Humorous jokes

1. I wanted to eat my sadness with 1, but I was stuttered into a meatball by 1!

The heaviest topic between men is talking about their women. The easiest topic between men is to talk about other people's women.

When I was in high school, I had a youthful and beautiful acne on my face. One day, I took the bus, holding my hand and shaking with the car. A child tugged at my skirt: "Brother! Brother! You spilled eight-treasure porridge on your face! "

4. Husband: "Thank you for praising my talent in front of my neighbors." The wife said, "If you want money but have no money, you should be ugly and have no status. I don't say that you are talented, and others won't call me stupid. "

5. Teach everyone an anti-theft secret, buy an urn to hide money and put your own black and white photos. If there are bad people at home, people will be safe and money will be safe.

When I was a child, my dad didn't want to go out, so he gave me some money to buy him a pack of cigarettes, and then gave me fifty cents to buy food every time. Now that I have grown up, I have a son. Every time my son wants to buy a toy, he gives me 100 yuan. Very atmospheric: Dad, my mother gave it to me. You go and buy me a toy, and buy yourself a pack of cigarettes.

7. I went to the fortune teller yesterday and calculated it. The master said I could live to be 100 years old, or even longer. After all, I ride a battery car home, and I am very happy. No matter what the traffic lights are, life is long and I am so capricious.

8. Go to a classmate's house to pay New Year's greetings. There are many guests in his house! But that idiot looks unhappy. I leaned over and asked him, man, what's wrong? Why do you look like the whole world is bullying you? Oh, don't mention it, my qualifications are too low! I asked: How low? Without saying anything, the idiot walked up to a toddler and said, Grandpa, will you let your grandson hold him for a while?

9. When I was waiting in line to pay for clothes with my wife, she took out cash. I saw many beautiful women around me, so I took out my husband's generosity, took out my wallet and took out my credit card in one hand: "I'll swipe my card!" " Idiot wife replied, "I'd better come and let your wife know how miserable it is!" " "

10. My daughter-in-law bought a new mobile phone today. When you come back, ask: How big is your new phone memory card? Without thinking, just say: the fingernail is so big.

1 1. When I was a child, it was dangerous to swim by the river. If my dad sees it, let me come up. After I climbed up hard, my dad kicked me into the river and said, "I'll let you swim!" "

12. The husband said to his wife, "Dear, I often dream that you are dead recently, and I feel very sad every time." The wife glanced at her husband, sighed and said, "Actually, I understand you very well. This is thinking every day and dreaming at night! " "

13. Today, I met a very sincere little brother. He handed out leaflets and said to me, "Brother, take one. It's hot and shaded from the sun. "

14. When taking a long-distance bus, I saw two big trucks colliding on the road. The scene was tragic and black smoke came out. A four-or five-year-old kid next to my seat asked, "Dad, what happened to the big truck?" The child's father calmly said, "Oh, two transformers sit down and have a cigarette."

15. On the first day of school, my little nephew came back from school with a sad face. I was very concerned and asked him if he was not used to changing schools. He shook his head and said, no, it's an exam. I said: the exam is the exam. What's the big deal? Little nephew gave me a white look and shouted, it's easy to say, as if you don't have to be beaten after the exam!

16. I went to repair my mobile phone the other day and saw an old man. He asked the staff, "Master, why doesn't my touch screen work well?" The employee took the phone, looked at his face and said, "Grandpa, even if you don't stick a protective film, don't stick a plastic wrap!" "

17. Wife: "The 50th anniversary of marriage is called golden wedding, and the 25th anniversary is called silver wedding. We will be married for two years soon. What is a wedding? " Me: "Second marriage!"

18. In high school, my best friend and I were assigned to an examination room and sat at the front and back tables. When I handed in my paper, it was still blank. Just when I was anxious, my best friend slipped me a note secretly. I was so excited and nervous that I hid it. Finally, I opened it with trepidation, and it said, What's for lunch?

19. Freshman fell in love with his wife and got married six years later. Walking with my wife one day, my wife said, I am very frugal. I was still wearing a trench coat two years ago, so I dumped my sleeves. I whispered that I am frugal and my daughter-in-law who went to college still uses it. Kneeling and rubbing the washboard!

20. Kindergarten should check children's nails every morning. When a child's fingernails are found to be cut cleanly every time, he is praised as a clean child. He told me happily, teacher, I don't have to bother my mother to cut this little thing. I bit myself.

2 1. Eat peaches and play with your mobile phone. My nephew called me next to me. I was annoyed with him: What's the matter? I want to play with my mobile phone again until I finish eating! Little nephew had to shut up! After a while, I finished eating the peach, and my nephew said, Aunt, there are bugs in the peach you just ate.

22. When I came home from school, my daughter said to her mother, "Puppy love in our class is very serious, all of them are one-on-one. The class teacher was very angry today and criticized 1 1 student at the class meeting. " Mom was stunned and said, "Why is it singular? Is there anyone with two feet on both sides? " The daughter curled her lips and said, "mom, where do you want to go?" One of them is a matchmaker. "

23. When my wife came home from work and saw me playing games, she complained, "You don't do anything at home all day, just play games alone. You are too selfish! " I think what my wife said is quite reasonable, so I quickly called some friends over to play together.

24. My husband quarreled last night and threatened to run away from home. My husband closed the door and said, just go! I stood in the yard, afraid to see the darkness outside, but when I returned to my room, I felt very embarrassed. After a silence for a while, I took off my coat and threw it smartly: it's too hot, I really want to run naked! In less than a second, my husband rushed out like a gust of wind, carrying it and running back to the house! Fight with me, huh!