Write ten jokes

There is a couple whose husband is called "Li Gangxian"

And his wife's name is "living in Wugang", where there is a boy.

One day it was called Li Ben,

The couple went to the police station to call the police. A policeman asked a husband, "What's your name?" Just answer: Li Gangxian! A policeman heard his wife talking and asked her name. A policeman asked his wife, What's your name? After a wife, she replied: WU GANG is alive! It's just that a policeman is so irritating.

Ask him again, where are you going to play? They all said in unison: I'm Yi Lee and I'm Li! One day, three people came to the edge of the cliff.

They met a fairy.

The fairy gave each of them a wish

On condition that you make a wish while jumping off a cliff.

Under the cliff is the sea.

There is no danger. So the first person started.

He jumped off the cliff and shouted "money! Money! " When he went ashore,

Sure enough, I'm covered in money.

Then watch the second man shout "Gold! Gold! Gold! " Sure enough, he was covered in gold. The third man saw it and jumped up eagerly.

Unfortunately, he was hooked on a branch on the way. He shouted, "Oh! Shit!

As a result, he was covered in shit! 3. Two little guys are talking: A says: My whole family likes animals, mommy likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits. B said, well, where's your dad? A said: He likes foxes. 4. Husband: How can I wash the dishes? Wife: I'll try you on a little thing. I washed bowl d early in the morning! Husband: Just kidding. In fact, I am so happy to make a housework rack! Wife: I always joke! D bowl is actually not washed. 5. Woman: "Behind a successful man, there must be a woman." Man: "What's behind a failed man's back? Woman: There must be too many women! There are two words I really want to say to you.

First sentence: I love you very much. I really love you. The second sentence: don't take the first sentence seriously! 7. In the police station, the policeman asked A Chong, who was beaten, "Do you still remember hitting you personally?" A Chong said with great certainty: "Of course I remember! I was beaten first because I described it! " Policeman: # B: It's simple. Now you close your eyes, go to the middle of the road and stop. It takes about ten minutes to get there. 9. One day, Xiaoming's father asked Xiaoming: [Xiaoming, who will you marry in the future? Xiao Ming said that my grandmother loves me most at ordinary times and I will marry her in the future. Dad said angrily: [How can you marry my mother]. Xiao Ming also said angrily: [Then why did you marry my mother? ]。 10. The school held a garden party, and a booth introduced a drink called "heartache". A tourist thought it was quite novel, so he asked his boss how much a cup was. The boss said a glass of 60 yuan. After paying, the boss handed the tourists a cup of "boiled water". Tourists are really heartbroken.

Reference: Bubble House

1. Smart medicine Please give me some smart medicine! Someone told the doctor that the doctor looked at it and made a prescription. After a while, the man came back. "I don't seem to be getting smarter." "He said to continue to take medicine. "said the doctor. After a while, the man said, I'm still not smart. You probably gave me vitamins, right? ""Look, you're getting smarter. " The doctor said. The reason why my mother hit me was: "Tim, why are your fingers wrapped?" Cai Tiancai: I accidentally cut myself with a knife! Mother punched: "Are you crying?" Cai Tiancai: No, because you are not here! Paint costs a lot. Dad, is the paint expensive? "Tang Tai:" Not expensive, why do you ask? Big D: "Well, I accidentally spilled some paint on my toilet, and my mother looks very angry." 4. Unexpectedly, Director Luo said, "How come only cats have things and other animals don't? Kang: Kitty! 5. Make a turtle mud. Mother said, "If you don't listen, I'll punish you for sleeping in a turtle shell. Big D: What did you punish me for sleeping in a turtle shell? I can't make turtle ling cream. 6. Confucius' cram school Confucius was the first person to run a subsidized cram school. Not only does he have no classes, but even the amount of tuition and the benefits he can enjoy are stipulated as $ 15. He is interested in learning →$ 15. The registration fee is $3030 → 3030. He can only stand and listen to the class. 4040 dollars is not confused → 4020. You can ask questions You can know that the topic of tomorrow's test is 60-60 dollars. If you can afford it, the teacher can tell you some jokes for you to listen to for 70-70 dollars. Whether you want to lie down or sit in class is up to you. 7. One short and eternal day, two boys were chatting on the bus. Wen Jian asked Smart, "Do you pay more attention to the connotation or appearance of girls? Smart replied: "Of course it is the appearance! Wen Jian said, "Is this too superficial?" Beauty is only temporary! "Smart answer:" But ugliness is eternal. Can you tell me how to get to the hospital? B: It's very simple. Now you close your eyes, go to the middle of the road and stop. It takes about ten minutes to get there. 9. When a person dies and goes to hell, the child lets him choose his own cell. First, a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water, their skin was scalded and their flesh cracked, but A refused to go in after his death. The second cell was no better. All the people inside were separated by the bodies bitten by wild animals, but A refused. In the third cell, a group of people are drinking tea in a waist-deep sewage pool. A thought it was acceptable and went in. After a while, the kid announced to everyone: Ladies and gentlemen, afternoon tea is over, please resume your handstand posture. /kloc-0 0. Chris is visiting his friend Tony. Tony is not at home.

But Tony's girlfriend is here. Chris said, "You know what?

Your lips are the most beautiful I have ever seen. Give me a kiss.

I'll give you one hundred yuan. "Nora thought for a moment.

