Boys really don't mind girls' family background.

Is a girl's family background really so important?

I've been in Zhihu for a while, and today I'm confused. I think I'm looking for reliable help here. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my confusion. I am 24 years old. I am a graduate student in a 985 school, but I have never been in love. The evaluation given to me by boys is "an impersonal temperament beauty". Naturally, I have to reflect on one of the views of impersonality, and I always feel that I am cold outside and hot inside.

but the focus of today's question is not here, but the problem that has puzzled me for two years continuously. I was born in an ordinary small city. My parents were laid off in their early years. Now I do some small businesses, and my annual income is about 78,? I'm not sure. But every time a boy asks me what your family does, I always find it difficult to answer. When a boy who had a crush on him asked him the criteria for finding a girlfriend when he was playing truth last night, he said that he wanted to find a girl with good family conditions, and he could also help in his career in the future. To tell the truth, this sentence stung my deep inferiority complex. As I get older, I find that all the high-quality boys around me seem to have a * * * same-sex characteristic, that is, utilitarianism (which may also be the reason why I don't know enough people). Repeated seemingly absent love failures seem to have something to do with this problem. Maybe it's really that my eyes are too high and I don't match others. When I was a child, my parents worked hard and didn't care much about my family. I always felt that my vision was not broad enough, and I didn't talk to anyone.

So I am such a girl who looks good externally and has been cared for by her family since childhood, so she is a little proud, but she still has some inferiority and fragility in her bones, especially she can't look directly at her parents' career. I beg you to give me some help.

I hope everyone can speak frankly, and don't think that words are too light, because sometimes I want to know myself clearly and despise my behavior of rejecting my parents' career. Thanks again.

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When the landlord came back from class, he found that many enthusiastic friends had answered this question and put it on the chopping board themselves. This is the reason why people are willing to pass on their ideas.

I have never asked my parents' income carefully. I think it is a little stressful for them to ask at their age because I believe I can make my parents live a stable and happy life in the future.

Red and Black has been included in the book list. The sincere guidance of Du Xin and other friends reduced my confusion; Anya and other friends are outspoken; There are many friends' opinions, and I will read and think about them many times.

Anyway, I will continue to exercise and study every day and love the people who love me;

how can a person understand a thing thoroughly after such a long life? Besides, it is a virtue to be confused rarely.

Laozi and Confucius have many different views, and finally they are tied for two great philosophers.

since we can't change the rules of the world, I think what we can do is to change our mentality. O(∩_∩)O

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311 answers

Jennyyy

Jennyyy

Write dry goods, and write things that are really helpful to others.

I answered this question with the lid on.

Hello, subject. Let me answer your question first: Is a girl's family background really so important? I agree that there is a first floor, that is, yes, it is very important. If we deny this, it is not sincere to think that "the more elite people are, the less they care about the family background of girls".

however, how important is it to mate selection? It is still very important, but it also depends on your strength in other aspects and the boy's feelings for you. If your own strength (appearance, income, personality, etc.) is sufficient, you can fill in your disadvantages in other aspects, just as those rich Jiao Jiao girls can fill in their disadvantages in character because they have money, which is not unfair. But obviously, you will need to work harder than them under this principle. In addition, when we talk about an abstract person who doesn't exist yet (future boyfriend and girlfriend), we tend to be rational and perfectionist. However, what we will do if we really meet him is probably another version.

