Please tell me a joke

1. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight - at the graduation job fair, someone said to him: "Brother, let me go, you are blocking my mobile phone signal."

2. Lei Feng did not leave a name for his good deeds, but he recorded everything in his diary.

4. I skipped too many classes. I wanted to go to class yesterday. When I saw the professor, he was surprised and said, "I haven't seen you for such a long time and you have grown so much."

5. I have a blue dragon on my left, a white tiger on my right, and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my shoulder.

6. Whenever I miss a girl, I put a brick on the ground, so there is the Great Wall.

7. If a couple plays in the water, they will drown; if they fly together, they will fall to death.

8. Pure, fictitious, chaotic, beautiful.

9. Happiness means scratching an itch when you feel itchy. Unlucky means being itchy but not being able to scratch it. What’s even more unfortunate is that for a long time, neither the soul nor the body can feel the itch that’s about to itch.

10. Although I cannot be a descendant of a wealthy person, I must be an ancestor of a wealthy person.

11. Even if God does not entrust me with any great responsibility, it will still torture my mind and strain my muscles and bones.

12. Who holds my hand and curbs my madness for half my life; who kisses my eyes and covers my wandering for half my life.

13. I searched for her thousands of times, but when I looked back, I saw that person still looked down upon me.

14. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is easier to get along in kindergarten.

15. What is happiness? Happiness is when cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Ultraman fights little monsters.

16. Could it be that you are the young novice monk adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple who was the only one in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts in Huashan Mountain? The imbecile pet dog Wangcai crushed the cockroach Xiaoqiang once rolled over A turd ball?

17. The first half of the short story I Love Your Mother will be broadcast here today. Please continue to enjoy the second half of the short story I Love Your Mother at the same time tomorrow...

18. Advertisements on the subway: Is it crowded? Buy a car! Advertisements on taxis: Traffic jam? Take the subway!

19. I received a text message on my mobile phone. There was a monkey in the zoo that was so ugly that everyone vomited. One day I went there and I vomited. One day you went there and the monkey vomited.

20. People who say money is a sin are all trying to make money; people who say beauty is a disaster are all people who want it; people who say it is too cold to reach high places are all trying to climb; people who say smoking and drinking are harmful to the body are not quitting; people who say heaven is the best It’s so beautiful, don’t even go!

22. Thank you, thank you uncle, thank you to your whole family, thank you to the eighteen generations of our ancestors. (Have you ever seen someone thank someone like this?)

23. Although the famous flower has its owner, I will loosen the soil!

24. Sorry! I'm already dead! But thanks for coming to see me! I will also visit you at 12 o'clock tonight!

25. I drank to drown the pain, but this damn pain learned to swim.

26. Data show that in 2008, Chinese men accounted for 52% of the country’s total population, and women accounted for 43%.

27. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to be lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to stay young forever?

—-Don’t think blindly, study hard!

28. The fool stole the beggar's wallet, and the blind man saw it. The mute roared, which frightened the deaf man. The hunchback stepped forward, and the lame man kicked up, and the wanted prisoner tried to pull him away. Public Security Bureau, Mazi said, forget it because of my face.

29. Loneliness is the carnival of one person, carnival is the loneliness of a group of people

30. Be confused and don’t pursue the truth...the truth is a bitch!

31. I dreamed of eating pasta and woke up in the morning to find that my shoelaces were gone!

32. Lovers are roads, friends are trees. There is only one road in life, and there are many trees on one road. Don’t get lost when you are rich, rely on trees when you are short of money, and don’t forget the road when you are happy. Water the tree during breaks.

33. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

34. Although the green mountains are left, there is still no firewood.

36. I can’t bear to eat porridge every day. I went to the vegetable market yesterday and thought I’d better continue eating porridge.

37. My principle is: I won’t offend anyone unless they offend me; if someone offends me, I will get angry!

38. I gradually discovered that talents are fairies! Some goblins eat humans, but humans will eat anything. If you catch a goblin, you might be able to barbecue it!

39. Listen to your words, Saint Seiya is studying.

44. Cannon’s head was also struck by lightning.

45. Love is a luxury product. Just like the fox fur coat in the Paris window, it is so dazzling and charming, but the price tag on it will make people sober. Love is also a luxury product, you can only watch it from a distance, don't imagine or touch it because it requires the right time, the right person meeting at the right place, both are indispensable.

46. When problems arise, first look for the cause within yourself. Don’t blame the lack of gravity on the earth for constipation.

47. Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, some people praised me for having an idol on the left side of my nostril.

48. Old advice: Girl, you must eat appropriately to lose weight effectively.

49. Spring is the season when colds and emotions are most common. Some people accidentally catch a cold, and some people accidentally fall in love. I belong to the former.

50. I was also an infatuated person back then, but it rained... and I drowned.

51. Hongxing refuses to get out of the wall and pulls her out resolutely.

52. I allow you to enter my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in it.

53. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry a female toad.

