60 funny quotations, drag them out without laughing.

1, I knew you were a monster as soon as I opened my eyes.

Opportunities have fallen on me. But I avoided them all.

3, hooking up between handsome guys, some focus on shoulders, and some focus on hooking up.

Luck is when an opportunity happens to bump into your efforts.

I have a very, very big secret, that is, I will never tell you when I die.

6. The most attractive person is Master Kong, who attracts thousands of people every day.

7. Don't talk to me about life. You weren't born.

8. How much I can sacrifice for it, and how much I want to sacrifice for it now.

9. I play too much on the computer and want to watch TV quickly.

10, dry wood meets fire, which is called Ming Sao; Wet wood meets small flames, which is a man show.

1 1. If I send you a message and don't reply, I will write your name on the tablet.

12, the red apricot does not go out of the wall, so it must be pulled out.

13, your eyes betray your heart, and your eyebrows betray your eyes.

14, you flower, wait for me, I'll help you find some green leaves to accompany you.

15. The teacher asked us what we saw. I said I saw pheasants jumping around. I am telling the truth. Why did the teacher scold me?

16, I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always look at me like this.

17, if marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

18, if, as you expected, you and I will be together for life.

19, life is like a play, one is in love, the other is married and has children. This is normal.

Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

2 1, if you don't pay me back, I'll go downstairs and sing "uneasy"

22. The money in your pocket is my money, and the money in my pocket is still my money! !

23. If you just wait, what will happen will only make you old.

24. If a name can decide fate, I want to change my name to Qian Duoduo.

25, look silly, don't say anything about you.

It seems that you forgot, but I forgot, too.

27. Opportunity is like poop, and the water is gone forever!

28. If you are doomed to fail to give me the expected response. Then keep a safe distance.

29. If I can't die in her heart, let her die in my hands.

God gave me a task of riding a pig for a walk.

3 1, I'm not so lonely, lonely people are singing, I'm just listening to songs.

32. My little world is safe, and I don't need Superman.

33. Children's shoes, when you see an egg, throw it to them.

34. Gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.

35. Half the world is laughing at the other half. Actually, the whole world is a fool.

36. We live in a sewer and still have the right to look up at the stars.

37. Anything is possible as long as we have confidence.

The more people I know, the more I like animals.

39. Sometimes you don't know how long a person can live in your heart. When dependence becomes a habit, I can't bear to leave.

40. You can circle the earth with one hand. A globe. in fact ...

Successful men can earn more money than their wives spend, and successful women can also find such men.

42. The horoscope says that I am a playboy, so I took out my lighter and lit it for him.

43. News broadcast cattle 13 means that even if you have been changing channels, you can watch a whole news.

44. As long as your eyes are straight, you are not afraid of orbital heat.

45. As long as you earn money, it doesn't matter whether you are a man or a dog.

46. There is no heart, no money, no money, no love, no fate, no points, and some are divorcing.

47. I am in a bad mood. Go to the supermarket, shake coke, pinch Xiao Yuan bear, and dump Dave. ...

48. What is a joke? That's what I want to tell you now.

49. It is too hot in summer. Let me die for a while and come back to life in spring.

If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

5 1. As long as you have classes in your heart, don't skip classes anywhere.

52. Since I was alone, the cost of this sentence has been less, and I haven't finished sending 150 short messages. People have lost weight, and I don't eat well. Hey!

53, the road you choose, take off your shoes and go on.

54. The best time is that you like me and I like you, but we haven't confessed yet.

55. Be a good person. Sorry for my furtive face.

Don't bully me just because I can't speak English. I can learn from Baidu.

57. You are not a hero until you reach the Great Wall, and you are not a fool when you go to the Great Wall.

58. It's not that the road is rough, but that you can't.

59. When Pan Jinlian fell in love with Wu Dalang, it was the time when we became extinct.

60. The earth is getting hotter, and people are getting colder.

Super cow x funny quotations, cry if you don't laugh.

1, love is as poor as money in a bank card, but loneliness and desire are as silent as loans.

There are too many bacteria in the outside world, and I am afraid that I will be infected as soon as I go out.

