Please give me some hilarious jokes (not adult ones)

2: There was a fat man...jumped from a tall building...what became of him?

Damn fat guy)

6: Go to the toilet and type the name of a Hong Kong woman

Mok Wenwei (reason: don’t smell)

7: All the pigs in the pigsty ran out and beat up a Taiwanese male artist

Wang Lihong (reason: blast in)

8: Turtle Immortal builds a house (Yijiangan Brand)

Gate within the lid

9: Turtle Immortal demolished the house and rebuilt it (a health care brand)

New lid within the lid

10: Turtle Immortal kept tearing down the house and building it again (a health care brand)

Ju Neng Gai

11. Running speed in history Who is the fastest person?

Answer: Cao Cao. Reason: Don’t you always say, say Cao Cao, Cao Cao is here?

13. Can an old hen and an old rooster guess three words

~~~~~~~~~~~

2 Chicken

Please ask an old hen and an old rooster to guess 5 words

~~~~~~~~~~~

Still 2 Chicken

13. Then ask an old hen and an old rooster to guess 7 words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiots are just two chickens

Disgusting jokes

1. When I was a child, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: Sixty years of hard work. If you don’t have food to eat, you will never throw away the boogers you pick out

2. There was a rich man looking for a servant. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man So they were sent away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today." ..."

3. A man saw a sale in a store and walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him and there was nothing he could do. The man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food and said, "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but the result was still no result. I bought cat food without going home and bringing the cat with me. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" "Yeah, it's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." 4. A man went to visit his grandmother with his friends. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished them all. As they were leaving, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts," and grandma responded, "Oh! Yeah. ! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the outer layer of chocolate.

Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot". One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again, but the waiter told him that it was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked in disappointment. "Sir, it's really sold out." You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at the table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed at the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. Then the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down.

Suddenly, he found a very small mouse with all its fur lying on the bottom of the casserole. The man felt nauseated and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was there with his stomach turning, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said: "It's disgusting, isn't it? I was like that just now..."

6. On this day, the hotel owner was in the lobby. Patrol. A beggar came up and said, "Boss, can you give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself: Why does this beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He was also sent away, and not long after, another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said, "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat, and now only the soup is left. Can you give me a straw?

7. The eldest son and the second son were on a plane. The second son got airsick and kept vomiting. The bag was full, so the eldest son had to go get the bag. When he came back, he found that the bag was full. The robots were all vomiting. The boss asked why and the second one said: "I saw that this bag was also full of vomit, so I had to drink half of the bag, but they all vomited." ”

If you haven’t vomited now, then I have to admit that you are a master, and then I am going to come up with a trick---

One day, the boss and the second child I went to the theater to watch a play again, and saw the two of them arguing about the development of the plot, and they made a bet. The boss pointed to the row of spittoons in front and said, "The loser has to take a sip of what's there." "Unfortunately, the eldest brother lost, so he frowned and took a sip. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second eldest son lost and saw the second eldest son picked up a spittoon and drank fifteen big gulps in a row. The eldest brother He was so shocked that he fell to the ground in admiration and said to the second child, "You are so amazing, you can actually drink fifteen gulps in a row!" The second child shook his head, "It's not that I want to drink it. The phlegm in that spittoon is too thick and I can't stop biting it!" ”

Kindergarten No. 1

Question 1: If one day there is no water in the sea, what will the fish do?

Child A: The fish go to the river Okay. (Think about it, then continue) Oh, no, what about the whale? It’s too big to get in.

Child B: The fish are vomiting blood. ...)

Question 2: Where does milk come from?

Child A: There are several mouths under the cow’s belly. (Are you really sure about that? Is it the mouth? )

Continue to ask: Where does the coconut milk come from?

Child B: Is it goat milk? (That’s too far, brother)

p>

Continue to ask: What is goat milk?

Child B: Goat milk is yogurt. We don’t drink it, but we order Guangming Milk (what a terrible logic).

Question 3: What is the child’s face used for?

Child A: Give it to your mother.

Question: Should you give it to your father? /p>

Child A: Kiss your father.

Continue to ask: Who did you kiss on the face?

Child A: Kissed your mother. Dad burst into tears)

Child B: For stickers (is your face a bulletin board?)

Question 4: Why do children come out of their mothers’ wombs? , not from the belly of the father?

Child A: Girls come from the belly of the mother, and boys come from the belly of the father (really fooling people)

Little boy B: Because boys are cute! (Little girls shouted: Boys are not cute!)

Question 5: What is the use of children’s hair?

Little girl A: Used to comb your hair.

Ask little boy B: If your hair can’t be braided, what’s the use?

Child B: Used to shave your hair in the barber shop.

