Joke classical Chinese

1. Find classical Chinese paragraphs and short paragraphs.

Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.

The next year, another son was born. He smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a baby at such a big age."

Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."

There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".

In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".

The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.

The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my parents." So many times, colleagues are tired.

Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."

There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.

The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."

Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.

The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."

Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.

The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."

The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."

A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."

Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, and hurriedly called the servant to add rice to him.

Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.

Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.

My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."

The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.

My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.

He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"

There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."

Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "

One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.

His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I hide this big lie? "

The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.

The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "

The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."

The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" What is even more unexpected is that this learning platform is good at diuresis and urination. "Afraid of the examinee's original scholar, he is afraid of the New Year exam. When he heard that he was dismissed from school, he panicked and went to pick it up.

2. The classical Chinese paragraphs are all on my side, and the students are all seated. It's so depressing that students don't come. "

The joke is probably like this: A private school teacher teaches The Analects of Confucius, and' Melancholy is literature' is misunderstood as' Everyone is equal to me'. Later, a new teacher in a private school pronounced "gloomy literature and art" correctly, and the students thought that the new teacher had made a mistake and would not come to school. At that time, people ridiculed the poem and said,' Everyone is equal to me, and all students sit. I am depressed that the students are not coming. "

-

One day, it was a sunny day, and Yu Yu and You gathered in a humble room. The fate is short and the wind is cold, so You You sighed, "Alas, it's bad luck. The dragon is trapped in shallow water, and the clouds hide young pines. Who is wrong if the major is not hot? It is too late! "

Yu Youren also sighed and said, "It's my life to be a great teacher, and the bones and muscles of the Chinese Department are miserable. Nothing is too much! "

His friend shook his head and said, "The misery of China people can be attributed to the injustice of five continents. The absurdity of chemistry often lies in remoteness and the incomprehension of ordinary people. Therefore, the suffering of my bones and muscles is not what you know. "

The other person keeps silent, and I care about his endless life. Some people are twice as strong as me. He smiled and said, "My brother's career can be described as fiery, and my wife and children can be described as hungry, right?"

My brother was angry when he was beige, and his mouth was full of surprise. "Your career can make a living, but my career is hopeless. Why is it hot? "

The other three people explored it and were silent for a long time before answering: "invertebrate linguistics!" "

-

One night, I was wandering on the platform of a voracious society, and I couldn't help staring at a woman with long hair.

After a while, the woman suddenly approached.

Stop and look at me. Yu Daoan, "I'm not very handsome"! But see my eyes wide open and my mouth twitching.

Sigh "Am I too ugly"?

But see the bigger Iraq's eyes, the more Zhang Yue opens her mouth. I'm afraid I've always been a real gentleman and never offended anyone.

For her, let alone forever.

Acquaintances? I tried to turn around, but suddenly I heard Iraq shout. . . . . . Ah. . Strange. ! ! "。 she

Rub your nose and drift away.

I'm already sweating.

3. Seek classical Chinese paragraphs and short paragraphs. A scholar in the original text will be seventy years old and suddenly have a son.

Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.

The next year, another son was born. He smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a baby at such a big age."

Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."

There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".

In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".

The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.

The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my parents." So many times, colleagues are tired.

Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."

There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.

The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."

Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.

The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."

Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.

The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."

The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."

A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."

Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, and hurriedly called the servant to add rice to him.

Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.

Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.

My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."

The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.

My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.

He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"

There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."

Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "

One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.

His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I hide this big lie? "

The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.

The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "

The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."

The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" What is even more unexpected is that this learning platform is good at diuresis and urination. "Afraid of the examinee's original text, the scholar is afraid of the New Year's exam. As soon as he heard that he got off the platform, he went to the platform in a flurry. Goodbye.

4. Where are the jokes in classical Chinese? One night, I was walking on the platform, but I couldn't help looking at a woman with long hair.

After a while, the woman suddenly stopped and stared at me. Yu:' am I not handsome?' But I saw Yi's eyes wide open and her mouth twitched.

I sighed:' Am I too ugly?' I only see that Yi's eyes are getting bigger and bigger, and her mouth is getting bigger and bigger. I'm scared.

I am a gentleman. I have never offended her, let alone met her. I almost wanted to turn and run away when I heard Iraq shout ... ah ... "choo!" " Yi rubbed his nose and drifted away. I'm already sweating. I am cloth, I started with words, and I missed three years; After practicing martial arts, the tinker made arrows, drummed hundreds of officials, and kicked out with disorderly sticks; He studied medicine, entered the department of clinical medicine, studied hard for five years and made some achievements. He wrote a good prescription, ate it and died.

When I arrived in the underworld, I waited for Emperor Yan to ascend to the DPRK for a long time. I can't stand it. I asked him, and the ghost soldier said: Wang read the document with his feet and laughed wildly. He was startled in the backyard and didn't wake up ... Che Yin Bao Ying, a famous scholar, studied it, and Sun Kang Xue Ying studied it. One day, Kang went to visit Yin. Without seeing him, he asked where to go. The doorman said, "He went out to catch fireflies."