55. Money can buy a house but not a home, it can buy a marriage but not love, it can buy a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the source of pain. Give me your money and let me bear the pain alone!

56. Boys must be poor, otherwise they will not know how to struggle; girls must be rich, otherwise they will coax them away with a piece of cake.

57. When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even.

58. When I give birth to a son in the future, I want to name him "Hao Handsome". When others see me, they will say: "What a handsome dad!"

59. Fish said: I keep my eyes open all the time so that I can't bear to leave you. Water says: I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and hold you tightly. Guo said: It’s almost cooked and there’s still so much nonsense. .

60. Happiness is: when I am hungry and see someone else holding a meat bun in their hand, they are happier than me; when I am cold and see someone else wearing a thick cotton-padded jacket, they are happier than me; I want to go to the latrine, which is just a pit. If you squat there, you will be happier than me.

61. Everyone has at least one dream and a reason to be strong.

62. The 5-year-old daughter asked her father to help her do something. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Please praise me a few times. If you praise me a few words, I will feel energetic again."

"Daughter: "Old Zheng! Dad: "Hey!" "Daughter: "Your girl is so beautiful..."

64. If the heart has no place to rest, it will wander wherever it goes!

65. The brain is The most noble organ - because the brain tells you.

67. Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out, why do you want me to have work experience!

68! .The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and receive other people’s wages.

69. When I didn’t study when I was a child, my mother said: “When you grow up, I want you to marry Wang Laowu who sells pork. "Now I educate my daughter: "Study hard, and when you grow up, you can marry Wang Laowu who sells pork." ”

70. After living for more than 20 years, I have been unable to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about this, I feel heartbroken.

71. Happy? Come back soon Can you feel happy?

73. Mom said it is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply.

74. The important task is to create the post-2008 generation.

75. There is no rehearsal in life. Every day is a live broadcast. Not only are the ratings low, but the salary is not high.

76. The future is bright and the road is bright. No.

77. Who said that all crows in the world are black? In fact, one is darker than the other!

79. I really want to have a quiet and serious Quixote-style solo. Love...

80. If it weren’t for making money, what would I do with my face...

81. If I can’t eat a swan, why can’t I eat a duck?

82. It doesn’t matter if you look like a piece of shit, why do you have to be a piece of shit?

85. Get up every morning and yell: “Fuck you little Japan. "This is not only good for your health, but also cultivates patriotic moral sentiments!

90. The lady's beard grows so gracefully, she must be a lady!

91. Your father How nice it would be for Mom to use those 10 minutes for a walk!

92. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work...

93. How did you get out of the trash can after the abortion? Escaped?

95. Love your country, love your family, love your junior sister, guard against thieves and theft, and guard against your senior brother~

96. I really don’t want to look down on you with my toes, but brother, yes. You forced me to do this.

97. The cruelest thing about life is that you can only be young once.

99. The innocence of college love lies in being able to eat instant noodles together. I can drink soup with humility.

100. Brother... I swear to the lamp... I really smoked...

101. One day, my mother-in-law was riding in a car... and she didn’t know the road halfway. The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: Where is this? The driver said: This is my butt...

102. Others have a background, but I only have a back.

103. The baby asked his mother: "How to make a sentence using ABCDEFG?" "Mom: "A!" Is this B child from C family? Standing on D with bare feet, no EF on, and little GG exposed..."

104. People looked for him thousands of times, and when I looked up, he was flying in the sky...a birdman!

105. 100 years later, China is awesome. A bunch of uneducated Americans are complaining that the English version of the software developed by China’s “big hardware” companies is too slow to be released, so that they have to use informal English. version. And some software does not support English well.

106. The price of pigs has increased these days, and you want me to lower the price!?

107. When you go to work, you must carry forward the spirit of a dead pig that is not afraid of boiling water!

108. If you do this again in the future, don’t blame me for turning against me!

110. Wangcai, come and see, there are humans who are even worse than you!

111. When you are a subordinate, you think of yourself as a turtle grandson, and when you are a leader, others treat you as a turtle son. From grandson to son, this bastard has really been promoted.

112. Why is there a college entrance examination? I want to know the Minister of Education, what score did he get in the college entrance examination?

113. The thief who stole my wallet opened it and saw only five dollars. He cried and sighed: "It's not easy!".

114. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

115. I’m used to going to the end of the world: A dozen friends gathered for a dinner. When they just went up the stairs to the second floor, they saw a man helping a pregnant woman downstairs. The friend who was walking in front quickly stepped aside and turned around. One sentence: "Keep formation downstairs!"

116. The red beans don't grow in the south, but grow on my face. I really think about it!

117. I sat on a 150-million-year-old stone and spent an afternoon in a daze...

118. I am so beautiful, I can’t die~~~ ~~

119. The left side of the head is filled with flour and the right side is filled with water. Whenever I think about a problem, my head is full of paste