Seek short and pithy jokes.

The farmer and the calf pulled the plow together and asked his son to help plow the field. When he was about to turn the corner, his son reminded him, "Dad, it's a corner." When the calf grows up, it doesn't turn any more. It only turns when it says "Dad, it can turn".

A man pleaded with his psychiatrist and said, "You must help me. The ceiling of my bedroom is covered with photos of sexy actresses. " The doctor said, "What's wrong with that?" Man: "I'm used to lying down."

A famous matador was seriously injured and vowed to take revenge! He came to the pub, sat down at the table and said to the waiter, "all the beef is burnt. I want to eat it all!" " "

A farmer's donkey had a bad temper and kicked the farmer's mother to death. People from all over Fiona Fang came to attend the funeral. The neighbor said enviously, "Your mother is quite prestigious." The farmer said, "What, those people are all here to buy donkeys."

A student loves to write typos and always writes rest as drinking. In his diary, he wrote, "The squad leader instructed us to carry shit. Everyone worked hard and no one dared to take a sip." Later, we were really tired, so we secretly drank behind the monitor. "

The explorer got lost in the desert, and a passing desert woman brought him a cup of cranberry juice. The explorer felt good after drinking it and said, "Have another drink!" " The woman sighed and said, "Let's talk about it next month!"

The sexy actress is going to visit the producer, and her friend warns her: He is a big pervert, and he may take off your clothes from behind when you are alone in the room with him! Actress: Then I have to go back and change into a slit skirt.

There was a scene of passionate courtship on the screen, and the male star was performing his specialty. Starling gently pushed her husband: You have never loved me so much! Husband: Do you know how much money that man can earn in this job?

Zi is considering the problem of "heredity and environment" Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.

Wife: "alas! How can a housewife always have endless housework? ! "Husband:" No way! You don't agree with me to marry two. "

Men like scalpers best. She often said: go in a little further, it's still empty; Men are most afraid of primary school teachers. She often says: do it again, or you will be fined a hundred times if you don't do it well.

A mosquito stung his left arm and drank a lot. You were awakened by a sting. At the moment when you waved your right hand to hit the mosquito, the mosquito said to you, "Your blood is flowing in my body!

Two dung beetles discuss the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the grand prize, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

Your gentleness is like an angel coquetry, your beauty is like a stunning peacock, your thoughtfulness is like rheumatism cream on your heart, and your eyes are like lovely giant pandas!

A psychopath was lying in bed singing, singing, turning over and continuing to sing. The doctor asked him: just sing, why do you want to turn? Psycho said: Silly raft, of course, after singing Face A, sing Face B!

I miss the days we walked together. Spring is beautiful, birds are singing and flowers are fragrant. When the villagers see you, they all praise you, so beautiful and lovely. Everyone in the village praised me when they saw me. I am so smart and capable that I came out to release pigs at such a young age.

★☆ I wish you happiness after reading it! ! !

1. In high school, after class was over, all the students went outside to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut before others, and the manhole cover in front of her fell off! After a while, she climbed up with the edge of the well. She was embarrassed. A group of junior high school students walked by in horror. She was in a hurry and said as she climbed, hey! It's really hard to repair. ...

2. When I was still in middle school, I was bitten by mosquitoes in summer, and I felt itchy in class, but I couldn't reach in and scratch, so I put up with it! It's killing me After class, I stole a box of cool oil from my deskmate (girl) and ran to the toilet. I regretted it after putting it on-DD stood up and said nothing! I can't stop without clothes in summer, so I have to bend down and move back to the classroom, sit down and lean on the desk and dare not move. Cool oil smells so bad that my deskmate snapped, You stole my cool oil? Where did you wipe it? ! I wish I was dead!

I just opened the coke and drank it twice, then shook it and blew it out. Hold it in your mouth, stick it, and finally spray it out of your nose. ★☆

One day, I got on the bus with a good friend. The front was full, so I ran to the back and there were just two seats. There are two middle school students sitting in the front row. After one stop, a woman in her twenties led a 7-or 8-year-old boy on the bus. (I learned later.

