After breaking up with my boyfriend, I felt very empty. What happened?

Everyone's life can't avoid the proposition of "end". There are very few people who can stay with us all the time in life. Even if we do, there will be death to separate us.

Even, some relationships are established for the purpose of ending, such as teacher-student relationship and parent-child relationship. The purpose of this relationship is to help each other live a better life independently after separation from themselves. Of course, even so, the process of ending important relationships is still very difficult.

The reason why parenting is so difficult is also inseparable from its "need to be completely separated". If parents never really "send away" their children, children can't really "leave" their parents, which is not a good thing for children.

Today we are going to talk about "the ending".

Why is ending a relationship so painful?

1. When you end a relationship, you will lose a part of yourself.

Because the relationship between people and important people is a very important part of self, if the relationship with this person is over, there will be a part of self-loss-feeling that there is a piece missing. For example, many people will feel "empty" and have a sense of "incompleteness" after breaking up. This is because when you get along with your partner, to some extent, you "absorb" a part of each other and integrate yourself, and this part will be lost after breaking up.

2. Lose the feeling of "being needed"

Our relationship with others "proves" to some extent that we are needed, and our partners, children and friends also need us. This feeling of "being needed" gives people a sense of existence. So the end of important relationships will stimulate a lot of emptiness and bring about a change in one's sense of existence.

Why is it so hard for some people to end the past?

1. can't end the important relationship, which seems to be a problem of the past, but the essence reflects the problem of the present.

Many people don't want to end the past because they can't or don't want to have a deep relationship with the present.

One pattern they show is that they are more willing to feel their value, dependence, need, affection and so on for a certain relationship in the past than their current relationship. I prefer to feel that I can't give up on people in the past, but it's hard to feel the connection with people and relationships now. In other words, they are more willing to maintain an important sense of connection with the past and the lost, but they can't handle the current (possible) important relationship.

Interestingly, once the present relationship becomes the past relationship, they will start to try to recover and entangle. They will be more willing to admit the importance of the past relationship, because it has passed, which means it is certain and safe. At the same time, they have a more tolerant view of it-they are more likely to be consistent with the past relationship, and they are more able to ignore, forgive and even accept that it is flawed.

2. Every ending is done too quickly and absolutely.

People who are difficult to really finish often do it too quickly and absolutely every time, such as people who disagree with each other or people who haven't communicated for a long time.

Therefore, they can't collect all the information, so the decisions they make are usually not really well thought out or really heartfelt. Therefore, after hasty conclusions, once new information appears, or they notice information that they didn't notice before, their hearts will begin to shake and begin to regret. This also explains why they repeatedly enter the "end-entanglement" cycle.

For example, if your partner doesn't return the message, he will be blacked out immediately. Later, I heard someone say that he was too busy and bored. I'm going to add him back, and I'm struggling again.