What skit did Zhao Benshan perform in the Liaoning Spring Festival Gala in 2011?

Blind date

Zhao Haiyan: Old fool, old fool, old fool, get up

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Zhao Haiyan: Don’t sleep here

Zhao Benshan: What the hell

Zhao Haiyan: Get up

Zhao Benshan: The sun is so hot It came out on the other end. It’s been more than a year since we divorced, and this is the first time you’re talking to me

Zhao Haiyan: Get up, don’t sleep here

Zhao Benshan: Don’t sleep here Where are you going to sleep, huh?

Zhao Haiyan: Go out for a walk

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing for a walk?

Zhao Haiyan: What a wonderful day, let’s go out for a walk

Zhao Benshan: Are you in trouble?

Zhao Haiyan: Ha~ I want to make a friend for our family

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Zhao Haiyan: I want to meet a friend at our house

Zhao Benshan: Meet a friend? What kind of friend?

Zhao Haiyan: Meet my old companion

Zhao Benshan: Meet my old companion?

Zhao Haiyan: Yeah

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing?

Zhao Haiyan: What are you doing...Does it still have anything to do with you?

Zhao Benshan: It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. You have to find someone better than me. Otherwise, your search will be in vain. I will help you check it.

Zhao Haiyan: Hey... I live in a house with more than 1,000 square meters and manage 2,000 people. You are not as good as you

Zhao Benshan: That’s great. That’s the boss’ place. Why are you here?

Zhao Haiyan : We’ll be there in a minute. Stop chatting and leave quickly

Zhao Benshan: I’ll go out first

Zhao Haiyan: You go out first

Zhao Benshan: Okay, where can I hide for a while?

Zhao Haiyan: You (are)... go out

Zhao Benshan: It’s settled, once you’ve settled it, you can go out and get married. Go, everything will be fine, okay?

Zhao Haiyan: You can take whatever you want. Oh, it’s true. Ever since I learned how to dance Yangko, look at how popular I am. I take the initiative to deliver food and medicine to our house. You also gave me this hot water bottle. You took such good care of me. I also brought this meal today. You can take it as a reward and go out to eat. Go ahead

Zhao Benshan: Where should I eat? Go

Zhao Haiyan: Go over there to eat

Zhao Benshan: Where is the door

Zhao Haiyan: Over there is the door, you have been blinded, you are sleeping. I missed you

Xiao Song: Hey Haiyaner, not at home, open the door Haiyaner

Zhao Haiyan: Just blame you, grinder, tell you to go out, just say it Don’t go out, come here, we bumped into each other, say something

Zhao Benshan: Are you here?

Zhao Haiyan: That’s not it yet, say something

Zhao Benshan: Then what should I do?

Zhao Haiyan: You can’t get out if you leave this alone

Zhao Benshan: Then I’ll get out

Zhao Haiyan: Get out What to say

Zhao Benshan: Go out and let me tell you that I just finished talking. Come and talk.

Zhao Haiyan: Oh my god, I will talk about it one by one

Zhao Benshan: Doesn’t this show that you are popular? Doesn’t it seem that you are overwhelmed with things to do? Talking about people on the left and right, doesn’t it show that you are worth a lot? Is that okay? I'm going out...

Zhao Haiyan: Pull him down. You can't go out here. You can't say anything if you run into me. If you can't, just leave through the window.

Zhao Benshan: I'll leave through the window. I just left completely. This is the 6th floor

Zhao Haiyan: Then you just sit here. Then you just sit here and don’t say anything. What did I say?

Zhao Benshan : OK

Xiao Song: Haiyan

Zhao Haiyan: Hey

Xiao Song: Open the door

Zhao Haiyan: Hey

< p>Xiao Song: Hey, ho ho, Haiyan~

(Send flowers)

Zhao Haiyan: Why are you doing this at such an old age?

Xiao Song: Hehehehehehehe, e~

(Sitting on Zhao Benshan got scared again)

Xiao Song: Oh my god, this scares me to death. Why is there still a person here? Ah~!

Zhao Haiyan: My cousin

Xiao Song: Huh?

Zhao Haiyan: Cousin

Xiao Song: Cousin~ Oh my god, why didn’t you inform me in advance that my cousin was here~ There’s no gift.

Bring it, both hands are empty, (shake hands) Hello, cousin, I didn’t bring any gifts

Zhao Benshan: Why don’t you bring this, chocolate sandwich biscuits

Xiao Song: Cousin is so funny, Uh hahaha, e~

Zhao Haiyan: Hey, sit down quickly, sit down quickly

Xiao Song: Is this quilt?

