A funny story that can make people laugh.

We want to fly in heaven, two birds become one, and I want to be a pig in the same circle.

People who say good night to sleep often show off in an ostentatious manner after half an hour.

We were both passers-by, but fortunately we didn't knock each other down.

The doctor told me to do photosynthesis and not to stay up late.

The wind blows clouds, and I love King Adi all my life.

Can someone who secretly loves me confess? You are anxious, I wait.

Drink medicine and pass the bottle, hang yourself by rope, jump off a building and wave a handkerchief to bid farewell.

People are afraid of famous pigs and strong, men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

People live so-so, but their sadness is fragmentary.

Although I look heavy and fat, I am actually malnourished.

I have a father and a mother, no car and no house, a wide range of interests and a kind heart.

It doesn't matter if the god of wealth comes to the door, the key is whether I open the door for him.

Look into my eyes and you will see persistence and sincerity except chewing gum.

The most unbearable thing every day is the pain of breaking up with the quilt.

You walk in the Jianghu, so the Jianghu is polluted by you.

You are uglier than a ghost if you don't dress up; As soon as you dress up, the ghost becomes paralyzed.

Now I am on a thief ship, and I want to be a successful pirate.

A needle is not pointed at both ends, and a person has neither mind nor body.

I never talk about people. I always talk about myths.

I said we never knew each other, so you live in a strange place.

The so-called threshold, the past is the door and the past is the threshold.

If you can make a bunch of friends with no ideas, you have to be a wizard without boundaries.

It's too difficult to get close to people, especially in winter.

I am a migrant worker, but my salary is not more than that of migrant workers.

Oh, let a man with spirit take risks where he likes, and don't let your wife go home empty-handed.

There is a kind of love called letting go. Please go when you let go.

Learning is endless, so I never graduated.

You scold, you continue to scold, and tell me when you've scolded enough. I'll go to bed first.

The story of the wolf coming tells us that cheating can only be done twice.

Sleep in class at night and get up in the middle of the night to turn off the lights.

There are no white pies in the sky, only white bricks.

That man looks, I don't know. Low pixel ratio

Knowing you is like winning the first prize, but it's a pity that you didn't get the bonus.

My bamboo basket is only used to fetch water.

A blind cat may not see a dead mouse, but a scholar has long been a soldier.

Elegance is not fake, grandson is fake.

Ray is a fashion, and earth is a belief.

When you leave home when you are young, you can tell whether you are a man or a woman.

Cheap things are not necessarily better, and free things are definitely the best.

Lu Xun, formerly known as Zhou, was also known as Zhou Xun.

If gambling is illegal, we should all stop driving and get married.

It's so warm to find that your body has enough fat when you cool down.

Although I don't like seafood, mermaids are acceptable.

When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital.

You're so polite to me, so I'm not polite.

A good young man with ambition: holding two pieces in his arms and 10 thousand in his heart.

The saddest time is when you want to do anything, only one knife.

Life is like singing, sometimes unreliable, sometimes out of tune.

The wind is rustling and the water is cold. I must pay back the money I owe.

It's beautiful from a distance, but I want to call the police when I look close.

It is said that a woman without talent is virtue, and I think I should be respected.

It's really hard to find the same kind, but there are many similarities.

It's not my fault that I'm ugly, but I was in a hurry when I landed, so I didn't hurry to dress up.

When people start calling you crazy, you are not far from success.

I'm not super Mary. I can't afford the RMB you want.

Forget it, if you don't lose weight, whether you like meat or not is just there.

Pretending to be B will never be struck by lightning, otherwise my world would have been thundering.

It is said that eating instant noodles often leads to curly hair.

Short and funny laughter. I knew it.

1, growing old together is not just about dyeing a hair and knocking out a few teeth.

2. I passed a person countless times, and the clothes were all scratched and there was no spark.

Behind every successful Altman, there is a little monster who is beaten silently.

4. School is a place to provide love objects for children.

At first glance, you are not so good. If you look carefully, you might as well take a quick look.

6. The so-called holiday is a special day when you are scolded at home and have no money to go out.

7. Don't ask me how to spend this Tanabata Valentine's Day this year. I really want to skip, skip and muddle along.

8, is it handsome, just cut a flat head. Whether it's a beauty or not, you'll know when you take off your makeup.

Sometimes, I'd rather sleep all day than talk to a fool.

