Androgyny joke

Yesterday, when I went out and passed by muxi Garden, I bought a summer dress in the clothing city. As soon as I entered the house, I couldn't wait to show it to my family.

The son sat by the computer and said, "Good!" Don't look up. All right! Very good! "Obviously dealing with me, my husband did a good job. He came up to me, looked around, then stepped back two steps and said seriously, "OK, it's really good. "

I am very proud of his praise. I just want him to guess the price. Unexpectedly, my husband "praised" a sentence, "With my wife's figure, it looks good to cover a quilt cover!"

A man often goes home in the middle of the night and sometimes stays out all night. His wife is very upset. I missed it so much that I finally came up with a brilliant idea. On this day, the man went out without his key and knocked at the door in the middle of the night, only to hear his wife say in the house:

"Why did you come now? My dead bastard will come back soon. Go ahead. "

The man flew into a rage. But I hardly go out at night, even before 1 1.

Summer vacation is coming. Professor Huang and Mrs Huang are going to Shenzhen to play together. When staying in a hotel with Professor Huang and his wife in the evening, Mrs. Huang wanted to take a bath, but she was worried. She said to Mr. Huang, "I read in the newspaper that some hotels or restaurants have hidden video recorders. What if I am really photographed? "

Professor Huang said disdainfully: "Don't worry! According to your figure, even if you are unfortunately photographed, they will definitely cut it all off! What are you afraid of? "

A woman scolded her husband in a restaurant. Finally, she screamed, "Of all the shameful people in the world, you are the meanest one!" " "At this time, all the people in the restaurant looked at them in surprise. Her husband noticed and immediately raised his voice and said, "This is a scolding, dear! What else did you say to him? "

Someone cut out a piece of news from the newspaper. The news said that a man divorced because his wife often searched his pockets. "Why did you cut this news?" Someone asked him.

"Put it in your pocket." He replied.

Male teachers teach students common sayings in class, emphasizing that common sayings are extracted from people's life experience for thousands of years, such as "two tigers are not allowed in one mountain". Junior high school students question: "If a male tiger and a female tiger are on the same mountain, they can love each other and live in harmony."

Hearing this, the male teacher said contemptuously to the students, "Your words can only prove that you are young and ignorant. When you grow up and get married, you will fully understand the correctness of this sentence! "

Officer, please put me in jail! I just got drunk and hit a mosquito with a stick. It hit my wife on the head. ]

Did you kill her? ]

Bad is bad, so please lock me up quickly. ]

My husband and I have never quarreled. "A woman cheerfully to show off.

"When he is right, there is no excuse?"

"I don't know when he is right, there has never been such a time.

A husband was intimate with his wife, stroking her and praising her in a low voice: "Your skin feels really thin, unlike a 40-year-old woman."

The wife smiled and said, "Yes! People who have been in contact recently say so. "

Bang! ! The husband roared, "How many people have you touched recently? Honest recruitment! "

The wife covered her face and cried, "Everyone says so! Every lady in the skin care center says so! "

Husband: I will give you the money I earn in proportion in the future. I earn more and stay more, so I have motivation.

Wife: OK.

Husband: What percentage do I give you?

Wife: 120%.

She whispered to him:

"my dear! Will you still love me like this after marriage? "

After careful consideration, he said:

"Of course, I have always been particularly fond of married women."

The wife said: Look at Xiao Zhang next door. He kisses his wife every time he goes out. You should learn from him!

Husband said: no, I don't know her well! ! !

The host asked, "What should a smart wife do first to attract her husband to bed?"

A housewife replied, "unplug the TV first!" " "

A woman who was having a party asked her husband to run to the beach with a bucket to pick up some snails. The reluctant husband promised his wife, but the husband met a beautiful girl on the beach. . .

The next morning, when he woke up, he exclaimed, "It's over! My wife's party! " He picked up all the clothes, put them on as soon as possible, picked up the bucket and rushed home. Because he ran too fast, when he got home, he accidentally dropped the bucket, causing snails to crawl all over the door. At this point, his wife came out angrily, and he quickly looked back at the snail and said, "Come on! Brothers, we are almost there! "

Dear, "the wife said to her husband," I bought a piece of silk to make a tie for you. "

"That's very kind of you! But why buy so much? "

"I want to make myself a leftover dress!"