Zhao Haiyan: My cousin lives here

Xiao Song: How many years have you lived here?

Zhao Benshan: I have lived in the back room for 20 years and here for one year

Zhao Haiyan: That cousin was paralyzed and I have been taking care of him

Xiao Song : Paralyzed, haha, eh, you have suffered a lot

Zhao Haiyan: Then there are guests coming from some house, please boil some water

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Zhao Haiyan: Come home, let’s boil the water

Zhao Benshan: Aren’t I paralyzed?

Zhao Haiyan: Aha, I forgot, I’ll boil the water Go, you two are chatting, (to Xiao Song) the sequelae, you are talking without starting and ending, and you are defeated in your heart, O

Xiao Song: Okay, you go, you go

Zhao Haiyan: (to Zhao Benshan) Don’t talk nonsense

(The two look at each other)

Xiao Song: Hahahahahahahaha, e~

Zhao Benshan : Are you a local?

Xiao Song: Local

Zhao Benshan: You are over 60 years old

Xiao Song: 54, born in the Year of the Rooster~

Zhao Benshan: 54, that’s quite a long one.

Xiao Song: Hahahahaha, my cousin is so funny

Zhao Benshan: You two are incompatible, she is a monkey , 55, you are 54 in the Year of the Rooster, I don’t think you two can make it together

Xiao Song: No way~ That’s all over~ Now~ I’m a Gemini~ She’s an Aries~ The zodiac signs are very compatible~Brother~What is your zodiac sign~

Zhao Benshan: I am a sofa-sitter, I am paralyzed and can’t go anywhere

Xiao Song: Ahaha, let me ask you about your zodiac sign

Zhao Benshan: Even if your star is not in your constellation, I have to sit here, paralyzed

(Haiyan brings water)

Xiao Song: This cousin, Even if you don’t understand it

Zhao Haiyan: Come, drink water

(Zhao Benshan takes it)

Zhao Haiyan: This is for the guest

< p>Zhao Benshan: Ah, let me see if you have brewed it

(Take a sip)

Zhao Benshan: The tea has not been brewed yet, you can drink it

(To Xiao Song)

Xiao Song:...

Zhao Haiyan: Why are you rushing to drink this water for the guests? Go to that room later

p>

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Zhao Haiyan: Go to that room

Zhao Benshan: I am paralyzed, why do you keep forgetting, okay again

Zhao Haiyan: What, then where are you? Come on, let’s go up to that room

(We’re in the back room, sit on one side)

Xiao Song: Ho, ho ho ho ho, eh, it’s not easy~ Wait It’s not easy to call a cousin who has been paralyzed for more than 20 years~

Zhao Haiyan: Hey, everyone has to be like this

Xiao Song: Let’s just say, who, who is doing the stall Who is too embarrassed to fuck?

Zhao Haiyan: Hey, let me ask you something, actually I can see it

Xiao Song: (patting Haiyan) Don’t ask nonsense, I am a man~! You said you guys, whoever catches you will question, and whoever catches you will question. These little old ladies confused me all day long, and asked me so much that I didn’t even know what was going on. Day by day, now I don’t know whether to squat or stand when I go to the toilet, um hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Xiao Song: (seeing Zhao Benshan) e~!

Zhao Haiyan: No, why did you stand up?

Zhao Benshan: What happened? I said you should be careful with the person you talk to. Don’t risk your life. Pay attention. Eryiao

Zhao Haiyan: Come on, go back to your room

Zhao Benshan: Let’s talk, I will continue to be paralyzed

Xiao Song: What’s going on? Ah

Zhao Haiyan: The sequelae, the spirit seems to be abnormal

Xiao Song: Ah, hahaha

Zhao Haiyan: Then where did you want to go? , I know you are a man

Xiao Song: Look at your shame~

Zhao Haiyan: Oh, what do I want to ask you? Since I beat you, I can dance the Yangko dance. You Talk to my doorstep, deliver me meals, deliver me medicine, and deliver me hot water bottles. You know how careful I am with my cold legs.

, Haha~ There is no one else but a careful person like you to take care of me so considerately.

Xiao Song: Love is always selfless, then Haiyan... Haiyan then~ Since you don’t have any other opinions about me , then we are all so old, don’t talk about useless things, then tomorrow, I will move over and let’s live together~

Zhao Benshan: What’s going on?

Zhao Haiyan: Why are you here again?

Zhao Benshan: I am wondering why you want to move here?

Xiao Song: I want to move here, how nice it is, my little home

Zhao Benshan: Don’t you have a house there? Where will your cousin go?

