Concession is to be strong, but also to find opportunities. But concession requires reason and patience. How do you do it in life?

how to retreat for progress in interpersonal relationship

Take the high jump as an example, if you are far behind, you can jump higher. Temporary forbearance and loss in interpersonal relationships can gain long-term benefits. The key is to meet each other's needs quietly, that is, to focus on each other's interests and to clear the way for their own interests. Asking for help, the request can be very high first, and the result is suitable. The other party will feel guilty for not helping you a lot, and then it is easier to agree to your smaller request. Or step by step, from letting him do small things to helping big things. Because he has a good impression and dependence on you, he has formed the habit of saying yes to you. First high and then low, can cause the illusion that you step back; From small to large, so that the other party can not detect your real intention of "getting the inch first and then the ruler." Daily communication is more than opposition. We should remember the old adage that "two tigers strive for each other, and there must be a wound", and don't add fuel to the fire, which will lead to the tragedy of "burning down the big house". If you are reasonable and can compromise, people will not only admit that you are right, but also praise your magnanimity, so that you can reach the perfect position that everyone expects.

1. Starting with concession and ending with victory

Starting with concession and ending with victory is a rare trick in human relations. When you show that you can put the interests of others first, you are actually opening the way for your own interests. When doing risky things, it is especially effective to make a step calmly.

the first step to success is to keep your own interests and intentions secret, and let the other person be willing to do what you want him to do because you can do what he likes.

respecting and highlighting other people's views and interests is the most powerful magic weapon for us to ask others to cooperate. People often don't use this magic weapon correctly because they often forget that if we overemphasize our own needs, others will change their attitudes even if they are interested in it.

to move others, we must start with their needs. You must make it clear that the only way for a person to do anything is to make himself willing. At the same time, it must be remembered that people's needs are different, and everyone has their own hobbies and preferences. As long as you seriously explore the other person's real intentions, especially those related to your plan, you can deal with him according to his preference. You should first adapt your plan to the needs of others, and then your plan can be realized. For example, one of the most basic points of persuading others is to skillfully induce their psychology or feelings so as to make others submit. If the persuader emphasizes his own advantages and tries to get the upper hand, the other party will strengthen his guard. Therefore, we should pay attention to discover our own shortcomings or mistakes first, so that the other party will have a sense of superiority temporarily, and be careful not to express it in a serious manner, so as not to let the other party take advantage of the weakness.

Some people who have been asked for help think that they have helped others and benefited you, and they will unconsciously feel a sense of superiority, and maybe they will even scold the people who ask for help. When you think you may be accused, you might as well criticize yourself first. When the other party finds out that you have admitted your mistake, they are embarrassed to accuse you again.

Hermon is a famous American mining and metallurgy engineer. He graduated from Yale University in the United States and got a master's degree from Freiburg University in Germany. However, when Hermon took all his diplomas to find Hearst, a big mine owner in the western United States, he was in trouble. The big mine owner is an eccentric and stubborn man. He doesn't have a diploma himself, so he doesn't trust people with a diploma, and he doesn't like engineers who are gentle and love to talk about theory. When Hermon went to apply for the diploma, he thought the boss would be overjoyed. Unexpectedly, Hearst said to Hermon rudely, "The reason why I don't want to use you is because you used to be a master at the University of Freiburg, Germany. Your mind is full of useless theories, and I don't need any elegant engineers." Instead of being angry, the clever Hermon calmly replied, "If you promise not to tell my father, I will tell you a secret." Hearst agreed, so Hermon whispered to Hearst, "In fact, I didn't learn anything in Freiburg, Germany. Those three years seemed to be muddled along." Unexpectedly, Hearst smiled and said; "Good, then you can come to work tomorrow." In this way, Hermon easily passed the interview in front of a very stubborn person by using the strategy of less when necessary.

Maybe some people think that it is not appropriate for Hermon to do that. The question is whether he can solve the problem without hurting others. Take Hermon, for example, he belittled himself, and his own knowledge, of course, does not lie in his own evaluation, that is, no matter how high his knowledge is, he will not increase his real knowledge by a cent, and conversely, no matter how low he is, he will not reduce his knowledge by a cent.

Perkins, a famous American politician, became the president of the University of Chicago when he was 3 years old. Some people doubted whether he was qualified for the post of president of the university when he was so young. After knowing this, he only said, "A 3-year-old man knows so little, and there are so many places to rely on his assistant and acting president." This short sentence relieved those who had doubted him at once. When people encounter such a situation, they often like to show that they are better than others as much as possible, or try to prove that they are people with special talents. However, a truly capable leader will not brag. The so-called "self-modesty makes people obey, boasting makes people doubt" is the truth.

