A hilarious joke performed by two people together

. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan. I was half way up the mountain and was about to take a break when I was tired. I saw Obasan buying souvenirs on the roadside. I went up and asked: "My wife." ........" 2. Occasionally, I was driving and a beautiful colleague took the bus. As soon as he sat next to me, he said nervously: Put on a condom! The beauty will never ignore me again. . . Depressed ING 3. Someone came to my aunt's house as a guest before, and she just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, and I'll pour you some urine!" (originally she meant to pour some tea). 4. During my internship, I said to a teacher: Teacher Chen, is your surname Chen? 5. When I went to a factory for a metalworking internship in college, the master worker said when assigning machine tools: For the sake of safety, we will try our best to ensure that one male classmate and one female classmate share a bed. At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During the internship, I did almost all the lathe work for the girl who slept with me (Han). Finally, considering that if she couldn’t do anything, it wouldn’t be good for the master to check, I advised her to practice her skills. I know she said: I am used to letting you do it. It was extremely cold at that time. 6. A friend went to a dumpling restaurant and asked, "How much does a bowl of dumplings (sleep) cost (night)?" The waitress just heard "Bah!" and said, "Shameless!"~ 7. When we were studying on our own, everyone They were all watching the review, and GG said to MM: "I just memorized the words, please help me write them silently." MM didn't want to be silent, so GG begged her, please (touch) silently me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't bear it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) him, but he insists on me (touching) him~~~!" ! ! 8. One day I went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call her uncle, but he made the mistake of saying, "Dad, come sit down!"~~Han! Most of my classmates were laughing so hard. 9. My colleague was arguing with someone, and he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up eating. " 10. When I was in elementary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. When I refused, he stalked me. Then I yelled with all my strength, "I won't marry (lend) it to you." My classmates at that time It immediately became quiet... 11. During the computer class, a classmate had a problem with his computer, so he shouted, "Boss, change the computer!" "The whole class was stunned. 12. I spit on your face! 13. I joked to my sister: "Don't say you know me, it will affect my reputation! "MM said: "Are you pregnant? Are you fertile? ”` 14. I am a man. I fell ill in Guangdong and my throat was speechless. I went to see a doctor. The doctor told me: Yin Dao is inflamed. I fainted. Look carefully. The diagnosis stated that the person had throat inflammation. ````````` was speechless```````` 15. When I bought a computer, the boss offered me 4150, and I bargained: How good is 410?~~~~ The boss fainted. ! 16. When I went to work last morning, I found that the bicycle tire was flat, so I wanted to ask my mother to push it outside the door to inflate it. But I said: Push my tire out. 17. A girl was heartbroken, and I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, but three-legged men are plentiful! ” 18. In elementary school, there was a labor class, which usually involved weeding, so the teacher had to remind us to bring hoes when school was over the day before. When we had labor class on the second day and were ready to go, the teacher asked for the convenience of management: "How many people bring hoes?" Are you there? Raise the hoe with your hands!" 19. Enlightenment of a broken love.

Classmate, do you know what love is? 20. In the junior high school Chinese class, someone recited Mao Zedong’s poem: The coquettish generation,... 21. A certain teacher, today, let’s go to class, Yang Xiu Zhizhi 22. Once on KTV, when requesting a song, a mm shouted loudly: Here. I ordered the song "Double Jay Chou" which was very good... 23. During my sophomore year, I really liked riding a bicycle and going shopping with a girl in the same dormitory. After getting dressed up and getting into the elevator together, suddenly Remembering that the car seemed to be running out of gas, I said to her: "Would you like to accompany me to have an abortion first?"~~~~Oh my God... 24.. There were many people on the bus, and a tough man roared: Mom stepped on my B and added a few more: 1. I went home on the weekend and got addicted to cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to take an excuse to go for a walk. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me, "Why are you going?" I said, "Go and smoke!" As a result, my dad found a bag of white sand from my body and beat me severely. 2. Once I went to my wife's place after leaving my mother's place. When I saw my wife, I habitually called out: "Mom!" 3. When I went to work in the morning, I found that my bicycle was out of gas, so I wanted to ask my mother to push it outside the door to pump some air. As a result, I said: "Pull out my tire." My mother was confused. I smiled and quickly corrected it, but she said again: "Put some air in my car!" 4. Once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly Question: "Why are you driving without a condom?" 5. I was in the toilet once and ran out of paper. I said to my wife: "Bring me the paper towel!" 6. Once I asked a short-sighted person what the degree of his eyes was. He wanted to say 400 degrees, but as soon as he said it, it was 400 watts. His stomach hurt from laughter! 7. Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "disbandment", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat!" 8. A student from the physical education department came up During the internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He was so nervous that when he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank for a moment and he said: "Attention, everyone, stand at attention! Flash!!" 9. A group of classmates went to a classmate's house in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons and put them in the kitchen, and asked a classmate to get a knife to cut them. When he came back after not seeing each other for a long time, when he was confused, he came back with a cut melon in his hand and said in panic: "I cut the pumpkin." ". Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even more. It turned out that he was holding a winter melon in his hand! 10. There was a teacher named Jiang in high school who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question..." 11. One day I was driving on the road and my tire got flat. A colleague asked: "Where are the inflatables?" The colleague said: "The streets are full of tire abortists!" 12. Once I went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket. When it was finally my turn, I couldn't wait to say: "Give me two rollers!" Unexpectedly, the waiter said loudly to me: "Two rollers, four yuan!" 13. I met a girl I had admired for a long time coming out of the bathhouse. I wanted to get close to her, and after holding it in for a long time, I said: "You take a shower." "Are there many men in there?" 14. I went to dinner once and said to the boss when I was paying: "Honey! Check out!" The boss's wife was nearby... 15. There was a teacher who stayed up all night and didn't wipe the blackboard. Angry: "Who is in charge today? I didn't even wipe the blackboard!" 16. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: "You have such good skin, why do you still use Hushubao?" 17. Just now I bought a house, and in excitement I called a buddy: "I bought a house, but it's only a dime (I forgot to mention the word "billet"), and I still need to decorate it." The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet? Then you live in Where? "A few more! The first one: It was the first time for a primary school student to participate in the school's recitation competition. He was very nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweaty. It was finally her turn. The primary school student gritted his teeth and walked to the center of the stage in a few steps: "Teachers and classmates, the title of my recitation is: The red leaves are crazy (maple)... (the maple leaves are red). The second one: I am still a primary school student, look. I was particularly envious of the students who were asked to read their compositions by the teacher. They always hoped that the teacher would let them read their compositions. The opportunity finally came, "So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!" The primary school student stood up suddenly and said: "My Teacher".