(Valuable dedication)

Kindergarten No. 2

Question 1: Why do people only have two legs?

Child A: Because we are not animals. (Does a duck have four legs?)

Child B: Humans cannot grow four legs. (This is God’s arrangement, the biggest one)

Child C: (laughing to himself) There will be a fight if we have four legs.

Follow-up question: But dogs can run very fast with four legs?

Child C: (in a daze)... (all the children shouted: I can run faster than a dog!)

Question 2: How can a fat man lose weight immediately?

Child A: Eat diet biscuits. (Quite smart)

Follow-up question: If you can’t lose weight immediately by eating diet biscuits, how can you lose weight instantly?

Child A: Then don’t eat diet cookies. (Are you kidding me?)

Question 3: How can I make a thin person gain weight immediately?

Child A: Drink milk. (Milk is not pig feed)

Child B: You can become a police officer if you eat a lot of food. (Are all police officers fat?)

Question 4: Why do balloons fly into the sky?

Child A: Because it has energy. (Can a balloon be called a balloon if it is out of air?)

Follow-up question: Why can’t some balloons fly into the sky?

Child A: Because there is too little air inside. (Really good at talking nonsense)

Kindergarten No. 3

Question 1: What animal has two legs and wakes you up when the sun rises in the morning?

Child A: Chicken, rooster. (Another child shouted: Father Chicken)

I asked out of curiosity: What is Father Chicken?

Children: The hen is called a hen, and the rooster is called a hen. (Sudden realization...)

Child B: Mom.

Child C: The sun. (Sweat...the sun is an animal)

Continue to ask: Does the sun have legs?

Child C: The sun has five legs. (Another child retorted: seven, the rainbow has seven colors)

Question 2: What is chattering?

Child A: There are seven mouths and eight tongues, and the speech is very messy. (It makes sense) and added: We are talking all over the place now. (Still self-aware)

Child B: Make many tongues. (So ??scary...)

Question 3: How to distinguish between men and women?

Child A: Look at the hair. The one with long hair is a girl, and the one with short hair is a boy. (A girl with short hair next to her burst into tears...)

Child B: I peeked at him (her) urinating. The one standing was a boy and the one squatting was a girl. (You are so horny at this age...)

Child C: Look at what kind of socks he or she is wearing. The red ones are for girls and the blue ones are for boys. (So ??innocent...)

Child D: Look at the eyes. (So ??erratic...)

Question 4: What will happen if you throw a stone into the fish pond?

Child A: Water will turn into waves. (...)

Child B: The fish will float up. (The fishermen are very happy...)

Child C: The fine is five yuan. (Sweat...) Kindergarten No. 4

Question 1: Why is Tangshan called Tangshan?

Child A: Because it is a soup-drinking mountain. (It’s really meaningless...)

Child B: Tangshan is a hot spring, a place for bathing. (The answer is not what the question was asked...)

Child C: It’s very hot down there, so I call it Tangshan. (Khan...it turns out to be Tangshan...)

Child D: Who is Tangshan? (...)

Question 2: An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

Child A: No, because the horse is playing on the road. (A playful horse...)

Child B: No, horses can’t see growth rings.

(I’ve never seen a horse look at its growth rings while walking...)

Child C: No, the horse went to marry another horse. (He is really a romantic child...)

Child D: No, the grandpa was not good to the horse, and the horse went to find a new owner. (The reality is cruel, even horses need to change jobs...)

Question 3: Why does the aunt who distributes medicine in the hospital wear a mask?

Child A: Because the director is afraid that they will eat it secretly. (Is the medicine delicious?)

A child immediately rushed to say: Are those uncles holding scalpels wearing masks afraid of them having dinner together? (Dizzy...)

Child B: Because I have to pay attention to hygiene and I am afraid that saliva will flow down. (Wearing a mask turns out to prevent drool...)

Kindergarten 5

Question 1: What is the difference between Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola?

Child A: The names are different. (Even Martians know this)

Child B: Coca-Cola cans are red and Pepsi-Cola cans are blue. (I know you are not color blind, be good)

Child C: Pepsi has Jay Chou, and Coca-Cola has vanilla (flavor).

Child D: Coca-Cola is sour and will make your nose steamy after drinking it! (If there is gas, it means it is a can of dedicated Coke)

Question 2: Why does the subway run underground?

Child A: Because the subway has the word "地" in it, it has to run underground. (I guessed that someone would answer this way)

Child B: The subway has no wheels and cannot run on the ground. (Are there wheels? No? Are there any?)

Question 3: Which came first in the world, the chicken or the egg?

Child A: The egg comes first.

Question: If there are no chickens, where would the eggs come from?

Child A:...

Child B: First there is the hen, and then the eggs are laid.