This is her child,: (

There are no seats, so I stand next to two middle school students. Before long, the child began to make trouble and said that his leg hurt.

The middle school student stood up and offered his seat to the child.

The young woman said: Let the child do it on your knee.

Middle school students agreed. The child sat on the knee of the middle school student.

After a few more stops, a girl came over. It's the kind that is extremely beautiful and extremely sexy. A low-cut skirt.

The bus was moving when the child suddenly shouted to his mother:

"Mom, my brother's little * * is touching! Just like dad's. "

Wandering around!

Hehe, there was a commotion in the car.

That middle school student is very ashamed. Pull the classmate, and then shouted at the driver:

"Ring the doorbell! ! "(He wants to open the door, hehe)

Then, I got off. ★☆

In high school, I woke up at home at noon and ate two oranges. After eating the yellow on my finger, I went straight to school without washing my hands. When I was with my classmates in the afternoon, one of them said, "Why are you so disgusting? You wipe your fingers with shit! " "I said," it's not shit, it's eating oranges at noon. " Then I shook my finger.

Two days later, it will be miserable. The whole school knows that a classmate in our school wiped his ass with his fingers after taking a shit, and repeatedly said that it smelled of oranges when he was doing it.

One day, I was walking in the street with a beautiful lady and good friend.

Suddenly, a vendor who bought porn came up and said to my good friend.

Hey, sister, come and have a look. There is a new movie.

My friend is very angry. ...

So what? Do I know you? ★☆

6. I'm in a hurry to eat in a hotel, the waiter said enthusiastically; There is no bathroom in our hotel. You can go to the toilet opposite. We have an agreement with them. When you get there, you can say that you are eating! ★☆

7. One day, a female friend of mine came to me and said, "I am depressed, my blood is bleeding."

"Blood collapse?" I asked.

"The amount of menstruation is so large!" Answer.

Oh, as a man, of course I don't know what a bloody collapse is.

There are two flowers, one for each table.

A few days later, my boss who hadn't given me a raise for several years suddenly gave me a raise.

I sat in my office, smiling with a paycheck, and said, "I feel that I haven't had my period for several months, and today I suddenly have a bloody collapse."

When I looked up, the whole office was staring at me. . . ★☆

8. In the third year of high school, in chemistry class, the teacher talked about organic chemistry polymers or something. Suddenly the teacher gave an example and drew a "phthalein bond" on the blackboard, telling everyone that this is a "eunuch". Let's give him a "methyl" and laugh. ★☆

9. In college, I studied computer. During the internship on the computer, when the teacher dozed off, all beings were crazy about CS. Our captain couldn't hold back his excitement and quickly established a local area network. Classic dust2, the captain shouted: I am cheap (made), I am cheap (made), don't rob me. ——! Don't worry, my captain, we won't fight you. ★☆

10. The university handed in a BF, and I haven't been to his dormitory for a long time. One day, I went to his dormitory to find him, and I was very anxious. I opened the door and found him in the whole dormitory. Because they didn't know each other very well, I was a little nervous and asked him where he was going.

I don't know why, but I blurted out, "Where's my man? ! "

The whole dormitory was silent 10 seconds, and I rushed out of the door. ★☆

1 1. What a pity! During the May Day holiday this year, my mother and I went to the shopping mall for a long time. Later I went to a counter selling sports shoes, and my mother asked me to try on a pair of shoes. I was exhausted at that time, and even I felt that my mind was not very clear. ~ ~ ~ Maybe I tried on too many pants before. I began to untie my belt without saying a word, and then naturally I had to pull the pants door. Oh, my God, my mother called. Hey, what are you doing? !