When I answered Bai Kang, I saw Kang standing idle in the court and asked, "Why don't you study?" Kang said, "I don't think it will snow today." -(Ming) Master Fu Bai's series "Laughing Forest" was sold with a dumb voice. People asked them the reason and said, "I'm hungry."

He asked, "If you are hungry, why don't you eat cake?" Said, "It sucks." (Two people whisper)-(Ming) Master Fu Bai's series "Laughing Forest" rice can talk. The wife of Li Ji, a native of Yan, is coquettish and dissolute, and often has an affair with a teenager next door.

When Li Ji heard about it, he came up with a way to catch him. One morning, Li Ji pretended not to be in town, but he looked carefully in the yard. I saw the neighbor's boy quickly enter the back room of Li Ji's house and plug in the door.

Ricky immediately jumped out of the car and knocked at the door. The wife was very scared indoors and asked the teenager, "My husband is here. What should I do? " The teenager was anxious and asked, "Is there a window?" The wife said, "There are no windows."

The boy asked again, "Is there a cave?" The wife said, "There is no cave either." The teenager said helplessly, "How can I get out?" At this time, the wife saw a cloth bag by the wall and said happily, "Great."

The boy hurriedly got into the bag, let her put it on the floor in front of the bed, and told her, "If your husband asks, just say it's rice." After packing, the wife quickly turned and opened the door to let Ricky in.

Li Ji looked indoors again and found no adulterer. He came to the bed slowly and saw that the bag was full, and it felt particularly heavy to lift it. He asked his wife, "What is this?" The wife was so flustered that she forgot the instructions of the teenager and hesitated for a long time without telling her the reason. When Ricky saw that his wife looked suspicious, he continued to ask more sharply.

The boy in the bag was afraid of the exposure and could not help but answer, "I am Michaelis." When Li Ji heard this, he caught the adulterer and the adulterer on the spot and killed them. Friendly reminder: the derailed person will quit! ]-Ming Luzhuo's "Sad Son Hou Yu" One year, when he was drunk, he passed the door of Lu's participation in politics and threw up all over the floor.

The janitor of Lujia came over and scolded, "How dare you get drunk and spit at my door!" " Yugong raised a pair of drunken eyes, squinted contemptuously at the doorman and said, "It was your door that didn't cover the right place and actually pointed at my mouth!" " The doorman thought the drunken man's speech was very interesting, so he retorted with a smile, "My door has already been built. Was it built in front of your mouth today? " Yu Gong pointed to his mouth and said, "Lao Zi's mouth has existed for several years! -Ming Fu Baizhai's "Ya Dou" owner fools eat wine. There was a man whose family was poor, and he couldn't afford to drink, and his capacity for alcohol was not good. However, he loves to pretend to love face. Every time he goes out, he eats two distiller's grains cakes, feeling a little drunk, as if he had just drunk wine.

One day, he met an old friend on the road. Seeing that he was a little drunk, his friend asked, "Did you just drink wine this morning?" He answered truthfully, "No, I only ate two bad cakes." He went home and told his wife about it.

His wife gave him advice and said, "If someone asks again in the future, you can say that you have drunk, or you can pretend to be." He nodded in agreement.

I met that friend the next day, and he said he had drunk. The friend suspected that he had lied and asked, "Is it hot or cold?" He replied, "It's baked." Hearing this, my friend smiled and said, "You still ate the cake."

When he got home, he told his wife about it, and she scolded him and said, "How can I say anything about baking wine?" ? Said it was a hot drink in the future. "He said remember.

The third time I met that friend, before his friend could speak, he boasted, "My wine is so hot today." The friend asked, "How much did you eat?" He held out two fingers and said, "Two."

-Ming Fu Bai Zhai master "Laughing Forest" cheated rice well. A man was so hungry on the road that he came to a family to steal food. He said to his master, "I can mend the needle nose, but I have to eat something to work."

The master was very happy, so he gave him a meal and found out all the broken needles and noses. When the man finished eating, the master asked him to mend them. The man said, "Bring the broken needle nose, too."

-Pan Ming Youlong "Laughing Zen Record" A person is on the road outside. It's getting late, and he wants to spend the night in a nearby temple, but he's worried that the monks in the temple won't agree. He went up to the doorman and said, "I have an inexhaustible thing that I want to give to Bao Si." Hearing this, the monk not only readily agreed to let him in, but also showed special respect to him.

The next morning, the monk came to say hello and asked, "What is the inexhaustible object that the benefactor said?" The man pointed to a bundle of broken bamboo curtains he put in front of the Buddha statue and said, "If you use it as a lantern stick, will it be inexhaustible?" -Pan Ming Youlong's "Laughing Zen Record" was filmed into a net. There is a fisherman and his wife. Their family is very poor. Even in the cold winter, there is no quilt, so they have to use fishing nets to keep out the cold. In the middle of the night, they put their fingers out of the net and felt extremely cold.

The couple secretly rejoiced and said, "How can those who don't have quilts live on such a cold winter night?" -Feng Ming magnum "Laughing Room" There are three people sleeping in the same bed in a trance. In the middle of the night, one person feels itchy on his leg, and in a trance, he is on the second person's leg.