Mental arithmetic

One hundred yuan.

Whatever! She closed her eyes.

Let Chris kiss her. Chris thanked her.

Then he threw one hundred yuan on the table. They used to sit there. Chris said, "Your lips are really beautiful.

I have to kiss you again.

I'll give you another hundred yuan. "Nora thought for a moment.

think

Whatever. She closed her eyes.

Let Chris have a nice long kiss. Chris thanked her.

Another hundred dollars were thrown on the table.

Said he couldn't wait for Tony any longer

Then he left. After a while.

Tony is home.

Nora said, "You know what? Your strange friend Chris is here. " Tony thought for a moment and said, "Did he leave me 200 yuan?"

Reference: I hope you like it myself!

1. When general doctors practice, signs often say: Wang Surgery, Li Internal Medicine, etc. But some surnames just can't be written like this, for example: Duan's orthopedics: Duan's orthopedics: Liu's obstetrics: Liu's dentistry: Wu's dentistry: ophthalmology: when I saw this place, I thought of a signboard of Chinese medicine. The Chinese doctor's surname is Song. On the signboard, the Chinese doctor's name is Song. Doctor: "Do you defecate regularly?" A Qiang: "Very regular. I defecate at eight o'clock every morning. Doctor: So what's your question? A Qiang: The problem is that I get up at nine every morning. 3. Surgical examination

The professor asked the students, "Why do surgeons wear masks for surgery?" "In case anything goes wrong.

No one recognized who did it. 4. Doctors from surgery, internal medicine and psychiatry go to shoot wild ducks together. A wild duck flew by, and the doctor aimed at it, but it didn't fire. The surgeon was surprised and asked, "Why didn't you shoot?" "The doctor said," how can you be sure it's a wild duck? Maybe it's another bird Another wild duck flew by, and the psychologist took aim at it, but it didn't fire. The surgeon asked, "What's the matter? The psychologist asked, "Does the wild duck know that he is a wild duck? Another wild duck flew by, and the surgeon snatched the gun from the psychiatrist and fired it. Physicians and psychiatrists asked, "Are you sure it's a wild duck? The surgeon smiled and said, "Just go back and dissect ~" 5 "Doctor, what are the chances of successful operation?" "Oh, even this time, I have had 97 operations." "Then I'm relieved." "well! I also hope to succeed once. 6. A plumber walked into the operating room. He approached a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask and said to him, "Hello! Listen, take a deep breath. I need a five-minute blackout. A young man accidentally swallowed a ping-pong ball.

Rushed into the hospital. He only asked for local anesthesia.

So that he can see the whole process of the operation clearly. He saw a doctor during the operation.

Open a knife here

Cut a knife there

It's a mess "Why do you cut so many knives in different places? He asked the doctor painfully. Because table tennis is always jumping around in your stomach. " The doctor replied. 8. A mental hospital was full, and the doctor wanted to let the patients with mild illness leave the hospital first, so he made a simple examination of all the patients. The doctor prepared a toy train, locked 15 patients in their rooms and told them that they could go home as long as they got on the toy train. Among them, 14 patients happily got on the train and circled around the room, but one patient stood still. The attending doctor was about to go over and praise him when he heard him cursing: "Look at these idiots, doing such stupid things!" " "oh! You know they are doing stupid things, right? " The doctor asked happily, "Yes! ................, I haven't got on the bus yet! Where do these idiots want to go by train? 9. Xiao Wei was worried that he would itch for a long time, so he finally got up the courage to see a doctor. When he walked into the hospital at nine o'clock this morning, he blushed and told the doctor that his itching symptoms were only seen by the doctor looking at him coldly, and said to him: Xiao Wei had to take off his pants inexplicably, only to see the doctor unhurriedly stuffing a biscuit into * * * ... Just when Xiao Wei was confused and suspicious, the doctor ordered again. So Xiao Wei went back for no reason. The next day, Xiao Wei went to see the doctor on time again. As soon as he entered the door, the doctor spoke without even looking at him: take off your pants! So Xiao Wei had to take off his pants unhappily, only to see the doctor skillfully stuffing a biscuit into * * *. This time Xiao Wei felt strange and angry, but the doctor just said, Come back this time tomorrow. So Xiao Wei had to feel strange and went back. On the third day, Xiao Wei went to see the doctor again on time as agreed. This time, Xiao Wei thought, he had to ask why he kept stuffing cookies into his door. The doctor spoke without looking at him: take off your pants. So Xiao Wei had to take off his pants again. Xiao Wei finally spoke: Are you a fortress cookie again today? This time, the doctor had a hammer in his hand. Xiao Wei thought: Impossible! ! Too exaggerated, but the doctor looked at the time with a faint hand and said, it's almost time. At this time, I saw a pinworm sticking its head out of the * * and saying, what's the smell today? 10. Xiao Wang opened his cecum. After returning to the lounge, he hurriedly asked people in other beds how the doctor's skills were. The man sleeping on his left sighed! Pointing to the wound on his body, he said, "I opened the knife twice here because I didn't take out a piece of cotton!" The person sleeping on his left also sighed and said, "I opened the knife twice because a roll of gauze fell in while sewing!" " "I saw the doctor rush in and ran and shouted," Where are the pliers? Why is hemostatic forceps gone? " Xiao Wang fainted. ......

Reference: online jokes-drugs/jokes/