Teacher, I look so much like your mother..." The third one: This time it was a poorly trained host of a song and dance troupe. During a performance, I rushed on stage without being properly prepared. The performances continued in sequence. Rounds It was time for her to announce the curtain: "Friends in the audience, please listen to the Duzi flute..." Fourth: My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh. My sister saw it when she came home during the Chinese New Year and happily said to my mother: "Hey! Mom, this is so thick..." My mother and I both laughed. Fifth: There is a neighbor I call "Auntie" who rides a bicycle to work every day. Early in the morning, I met her at the door and I Smiling and saying politely: "Auntie, senior class..." Bah! ...I wanted to bite off my tongue. Sixth: A female classmate was feeling pity for herself one day, and then suddenly changed her mind. He turned to the person behind him and said, "Is my chest hair beautiful?" " Startled, he added: "Oh, I wanted to ask if my eyebrows are fierce. "The seventh one: When I was a primary school student, I expressed my determination at the school meeting: "We must learn the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army who crossed the snowy mountains and climbed the grassland." From then on, I was deprived of the right to speak politically for life! The eighth one: When I was a child, my dad gave me There is a text about Liu Hulan in my Chinese textbook. When Liu Hulan took the initiative to admit to the Japanese that she was a traitor to save the lives of the whole village, an old man came forward to save her. The line was: "Xiao Xiangzi, are you crazy?" ! "But in the era of ***, a poor rural child read aloud: "Little madman, are you fragrant? " Ninth: When I was in high school, my teacher asked my classmate to read aloud the text. This girl was always known for her vivid reading. That day, she also held the textbook and read aloud in a cadence: ... He stood guard in the snowstorm. , holding a steel gun tightly in his hand... (Original text) What we heard was... He stood guard at the sentry post in the snowstorm, holding a steel gun tightly in his hand. A pen... The whole class was silent for a while, the teacher laughed, and then the classmates... The tenth: Everyone stood up! The national flag was played, the national anthem was played... The eleventh: I led My son went to feed the ducks. He spread bread crumbs to the ducks and chased them around. I chased him with his apples (he didn’t like to eat them, so I could only give him a few bites when he was distracted). . He kept running, and I kept calling him: "Come here and take a bite of the apple before chasing the duck!" "Always repeating this sentence, I finally shouted loudly: "Come and have a bite of duck..." and then very smartly stopped the brake. Twelve: I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a text It's called a waterfall. In the middle, it says that the author turned around a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the middle of the mountain. When one of my female classmates read it aloud, she also read with emotion: Turning around this mountain, I was stunned, a rag Hanging on the mountain... The whole class was shocked. There is also a sentence from a Russian writer's novel: The houses here belong to the rich. . As a result, one of my male classmates read: All the houses here belong to the gentlemen. As soon as he finished speaking, our Chinese teacher asked him in confusion: Where do all the old ladies live? The fourteenth one: The most classic one is me. I once watched Dou Wentao talk about an embarrassing incident when he first became a host. He never mentioned that the opening ceremony ended with the curtain call... What pissed me off the most was that he said that once when he was hosting a party, he calmly went up and said affectionately: " Friends, have you seen the Yellow River? Do you know it is our mother river~~" After an affectionate introduction to the Yellow River, he said: "Please listen to "Song of the Yangtze River" now"