Concessions are actually only temporary retreats. In order to advance one foot, you must first give up one inch. In order to avoid big losses, you should not care about small losses. When Washington, the first president of the United States, was in office, Dresden was the vice president around him. This was a leisure job, but Dresden turned it into a position with real power. He often told some jokes when he was the vice president in his speech. Instead of lowering himself, he won admiration and support.

2. Make clever use of "old wine in new bottles"

One way to make concessions is to make concessions on the surface, but actually take a step in secret. The so-called "changing the soup without changing the medicine" is still the same, and it is also called "old wine in new bottles". Change the bottle and step back to the other side, but the wine is still old, and the wine is even stronger, because the other side must be caught off guard and have no strength to fight back.

once, Hou Bo, a world-famous comedian, said during his performance, "The room in my hotel is small and short, and even the mice are hunched." The hotel owner was very angry when he learned that Hou Bo had slandered the reputation of the hotel and wanted to sue him.

Hou Bo decided to take a strange approach, which not only insisted on his own views, but also avoided unnecessary troubles. So I made a statement on the TV station, apologizing to the other party: "I once said that the mice in my hotel room are hunchbacked, which is wrong." I solemnly correct now: none of the mice there are hunchbacked. "

"Even the mice there are hunchbacked" means that the hotel is small and short. "None of the mice there is hunchbacked", although denying the small and short of the hotel, but still affirming that there are mice in the hotel, and there are many. Hou Bo's apology, which is obviously a correction, is actually a criticism of the hotel's sanitary conditions. It not only adheres to all previous views, but also is more profound and powerful in irony.

For another example, there is a student named Alfred at Oxford University in England, who is famous at school because he can write some poems. One day, he recited his poem in front of his classmates. A classmate named Charles said, "I am very interested in Alfred's poem. It was stolen from a book." Alfred was very angry and asked Charles to apologize to him in public.

Charles thought about it and agreed. He said, "I seldom take back what I said before. But this time, I admit my mistake. I thought Alfred's poem was stolen from the book I read, but when I opened the book in my room, I found it was still there. "

On the surface, the two sentences are different, "Alfred's poem was stolen from the book I read", which means that Alfred copied the poem; "That poem is still there" means that the poem copied by Alfred is still in the book. The meaning has not changed, and it is further affirmed that the poem is plagiarized, and the degree of ridicule and ridicule is deeper.

The following two points should be paid attention to when using the method of "old wine in new bottles":

① There should be a clear purpose.

Argumentation techniques serve the purpose of argument. Using the method of "old wine and new bottle" is intended to further adhere to one's position and viewpoint from another angle flexibly under the unfavorable debate situation. If you deviate from the theme of the debate, it will become a purely technical thing and become a language game, then it will lose its value and significance.

③ "old wine" is packed in "new bottle", and the method of "packing" should be skillful.

There are many ways to pack "old wine" into "new bottle", but the key lies in writing. The above cases are all ingenious. Example ~ is an abstract negation, a concrete affirmation, which denies the small and short hotel, but it still affirms that there are mice in the hotel, and there are many of them, and the sanitary conditions are poor, but it is just a clever transformation. The second example is to change synonyms skillfully. Synonymous sentences are groups of words with the same or similar meanings. Although the words are different, they have the same or similar meanings. By changing synonyms skillfully, the purpose of "old wine" in "new bottle" can be achieved. Charles expressed the same meaning in two sentences before and after, and the latter sentence was even more ironic.

there are many advantages of this method. It can hide the truth with the false, and take the truth with the true. It is ironic and uncertain. It is indeed a superb technology and strategy that makes the opponent elusive and unpredictable.

3. "Take the method above, and get the right one"

When people cross the threshold and climb the steps, they should raise their legs high and lower their steps. This almost instinctive habit, applied in social life, is a clever way to give in. Specifically, it is to use big requirements to create the illusion of concession, so as to achieve smaller requirements.

