Ask for jokes ... healthy ... humorous ... The less funny, the more .......... words, the better ... The more jokes, the better.

What horse does the handsome boy ride?

I went to my cousin's house to play today and saw her children playing in bed. The little guy rode on the pillow and shouted happily, "Drive! Drive! "

I teased him deliberately: "handsome boy, what horse are you riding?"

The child shouted, "Idiot, I am riding a pillow!" " "

The first foreigner

Jane married a foreigner and took her husband back to his hometown in the country for the New Year.

The woman proudly asked the three masters in the village, "Is this the first foreigner in our village?"

The third master pondered for a moment and said, "No, the Japanese devils have been here!" "

A person who speaks freely.

Today, on the bus, a voice suddenly came from behind: "Chrysanthemum itches."

I was about to turn my head to see which master was so bold, when another voice came faintly: "I think cactus is easy to raise ..."

I am not a sunflower.

One day, a couple took a bus. The sun is bigger, the car turns, and women are illuminated by the sun. She needs to change with her boyfriend.

The car turned around again, and the woman was sunburned again, asking for another one.

After going back and forth several times, the man finally got angry: "I won't change, I'm not a sunflower!" " "

Which national pavilion is this?

During the World Expo, men queued for nearly five hours and finally approached the entrance. He couldn't help asking the person in front: "Which country's pavilion is this?"

A solemn answer came from the front: "Public toilets."

The most predestined new classmate

One day, two new students came to Class 3-2. The first one is a male classmate. He introduced himself: "My name is You Yongzhi, and I like painting." Say that finish and walk off the stage.

The second is a female classmate. She blushed and said, "My name is Huahua, and I like swimming ..."

Be sure to buy sportswear.

My daughter is clamoring to buy sportswear on the grounds that she can wear it in the morning run.

Dad: "Why do you have to buy sportswear? You can also run in the morning by wearing a school uniform. "

Daughter: "How can it be the same? Running in school uniform, I don't know, I thought I was late for school! "

My mother never hits me.

Xiao Ming said to his little friend, "My father is fierce and can hit people, but my mother never hits me."

The little friend said enviously, "Then your mother must love you very much."

Xiao Ming replied bitterly: "Not necessarily, as long as I don't obey, my mother will give me to my father."

I don't have your uncle.

I had a little trouble with my uncle some time ago. Later, I sincerely repented and bought something to make amends. When I arrived at my uncle's house, my uncle opened the door.

Me: "Uncle, I was wrong."

Uncle: "Uncle, I don't have an uncle like you."

Money is nowhere to spend.

Mother took her son home for a walk, and his son had a big balloon in his hand.

Dad saw it and blamed his wife: "Buy so many balloons! Is there any place to spend money? "

The son interrupted his father: "Balloons are free! Mom buys things and people send balloons! "

What lays eggs?

Dad asked his son: What lays eggs?

Son: Hen, and mother.

Dad: How can there be your mother?

Son: Because you always call me a little fool.

The teacher turned to doggerel.

The Chinese teacher looked back and saw that there was nothing but the Yellow Crane Tower.

The math teacher looked back and saw the symmetry axis of quadratic function.

When the English teacher turned around, I was sorry to add three grams of oil.

As soon as the chemistry teacher turned around, carbon dioxide turned into gasoline.

When the physics teacher turned around, a lever moved the earth.

As soon as the biology teacher turned around, the IVF swam in the water.

As soon as the PE teacher turned around, Jordan switched to playing table tennis.

When all the teachers turn around, the people of the world will not be free!

What's delicious?

I'm going to visit a new customer today, call him and ask him where he is. A: "At McDonald's."

I said a polite word to approach: "hey, what should my brother eat?" I can smell the fragrance. "

The other party replied, "I'm waiting in line in the bathroom!" " "

Definition of wife and husband

At dinner, the husband complained about his wife's poor cooking.

The wife said, "You married a wife, not a chef!" " "

When sleeping at night, my wife said, "There are strange noises upstairs. Go up and see. "

The husband said, "You married a husband, not a policeman!" " "

Grandma's surname is "I"

When my son was two years old, I taught him his surname. I said to him, "My mother's surname is Huang."

The son repeated "mother's surname is Huang"

"Dad's surname is Zhu"

The voices of children whose father's surname is Zhu are full of curiosity.

"The baby is also surnamed Zhu, which is the father's surname."

"Oh," the son nodded and asked doubtfully, "Dad, all babies are surnamed Zhu. What's grandpa's surname?"

"Grandpa is my father's father, and of course his surname is Zhu." I answered with a smile.

"oh! -What's grandma's surname? " My son still has many questions.

"Grandma's surname is Li," I answered without thinking.

"Hee hee, why is grandma's surname' me'?" My son thinks it's strange.

Great

There is a woman whose son is called Shuang. One day, her son died and she ran out like crazy. Someone asked her what was wrong, and she stammered, Cool! !

Haha, you are dead.

Hee hee and haha are good friends.

One day, haha died, and hee hee cried and said, "Haha, you are dead."

Looking for trouble 1

There is a couple, the husband is too wordy, the wife is too wordy, and it is troublesome to have a son. One day, the son got lost in the predicament, and the couple searched for a long time before reporting the case to the police station. The police at the police station met them and said, "You should sign up first." The husband said, "It's too wordy." The wife went on to say, "Stop nagging." Hearing this, the policeman got a little angry and asked, "What are you doing here?" The husband and wife said in unison: "Nothing to find!" The police got even angrier. They thought they had nothing to criticize, so they arrested the couple. The husband said to his wife, "Our son hasn't been in trouble yet, but he has found the trouble of being caught." The wife replied, "What can I do if I encounter such trouble?" After questioning, the police found that there was a misunderstanding because of the names of the three of them. So the police quickly helped the couple find their son's trouble.

Looking for trouble 2

Three brothers, the first is trouble, the second is to shut up, and the third is politeness. Their personalities are just like their names. One day, three brothers went out shopping, and the boss was taken to the judge as a thief. The second and third children went to the court to find the boss as soon as they knew. At the gate of the court, the second asked the third to wait at the door and went in by himself. After meeting the judge,

The judge asked, What can I do for you?

The second replied, I am looking for trouble.

Judge: looking for trouble? Who are you bothering?

The second child is anxious: it's for you ~

Judge: Playing tricks on me … What's your name?

Second child: Shut up.

Judge: Say, what's your name?

Second child: Shut up.

The judge was angry and shouted, You are so rude!

The third child was tired of waiting at the door. He heard someone calling his name, so he went in and said, here I am!