A few humorous jokes

Humor is a gift, a strength, or a civilization created by human beings in the face of life difficulties. I collected some humorous jokes for you. Let's have a look.

Boutique husband and wife humorous joke story

1) A beautiful young woman is getting on the bus in a tight skirt. Because the skirt was too tight to lift her legs and get on the bus, she secretly reached out and unbuttoned a button at the back, but still couldn't get on, unbuttoned another one, or couldn't get on, unbuttoned another one. But I still can't get up. At this time, a man behind him reached out and helped her unbutton a button. When the woman felt it, she turned to scold the man. Rogue! ? The man was very wronged and said:? I'm a gangster? You unbuttoned three buttons in front of me, and I didn't say a word. I only unbuttoned one button! ?

2) A couple snuggled up sweetly in the park. Men can't help sneaking around when they see that women's hair is so supple. The woman said sweetly: alas! I hate it! ? The man's heart itched even more, and he stole it again. The woman said, Well, no! ? Hearing this, the man's heart was about to fly, and he touched it again. Suddenly, the woman stood up and said rudely, don't touch it! My wig is falling off! ! ! ?

3) wife:? Didn't you call me an angel before marriage? Husband:? That's right. ? Wife:? Why don't you pretend to call me now? Husband:? Oh, honey, you should be happy. Now my mind is much more normal. ? Wife (on the boat):? If this ship is going to sink, will you save me or our children first? ? Husband:? Save myself first. ? Wife:? Last night, I had a sweet dream that you promised me a dollar to buy clothes. Honey, can you realize my dream? Husband:? Of course. As luck would have it, I dreamed last night that I gave you a dollar! ?

4) On the bus, a modern girl wore a low-cut dress and an airplane necklace. As soon as a young man got on the bus, he stared at the plane on the neck chain. The girl couldn't help but ask curiously, do you like this necklace, sir? The man replied:? Oh! No, I'm just admiring the airstrip. ?

I came home from work in the afternoon as usual, and found my wife in a bad mood that day. The result was a close fight with an unhappy attitude. Everything I did was wrong. In the evening, things didn't get better, so I suggested that I go out and pretend to have just arrived home, and then start all over again, and my wife agreed. After I went out, I came in and said, honey, I'm back! ? Where were you just now? She snapped. It's already started. ?

6) A little girl went to the bakery to buy breakfast. She said to the boss: boss! Buy a chocolate doll. Boss: Do you want a boy or a girl? Girl: A boy doll, of course! Because there are a little more places to eat. A loving couple is celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. The middle-aged neighbor who was watching asked the old student first: "Why can you maintain a happy and beautiful marriage for 50 years?" I have never heard you quarrel since I was born. Have you never had any disputes between you? " "The old man said," of course there are disputes, but they will not expand. I learned this truth from my honeymoon trip ... I remember when the traffic was inconvenient, we went to the Grand Canyon for our honeymoon, and each of us rented a donkey. Her donkey was obviously lazy and soon rested on the side of the road. I only heard my wife say coldly, "The first time. When the donkey wanted to be lazy for the second time, she pointed to the donkey and said, "This is the second time. 』 ......

7) An old man, it runs in the family! I went home one day and bought one? Bullwhip? Food! When eating, my daughter-in-law thought this dish had a special image and a strange taste. Dad, what is the name of this dish? Unable to explain, my father-in-law said, eat, don't be in such a hurry! ? The daughter-in-law asked again, and the father-in-law had to answer: From animals! ? Daughter-in-law asked: Do you have it with you? Father-in-law replied:? Yes! ? The daughter-in-law asked again:? Do I have it on me? Father-in-law thinks a little and answers:? Sometimes, sometimes not!

8) The praise written by a female buyer to the seller of adult products:? I don't have the strength to write good reviews?

9) ? The ex-girlfriend has a good figure, tall and light. I can easily pick her up and throw her on the bed. Oh, I envy you! What was the result? Um ... . Too hard to leak?

10) My sister is on a business trip. In the evening, brother-in-law and sister-in-law chat in the living room. My brother-in-law asked: How much is your tax? Sister-in-law blushed and whispered, How much does it cost to sleep with my brother-in-law?

1 1) The church in the town is damaged, and the pastor hopes that everyone will donate enthusiastically! A young lady came up to the priest and said. I am willing to donate twenty thousand yuan! ? The priest replied:? I'm sorry, miss, but we can't accept your dirty money. We appreciate your kindness! ? At this moment, a group of men behind shouted:? Reverend, take it! That's not dirty money, that's our hard-earned money! ?

12) female: you rascal, why did you kiss me on the mouth for no reason? M: Sorry! When I was behind you, I saw that your back was no different from my wife's, so please forgive me. If you think this is an insult, you can take revenge.

