How to do psychological evaluation?

This is what psychology calls identity, that is, a person becomes like another person's psychological phenomenon, and a person may become a person who loves or hates himself with strong feelings, and can't help it.

The study of deep psychology found that people's psychological and emotional patterns were determined before the age of five, and the subsequent years of life were only the repetition of those five years.

The phenomenon of psychological identity can be seen everywhere in our lives, such as:

1. A boy who grew up in a violent family swore that he would never beat his wife like his father when he grew up, but one day he suddenly punched his wife.

2. Violent husbands often beat their wives when they are drunk, and angry sons secretly swear that they will never drink again when they grow up and will never treat women like this again. So, after he got married, there was a conflict between the two sides. He was furious and drove to the expressway in the middle of the night. Although he doesn't drink or hit people, he doesn't know how to resolve the contradiction in the relationship. He approved of his father in a disapproving way.

A strong wife often accuses and belittles her weak husband and tells her husband's faults and her grievances in front of her daughter. When the daughter agrees with the image constructed by her mother, she also treats her father coldly. The wife is very satisfied because her daughter and she are "united front". But for her daughter, the earliest and most important male image in her heart is very bad, so her communication mode with men is either quarrel or cold war, because this is the most familiar intimate relationship mode, and there is nothing else. When she became an adult, when she established her own partnership, the love field that should have fallen in love turned into a battlefield of killing each other.

Mom likes to cut a small piece of dough and put it aside when cooking. My daughter doesn't know why she does this, but because her mother always does this, her daughter will become a housewife when she grows up, and she will cut a small piece of dough and put it away when cooking.

In the animated film Mary and Max, Mary's mother was dissatisfied with her life and got into the habit of drinking. Later, when Mary grew up, she met with setbacks and became addicted to alcohol just like her mother.

6. An inferiority complex mother gave birth to a lively daughter. My daughter is naughty in front of outsiders, which makes her particularly worried that others will judge her as "poorly educated", so she often reprimands her daughter for being obedient, obedient and not moving, otherwise others will laugh; And when she gets along with others, she is always careful to see their faces. In the long run, the child's natural freedom is covered by shame, while the mother's inferiority complex is internalized and becomes an unreal person like her mother.

7. A little girl proudly snatched her father from her mother and asked him to tell her stories and hug her to sleep. Her mother is not sad and jealous, but allows the existence of "sharing" and still loves her in the original way. Slowly, when the daughter grows up and becomes a mother, she often stays safe and calm when she encounters similar situations.

Sometimes, people will identify with certain characteristics or behaviors of their parents; Sometimes, people will agree with their mode of managing emotional relationships; Sometimes, people may agree with both.

Of course, there is no one-to-one correspondence between identities, and there is no one except parents. There will be different caregivers and important people in our lives, and there will be new development on the basis of the old model, not just passive "forced repetition". For example, those who had a bad family environment in their early years, but came out on their own as adults and established a happy family, or found a special "cured" partner to help them repair their emotional wounds or losses.

Where parents' personality and level develop, they will take their children there, just as counselors' personality level develops, they will take visitors in the process of psychological counseling.

Finally, the influence of parents on their children is immeasurable. If you want to get rid of the hand of fate, you can only practice hard the day after tomorrow.