< p>Xiao Song: You, move out

Zhao Benshan: Shall I move out? You let me live in the bridge cave. We have already agreed. Don’t you have a house with more than a thousand square meters?

Xiao Song: My house of one thousand square meters is too spacious~ too big~ back and forth You have to use a cart to pick up anything~

Zhao Benshan: Really

Xiao Song: My house is also very dusty

Zhao Benshan: Really

p>

Xiao Song: Well, it’s too hard to clean up at our age

Zhao Benshan: Yes

Xiao Song: Cousin, don’t you mind that? The three of us live together

Zhao Haiyan: The three of us live together

Xiao Song: Yes

Zhao Benshan: That’s not possible

Xiao Song: I have served more than 2,000 people, including my cousin. When I come here, Haiyan and I will serve you together. Cousin, I can serve others well. (Slap Zhao Benshan) But it’s okay, hahahahahaha, haha~ha~

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? I’ll let you serve me for one day and you can serve me away

Zhao Haiyan: This... we’ve been chatting for so long, and he didn’t say he had to move here, nor did he say he was driving you away. What are you doing here again?

Zhao Benshan: Who are you talking to? Be honest, just tell people what's going on with you and that's it, right?

Xiao Song: Well, well, you're married, then

Zhao Haiyan: Oh, yeah That’s more than 20 years ago

Xiao Song: Do you have any children?

Zhao Haiyan: No

Xiao Song: Why don’t you want to have children for more than 20 years~

Zhao Haiyan: The old man can’t do it

Zhao Benshan: The old man can’t do it

Zhao Haiyan: Why don’t you want to do it when I say the old man can’t do it? What kind of old man can’t do it? Sick

Zhao Benshan: What’s wrong with the old man

Zhao Haiyan: No child! < /p>

Zhao Benshan: The old man is dead? Why did you die before?

Zhao Haiyan: He is not dead, he will always live in our hearts.

Zhao Benshan: Then you are still dead, why are you like this?

Zhao Haiyan: Why do you have to mess with me when I talk to someone?

Zhao Benshan: As for the partner talking about you, right? I didn’t say that I won’t let you talk about the partner. Don’t bury your old man. Your old man is fine. Besides, you also said that you don’t have children. Where do you come from if you don’t have children? , you all have children, your children all have children, just be honest, when you two are done, just put it aside and live happily.

Zhao Haiyan: I just want to tell him that It means that I am light-handed and have no burdens, so I don’t have any worries

Zhao Benshan: You have no worries, so don’t worry about others, right?

Zhao Haiyan : Then I’ll tell him everything you mean.

Zhao Benshan: Just tell me what’s going on with you, what’s going on

Zhao Haiyan: I’m divorced

Zhao Benshan: Why did we divorce?

Zhao Haiyan: Personality incompatibility

Zhao Benshan: What did Yong Hu do?

Zhao Haiyan: Too many problems< /p>

Zhao Benshan: What’s wrong?

Zhao Haiyan: Just snoring

Zhao Benshan: Snoring.

Xiao Song: It’s not a disease

Zhao Benshan: Do you snore?

Xiao Song: I snore too

Zhao Benshan: I guess it’s You can’t make any sound at all

Xiao Song: e~

Zhao Haiyan: How loud are you snoring? Look at that guy’s snoring. That guy’s scream is scary. Damn you! As soon as you fell asleep, I woke up with a shock. I kicked you and stopped sleeping. I stared at you as you were sleeping there. It was like a vigil. It was scary. You said you were scary?

Zhao Benshan: Take care of things here. Snoring, you can’t sleep. I’ll wait for you to sleep here. After you fall asleep, you won’t go to bed until dawn. If you can’t sleep, how about you?

Zhao Haiyan: What’s wrong with me?

Zhao Benshan: You haven’t slept since Things didn't go well from the beginning of the Yangko dance. This guy was painting like a goblin all day long. He came back from performing the Yangko dance for the first time. The guy's face looked like he was covering his eyes with blue eyes. He placed it at the door and rang the doorbell. , did not enter the house. I leaned down to the door and took a look. I thought my mother was back. Then I burned paper and kowtowed to that person. This person did not enter the house that morning, and later fell asleep by the door. , when you entered the house, you stipulated to me that it was what it was. From now on, no one should care about the other. You are not allowed to enter my door. I only need to take a step into the inner room. I will pay the bridge toll, which is 5 yuan. Later, I put this quilt for her and let her sleep in this room for a while. I put a note on my forehead saying that I was parked illegally and was fined 100%.