3. Rich girl: Have you ever seen a famous brand? My bag says LV! Me: I have studied Pinyin and seen Donkey, right?

4. Give me a woman and I can create a country; Give me a bottle of wine and I will lead them to conquer the world!

5. What should I do if I meet a snake in the wild? Don't panic, hold up an umbrella with a warm smile and pretend to be Xu Xian.

6. Men hate women's vulgarity when they have no money, and wish women's vulgarity when they have money.

7. There must be a road in front of the driveway, and I can't stop it.

8. Mom said: Even if you are jealous, pretend to play soy sauce, and don't let others look down on you.

9. Everything is going up in price, but people are getting cheaper and cheaper.

10, homework, let's break up, I find we are not suitable.

1 1, smoking is good for your health, gambling is good for your mind, shaking your head is not troublesome, fighting is good for your hands and feet, and robbery is good for long-distance running.

If you know where to go, the whole world will make way for you.

13, how long a mouse can live depends on the cat's mood.

14, you look very creative and live bravely. Ugliness is not your intention, but God is losing his temper.

15, the pig smiled, why do you still have a bitter gourd face?

16, what is your vital capacity? You can blow cow B so big.

17, you are very patriotic, very dedicated and have a lot of backbone.

18, the internet is like a prison. I stole a wallet and knew everything when I went out!

19, the right time, the right place, this is the key for the hero to save the United States.

20. I am not a junk collector, so I can't let you be on call.

2 1, I'm not a bone, I can't let every dog run after me.

22.a: Sister, if someone hurts you, how long will you forgive him? B: It is God's business to forgive him. I will send her to God in my mission.

I hope I can catch up with the finale of the news broadcast in my lifetime.

24. Don't compare people with dogs. Dogs are at least loyal.

25, looking at the face of the class teacher, let Russia have the impulse to drop out of school, what about learning?

26. Life is like a journey, and you may capsize somewhere.

27. Teacher, would you dare to lecture in a lower voice and let me have a good sleep?

28. I wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps. Do you think I can't kick him in return?

29, chess, calligraphy and painting can be dispensed with, washing and cooking are too tiring.

30. Nowadays, advertisements are really girly. My mother can become my sister by drinking Yili.

3 1, you are so rich, why don't you let the mare go?

32. Teacher, all you know is to threaten me with "informing my parents". What a hero!

Doness, please don't wander in front of the poor monk, or the Buddha will not let you go.

34. The highest level of being a handsome guy is not that you pick up girls, but that girls pick up girls.

35. I want to be a rogue with temperament, a pervert with taste and an illiterate with knowledge!

36. In the face of beauty: danger can be saved, and no danger can create danger.

37. No one born is afraid of death, and no one who is afraid of death is born, so no one should pretend to be horizontal!

38. It is not terrible to be lovelorn for 33 days. The terrible thing is that I have been lovelorn for 34 days, 35 days and 36 days, and my period hasn't come yet!

39. Borrow a friend's car, and the friend said to refuel the car when he returned it. When I returned the car, I rushed to the car and applauded.

40. People in the upper class always like to do obscene things.

4 1. I went to the city to take part in the pigeon racing yesterday, but I went alone.

45 classic funny quotations, don't laugh.

1, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

2. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

3. The art of self-cultivation is actually the art of lying.

I don't know whether Tang Yan meat has the same effect after eating Tang Yan's excrement.

I told you not to force me. If you are pushing me, I will play dead for you.

If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent.

7. Don't stir the world with lewdness just because of lewdness and shock.

8. Ask yourself how much sadness you can have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel …

9. If you look like a steamed stuffed bun, don't blame the dog for following …

10, don't try to be brave after dark without medical insurance and life insurance …

You can't please everyone, because not everyone is human.

12, successful women are not afraid of shame.

13. It only takes a girl once to become a virgin and succeed. A boy needs repeated training to become a virgin and a man.

14, friend, you are leaving today. Please fuck this white girl.

15, men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin.

16, when did the moon ask the sky for wine … the sky said, fuck you, I'm too busy to even watch the weather forecast myself …

17, I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. In spring, I buried my wife underground, and in autumn, I would ... get shot.