13) I took my five-year-old brother to the movies, and suddenly there was a scene of the hero and heroine making out; They threw their clothes under the bed one by one. I turned my head nervously to see my little brother's reaction, but the situation was not as bad as I thought. Seeing my brother say that he is not convinced: Brother! Why can't they throw clothes and I can't?

A selection of humorous jokes and lovers' stories.

1) The ophthalmologist looked at the patient's left eye and said confidently. Obviously, this is not just an eye disease, it reflects that your nervous system, liver, heart and blood circulation have all changed, so I think you need to wait, wait! ? The patient cried: Do you want to see my right eye? My left eye is fake, just a glass ball. ? In biology class, the professor is explaining the structure of sperm. When the professor said that the main component of sperm is glucose, a girl stood up and asked: Why is it not sweet at all? There was silence, and the professor said calmly: Because of the feeling of the tongue, the sweet taste buds are on the tip of the tongue, not at the root of the tongue. ? . . .

2) My buddy told me: Hey, it's so hard to be a woman. It hurts when I have my period! ? I want to know? Why do you say that? He looked around and whispered? At noon, I curiously used a sanitary towel and put it under myself. When I tore it off, I tore off countless hairs and screamed with pain. I looked at him piteously and said quietly, son, that thing is attached to underwear. You put it backwards? .

My wife is a twin. After careful years, I am still kissing my sister-in-law, and in front of my father-in-law, my father-in-law teased me that it was too similar.

4) In the evening, I had dinner with my sisters in a restaurant. Halfway through, she took out paper to wipe her hands when they were oily, and also took out a pack of sanitary napkins. But she didn't find it. Tear it open and wipe it. I hurried over to catch it. How embarrassing it is to be afraid of being seen by the waiter. As a result, she didn't know what was going on, so she shouted when she saw me grab it. Everyone on the side gathered their eyes! At once, two waiters rushed over and looked quite handsome. Try to stop me. ? Miss, you can't change here! Can't change it! ?

5) A beautiful woman found that lipstick was too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

6) Two hens were chatting when they saw a rooster coming listlessly. Asked the hens. What happened? No spirit? The rooster said, do some business! ? The hen asked, what business are you tired of? The rooster said shyly, huh? Sell chicken essence

7) One day, my wife dug out a photo of a beautiful woman in an old book of mine and asked me for it. I said quietly. Oh, this is my junior high school classmate. We used to be kicking wives. Half a minute later, I was dying on the ground and spit out two words? Deskmate ~ ~ ~?

8) In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, you are so stupid. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. ?

9) A lady walks into a sex shop and wants to buy a vibrator. The boss said: it's all on it, tame it yourself. After careful selection, the woman said, I want the red one! ? The boss took one look and said? Miss, that's a fire extinguisher! ? .

10) the internet cafe just opened in the morning and the waitress was mopping the floor. Xiaoming is here. Xiaoming:? Can I go now? Miss:? Don't leave until I'm finished taking it off. ? Xiaoming:? Then I'll take it off for you. You told me to get on the bus quickly. I'll take it off under you first. Come on! Lift your legs. ?

1 1) A truck driver took his pet and a parrot to transport a truck full of hens. On the road, the truck driver was lonely. Suddenly, a young girl on the roadside beckoned for a ride, and the driver readily agreed. On the way, the driver was dishonest and groped, and the girl was furious. Driver threat: Do you want to touch it or not? Go down without touching. ? When the girl got off the bus, the driver had nowhere to vent his anger and threw the parrot into the trunk. On the way, the driver suddenly found the hen in the back compartment jumping out of the car. It was strange, so he stopped to see what had happened. At this time, there was only a hen and a pet parrot left in the carriage, and only the parrot said to the hen. Do you want to touch it or not? Go down without touching. ?

12) When I first went to work, I met a man with bedroom eyes every time I turned around. One night, I received a text message from this man:? Are you free tonight? Be wary and answer in four words:? What do you want? . Not long after, a short message flashed on my mobile phone, just one word:? Think? . Don't mention how wronged you are.

13) granddaughter: grandpa, is it true that wearing miniskirts affects your health? Grandpa: Yes, look at the lady sitting there in a mini skirt. My blood pressure went up as soon as she changed her posture.

14) Maid A: Pity me. Do I have to keep talking every day? Yes, madam; Yes, ma 'am? . Maid B: I'm even worse. I have to talk nonstop every day? No, sir; No, sir? .

Classic couple humor jokes

1) I arranged a blind date at home today, and I hit it off with the girl. Finally, that woman said something that made my back ache, and I will be your right-hand man in the future. . . .

