How to establish prestige in front of children?

On Sunday, I visited a friend. There is a lovely four-year-old daughter at home. Her big eyes are beautiful and lovely. She hasn't left the ipad for two hours.

During this period, my mother symbolically said, "Don't look, I have looked for a long time today, which is not good for my eyes." The child said perfunctorily, "I know, just watch for a while."

Later, my friend complained to me, "This child likes watching TV, ipad, mobile phone and other electronic products. Every time he says he won't listen to me, it's really hard. "

Children's discipline of their parents always goes in one ear and out the other-this is a parenting problem that puzzles most parents.

Inconsistent disciplinary behavior

The reason why children don't obey their parents' discipline is largely because when parents ask for it, most of them only thunder without rain.

Although the noise is particularly loud, they don't insist that their children carry out these orders, or sometimes, although they are asked in one way or another, when there are other inconvenient situations (for example, the family is busy and they are tired), parents let their children behave without any insistence.

These behaviors of parents are called inconsistent discipline, which is the root of many problem behaviors of children.

Francis Gardner, a behavioral expert on children's problems, studied the unstable and inconsistent discipline behavior in the process of parent-child interaction, recruited two groups of children and their parents, and recorded the interaction between children and their mothers at home.

It is found that mothers of children with problem behaviors show more inconsistent discipline behaviors than mothers of ordinary children.

When these children enter the society, it is more difficult for them to adapt to and accept the process of school discipline or social law, because in the early family environment, they have become accustomed to testing and touching the boundaries of rules.

They will make more demands on their children and have more quarrels with them. When these demands cannot be realized, the quarrel between parents and children will escalate, but in the end, parents often choose to give up.

In busy shopping malls and crowded parks, we often see that adults will compromise as long as children roll.

Agree to all the requirements of the child, just ask him not to make trouble outside, for fear that others will laugh at him for disobedience and poor discipline.

Don't you know that the little wise man has caught your heart and that the principles you set can be broken?

So one second, you will see tears on his face, and the next second, when he gets what he wants, his mouth will smile.

Second, children "test the boundaries of rules"

In fact, children learn to plan quickly and know what kind of behavior will bring rewards and what kind of behavior will bring punishment.

One way for children to know the world is "the boundary of test rules" and parents' reaction to their own test behavior.

If parents' behavior is not uniform, children will continue to explore.

You will find the baby looking at you, putting sugar in your mouth and testing your reaction;

If you just talk lightly or don't show your attitude at that time, the villain will eat unscrupulously in the future;

If you seriously say that you can't eat sugar or eat too much, then he will be cautious in the future.

To be consistent, parents need to show their children the rules and requirements first.

For example, toys should be packed up and put in their respective boxes neatly after playing, and you can't just shout "put away the toys." Tell your child clearly your rules and requirements. He knows more than you think.

In fact, children need it very much: those "important" and "affirmative" rules are not those unimportant orders.

When parents can make children understand the true importance of rules, children will feel more in control of their surroundings and feel more secure.

It is also easier to internalize these rules, because they know that these rules can protect themselves and benefit themselves.

For example, eating habits, you must eat in the dining chair, not on the coffee table in front of the TV; We should emphasize the importance and eternity of this matter.

If you simply say "the baby is coming to dinner", forget it if he doesn't come.

In the long run, the baby will get used to ignoring your rules; He knows that this rule of yours is not very important, so you can not abide by it.

Stick to the rules and try not to break them once. Once broken, there will be a second and third time.

Third, parents should also speak in unison.

My parents in China are always a good policeman and a bad policeman. One led him forward, and the other stood behind him. Ready to hug; One pushed him forward, and the other stood behind him, ready to smile.

If this different family role-playing is well coordinated, it will get twice the result with half the effort; If you don't cooperate well, your "problem children" will take advantage of it.

He will open his eyes and ask, "Who do you listen to?" Worst of all, when your parents cooperate, he will gradually lose trust in you.

Mom, dad, you are changing. How can I trust you?

When he begins to question your authority, you will feel that the world is terrible.

He confidently listed the inconsistent words you said before.

Every one of them will be spared, and his doubts will start to ferment with your excuses and refutations until they deteriorate.

You adults change as soon as you talk, but you will change anyway. I don't believe you.

The trust between parents and children that has been established so hard will be destroyed by "inconsistent" practices.

Therefore, it is necessary to establish the prestige in front of children, from speaking consistently to doing what you say!

Pay attention to me, as a mother of two children, I have practical, scientific and easy-to-use parenting knowledge and experience to share with you every day!