Who can tell me some black humorous stories?

When Chen Zhaofeng, the former deputy director of the Standing Committee of the People's Congress of Chuzhou City, Anhui Province, served as the secretary of Dingyuan County, he was "double-regulated" for selling officials and accepting bribes. When he explained the problem to the task force, he felt: "You are very hard to fight corruption, and I am also very hard to engage in corruption!" We usually just hear that work is hard and labor is hard. Isn't it strange that there is a lot of corrupt money and endless wealth? But when you think about it, this kind of public opinion is also reasonable. When a corrupt official is involved, there are people who send money and things. It is not reliable to come to the party, and it is not sure who should receive the money. With more money, they dare not spend it indiscriminately, and it is easy to get rich and attract attention. If there is too much money, it is also a headache to put it at home or in the bank. Moreover, when the discipline inspection is unclear, the judicial department will come to you during the day, and it is afraid.

"I accept bribes from the people and use them for the people."

After being arrested for taking bribes, Yu Bin, the former deputy mayor of Linxiang City, Hunan Province, invented a "classic sentence" in the theory of "taking bribes to help the poor": "I took bribes from the people and used them for the people." This person took bribes "grasping the big and letting go of the small". I give them to others, too. It is a good thing, cleaner than those corrupt officials who simply enrich themselves. I dedicate myself to the people. Forget it if you don't commend me. How did you bring me to justice?

"I am corrupt and blame my superiors for letting me be a leader."

When Wang, the former deputy director of Hubei Township Enterprise Training Center, was tried in Wuhan Intermediate People's Court, he said in a very angry sentence: "I am corrupt and blame my superiors for letting me be the leader!" The theoretical basis of this person is: if you don't give me leadership, I won't be corrupt. Because you give me leadership, I am corrupt. In his eyes, it seems that all leaders will be corrupt. According to this reasoning, it is impossible for the whole society to set up leaders. Doesn't this mean that the knife killer was killed because the shop sold knives?

"She tried to suck my blood dry."

"I knelt down for her in the office, but she still wouldn't let me go. I'm too weak. She wants to suck my blood dry. " -This is what Bian Zhong, the former head of the License Department of the Vehicle Administration of Chongqing Traffic Management Bureau, said in tears when he was sentenced to fixed-term imprisonment 15 years and deprived of political rights for five years for accepting bribes. Hang up! The root of a man's bribery turned out to be the coercion of a mistress, so he became a coerced legal accomplice? If he doesn't listen, it will be difficult to save his life if he doesn't get rich together? This also became the reason why he begged the judge to give him a statutory or discretionary lighter punishment.

"I'm going to train you from bed to the podium."

"Little darling, you are young and educated. I want to train you from the bed to the rostrum, so that you can be the village head and the chairman of the county women's Federation. " This is the promise made by Zhao Zengjun, former member of the Standing Committee of Xuancheng Municipal Committee of Anhui Province and vice mayor, to a beautiful 20-year-old lover when he was the county magistrate of Jixi County. As Zhao Zengjun said, the girl soon became a deputy secretary of the township party Committee, and later became the secretary of the township party Committee, the director of the National People's Congress, and the director of the county women's Federation. When Zhao Zengjun was promoted to vice mayor of Xuancheng, the woman was transferred to the Municipal People's Congress as an official. "When the world of mortals rode the princess, no one knew it was litchi." "If she just turns her head and smiles, there will be a hundred spells" "is a typical example. The third mistress, who has no talent and no virtue, tries to "attack the official" The official couldn't stand the temptation of the honey trap and gave the power of the party and the people to his lover as private property.

"Whoever wants to be her husband, I will be the director for him."

Yang Guoqu, former secretary of the county party committee of Changning County, Yunnan Province, made a shameless threat before he was arrested for killing "Little Three". "Whoever in the county is willing to be her husband (that is, Yang Guoqu's' Little Three'), I will be the director for him." Really tired for his lover, Yang Guoqu made a despicable plan to keep his official position, to "lead an honest and clean life" and to eliminate the troubles in his heart. He took courage to marry a mistress as a "political achievement" and finally ended up dead.

"I was unlucky to find it on my head."

Li Guowei, the former director of the Highway Bureau of Ganzhou City, Jiangxi Province, was sentenced to life imprisonment by the Intermediate People's Court of Ganzhou City for committing the crime of accepting bribes and huge amounts of property with unknown sources: "I committed this because of bad social atmosphere. It's my bad luck to find it on my head. " According to Li Guowei's idea, a corrupt official was not punished because of his good luck, but he was punished because of his bad luck. If he is lucky, will he continue to be greedy? Does he understand that "if you don't reach out, you will be caught"?

"It is necessary to adjust cadres on a large scale"

Wu Baoan, the former secretary of the county party Committee of Yicheng County, Shanxi Province, made a fortune of 5 million after being the secretary of the county party Committee for 8 months. "Adjusting cadres requires large-scale, large-scale and large-scale exchanges." Wu Baoan regards cadre adjustment as a big project. He thinks that as long as he announces a large-scale cadre adjustment, people will panic. If they want to keep their seats, they will come to him for money and gifts. The money came faster than anything. This is his "ruling philosophy".

"In order to keep my job, I had to accept a bribe."

This is an amazing remark made by Yang when the Shuangliu County Court of Sichuan Province held a public hearing to hear the bribery case of the former county magistrate Yang. "In order to keep their jobs, I have to accept the money from Wang Dejun, chairman of Leshan Dongneng Group." In Yang's mind, it is impossible to give gifts on his own income, so it is also a truth that he has to accept money from others to communicate feelings, dredge relationships and take bribes to keep his "rice bowl".

"Where is the briber?"

Zhang Yushun, the former mayor of Lanzhou City, committed the crime of accepting bribes, and admitted to accepting bribes of 350,000 yuan and 60,000 US dollars. During the trial, he didn't see a briber appear in court, but asked loudly, "Where is the briber?" Zhang Yushun may be crazy, sitting in the dock, thinking he will boss around in the office. Does he want to scare the briber or confront him to prove his innocence?

"I am a law enforcement officer and I know that there are many loopholes that can be drilled."

Tian Fengqi, president of the Higher People's Court of Liaoning Province, was arrested for accepting huge bribes. Tian often takes advantage of his position to make huge profits for his son's business. Our country's laws are not perfect. Is Tian Fengqi, the president of the court unreasonable? So he dared to turn his hands into clouds and cover them with rain. When he meets such a person, he is "true and false, false and true, and wrong is right." He has the right to be responsible for the final judgment, and both the plaintiff and the defendant want to stop the lawsuit with a stroke of a pen, so he dares to take advantage of the law.

"I am a dutiful son."

Hu Changqing, Vice Governor of Jiangxi Province, was executed for huge corruption. Because of his filial piety, his father-in-law missed him very much. Hu's family has been hiding his arrest and execution from his father-in-law for a long time. After learning the truth, my father-in-law cried his eyes out and finally died. Hu Changqing gave hundreds of thousands of mistresses with a wave of his hand, while his old mother's one-year pension was only 300 yuan. Strictly speaking, he is "filial" to Xiao San, and the old mother who raised him is not even a fraction of Xiao San.