Seek world-class standard joke

He: Great! The day I was looking forward to has finally arrived! I can't wait!

She: Can I go back on my word?

He: No, don't even think about it!

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Will you betray me?

He: No, why do you think so?

She: Can you give me a kiss?

He: Of course, it can never be only once!

She: Is it possible for you to hit me?

He: Never!

She: Can I trust you?

& lt After Marriage > Look from the bottom up.

A rich man's daughter is getting married. He suggested that whoever could make his cat shake its head first and then jump into the water would marry his daughter and share half of his property. A young man came up to the cat and asked, "Do you know me?" The cat shook its head. "Are you awesome?" The cat nodded, so the young man flew up and kicked the cat into the water.

The rich man quickly saved the cat and said to the young man, "You are a foul. Let the cat jump voluntarily. " . I'll give you another chance. This time, let the cat nod, then let the cat shake its head and jump into the water. "

The young man asked the cat again, "Do you know me?" The cat nodded. "Are you still awesome?" The cat shook its head. Then the young man said, "Do you know what to do?" The cat jumped into the water itself. ......

I'm going to make a long speech.

Four men and women walked along the road, singing together: "As soon as the sun comes out, I will climb the mountain and climb to the top. I want to sing. "

At this moment, the Monkey King, who walked in the front, said, "Hey! Master, there is a pavilion in front. Let's go and have a rest! "

Tang Priest: "Good!"

The Monkey King looked around and said, "Master, it's picturesque here. Why don't I take a picture of you? "

Tang Priest: "Good!"

So Pig Bajie ran to the Tang Priest, handed a pack of cigarettes and said, "Master, this is your Marlboro."

Friar Sand took out the lighter and bent down to light the Tang Priest.

The Tang Priest took a long drink, spit out his cigarette and said, "I'll put a pack first."

The Tang Priest made a self-righteous gesture. He was about to ask the Monkey King to take a photo when he found Pig Bajie and Friar Sand standing behind him, grabbing the camera.

The Tang Priest was furious and scolded, "Get out, both of you. Seeing that you are ugly will pollute the lens. "

Pig and Friar Sand get out of the way. The Monkey King took some pictures of Tang Priest.

After taking the photo, the Monkey King ran to the Tang Priest and said, "Master, are you hungry? Let me buy you something to eat. Do you want to eat KFC or fried dough sticks? "

Tang Priest: "KFC, of course. What do monks eat without meat? Go! "

The Monkey King: "Yes!" Say and leave.

Friar Sand ran over and said, "Master, are you thirsty? What wine would you like to drink? "

Tang Priest: "You don't have to ask. As usual, I drink remy martin. Go and buy it! "

Friar Sand: "Yes, I'll go." Say and leave.

Tang Priest: "Pig, come here, can't you be right?" Go and buy me a copy of Global Times. "

Pig Bajie: "Well, the money for buying newspapers ..."

Tang Priest: "Bastard, of course you did it yourself! You don't give this little money, or I will deduct your salary! "

Pig Bajie: "OK, OK, I'll buy it right away."

After Pig Bajie left, Tang Priest took out a Playboy from his pocket and read it with relish.

As soon as the camera turned, Pig Bajie bought a newspaper and came back, saying, "I thought I was Marshal Tian Peng, but I was just seduced by Chang 'e, and I was seen by her lover, the Jade Emperor, and was banished to the world and cast as a pig fetus. Now I am planted in the hands of Tang Priest, and I am tortured by this smelly monk every day. Hey! "

Pig Bajie ran to the Tang Priest and said, "Master, I bought you the Global Times published the day after tomorrow."

Tang Priest: "Hey? You even bought the newspaper published the day after tomorrow. What a good pig! " Say it and read the newspaper.

Tang Priest: "Hey! The financial crisis in the western world may lead to riots. Then our lives will be in danger if we go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. I said Bajie, I think we'd better go to a nearby bookstore to buy some pirated masterpieces and go back to work. "

Pig Bajie: "No, Master. The quality of this pirated book is too poor to pass! "

Tang Priest: "This pirate is really wicked, and pirates are no better. He can only risk his life to go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures." Say that finish, continue to read the newspaper.

As soon as the camera turned, a dirty monster appeared on the mountain road.

Monster: "It's getting harder and harder to be a monster now. There are guns everywhere. When I shouted robbery, people shot at me. My money has been eaten up, drunk, and gone. I have no money to buy a gun, so I can only fuck other people's guns with my fists. It's really too difficult and too dangerous. "

The monster took a few more steps.

Monster: "Hey! The monks in front should comb their hair separately. It's a fucking slide. Wait, look at him. Does he look like Tang priest? ! I heard that eating his meat can make you live forever. If I let my wife eat a little, she will become very beautiful and I will never have to go out again. "

Then, the monster quietly followed the Tang Priest and Pig Bajie.

Tang Priest: "Hmm! It stinks! Bajie, did you take off your shoes? "

Pig Bajie: "No, Master. The smell seems to be coming from behind. "

When the master and apprentice turned around, they saw a monster.

Monster: "This handsome monk, are you the Tang Priest?"

When the Tang Priest heard the monster praise him, he said happily, "I am the most handsome Tang Priest in the world. Dare to ask where this demon brother is from? "

Monster: "Hum, I am the owner of the scum hole in the garbage mountain." Tang Priest, do you know that I have been waiting for you? If you are obedient, come with me. Don't make unnecessary resistance. You must know that I am strong. "

Hearing this, Pig's legs went limp, and he hid behind the Tang Priest and said, "Master, I'm in a hurry to pee. Go and take care of it first."

Hearing this, the Tang Priest took Pig by the hand and said, "Starling, we are good brothers. Be loyal and don't leave me alone."

Pig Bajie: "Master, my loyalty to you is like a raging river, but I really have to pee." Ah! I can't help it! "Say that finish, he ran away from the hand of the tang's monk.

Tang Priest: "Bastard! Your grandfather's! I guess I'm on my own. Monster, I am the champion of White Horse Temple free fighting. Dare you fight me? "

Monster: "As long as you don't have a gun, I dare to hit you." Say and punch in the past. Tang Priest fell to the ground.

Monster: "I copy! Can you be a fighting champion with this skill? "

Tang Priest: "Alas! I just didn't want to study hard and bought a fake diploma to make up the numbers. I was really careless. "

Monster: "Haha! Come with me! " With that, the monster took the Tang Priest away.

As soon as the camera turned, Pig ran back and said, "Fortunately, I am smart and fast. If I lost my life for this smelly monk, it would be in vain. Wait, Brother Monkey and Brother Sha will come back later. I know that Master has been taken away. How can I do a good job? "

The Monkey King came back with the sand monk, and Bajie ran up and pretended to be badly beaten?

Not good! Just now, a smelly monster came. It not only has bad breath and foot odor, but also has a fucking bad body odor. I couldn't beat him, so he took Master away. "

The Monkey King: "What? The master was taken away by a monster? Asshole! He still owes us six months' salary! Second brother, let's go and save master. If master is eaten by a monster, we will be busy for half a year.

Pig Friar Sand said, "Good!"

As soon as the camera turns, in the monster's cave, the Tang priest is tied to a post, and the monster and the little demon are sharpening their knives.

The genie sang, "Since I had you, life has been a miracle. If you live forever, your wife will be as beautiful as Chang 'e. "

Tang Priest: "Alas! I owe my disciples six months' salary and treat them like cattle and horses on weekdays. They certainly won't come to save me. Looks like I have to save myself. I want to influence these monsters with my golden words. "

The Tang Priest said to the little demon, "Brother Yao, there is no need to sharpen the knife in such a hurry. Let's talk! My Tang Priest is proficient in eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, and his deception is first-class. Chatting with me will benefit you a lot. Brother Yao, do you know that being a demon requires human nature? The more human nature, you are not a demon, but a shemale. "

Small demon: "Shut up! Your grandfather's grandfather! "

Tang Priest: "Wow! Brother Yao, your sentence' your grandfather's grandfather' is really amazing, much deeper than my sentence' your grandfather's'. "

The monster said to the little demon, "I said, little demon, although we are all dirty, our intestines and stomach are still very clean and we can't eat some unclean things."

"Hey, you!" The monster said to the Tang Priest, "Go and take out everything in your stomach, lest we eat bad stomachs."

Tang Priest: "I ... I really can't pull it out!"

The monster and the little demon sang, "You can't throw it into the pile without yelling, and you can't throw it in with your hands!" " "("Hero Song ")

Tang Priest: "You ... you really do all kinds of evil!"

As soon as the camera turns, the Monkey King and his three men walk on the road, singing "I often think that now you are always by my side." ("smiley face")

Pig eight quit: "Brother Monkey, this cave stinks. It must be here. Go in and save master! "

Friar Sand: "Yes! Monkey, you go quickly, we will cover you outside. "

The Monkey King: "I copy! It's me again. "

Pig Bajie and Friar Sand sang in unison: "Monkey, go forward boldly, go forward and don't look back!"

The Monkey King: "OK, OK, I take it."

The Monkey King went to the mouth of the cave and sang, "Look at the monster in the cave, look, look."

When the monster heard the Monkey King's voice, he walked out of the cave and sang as he walked: "One wave is not flat, and another wave is coming. Who is provocative? "

The monster came out of the hole and saw, "I'm handcuffed!" It turned out to be a smelly monkey. "

The Monkey King: "You monster really has no tongue. I am the Monkey King, the champion of the water curtain cave Monkey Beauty Contest in Huaguoshan. Anyway, my name is Rulei! "

Monster: "Never heard of it."

The Monkey King: "I copy! You monsters are so uncultured that you don't even know my grandson. "

Monster: "cut the crap and fight if you want." Eighteen dragons! "

The Monkey King: "Tathagata!"

While the monster was fighting with the Monkey King, Pig Bajie and Friar Sand took the opportunity to run to the cave to save Master.

When the Tang Priest was rescued, the monster saw it and said, "Bastard! It turned out that I was cheated by a diversion and my IQ was as high as 28. What an asshole! It seems that I must make a quick decision. Smelly monkey, look, Chang 'e is streaking in the sky! "

Hearing this, the Monkey King looked up at the sky. The monster took the opportunity to slap the Monkey King, and the Monkey King was unconscious.

Facing the Tang Priest and others, the monster said, "Hey, who knows better? Go back to the cave."

Pig Bajie: "Master, what should we do? Even Monkey Brother is no match for it, and I am anxious again. "

Tang Priest: "This monkey is so fucking useless. It seems that I have to make it for the teacher myself. Jason Wu, bring my mobile phone. "

Friar Sand handed over his mobile phone, and Tang Priest dialed a number.

The Tang Priest said stiffly, "Hello ~ ~ Is this Sister Guanyin? I'm Sanzang ~ ~ I'm stuck with a smelly monster now. Please come and help me. What? You're going to the sauna, there's no time! Well ~ ~ you are good or bad! If anything happens to me, who will accompany you at night! Oh! You have to teach me a spell! Okay, okay, I remember. Bye-bye, kiss. "

Facing the monster, the Tang Priest said, "Chen Wenjing, I am your mother, ok!"

Tang Priest patted his mobile phone and said, "Technology is a demon, Nokia mobile phone is great!" "

Friar Sand: "Master, what about Monkey?"

Tang Priest: "This monkey looks useless, but it really came and died. Bajie, the old way. "

Pig Bajie ran to the Monkey King's side, pointed his ass at the Monkey King's head and farted.

The Monkey King: "I copy! It stinks! " Then he bounced off the ground.

As soon as the Monkey King saw the monster stop moving, he rushed up and killed it.

Tang Priest: "Wait a minute! Wukong, don't kill it. We should give young people who have lost their feet a chance to turn over a new leaf. "

The Monkey King: "Master, your idea is good, but let it follow us. Aren't we going to give it free food and drinks? "

Tang Priest: "You monkey head really don't understand. You think that if you sell it, you will have money to go to the window of the world in Changsha. "

The Monkey King three people shouted: "Good! The master is wise! " Tang Priest: "It's getting late, let's hit the road!"

So the master and the apprentice sang with the monster while walking: "You have cigarettes, I have wine, eat, drink and gamble. How happy you are on the road ..."