First, make a big request. If the other party doesn't agree, then make a smaller request. They feel guilty because they didn't agree to other people's big request and couldn't help them a lot. In order to alleviate this guilt, they will agree to this smaller request and apologize by helping them a little. Compared with making smaller demands directly, the possibility of people's consent will be greatly improved.

in our daily life, we often use this method. For example, if you want a naughty child to go home and watch TV for only one hour every day, you might as well say that he is only allowed to watch TV for half an hour. After repeated requests, you have to agree to an hour's request, and he will not make trouble again, because you have already let him go. Another example is in the market. The owner of the goods often marks the price of the goods twice as much, so that he can slowly give up his normal price. In this way, people who buy it also feel that it takes a lot of advantage and it is easy to pay for it. This may be a bit deceitful, but people are used to it: whether you really give in or not, you have to make him feel that you have made a big step.

this principle can be used in reverse, and it can also be a concession method of "if you want a foot, you need an inch first". If you need more help from others, you might as well use the "stepping on the threshold" technology, that is, ask the other person to give you a small help first, and then ask him to help solve a bigger problem. Social psychologists Friedman and Fraser made a practical investigation and study on the technology of "climbing the threshold"; They first went door to door to find housewives to sign a so-called "safe driving petition", and almost all housewives agreed to this request without much effort; A few days later, they asked these housewives to promise to set up an unsightly big sign in their private courtyard, which read "Drive carefully". As a result, more than 5% of housewives agreed, while in another group of housewives who were directly asked to set up a brand, only those who were interested in things accepted the idea.

why is the former three times as much as the latter? Psychologists' explanation is that people who agree to provide small help provide themselves with such a sense of self: they are helpful people. Then, they will act in a way consistent with this self-feeling, and then have more dedication. After agreeing to "one inch", he will get into the habit of saying yes to you, and it is difficult to perceive your goal of "one foot".

if we can't reach our goal in the end, we should adopt the attitude of "one foot is not enough, five inches is enough", adjust our expectations in time, make appropriate concessions and let things change for the better.

When you insist that someone accept your opinions and opinions, the other person will often have resistance for various reasons, thus totally denying the opinions made. The secret of concession is to retreat in time when the other party raises objections, so that the other party feels respect for his opinions and vanity is satisfied, thus achieving the purpose of persuading the other party.

When criticizing the laziness of China people, Lu Xun said that if someone proposed to open a window on the wall of the house, it would be opposed by everyone, and the window would definitely fail. If he proposes to tear off the roof, everyone will back down and agree to open a window. In fact, this psychological phenomenon is universal in human beings, and we can use this psychological guilt to persuade others to accept opinions.

In people's social activities, because everyone has the stubbornness to stick to their own opinions, the result of not agreeing to reconciliation often leads to "taking the law from it and fitting it in". In order to "fit in", we need to set a higher goal and then make a compromise. Concession gesture, while the other person's self-esteem is satisfied, your goal will be achieved.

4. When two tigers fight, there is bound to be a wound

The quarrel between husband and wife is often caused by trivial matters. The other side only has some minor faults, but if the other side is adamant, it will inevitably lead to an escalation of the "war." The following is the story of a couple who fell from the teacup to the color TV, which is worth learning.

On Sunday, his wife Xiao Wang and her husband were at home. Because of a little trouble at work, my husband's mood is relatively low recently. Xiao Wang was busy cleaning the room and tidying up the furniture in the morning. Her husband leaned back on the sofa with a newspaper and looked at it over and over again. Xiao Wang knew that her husband had been unhappy recently, so he didn't ask him to help with the housework.

When Xiao Wang was tidying up the small coffee table, he accidentally knocked off the teacup that her husband put on it and broke it to pieces. Just yesterday, Xiao Wang Gang broke a cup, but I didn't expect to break another one today. This set of furniture was brought back to him by an old classmate of her husband from Japan. It is very exquisite in workmanship and cherished by her husband. She often plays with it and praises the tea set as "really unusual". Usually, my husband is almost reluctant to use it, just for fear of being smashed. Recently, due to his bad mood, he took it out and enjoyed it alone. I didn't expect my wife to smash two in two days, and my face grew long at that time. Xiao Wang's anger also came up at once: "Is it just two cups? You feel distressed, as if I am not worth two cups. Don't be angry outside, come back and show me your face all day. Taking your wife out as a punching bag is nothing but a hero, and you can't be down a peg or two again. If you are really capable, you won't value two cups more than your wife. "

This has stirred up a hornet's nest. In the eyes of her husband, his wife indulged him everywhere because of his bad mood, and the benefits of comforting him suddenly disappeared, only anger and irritation. The troubles at work have long made him feel painful and depressed. His wife's sarcasm made him feel that there is nothing worth cherishing in this family: "If I don't have the skills, I just have no money."