Please tell me a joke that lasts about 5 minutes

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickled melons!" (Translation: Now invite the township magistrate to speak!) The township magistrate said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's meal. We are all big bastards!" (Translation: Comrades, today's meal is enough, let's all have a big bowl!) If you don't want pickled melon, I will pick up some dog poop for you to lick. ． ． (Translation: Don’t talk, let me tell you a story...) A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!!" (Translation: Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Don’t talk, the meeting is now!!) The coach said: "The first class kills the chickens, the second class steals the eggs, I will make porridge for you." (Translation: The first class shoots , the second squad dropped bombs, let me give you a demonstration) "Low Spring" "I'm Stupid" Dark Plum Blossoms, I'm uneducated, I'm sad, I have a very low IQ, I'm like water from afar, if you want to ask me. Who is it, Yi Tuoda spring green. A big stupid ass. The shore is green, I am a donkey, the shore is green, I am a donkey, the shore is green. I am a stupid donkey. Confessions of a network administrator. 98% of the current Internet cafe guests are idiots. They cannot turn on the computer and switch the input method. No, I can’t convert letters to uppercase and lowercase, I can’t use the private server login, I can’t open QQ voice, I can’t exit the game after entering it, the private server is shut down and it says there’s a problem with my machine, **, I really want to pinch it Kill him, crush him to death, knead him into a ball, knead it into twists, fry it in a pan, then take it out and stomp it to pieces. The voice chat will not open the MIC, saying that the Internet cafe headset is broken. When watching a movie, it seems that it is not Mandarin! He asked me: "Network administrator, are there any porn movies to watch?" I said no, and he blamed the incomplete movies! He couldn't log in to QQ, saying the machine was not good! I ran over and took a look, and the password was wrong, and he even asked me what my password was!!! ! There is another even more powerful girl. She took a video from an unknown netizen, called me over, and asked me who the person in the video was!!! I fainted, I still have this ability!!!!!! When I was playing CS and someone put a smoke bomb, he was dodged and yelled: The network administrator is down... The day before yesterday, a stupid girl chatted on QQ and asked me how to type. I asked her, don’t you know how to type? She said she would. I said, then you can just type (and help her adjust the input method at the same time), and called me again after a while. Said: Network administrator, why can’t I type? I asked her what she wanted to type but couldn't type it out. She told me, "Please type "Hello" first", and I typed it for her. Then you know what she said. Don't leave. Just sit next to me and help me type. He looks exactly like a dinosaur. Today, a fool asked me, "Why don't I have QQ coins here as a network administrator? Please help me download some QQ coins...**, if that thing can be downloaded~!" I don’t have to go to work anymore. During the roll call at the beginning of the school term, a class teacher came up with an original idea and said to the students: "I will read the student number. You can tell me your name so that everyone will know each other, okay?" "No. 001!" " Report to the teacher, my surname is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little confused and asked: "My father?" "What does your father do?" "No. 002!" A girl stood up: "Teacher, my surname is Zhang, and my name is Zhang Dekai." "No. 003!" "Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother, and my name is Zhang Bukai." "Who is this? What's your name?" "It's my dad. He sells pliers." The teacher quickly drank some water. "No. 004!" "Report to the teacher, my surname is Ou (the character is pronounced "Ou") and my name is Ou Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that she just blew up one when she gave birth to me. Computer games." The teacher's heart felt a little uncomfortable. "No. 005!" "Report to the teacher, mother-in-law!" "Why are you swearing?!" "No! Teacher, I mean my surname is Gan, my name is Ganniang, and my father is a wine maker." The teacher said took a pill. No. 006! "Teacher, my surname is Gou, and my name is Goubuli." ""Your father runs a bun shop, right?" ! "Teacher, you are so smart!" "The teacher was already a little unsteady. "No. 007! "My surname is Kuai (pronounce it quickly and pronounce it in the third tone). My name is Kuai Huo." "Don't tell me that your father runs a warehouse." "Teacher, you are so old-fashioned. My dad is a pimp." "Blood oozed from the corner of the teacher's mouth. "No. 008! "Teacher, go to hell!" ""What? What did you say? ! "I mean my surname is Ni, and my name is Ni going to the temple." My mother is a Buddhist. My name is interesting, right? "Interesting, interesting."

"The teacher was about to cry. "No. 009! "Teacher, I'll tell you next time." "Why do you have to say it next time? You say it now!" "No!" Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher is already feeling dizzy." No. 010! "Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Wan." "My surname is Mei, and my name is Mei Liangliang." "My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing." "My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." "...... The teacher looked up to the sky and roared: "Oh my god, what kind of students did I meet! "The teacher spurted blood from his mouth and fell to the ground.