Child C: There are 30 eggs in one egg!

Surprised: What? 30 eggs, right?

Child C: Because there are two old hens, each laid 15 eggs, so there are 30! (Children, you are so awesome)

Question 4: What day is April 1st?

Child A: Mother’s Day.

Child B: Women’s Day.

Reminder: Women’s Day is March 8th.

Child B: That’s Arbor Day!

I couldn’t help it: When is April Fool’s Day?

Child C: It’s January 8th! (This...)

Child D: I know, April 1st is the driver’s uncle’s holiday! (How did you come up with it, I’m curious)

Question 5: How can I become beautiful?

Child A: Sticking cucumbers, my mother sticks them at home every day.

Child B: My aunt always posts papayas.

Child C: Paste eggs! (It’s really difficult)

Child D: My mother-in-law pasted potatoes for me.

Little boy E: I have applied mango skin! (That’s what you were messing around with, right?)

Summary: Each one is more amazing than the other, DIY is really popular.

Kindergarten No. 6

Question 1: Who is the most beautiful person you have ever seen?

Child A: Zhao Wei!

Child B: Jolin Tsai!

Child C: I like He Jie! (A group of children booed: Super girl, super girl!)

The tough kid D appeared at this time, like reciting a jingle: Super girls also include Li Yuchun, Zhou Bichang, Zhang Liangying, Huang Yali... (Many of the last ones are The names of those who did not enter the finals also appeared one by one, and the reporter was stunned)

Child E: It’s Fan Xiaoyu from our class! (A little girl named Fan Xiaoyu rushed out and punched him)

Child F: Jay Chou is the prettiest!

Question: Jay Chou is a man, how can he be good-looking?

Child F: Then he is the most handsome!

Question 2: Chickens and ducks both have wings, why can’t they fly in the sky like birds?

Child A: Because chickens and ducks are too heavy, they have eggs in their stomachs.

Child B: Yes, yes! If they fly into the sky, the eggs in their stomachs will fall to the ground!

Child C: The bones of birds are hollow, so they can fly. (What a correct answer, unexpected)

Q: Who told you?

Child C: Mom said it. (This mother needs to be praised)

Question 3: How can we make poor people rich immediately?

Child A: Drive a Mazda. (It has Nanjing characteristics)

Child B: Open a supermarket. (I also want to open a supermarket, so I can get whatever I want)

Child C: Work.

Q: Do you know what part-time work is?

Child C: Just do things for others and then get money. (This idea looks beautiful)

Child D: Driving a public car.

Question: Why can you make money by driving a public car? (Could it be...)

Child D: There is a box at the door of the bus. Everyone has to throw money into it when they get on the bus. It is full of money. (Sure enough!)

Child E: The money inside can be exchanged for one hundred and one hundred, and you will be rich.

1. When my son was 4 years old, he saw a jumping frog. He imitated the frog and jumped a few times. Then he stood up and said, "I'm so tired! It's so hard for the frog. I have to do it every day." Jump like this."

2. My colleague's son was less than 3 years old. I was holding him in front of the computer and saw a cute puppy on the screen. It jumped from left to right on the screen. When he reached the far right end and disappeared, the boy actually jumped off the chair and went to the monitor to look for the puppy... He stared at me with big eyes and looked confused: "Where is the dog?"

3. My aunt just gave birth to a son last month. My cousin’s daughter is almost 3 years old. I took her to see her aunt’s son. She pointed at the little baby who didn’t even open her eyes and said to her, this is your uncle. She was shocked. Take two steps back and say firmly, impossible! How could he be my uncle!

4. When my little cousin was very young, he once took him as a guest. When he saw a little girl at the next table, he came up to chat with him. The little girl ignored him and sang "Sister takes the bow, brother." I'm going to the shore." Everyone at the table almost spit out their rice

5. The child's mother has a very strict tutor.

One day, the child was scolded again, so the child cried and said, "Mom, you go to work." The mother said, "Just go, you don't have to worry about it!" The child was stunned for a while, "Mom, you should go to the business trip class, I I haven’t wanted to see you for a long time!”

One day, the teacher walked into the classroom, and the students stood up and shouted: “Good morning, teacher!”

The teacher said angrily: “It’s just morning. Okay? What about my afternoon?"

So the students shouted again: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily: Where am I tonight?"

The students shouted again: "Good night, teacher!"

The teacher nodded and said, "That's all, let's shout it again!"

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The students shouted together: "Teacher, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening!"

The teacher said: "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. Let me say something , you say the antonym out loud."

Teacher: "The weather is good today."

Student: "The weather is bad today."

Teacher: "The sun is shining everywhere."

Student: "There are clouds everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."

Student: "The sky is cloudy on the road No one."

