Matchstick joke

There is a male deer, walking faster and faster, and finally becomes a road (deer) ~! ! ! !

There is a matchstick. I suddenly felt itchy when I was walking, so I scratched and caught fire with too much force. ......

Go to the hospital for emergency treatment, and when you come out, you will become a cotton swab. ...

A penguin was bored, so he pulled out his own hair to kill time, and finally pulled out the last hair. Then it suddenly said, Oh, it's so cold.

A little penguin asked his grandmother: Grandma ~ ~ ~ Am I a penguin?

Grandma said: Yes, of course you are a penguin.

Then he went to ask his father: Dad ~ ~ Am I a penguin?

Dad said: Of course, you are a penguin.

Penguin: But I feel so cold. ....

Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf.

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

-

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As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

The stone and the rice cake fought, and the stone flew and kicked the rice cake into the sea.

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who decided to join the army for life, so they made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting.

Rice cake!

Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a couple who secretly decided to spend their lives together, but the boy needed military service, so they made a vow with the girl, gave her a diamond ring and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring.

Three years later, the boy heard the news of a woman's marriage on the boat home. He was so sad that he threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair. Three days later, the ship landed. The boy went to a small restaurant in the street for dinner. A fish was brought. He picked up the fish and took a bite. He took a bite of something hard and spit it out. Guess what he saw?

Fish bones! ! ! ! !

Small white+small white =?

Answer: Little White Rabbit Xiaobaier

Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

A: Rabbit ~ ~

Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~

Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba

Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

A lumberjack applied for a job.

Go to the Woods ahead and see ... see how many trees you can saw in a minute. .....

In a minute. ....

Foreman: Wow ... 20 trees a minute ... amazing ... where did you work before?

Worker: Sahara forest ......

Foreman: Never heard of it ... I only heard of the Sahara Desert. ......

Worker: yes ... then I changed my name!

A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent all his salary partying with friends all weekend.

When Zhou Yue finally got home at night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "You haven't seen me for three days in a row. What do you think?" ? 」

He replied, "I think it's quite good. 」

Monday passed and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hasn't seen his wife.

On Thursday,

.

The swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye.

Wife: Before I married you, I was really blind and stepped in shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

...

Shit: I was lying there before you two stepped on me. ..

One day, Xiao Fang waited at the intersection for Xiao Ye to pick him up by motorcycle.

Before long, a motorcycle stopped in front of Xiao Fang, and Xiao Fang immediately jumped into the back seat:

(slamming his helmet) "Why is it so late? It's been over 30 minutes! 」

The knight opened the helmet cover and said, "Miss, I'm here to ask for directions. Please don't hit anyone. "

Electrical appliances held a joke-telling contest,

It is stipulated that every electrical appliance should tell a joke.

Let all the audience laugh,

Otherwise you will be taken to Aruba. First, the washing machine,

As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.

The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

Just as the magic lamp was about to be taken to Aruba,

The rice cooker stood up angrily.

Turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said:

I've had enough of your laughter. Don't open your mouth so wide. It's cold. "

The army recruits animals to fight in the army.

So all the animals in the forest should come for a physical examination.

The number one monkey really doesn't want to join the army.

He looked at his long tail.

So the tooth took a hard bite and decided to break him.

After going in ...

The doctor said: the monkey's tail is broken, so it is disabled. You don't need to be a soldier. ....

The second rabbit saw the monkey do this.

I also resolutely broke my long ears.

After going in ...

The doctor said: The rabbit has a broken ear and is disabled. It doesn't need to be a soldier. ...

The third black bear thought. ..

"What if the ears are so short and the tail is almost the same?" 』

Kind rabbits and monkeys come to help him find a way. ..

Suddenly the monkey shouted, I know it's disabled to knock out your teeth!

So the monkey and the rabbit gave the black bear a good beating.

Break all his teeth. .....

Although the black bear was in pain, he was happy to go in for a physical examination.

Soon after, I saw the black bear come out with his mouth covered.

Cry and say ......

They said I was too fat to be a soldier.

Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me question you.

Squid said happily, cuff it!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

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One day mung beans committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

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There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first said to the second: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible ~!

The second said to the third: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible, it's terrible ~!

The third said to the fourth: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao. ...

The fifth egg heard: fuck you, I'm kiwi ~! ! !

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When do you want reunification? When buying instant noodles

Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, telling each other that time waits for no man.

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: ". Tomb-Sweeping Day. "

Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, let me ask you something." A shark ate a mung bean. What did it become? 」

Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? 」

Xiao Ming said, "The answer is' green bean paste (mung bean shark)'. Oh, you are so stupid! 」

One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello (assuming they can talk)?

because ....................

because ........................

Because they are strangers ~ ~!