10, homework, let's break up, I don't think we are really suitable.

1 1, don't be handsome in front of me, I'll make you cry rhythmically. ...

12, the theme of the exam composition is telling the truth. I handed in my paper, and the composition is only five words, which is the truth.

13, in fact, during the exam, you can cut a hole in the question you can't do. This scan is your next person's answer ...

14, since I can play QQ, I found that my pinyin is getting better and better, and reading has no such effect.

15, almost to Chinese Valentine's Day. How can you be so calm about someone who secretly loves me?

16 Why don't you find a quiet place to count the brain cells by yourself?

17, many things are not that I don't care, but that I care.

18, I'm not RMB, how can everyone like me?

19, summer vacation came and I haven't been back in the morning. ...

20. They are all foxes on the mountain. What do you think of serial killers?

2 1, about tomorrow, we will know the day after tomorrow; I don't want to know about the day after tomorrow. ...

22. There are always a group of invisible friends lying on your friend list like dead people, occasionally cheating the corpse and changing the epitaph from time to time.

Doctor, please give me some regret medicine and a glass of forgetfulness water.

24. We all want to find a prince who rides a white horse, but don't forget that Tang Priest also rides a white horse.

25. The current efforts are all for the pride that I blew when I was a child.

26. I really want to flip a coin … but I don't even have a coin!

27. Book me two tickets to heaven. I'm going to find Yue Lao.

Make you laugh. Tell me some interesting phrases.

1, the most powerful thing for me is that I can be a gangster and a writer without relying on alcohol and tobacco.

It is difficult to find a job, but it is not difficult to find a boyfriend. If you can't support people by working, change your mind and let men support you.

Some old men are lustful and think that young girls are short of money.

If the children in this country have lost their innocence, then the future of this country must lack imagination.

5. If you pass the exam, it will be gone. If you pass the exam, you will mention that you are definitely a nerd.

6. Before talking about friends, I first asked others if they had any friends. Now you have to ask others if they are gay.

7. You will never become an excellent college student, but you will rely on excellent quality.

8. I won't bend over when money falls from the sky, because even pies won't fall from the sky, let alone money.

9. Looks are not important, but ugliness is important.

10, we women are the only flowers in the world, so where do we get so much cow dung?

1 1, don't lift yourself so high, or you will die if you fall.

12, travel is from one's own boring place to another's boring place.

13, the difficulty of marriage is that we love each other's advantages, but live with her shortcomings.

14, tell me, do you want to die or not?

15, the so-called love story is that you say something that you don't even believe, but you want the other person to believe it.

16, but in the blink of an eye, everything has become the past.

17, some men are as smart as the weather and changeable. Some women are as stupid as the weather forecast. She can't see the change of the weather.

18, in fact, the daily shift is short, and the computer will pass as soon as it is turned on and off.

19, whenever the charge sounded, I quickly hid in the trench because: I am undercover.

20, phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

2 1, I slipped and became a big cripple, and then I turned around and flashed.

22. I am the ideal of pork, and the life of cabbage is always vinegar. I want to be braised once.

23. There is no doubt that I am your dream lover.

24. Buying a computer without broadband is like being a monk without eating.

25. This kind of fierce female hooligan is really rare in the world.

26. Uncover your own nature and face the reality of nature.

27. Forget all the knowledge learned in school, and the rest is quality.

28. Oh, you are too busy to go to the toilet by yourself.

29. People who are not afraid to find bones in eggs are afraid that they must find eggs in bones.

I am poor, and so are my servants, gardeners and drivers.

3 1. Half of life is bad luck, and the other half is how to deal with it.

32. The Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

33. Not knowing is sad, and not wanting to know is even more sad.

There are only two kinds of men: one is lewd and the other is very lewd.

35. hey! Do you think ghosts with single eyelids are horrible, or those with double eyelids?

36. I spend my whole life looking back on my youth and questioning my life.

Happy smile SMS

1, a man didn't come home on New Year's Eve, but hurried home at dawn. His wife asked him angrily. Man: The yellow light flashed at the intersection last night, and I dare not go there. The wife asked again, why not call the police? Man: I put my mobile phone in the trunk, so I get 2 points for driving and making a phone call, and I dare not carry it with me. Wife thundered: you won't get off to get it! The man said timidly, 2 points will be deducted if you don't wear your seat belt.