In fact, I personally think that you should thank the boy who tells the truth, just like those people who show us the cruel truth in life, such as those who frankly say "I'm sorry I like petite girls" and "I'm sorry I like girls who can give me expensive gifts". Although they are very happy from a certain point of view, they risk destroying their own image, making you realize that the world is not as magnificent as the textbook, making you face up to your shortcomings, so that you can move forward with a realistic attitude. From a certain point of view, they are also your nobles, aren't they? It's better than those "I think you're fine, I don't deserve you", "I don't want to fall in love now" and "you are like a sister to me", which don't give you real reasons but consume you. The latter will not only make you feel better, but will really help you grow up.

in other respects, other respondents have said almost the same. So I want to discuss that "the more elite people are, the less they care about girls' family background" is a myth. Did we really need so many famous brands before? -Evolution-Zhihu's column has been criticized miserably by everyone. Although I am not a member of this elite life, I have been exposed to this so-called upper-middle class life (Hong Kong's monthly income is really only middle class, and many middle-level accountants/law/investment banks get this salary, and those are my bosses, so I don't have that much money myself ...), so let me tell a few real stories:

His wife is a very "creative" person. She once deleted the email sent to her by her boss, and once yelled at him to travel halfway across the city to buy takeout for her after he worked overtime for two days. We have always wondered why man A can not only be patient, but also be generous. Until one time, a group of people chatted with male A, he said, "I think my wife is very good. She studied for a doctor, and now she is a doctor, but she doesn't work as hard as I do, and she can easily get more than 2 thousand a month (note: male A likes to brag a little, so she doesn't guarantee her wife's salary). Moreover, when you say that I am at my level, how many women are after my money, my wife will not, because she earns more than me. "

Male B turned out to be the kind of girl who spends a lot of money and spends a lot of time in Lan Kwai Fong every day. Her girlfriend looks different every week, and she is much better after getting married. I told my colleagues that "the prodigal son never changed his gold", and my colleagues laughed, "I think it is the prodigal son who changed a lot of gold." His former girlfriends were beautiful and demanding. Although his current wife is average in appearance, she has connections and money at home, so she is willing to settle down. " I nodded puzzled.

Female C is very carefree. She almost goes out for the second time when she is busy with her work. After leaving her job, she chats with her former colleagues and says, I don't know why she is so lucky every time, and she is sent abroad every time she is busy with her work. Colleagues laugh: "This is not luck. Her boyfriend is the son of the famous XXX. Who dares to give her a hard time?" I was surprised, "but she looks just so-so." "Yes, but the figure is good, and she is very good at being a person. Her boyfriend's family are all fooled around and like her very much.

Of course, what I have come into contact with is only a part, and I dare not say that it must be universal. However, as far as I am concerned, I really think that the so-called "the more elite people care about your family background" is just a myth: elites are generally highly motivated and restrained, that is, in order to control some of their emotional needs for success, they can calmly analyze what is good for themselves and what is not good for them. Therefore, when other conditions are the same, family conditions are indeed an important consideration. It is not sincere to deny this. However, it's not that your family condition is not good, so you are thrown into hell and can't turn over. If you can constantly make yourself better, make your family not a drag on yourself or your other half, and make your own conditions better than others, so that the person you like can live better, then you won't lose, only win.

Of course, you are destined to have a hard battle. However, if you really win, you will get double glory.

p.s. The lid of the pot has been topped.

-end-

published on June 12, 215. Agree with 139? Put away comment 17?

ChinimeiChinimei215-6-12

Actually, it's quite right. There's nothing wrong with knowing a little reality. Be prepared to advance, attack, retreat and defend. Most of the time, isn't it clearly marked in secret? But there will be love in it, which doesn't mean everything, but most of them look like nature.

Hou Xiang Hou Xiang 215-6-12

Turn the lid over. _

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Zhang Huicong

Zhang Huicong

web programmer, trainee novelist

I think this girl is one of the few people who can see the cruel truth of the world. I really don't know if she is lucky or unlucky.

I think that the relationship between men and women is a matter for a pony to cross the river. You can listen to what others tell you, but you don't have to take it too seriously, because everyone's level and vision are limited, and they all give answers based on their own experience. Only you keep thinking and groping for your own answers from experience to become your own wisdom.