Xiao Song: That's not a small fine.

p>

Zhao Benshan: Let me tell you, it’s just like me. If you want to have a good life with others, tell them frankly what’s wrong with you, I wish you all the best, right? Just this old man, to be honest, this person is quite good Okay, people are giving you warm treasures, and they are giving you this and that, can ordinary people do it? The person who tells the truth at a glance is the one who gave it to you~

Xiao Song: Is it me? It's a gift

Zhao Benshan: Is it a gift from you

Xiao Song: Is it a gift from me

Zhao Benshan: Is it a gift from you

< p>Xiao Song: Yes, it’s not from me

Zhao Haiyan: Is it from you?

Xiao Song: Yes, it’s not from me. How many times have I said this? Two old guys

Zhao Benshan: Do you understand?

Zhao Haiyan: I don’t understand. Who gave it to me?

Xiao Song: It wasn’t me.

Zhao Haiyan: Then you can just throw it away. If you didn’t give it to me, who would have given it to you?

Zhao Benshan: Who would be stupid to give it to you? There are still more people who have given it to you in recent years. Do I understand you? I prepare food for you every day, but I don’t dare to bring it to you, for fear that you won’t eat it, and leave it outside the door when you’re done. I said someone would bring you food, and this family went over to cook, and you said so...

Zhao Haiyan: No, no, I’ve been eating the food you made all my life and I still don’t know. This rice is so delicious

Zhao Benshan: Isn’t it? It turns out it doesn’t taste good. Well, when you bring this food back after delivering it, it will taste different if you eat it. Tell me...

Zhao Haiyan: It’s not what you made but you still talk about it. Haha, you can just say it. 呗

Zhao Benshan: What did I say? Did you eat it? Don’t say that I harmed you and drugged you. Who can understand you better than me? In addition, you have to pay attention to her bad legs and old age. My legs are cold and my waist hurts, so I gave her a warm baby. From now on, you two will have a good time. As long as I free up this house, you can live in his one thousand square meters place...

Little Song: Oh, then you are her old man, right?

Zhao Benshan: Did you see it? Even a fool can see it

Xiao Song: Yeah! (Nods) I realized it when I heard this. He is such a good big brother. Haiyan, please be more considerate. This is the person who loves you the most. This is the person who loves you the most. Now, don't be fooled. You even brought me here. How brave are you? I want to tell you that you can't touch my more than one thousand square meters.

Zhao Haiyan : What’s going on

Xiao Song: That’s the boiler room of my unit~

Zhao Haiyan: Then how do you say you manage more than 2,000 people

Xiao Song ：Heating?

Zhao Haiyan: You burn the boiler

Xiao Song: Yeah

Zhao Benshan: Did you see that this color is not right for you? Roasted

Xiao Song: So it turns out that a small boiler is just this big. Shake and shake and shake and shake, Dang! Popcorn popping~ Hehehe, then I switched to burning a big boiler. It turns out that I am not that dark. What happened? That time, there was a shortage of coal in the boiler. There was a shortage of coal in the stove. I was anxious to put it into the stove. Push coal inside, push it

The cart of coal was running fast, and it didn't stop when it reached the door of the stove. It even shot me into the stove with the cart. My legs and feet were about to crawl out, and it was baked like this. You said, you said it was not funny. Smile, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, e ~

Zhao Benshan: That's the way, then you will live with him, and I wish you, okay

Xiao Song :Here, brother, don’t bless me. I can’t compare with you.

Zhao Benshan: This man is very good.

Xiao Song: This man is a good man. Brother and I It can't be compared, Haiyan, please be careful. It's not easy to find such a person. What nonsense can you do at such an old age? I said to you, did you hear, are you stupid, are you not stupid, how stupid, how stupid. Silly (while talking and patting Haiyan)

Xiao Song: That big brother, I won’t stay here any longer. I can’t stay in this house any longer. It’s time for that, I have to dance the Yangko dance. Come on, Haiyan, this is your warmest and safest nest, (shoots Haiyan) Remember, you shameless person, look at you

Zhao Benshan: Go dance the yangko, he went< /p>

Zhao Haiyan: Not going

Zhao Benshan: No, I’m going

Zhao Haiyan: What are you going to do?

Zhao Benshan: I If you don’t go, you will be completely paralyzed. Go and practice your eyesight

Zhao Haiyan: Then you can go and dance the Yangko to exercise

Zhao Benshan: OK

Zhao Haiyan: Die Old man, I’m moving to this house this time

Zhao Benshan: OK

Zhao Haiyan: I’ll go twist it with you

Zhao Benshan: OK

< p>Zhao Haiyan: Let’s go

Zhao Benshan: OK