Teacher: "Young."

Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There is a young man lying down on the road."

Teacher: "I picked up a dollar."

Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I picked up a dollar and gave it to the teacher. ”

Student: “I lost one dollar and stole it from the teacher.”

Teacher: “Wrong, you can’t say that!”

Student: “Correct. , should be said like this!"

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "This is not allowed, this is illegal! ”

Student: “Okay, this is legal!”

Teacher: “I said it was wrong”

Student: “We said it is correct.”

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher says is correct!"

Student: "Listen to us, what the teacher says is wrong!"

Teacher: "You are stupid."

Students: "We are smart.

"

Teacher: "Stop! ”

Student: “Continue!” ”

Teacher: “Stop now!” Stop talking! ”

Student: “Let’s continue now! More to say! ”

Teacher: “You stupid pigs, I say stop!” ”

Student: “We are all geniuses, we say continue!” ”

Teacher: “You listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teacher, listen to us! ”

Teacher: “Students must listen to the teacher!” ”

Student: “Teachers must listen to their students!” ”

Teacher: “Stop practicing now! ”

Student: “Now let’s continue practicing!

Teacher: "Are you done?" ”

Student: “We have a beginning and an end! ”

Teacher: “Then stop!” idiot! ”

Student: “Then we should continue!” genius! "

....Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily holding the book in his arms

A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to give a report:

" Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

(Translation: Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, the meeting is now!!)

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, please Sausage pickles! "

(Translation: Let the township chief speak now!)

The township chief said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's meal, everyone is a big bastard! "

(Translation: Comrades, today's meal is enough, let's all use big bowls!)

"No pickles, I'll pick up some dog poop for you to lick. . . . "

(Translation: Don't talk, I'll tell you a story...)

Taoyuan dialect is very peculiar, with a high ending sound, such as "bureau", which is pronounced as "Pig".

First, I went to the Propaganda Department of the County Party Committee and contacted the Personnel Bureau for an interview. The person from the Propaganda Department called me to make an appointment.

The Propaganda Department said: "Hello. , are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau)"

The other party: "No, you made a mistake. I am not a human but a pig (Personnel Bureau), and my mother is a pig (Food Bureau). "

I tried so hard to hold back my laughter that my stomach hurt.

The next day I attended a county government briefing. Roll call was made before the meeting.

Moderator : "Which units have arrived? "

So the participants announced their homes one by one:

"I am a male castrate (Public Security Bureau). "

"My name is Rouzhu (Education Bureau). "

"I'm a bit of a pig (Post Office). "

"I am a typical pig (telecommunications bureau)

[Repost] It will make your whole family laugh to death

At the beginning of the school roll call, a class teacher came up with an original idea and said to the students : "I'm going to read my student number. Please tell me your name so that everyone can get to know each other, okay?"

"No. 001!"

"Teacher, my surname is Jiao. My name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little confused and asked: "Who gave this to you?" "My father." "What does your father do?"

"He runs a breeding pig factory!"

"No. 002!"

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my surname is Zhang, and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No. 003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother, and my name is Zhang Bukai." "Who gave you this name?"

" It's my dad, he sells pliers." The teacher quickly drank some water.

"No. 004!"

"Report to the teacher, my surname is Ou (the character is pronounced "Ou") and my name is Ou Ye (oh yeah). This is the name given to me by my mother. She said that she had just blasted a computer game when she gave birth to me. "The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No. 005!"

"Report to teacher, Ganniang!" "Why are you swearing?!"

"No! Teacher, I My surname is Gan, my name is Ganniang, and my father is a wine maker." The teacher took a pill.

No. 006! ”

“Teacher, my surname is Gou, and my name is Goubuli. ”

“Your father runs a bun shop, right? ! ”

“Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher is already a little unsteady.

"No. 007! ”

“My surname is Kuai (pronounce it quickly and pronounce it in the third tone.) My name is Kuai Huo. ”

“Don’t tell me that your dad runs a warehouse. "

"Teacher, you are so old-fashioned, my dad is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the corners of the teacher's mouth.

"No. 008! ”

“Teacher, go to hell!” " "What? What did you say? ! "

"I mean my surname is Ni, and my name is Ni going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. My name is interesting, right? ”

“Interesting, interesting. "The teacher was about to cry.

"No. 009! ”

“Teacher, I’ll talk about it next time. "Why do you have to say it next time? You say it now!" "

"No! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher is already feeling dizzy.

"No. 010! ”

“Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Wan. "

"My surname is Mei, and my name is Mei Liangliang. ”

“My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing. "

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong. ".........

The teacher looked up to the sky and roared: "Oh my god, what kind of students did I meet! "The teacher spurted blood from his mouth and fell to the ground.