Ten jokes about food

On a cold morning, Cheng Cheng had a slight runny nose in class, but forgot to bring toilet paper, so he kept sucking it into his nose. The teacher said, "That's enough! Somebody stop! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher said, "Who steals noodles in class and makes such a noise?" "! ?"

Eat Lamian Noodles.

At noon, an impatient person went to the noodle restaurant to eat and ordered a bowl of Lamian Noodles. Waiting left and right, I was a little anxious before the noodles came, and then the two MMS next to me ate them. He asked the man, "Why hasn't my face been served yet?" The man said, "Don't worry, don't worry, the master is pulling!" " "Just then, the master came with hot noodles and said enthusiastically," Just pulled it! It's still steaming. Please eat! "

About oranges ~ ~ ~

Coconut and orange

Two people crashed on a plane and fell into an island. They were arrested by the aborigines above and taken to the chief. The leader said to them, "You two go and find ten round fruits respectively, or you two will die. They had to look for it separately, and then each of them brought back ten oranges. The leader ordered ten oranges to be stuffed into the man's ass, and the other person fainted on the spot. ............

tangerine

A man proposed to a woman, and the woman said, "My chest is too small, I'm afraid it will delay you." The man asked, "How big is it?" The woman said, "It is as big as an orange." The man said, "well, I can accept it."

On the wedding night, at three o'clock in the middle of the night, my husband shouted: Can kumquat be regarded as an orange? ! !

Pig brain

One day, three boys went to a food stall to eat snacks, so they all decided to order "pig brain soup", but because there were too many people in the shop, the waitress shouted, "pig brain!" Pig brain! Three pig brains. . . "

The three boys said in unison, "We, us. . . Here, here, here. !

Why are you wearing a mask?

Sick child: "Mom, why does the aunt who gave medicine wear a mask?"

Mom: "The medicine I gave you is delicious. The dean is afraid that they will steal. "

Sick child: "So wearing masks for those uncles with knives is because they are afraid of eating?"

When the vampire bats came back covered in blood, they were very envious and asked him where he got so much blood. He took the bat to a big tree and asked, "Do you see that big tree?"

Answer: Yes.

It: Shit, I didn't see it.

The cannibal father and son hunted, and the son caught a thin man. His father said, let go, there is no meat! His son also caught a fat man, and his father said, let go, it's too tired! His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, take it home and eat your mother at night!

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit. Laugh happily and forget the troubles in life!

1, go home at the weekend, get addicted to cigarettes after dinner, and plan to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a bag of white sand from me and gave me a good K.

After coming out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

3. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning and wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel. As a result, I said, "Push out my tires." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Fill my car with gas!" "

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

5, the last toilet was convenient, and there was no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping donkey!"

6. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs!" "

7. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

8. Colleagues argued with others and opened their mouths in a hurry: "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

9. In computer class, a classmate shouted when there was something wrong with his machine. "Boss, change the plane!"

10, reading a post while eating and reading a classic to my wife made her laugh to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or your brain will get indigestion!"

1 1, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his eyes were. He wanted to say 400 degrees, but when he said it, it became 400 watts, and his stomach hurt!

12, a leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

13. Many teachers were listening to a physical education student's internship class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank, and he abruptly uttered a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

14, a group of students went to their home in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came over with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, I cut the pumpkin. Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand!

15 There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in high school, who looked like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

16, a colleague, one day I had a flat tire while driving and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

17, go to McDonald's to buy sweet barrels, and finally it's my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " "I didn't expect the waiter to say to me loudly;" Two rollers, four dollars! "

18, I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. For a long time, I said, "Take a shower. Are there many men in it?"

19, once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out, "Husband! Check out! " The proprietress was nearby at that time. ...

20. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard had not been wiped. He was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

2 1, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

22. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, only a dime (I forgot to say "blank") is about to be renovated. "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "

23. The teacher asked me to do my homework. If I can't do it, I'll copy from others. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

If you are happy, hold it and share your happiness with everyone. Thank you!