!

One day, my sister asked my sister, "Do you know the names of Li Bai's wife and daughter?" Sister replied that she didn't know. Sister said: "you are so stupid, you have learned it in elementary school." His wife's name is Zhao and his daughter's name is Zhao! " "

4. A young male patient with liver disease is drinking in the hospital bed.

Beautiful young nurse: Dear!

The patient smiled: little baby!

The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming couldn't answer it, so he stood there without talking.

The teacher said anxiously, "If you don't know, just tell me."

Xiao Ming said after a while: "Zhi ~ ~ ~ ~ ~"

Cao Mengde has a concubine with both talent and beauty. One day, she heard that Liu Huangshu had a general named Guan Yu. This gentleman is a rare star in the world. He refuses to accept it and wants to test his talent.

One day when I saw Guan Yu, my concubine drew a big circle with her hand as the stroke. Guan Yu took a look and drew a long arc with his hand.

Concubine zheng, stretched out a finger, guan yu saw, then stretched out two fingers;

Yuji nodded and drew a semicircle in front of her abdomen with her hand. Guan Yu saw it and shook her hand.

Yu Ji went back to see Cao Cao and told him that Guan Yu was very talented. She asked him with the rising sun first, and Guan Yu responded with the waning moon. Then she asked him about his talent today:

At that time, it was the best in the world, but Guan Yu modestly said that he was the second most. She praised Guan Yu for his knowledge, but he waved and said to him ...

Guan Yu went back to see Liu Bei and said to Liu Bei, "Cao Cao's concubine is so boring. She said a big cake first, and I said a fried dough stick. She asked if one was enough, and I said at least two. She asked her if she was so full? I said no, not yet. ...

Liu Bei was surprised, because Zhang Fei came to tell him just now that he saw Guan Yu having an affair with Cao Cao's concubine, because he saw that the concubine said she was so big and Guan Yu said he was so long, so the concubine asked if it was enough once. Guan Yu said to do it at least twice, and Yu Ji asked what to do if she was pregnant. The most exasperating thing is that Guan Yu said it's none of my business. ...

Respondent: Yang Yang's First Conquest-First Entry into Jianghu Level 3 1-3 1 16:40.

Subject: Send you a joke, I can't laugh! Be sure to see the end! !

Today is my birthday. My girlfriend called early to say that she would come home at night to celebrate my birthday and give me a surprise! Hear the good news! I worked hard today and ran a dozen customers! Back to the company. It is three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only one miserable dish and one soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach was growling, so he had to order a big plate of fried three beans with meat and a big pot of radish soup to eat! Unexpectedly, after work, my stomach is like the engine of a cross-country jeep! -The intense piston movement started! In a flash, puffs of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to a place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly in embarrassment, but immediately it became a rapid-fire puff! My stomach is so swollen! Just then, my girlfriend called and said that she had arrived home, and asked me to go home quickly. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see my embarrassment! ……

On the way home, I deliberately tried to fart a lot. Almost home, my stomach feels much better. I think there should be no more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."

Before entering the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth and said that she would give me a surprise! He took me to a chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I want to fart again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfold and made me swear! Then I ran to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, put all my weight on one leg and let my fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it hard to get rid of the bad smell.

Just when my mood improved, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate myself, I fanned the chair cushion with my arm, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.

When everything is about to return to normal, another fart can't wait to come. So I stood up, bent down, pursed my ass and leaned back! Let it out. This fart is really first-class, and even the newspapers behind it are blown to the ground. ..........

I listened to my girlfriend's voice in the other room, and I was afraid to open the blindfold because I had to keep my promise not to peek. I just kept farting in the dark, in order to quickly expel all the gas in my stomach without making the room worse! I unbuttoned my trousers, took off my underwear and pants below my stomach, exposed my ass, groped for the door of the balcony behind me, almost extended my whole ass to the balcony, and began to fart wildly ..., ah! Much better! After that, I danced and fanned the chair cushions all over the room, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly ... In this way, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions for the next ten minutes. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants and arranged my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to give me an elegant smile.

When she approached, I had a satisfied smile and warm eyes on my face. My girlfriend first apologized for taking so long to call me, and then asked me if I had secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend took off the cloth that covered my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girlfriend insisted that I bring them to see you today. They say you are very graceful and handsome in the photo! Here! You see, the five people sitting at the table are my good sisters, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! "

At this time, I was extremely shocked and horrified to find that there were a lot of girls sitting on the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to this birthday party that surprised me very much. Now, every one of them looks at me with an indescribable expression on his face, just like discovering Martians. ...

Defendant: Khan White-ranking11-3117:11.

It is said that there is a polar bear who has to wear sunglasses to see things because the snow is too dazzling.

But he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, looking, crawling, crawling.

Before I found sunglasses, my hands and feet were dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

2. What spell does Harry Potter miss to make the cup bigger?

Great Mercy Curse (Cup)