2) Colleague Lao Liu has an electric car. A female colleague came to borrow his electric car early this morning to go out on business, and will be back in half an hour. Colleague Xiao Li said: Brother Liu, borrow your electric car to ride tomorrow. I have something to do. I'll be back in an hour. ? The old cow said cheekily? Don't borrow it, hum! ? Xiao Li went on to say:? You see, this man only lets women ride, not men! ? Several people in the office were silent and burst into laughter. Damn it, ruin the three views. Xiao Li also smiled. Oh, you think too much, really think too much, hahahaha. . .

3) In the early years of the Republic of China, because the people were poor, the whole family usually slept in a bed and covered with a quilt. One night in winter-Xiaoming's father suddenly wants to have sex with Xiaoming's mother. . However, Xiaoming's mother refused his father's request for fear of waking him up. Xiaoming's father still tries to pull the bow. . . So the two men covered themselves with quilts and began to do that. Just as the two became more and more enthusiastic, Xiaoming's father suddenly asked his mother to cooperate and cried. But my mother was afraid of waking Xiao Ming, and she insisted. Just when they couldn't hold on, Xiao Ming, who slept next to him, finally spoke. . . Mom, please call quickly, I'm so cold! ?

4) Husband and wife go out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, this, this slope is really steep. It's really hard to climb. I'm exhausted! ? The wife echoed:? Yes, if I don't brake hard, we will slip. ?

5) Wife: "What do you think of sex? Husband: "No opinions, but there are many ways. 」

6) One day, a classmate's girlfriend came to the dormitory to find him. It happened that he had something to do temporarily, and his girlfriend was sitting on his bed waiting for him. When she sat idle, she looked around. I saw a pair of calligraphy couplets hanging on the bedside: spring blossoms, and one person enjoys endless happiness. The woman thought:? I didn't expect him to know calligraphy and appreciate flowers. ? Heart secretly pleased unceasingly, unknowingly eyes moved up, but suddenly was livid. See a horizontal batch: Long live the harem!

7) Introduce my boyfriend to my best friend. At the subway station, I went with my best friend and met my boyfriend. In order to make my best friend feel that I have a close relationship with him, I tried to rush over and give him a hug, but my foot slipped and I fell forward in a panic and hugged my boyfriend's thigh, so the tragedy happened. My boyfriend is nearsighted. Didn't even recognize me then. He even came back and said, no money, no money, go away.

8) Xiao Zhang has just been promoted to vice president of the hotel. He was so excited that he went home in the dark at night and shouted excitedly when he entered the room: I am the deputy general manager! ? Then his wife said in bed: Go to bed. Your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon. ?

9) On the train, a man and a woman ran into each other. The problem was that they were in the same sleeping car. Of course it was embarrassing at first, but soon, fatigue made them fall asleep. Men slept in the upper bunk and women slept in the lower bunk. In the middle of the night, the man woke up and woke up the woman sleeping in the lower berth. Sorry, I froze to death up there. Can you pass me another blanket? The woman looked at the man with her eyes streaming and said to him, I have a better idea. Let's pretend to be husband and wife, shall we? The man paused, but immediately agreed: yes, great. I didn't expect that! ? He was obviously a little overexcited. So what do we do now? ......

10) Husband and wife don't get along, sleep separately, don't talk to each other, and write notes if something happens. One day, my husband left his wife a note saying that I was going to work and would call me tomorrow. At his wife's bedside, An Lan fell asleep. The next day, when I woke up, it was gone. He was very angry and ran to question his wife. I looked at my wife's room and found her long gone. I couldn't go back to my room. I found a note on my pillow, which said, you damn fool, it's already halfway through, and I still can't get up.

1 1) If your wife asked you to go out and look for a job, what would you look for? New wife. Does your husband love you? Love, very much! I'm inseparable from him, and I don't even go to work. Does your wife object to your smoking at home? Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere. She said that smoking for two people costs more than smoking for one person. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical No, she exposed me. She won't lose anything. I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. No wonder all your children are healthy! Woman: Doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep. ......

12) the Monkey King got into the belly of Princess Iron Fan in order to borrow a banana fan. Look at the following dialogue. Sister-in-law, I am already in your heart. ? Princess Iron Fan:? Get out of the way. Uncle, I can't stand it? Wukong:? Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Open your mouth quickly. ? Princess Iron Fan:? Obstruct? Niu listened at the door and left a divorce agreement? Away from home.

13) On his girlfriend's birthday, Guo Shuai spent a lot of money to buy a qq number and send it to his girlfriend. What does this number mean? I love you all my life? . After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome boy takes a closer look, and the original number is

14) Wife: How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste? Husband:? Just so-so ? Wife:? How about grilled eggplant? Husband:? Not bad. ? Wife:? How about Mapo tofu? Husband:? Not bad. ? Wife:? Can you die if you say a good fucking word? Husband:? The rice is so hard! ?