English jokes about this country

1. The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, Bless me, Father, because I have sinned.

What's the matter, son?

The girl said, father, I have committed the crime of vanity. I stare at myself in the mirror twice a day and tell myself how beautiful I am.

The priest turned around, looked at the girl carefully and said, honey, I have good news. That's not a sin, it's just a mistake.

2.

There is an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schaefer sitting in a train carriage across Tasmania. Suddenly, the train passed through a tunnel, because it was an old-fashioned train. There was no light in the carriage and it was dark.

Then there was the sound of kissing and a loud slap. When the train pulled out of the tunnel, Claudia Scheffer and the Irish sat there as if nothing had happened. The Englishman covered his face with his hand because he was slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: That Irish guy must have kissed Claudia Schaefer, but she didn't kiss him, but slapped me.

Claudia Schaefer was thinking: That English guy must want to kiss me. In fact, he kissed the Irishman and was slapped for it.

The Irish are thinking: this is great! The next time the train passes through the tunnel, I will make another kiss and slap the English idiot.