A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy.

One day, a man went into town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, this good fertilizer can't be cheap for others. So I've been holding it. Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet. But nothing came out except a few farts. So I'm proud.

Go home and tell the old woman about her experience. Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? Save these farts and just blow the lights!

The female secretary was sitting on the general manager's lap when the general manager's wife suddenly appeared at the door. The general manager immediately said sternly to the female secretary, "In short, no matter how difficult it is, a company can't just have one chair!" " "

Xiaofeng and Xiaoyu had a big fight today. Xiaoyu said with a runny nose and tears, "If I had known, I would have listened to my mother and never married you!" " "

Xiaofeng paused and asked slowly, "You mean ... your mother stopped you from marrying me?"

Xiaoyu nodded his head.

Xiaofeng slapped the table heavily and said, "Ah! I really blamed her for these years! "

Husband: "After so many years of marriage, I found that I am not a good husband."

Wife: "I didn't say that. How can you have this idea? "

Husband: "I thought about it for a few years and suddenly thought of it."

Wife: "How do you remember?"

Husband: "I remember a celebrity saying that a good husband can make a good wife."

One day, Xiaodong and Xiaoyue went sightseeing by plane. Their pilot was so confident in his flying skills that he boasted that if the couple took his plane without calling, he would lose to 50 yuan. Xiao Dong and Xiao Yue, who are addicted to gambling, agree now! In the sky, I saw the driver do his best to turn over more than fifty somersaults, but there was no cry behind him. After landing, the driver was very discouraged and said, "You are amazing!" "Hey hey! Give up? " Xiaodong said, "But I tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell off the plane just now!" " "

A woman led her husband to another woman and said angrily:

"Please don't be a third party."

The woman said, "All right! I strive for second place. "

A: A man will beg a woman at least twice in his life.

Which two times?

A: I was married once and divorced once.

Man A: "My girlfriend left me, and I don't want to live."

Male B consoled: "Women are like clothes. What's the big deal if you take it off? "

It happened that B man's wife heard this and said angrily, "What? Say it again. "

Male b hurriedly smiled apologetically. "My good wife, I mean, women are pants. How can they just take it off? "

Two Irish people, Sean and Kevin, met in the street many years later.

"Tell me," Sean said. "Are you married?"

"Married. My wife is an angel, "Kevin replied.

"You are so lucky. And my wife is still following me. "

Mark is going to Paris to run some errands, but he doesn't have a car. A friend promised to lend it to him on the condition that Mark would escort his beautiful wife back to Paris.

After being inspected by the German police at the Franco-German border, they went to a wooden house to wait for the inspection by the French police.

The French policeman asked, "Is this your car?"

Mark replied, "No, my friend borrowed it from me."

The policeman looked at his passport and asked, "Is this your wife?"

Mark replied, "No, it's my friend's."

The policeman returned the certificate to Mark, winked and said, "Sir, your friend is really a friend."

David has found a new job, and everyone in this company has to fill out a form. David came to the manager with the completed form. After reading it, the manager said, "You filled out this form very well. Just one thing, when you fill in the column of relationship with your wife, you should fill in' wife' instead of' nervous'. "

"But my relationship with her is very tense." David muttered.

The husband went to court to ask for a divorce from his wife. The judge asked him, "Why did you divorce her?"

"Well, our unit gave me a tourist card and two people went to Bulgaria for a holiday. I'll call my wife and ask her if she would like to go with me ... "

"She's not going?"

"No, she cried happily,' I do, I do!' Thanks again and again. "

"That ...? "

"But she finally asked,' Who are you?' "

In the car, the wife suddenly found her husband driving. She cried in horror, "Stop the car! Let's go back! Forgot to unplug the electric heater, it will definitely catch fire! "

The husband paused, blushed and said, "Never mind, I should have told you that I forgot to turn off the tap."