I just recovered! The shoe seller looked at me, stupefied. I really ... hey! Face as hot as a roast pig! What a pity! ★☆

12.65438+ When I was three years old, I came to work for the first time (menstruation). Because I was embarrassed, I wanted my mother to buy me sanitary napkins.

But ... I felt it was embarrassing to talk to my mother, and finally I called my mother and prevaricated for a long time.

Finally, I got up the courage to say to my mother: Mom, I'm pregnant (actually, I wanted to say "Mom, I'm coming", but I was nervous ...) What did my mother say to me with her eyes open? Huh? My face turned red as soon as I brushed it. Um ... I'm depressed.

13. When I was in high school, I had lunch with my friends near the school. He ordered a bowl of lasagna and another friend was drinking coke. Then I wonder who told a joke. The coke drinker laughed so hard that coke dripped from his nose. Friends laugh at others' embarrassment, but Zhang Kuan's face comes out of his nostrils!

After graduating from college, I can't help laughing every time I see him.

14. I once bought something outside the shop outside the station.

Suddenly a man rushed over.

Shout in a hurry

Comrade, wrap me in a sanitary towel.

I was stunned by the salesman.

There's nothing to think about.

Maybe he bought it for his wife. '

The salesman handed him a pack of sanitary napkins at once.

He was anxious to say that it was not like this.

I don't want this

I want sanitary napkins for men.

The salesman and I were devastated ... for men.

15. I went to my classmate's school to play during the holiday. It was a woman. She accompanied me around the school and passed a toilet. She said I had to go to the bathroom. Then I said I'd go, too. So I turned and walked to the men's room. Suddenly, she stopped me and took out a pack of tissues from her bag, saying that there was no paper in it. Do you? Then put the paper into my hand. ...

Then we looked at each other ... she seemed to react suddenly, blushing and saying, just wipe your hands with it. ...

I have been whispering to myself: don't you know that boys just need to shake it twice? ...

16. There is a fool near the unit. It seems that he has done some surgery and damaged his brain at once, so there is something wrong with his nerves and brain. This man always chases people every day, whether he knows them or not, and asks them: Really? Is it? Is it? I was in a hurry to do something when he came over. I think he seems to have something to say to me. I quickly said: Yes, yes, yes, ... As a result, the fool only said two words ... stupid x ... I almost fainted.

17. What happened in junior high school ... Two classmates (deskmates) cursed inexplicably. One scolded the other and said, "My deskmate is a NB!" "Another person was anxious and scolded:" Your deskmate is a NB! " "A group of people next to us burst into laughter ...

18. In the Chinese class, the text talked about the harm of the environment, what is leakage and what is serious pollution.

Speaking of emotion, the 40-year-old Chinese aunt applauded angrily and said loudly, "You humans! I don't know how to protect the environment ! "

Petrochemical ★☆.

19. When I was in college, I had to queue up at the gym to buy train tickets before the winter vacation next year. One year, when I was waiting in line, I suddenly felt someone stabbing me in the back. Looking back, my classmate handed me a piece of paper and opened it. It said, "I'm a girl in a red sweater, about 20 meters behind …" I looked back carefully and found her, blushing and cute, just my type, in her eyes. So I quickly read the contents behind the note, "I have a sleeper to Hangzhou." Who wants to buy it? If not, please pass the note on ... "★☆.

20. A man passed a graveyard at night, saw a fire, thought it was a ghost fire, threw a brick, and the fire moved to another grave. The man had another brick, so he heard it? ***? You can't even shit. You get two bricks when you smoke? ★☆

2 1. A new shop assistant remembers everything. An old lady bought a bottle of soy sauce. The clerk said, "I charged you xx yuan, and this is your change. Do you need a straw? The old lady suddenly fainted. ...

22. Once after school, my deskmate asked me to have dinner with her. When she left, she kindly reminded me to "go to the toilet".

Maybe I just thought of eating and blurted out "I'm not hungry" …

Looking back, I squatted on the ground and laughed at my deskmate.