English funny jokes?

The following is what I compiled for your reference.

: selling candy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yes

The following is what I compiled for your reference.

: selling candy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly.

"Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied.

"You are such a good boy," mother said proudly.

"Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

: a screaming wife

A man who has been married for ten years is consulting a marriage counselor. "When I first got married, I was very happy. When I come home after a hard day's work in the shop, my dog will bark around me and my wife will bring me slippers. Now everything has changed. When I got home, my dog brought me slippers and my wife barked at me. " "I don't know what you are complaining about," said the counselor. "You still get the same service."

A man who has been married for ten years is consulting a marriage counselor. "I was very happy when I first got married. After a hard day at the store, when I get home, my dog will run around me and bark, and my wife will bring me slippers. Now everything has changed. When I got home, my dog brought me slippers and my wife barked at me. " "I don't know what you are complaining about," said the marriage counselor. "You still get the same service."

Train to remember the poet's name

The name of a poem Our teacher is telling us about a new memory training system, which is currently being used in some schools. "It works like this," she said. "Suppose you want to remember the name of a poet-for example, robert burns." She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. "Now imagine in your mind a London policeman, a policeman on fire. Do you see it? Bobby Burns! " "I see what you mean," said the person who is known in the class. "But how do you know it's not robert browning?"

Our teacher is introducing us to a new memory training system that is now used in some schools. "This system is like this," she said. "Suppose you want to remember the name of a poet-for example, remember the name of robert burns." She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. "Let your mind flash out the image of a London policeman, a burning policeman. You got it? The police are burning! " "I see what you mean," said the know-it-all in the class. "But how can you say it's not robert browning?"

: big hand

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? Student: Big hand.

Teacher: If I have seven oranges in my left hand and eight oranges in my right hand. Then what do I have? Student: Big hand.

Exact figures

A tourist visited New Mexico and was surprised by the dinosaur bones everywhere.

"How old are these bones?" The tourist asked an elderly Native American who was a tour guide.

"One hundred million and three years old.

"How can you be so sure?" The tourist asked.

"Well," replied the tour guide, "a geologist passed by and told me that these bones have a history of 100 million years, which happened to be three years ago.

A tourist is visiting New Mexico. He was surprised at the dinosaur fossils everywhere.

"How old are these fossils?" The tourist asked an elderly local American. He is a tour guide.

"It's been thirteen years." "How can you be so sure?" The tourist asked. "Oh," replied the guide, "a geologist has been here. He told me that these fossils have a history of one billion years, and that was exactly three years ago. "

Give your seat to the lady. Give your seat to the lady.

Little Johnny said, "Mom, when I was on the bus with my father this morning, he asked me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You did the right thing," mom said.

"But Mom, I'm sitting on Dad's lap."

Little Johnny said, "Mom, when I was on the bus with my father this morning, he asked me to give up my seat to a lady."

Mom said, "You did the right thing."

"But, Mom, I'm sitting on Dad's knee."

I was not short of money then.

A poor man looked unhappy. He walked into the doctor's office.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago. "

"Jesus, man!" The doctor said. "Why did you wait so long? Why didn't you tell me the day you swallowed it? "

"To tell you the truth, doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need money that much then."

A poor man who looked miserable walked into the doctor's office.

"Doctor!" He said, "Help me! I swallowed a penny a month ago! "

"Good heavens," said the doctor, "why did you leave so early? Then why don't you come and have a look? "

"To tell you the truth, doctor," said the poor man, "I was not short of money then!"

Where's father? Where's father?

Two brothers are looking at some beautiful pictures.

"Look," said my brother. "How beautiful these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger brother, "but in all these paintings, there are only mothers and children. Where is the father? "

My brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously, he is drawing."

Two brothers are looking at some beautiful oil paintings.

"Look," said my brother, "how beautiful these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger brother, "but in all these paintings, there are only mothers and children. Where did dad go? "

My brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously, he is drawing these pictures."

: son and father

Son: "Dad, are you free on Friday afternoon?"

Dad: "What?"

Son: "the parents of the mini school are going to open a forum!" "

Dad: "What is a micro-parent forum?"

Son: "This is just a class, you and I will participate!" "

Son: "Dad, are you free on Friday afternoon?"

Dad: "What is it?"

Son: "The school will open a micro-parent forum!" "

Dad: "What is a micro-parent forum?"

Son: "Just the head teacher, you and me!" " "

: the real occupation of Santa Claus

Do you know the real occupation of Santa Claus?

Please consider the following:

1. You have never really met Santa Claus, only his "assistant"

Santa kept his job until he decided to retire.

3. Santa Claus doesn't really work; He commanded a group of helpers to do all the work for him, but everyone attributed the work to him.

Santa Claus doesn't work 40 hours a week.

5. Santa Claus often travels.

Santa Claus is obviously a senior teacher with tenure!

What is Santa's real occupation?

Please consider the following points

1. In fact, you have never met Santa Claus. All you see are his assistants. There are really many assistants. In addition to all parents celebrating Christmas, there is also a professional "Santa Claus".

If Santa Claus doesn't want to retire, he can always be his Santa Claus.

Santa Claus can't do practical things. He always commands a bunch of helpers to help him finish everything, but whether things are done well or not, merits and demerits are considered Santa Claus.

4. Santa Claus doesn't have a nine-to-five weekend system.

5. Santa Claus travels a lot

Santa Claus is obviously a senior employee. Is there a better job in the world than him? ***

His ear is in my pocket.

I have his ears in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"Can you recognize him if you see him again?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

: the woman who loves you the most?

One night, I drove my husband's car to the shopping center.

When I came back, I noticed that his car was covered with dust, so I cleaned it up. When I finally entered the house, I called out. A woman of love

You are the best person in the world who can clean headlights and windshields. '

My Hu * * * looked up again and said,' Is mom here?'

One night, I drove my husband's car to go shopping. When I came back, I found the car was covered with dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally entered the room, I shouted, "The woman who loves you the most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"