18, God gave you a pair of wings. You should be braised …

19, are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head.

Lack of social experience means lack of exercise.

2 1, when I was a child, I often made faces in the mirror; The mirror is even when you are old.

22. I am different from you because I am human.

23. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be overcrowded.

24. All unforgettable love is the moment when the soul drifts in bed.

25. I prefer children to the process of making them.

26, beheading is nothing. My head fell off, but the bowl was very big. Twenty years later, I'm a zombie again …

27. Farrow said: Today is the Dragon Boat Festival. I invite you to eat the meat of Zongzi people, so please go to the mummy …

28. Sooner or later, you have to change your wife.

29. I am an unmarried young man who enjoys married treatment.

Turning girls into women is the most basic responsibility and obligation of men.

3 1, my dream: the secretary has nothing to do with something. The reality is that a secretary can't be a secretary if he has something to do.

32. Don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of mental illness is that you must have a brain.

33. A star can be more famous if he takes off his clothes a little, but I was caught when I took off my clothes.

34. Now you must look carefully when looking for a partner, because there are too many people who are not men or women.

The mosquito was really angry after biting you, but even more angry was that it bit you but couldn't find it.

I am a thrifty person. I never shit with paper, never use chopsticks and never wash my hands.

When I saw a beautiful woman, I first felt in my pocket to see if there was any money.

If I become a star one day, I will definitely show it to you.

People are not afraid of death, and what they are most afraid of is not knowing life.

40. The story of Meng Mu's three moves actually shows that she has a good son. It's no use moving it a hundred times.

4 1, I think a fly lying on the glass has a bright future but can't find a way out.

42. Peacock tried to open the screen but showed his ass.

Who are you? How can so many people despise me?

44. Being pregnant is like being pregnant for a long time before people can see it.

If you can't dress your woman in a wedding dress, don't stop your hand to untie her clothes.

Super classic funny quotations, hold your breath if you don't laugh.

1, life is like a news broadcast, and you can't escape by changing the channel.

2, growing old together is not just about dyeing a hair and knocking out a few teeth.

There are so many brain-dead people in the world, but you have become one of the best.

4, WeChat is awesome, it is difficult to make a mobile phone into a walkie-talkie.

5. There is a song called "You are my eyes". Why do I feel that I have been blind many times?

6. Making money is like digging the ground with a needle, and spending money is like water seeping into the soil.

7. I'm not the kind of person who hits people when they are down. I just closed the well.

8. Life is like an angry bird. There are always a few pigs laughing when they fail.

9. Confucius said that in a threesome, there must be my wife. Choose a beautiful one to marry.

10, once I smiled back and fascinated the teacher.

1 1, there are girls who don't bubble, which is a great rebellion; If you meet a girl, you will pick it up and do good for heaven.

12, you have a pit in your head. There is water in the pit, fish in the water, and fish are spitting bubbles.

13, "helplessness" is the feeling of being bitten by a dog, but you can't bite it back.

14, fall, stand up, change your posture and fall again.

15, the real society ruined my chance to be a good person!

16, the only thing in this world that can rise without effort is age!

17, the biggest tragedy in life: the beauty is dying and the hero is bald.

18, who told me that Nokia can smash walnuts, and now the screen is black.

19, I'm not Youlemei, I'm just dichlorvos. Do you want to hold me in your hand?

20. Stealing food is not my fault, but the loneliness of my mouth.

2 1, life is a play, and we are all Oscar winners.

22. Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant. Give you some charcoal and you can make a bomb.

23. Love what I don't love, and kick what I don't love to death.

24. The highest level of cuckolding is a belt that has been repeatedly worn.

I used to like her broad mind, but it was just an airport!

Fat, why are you always so attached to me?

27. The shit on your head may not be the enemy, but it may be your son.

28. Even if my heart is the liver and lungs of a donkey, it is enough to feed the dog's stomach.

29. Take out your complaints and bask in the sun every day, and you won't be short of calcium.

30. It's only now that I found out that streaking was bold when I was a child.

3 1, the mountain is not high and the tree is spiritual; People are not handsome, but rich.