2, that buddy has a cheap mouth and makes his wife angry before going to bed at night. There is no way but to coax her with sweet words. Very angry, he asked his wife: The child is over ten years old this year. The wife smiled happily and replied, I am twenty-seven years old. The buddy habitually bursts out with a sentence: it doesn't look like a chest. Bang! The nosebleed instantly explodes F.

3. A sister lost her card and was picked up by her buddy. When she saw her name was Wang Fang, she shouted Wang Fang ... This product told people before, why don't you know me? Sister blushed and nodded. He said I don't know you either, so this is your card. My sister blushed. Take it and say thank you! This guy asked you why you didn't ask my name, and my sister continued to blush. Ask quickly, my sister blushed and whispered, what's your name? This product is great. Just call me Lei Feng.

4. Physiologically, the so-called naivety means that you can't hold your urine and can't hold your words; The so-called immaturity means that you can only hold your urine and can't hold your words; The so-called maturity means that you can hold back your urine and your words; The so-called old, is to be able to hold your breath, can't hold your urine.

5. A couple of high school students are dating in the park. W: Do you want to know what it's like to kiss? M: According to my analysis, kissing is the friction of two mouths against air resistance. When friction velocity is big enough, it will become four sausages. Woman: Go and rub your physics book!

The grandmother of the person I secretly loved passed away yesterday. She sent a Weibo, so sad. I wanted to send her a comment to comfort her to show my concern, but Nima accidentally clicked a compliment and suddenly felt that all the languages in the world were meaningless.

7, the big effect of a yellow light button appeared! At the intersection, the two cars collided, and the drivers all came down to offer cigarettes to each other, then called each other immoral, and never saw the routine quarrel again.

8. I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" " From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "

I found a girlfriend. She told me that she was CN, but she lost her bike (as everyone knows). Later, after a long time, my friend organized a bicycle outing and I invited my girlfriend to go with me. As a result, she cursed: "It's been so long, don't you know I can't ride a bike?"

10, many areas received reports. In the middle of the night, a car was parked in front of an intersection, and the owner called for help: "Brother, I can't go home now. The traffic lights at the intersection ahead only flash yellow. What happened? Everyone help me think about it? "

1 1. Just after passing an intersection, it was stopped by the traffic police. "You just ran a yellow light. According to the latest traffic regulations, you will be deducted six points. " The traffic police motioned for me to show my driver's license. I took out two one-dollar coins from my pocket and handed them to him. "I thought it was a big deal, sixty cents at a time. I raised them for a month." Then he stepped on the gas pedal and left.

12, driving through the intersection of Yinchuan Road and Haier Road today, the front is turning yellow. A VIOS on my right stopped in front of the white line. Tragedy is coming. A Changan Star rear-ended the VIOS and knocked it out. G-wave is when VIOS looks at the white line without looking at the car, and then says to Chang 'an Xingnan, I finally stopped the car. You knocked me out, and I didn't get a cent!

13 A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl, "What kind of boy do you like?" The girl said, "It's very congenial." The boy asked again, but it was still the same, so he had to say sadly, "Why not have a flat head?"

14. Sadness makes you worry about jumping off a building. If there is no money, let the price dive. If you do enough, you can jump ship. Sad, you can go dancing. You can practice long jump when you are tired. Narrow, can go to the high jump. You can jump rope after work. Bored, you can play checkers. If you are superstitious, you can jump. Depressed, you can go skydiving. Happy, you have a heartbeat!

15. Today, I read the new traffic regulations of the Central News. The reporter interviewed an illegal driver on Nanjing Road in Tianjin. Reporter: Do you know that the new traffic regulations don't allow you to make phone calls while driving? Driver: I know. Reporter: Then why did you call? Driver: I don't care about calling, I'll answer the phone! At that time, my lunch poured out, and Tianjin people just had the spirit of entertainment!

16, once I visited the park in a bad mood and found that I didn't bring my wallet when I bought water. When I was at a loss, a beautiful girl beside me bought me a bottle of water. I took a sip and asked her for her phone number. She said, "The water is for you, so don't think about it!"

17. Shortly after he went to college, Anonymous sent a message to his mother asking for money. The reason is: new boyfriend, six dates, all dressed up, need to buy another one. Mom texted back: change boyfriends and start from scratch!

18, change my girlfriend's phone number to mine when my classmate takes a shower. Text him in bed at night "Husband, I'm pregnant". I saw that guy suddenly turn over and get out of bed. Badabada smoked a pack of cigarettes and borrowed money from the dormitory. ...

19, suddenly found that as long as it is a passerby, 100% came out of the ruins; As long as it is a netizen, 100% is filled with indignation. After my simple analysis, I can infer that all netizens don't go to the streets and all passers-by don't surf the Internet.

When his girlfriend took Xiaoming home to meet his parents for the first time, he was very nervous. The girlfriend said, "Don't be nervous, just like at home." When I arrived at my girlfriend's house, the door opened and my girlfriend's parents greeted me warmly. Xiao Ming quickly said, "Dad, Mom, I'm back! This is my girlfriend! "

2 1. My husband said in his first love letter to me, "Every time I see lz, I feel like a rabbit is bumping around." Now that we have been married for 3 years, we are coquetry with this girl on a whim. "Husband, where is the bunny in your heart?" We replied, "I have already killed!"

22. A female colleague of the company went out to eat at noon. The mobile phone left the company, and then her husband kept calling, and a buddy next to him ate his nap and was disgusted. After the phone rang for the nth time, the buddy picked up the phone angrily and shouted, "We are sleeping, and you are always calling, which is annoying." After a while, a man appeared at the door of the office. ...

23. My boyfriend was on a business trip and called me a few hours ago to report his safety. I am idle and bored now, just like Doby's boyfriend. Call his hotel room: "hello, sir, can I help you?" He said, "No, I already have it."

24. It's almost Valentine's Day. I just went downstairs to finish shopping. Boss: "Does Mr. Wang buy flowers?" Me: "Why buy flowers?" Boss: "Buy flowers for your girlfriend?" Me: "Oh, how many flowers can I buy for my girlfriend?" Then the boss silently took the flowers back. ...

25. It was dark. A lovelorn wolf is looking for food, and he hears the woman in the house admonishing the child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn. Later, the wolf sighed with tears: liar, women are liars!

26, farming, the son is responsible for grasping the direction, the father pulls the donkey to walk, every time the son sets the car and says to the father in front: "Dad, let's go", the father pulls the donkey forward, day after day. One day, father didn't come. After the son got a good car himself, the donkey wouldn't leave no matter how he chased it. The son was anxious, suddenly calmed down and shouted, "Dad, let's go!" " The donkey advanced slowly.

27. Man: "Do you know why the ring you bought when you got married is called a ring?" Woman: "Why?" Man: "It's evil. So evil. " Female: "Bah ..."

28. At 10 in the evening, my wife who was away on business called. The following is the dialogue! Daughter-in-law: Where are you? I'm at home. Daughter-in-law: Really at home? Didn't go out fooling around? Me: Are you sick again? I'm not at home. Where is it? Daughter-in-law: well, go to the middle door of the refrigerator and look in the third compartment ... I went to have a look and there was a photo of us. Tell her. Daughter-in-law: Yes. So you're at home. Go to bed early.

29, a colleague, a diaosi, associates with the goddess, fearing that his family will disagree. The goddess lied to her family that she was Gao Fushuai, and she was not interested in getting married and could not see her parents. Diaosi often comes to the goddess, who bullies him with acting skills. Who did his parents ask? The goddess replied: spare tire, honest man. Six months later, the goddess played a man who was abandoned and heartbroken by Gao Fushuai. His parents comforted him: Don't be sad. Protected]

30. A buddy was broken up and finally asked his girlfriend to sing a song together and invite us all. At KTV, he said to his girlfriend, Let me sing the last song for you. We thought we should sing some affectionate songs to impress our girlfriend and make her change her mind. Therefore, he ordered "Xi shua" ... please take mine back and spit it out for me after eating mine. ...

3 1, husband: "The relationship between husband and wife is like X, there is only one intersection-when they are in love, they will go further and further in the future." Wife: "What about us? Is it as sad as X? " Husband: "No, we are Y. After meeting, we will always be alone."

32. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked, "Where is the bride?" Meatball said shyly, "Damn, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!" " "

33. What's the use of a woman getting married? The answer is: "There is a bird!" "Why does the man want a divorce?" Because I don't want to do it! "What's the use of same-sex marriage? The answer is: "What's the use! "

34. