I found myself living like a joke.

No one is perfect. Everyone comes into this world for a reason. Your arrival is a continuation of your parents. Your mother didn't make you feel sorry for giving birth to you. Besides, everyone has his own specialty. What you are not good at now can only show that you are not skilled for the time being. Everyone can make progress through continuous learning and hard work. No one can succeed in one step, only after countless failures can he succeed. Believe in yourself, take your time and don't be too impetuous. Start with doing a little thing well. Small things are progress, right? Don't compare with others, only with yourself.