I couldn't help saying a few words because I watched the people above say too much. My words may be ugly, but since you are on your way, you might as well go a little further. The people above, how to say? They are also sincere, but they are somewhat suspected of avoiding problems and self-anesthesia, and probably they don't realize it themselves. Recalling the words of the boy you secretly love gives you excitement. It is true, although it may have been amplified by yourself. However, class is real in society, with high and low social status and low discrimination status. This situation has existed for thousands of years and is universal and normal, even in the animal world. Like thunder and lightning, this is a natural phenomenon. If you don't face it, you are insincere.

At present, the theory of success has brainwashed the society badly, but the essential influence of birth on people has not weakened at all. The so-called "one life, two fortunes, three geomantic omen, four merits and five studies", people from poor backgrounds hope to smooth out the world before they ignore this natural law. There are too many differences in grades and ways of thinking. This is a way of thinking that goes deep into the bone marrow and can hardly be changed.

For example, in the old British aristocracy, women have to change several sets of clothes a day, and they are extremely particular about what they wear at any time. If they make a mistake, they will be laughed at. Modern people may think that verbosity is meaningless, but what the princess wears will always be the object of imitation by ordinary people.

My father is a clerk in a company, and my mother is an experimenter in a third-rate university. I have been exposed to this class and its way of thinking since I was a child. I have come into contact with girls who often have afternoon tea at the homes of top figures from all over the world (such as some great artists or businessmen) since childhood. This communication barrier is hard to erase. Just like you have a higher education, become a white-collar worker in the company, and it is difficult to communicate with a migrant worker who does manual labor all day every day.

this kind of discrimination is not personality. People can have a noble soul through self-cultivation, and thus discriminate against those with higher social status but humble personality, but at the same time they still need to bear that kind of impersonal discrimination. This kind of discrimination is an indispensable part of society. Generally speaking, it is a driving force for social progress, hoping to "become decent". People are hurt and motivated (or controlled) because of this. I think it is safe to know that this is different from personality. In fact, in the traditional social structure with strict hierarchy, people with high status usually have more noble personalities, which can be regarded as a social problem ... < P > But this poison is not easy to solve, and inferiority needs to be faced squarely. Excessive inferiority and no inferiority are irrational and should be "rational inferiority".

Having said so many things unconsciously, I understand that what I sing is an anti-tune, which is incompatible with the ecstasy that generally calls for equality in society, but I think it is closer to the truth.

Speaking of which, I can't help recommending the great Red and Black to you. Stendhal has said everything thoroughly. That novel is a little slow at the beginning. Read it patiently and you won't be disappointed.

p>App viewing? Agree with 115? Comment 95

Zhang Huicong Zhang Huicong (author) replied to Yong Zhe 213-4-1

The problem is that I think discrimination is a normal thing. To put it bluntly, people go upwards and water flows downwards. Once we recognize this level, we have already recognized discrimination.

Zhihu user Zhihu user 213-4-1

Did you watch Lian in high school? I don't remember. Anyway, the hero jumped around and had a good time.

formally feel inferior and turn it into motivation.

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-Update on May 5, p>-19

In recent years, Zhihu has played less, just reading articles.

I saw many comments from netizens, with encouragement and appreciation. There are also questions, which will be answered after 1 years.

I'd like to add the recent situation. It's been three years since I graduated from graduate school. At present, I am working in the field of Internet finance (a serious factory), with the coordinates of Chengdu. My current salary is 3, years (the level of Zhihu slag), and my year-end bonus was 2, last year. I have bought a house and a car in Chengdu and am going to get married next year ~

Thank you for your attention. This is a question that is destined to be answered by my life experience.

go ahead when you're hidden.

I'm a 22-year-old boy, studying in a university in Beijing, and I'm a senior, and I've got the qualification for postgraduate insurance. Let me share my experience with you.

1. About family:: I was born in the countryside of a national poverty-stricken county, and my parents were working there at that time. Later, when the state-owned enterprise was restructured, my father was laid off, so I found a job as a security guard with a monthly salary of 1. My mother is a kindergarten teacher with a monthly income of more than 2, yuan. In this way, the situation of the landlord's house should kill my house. GO O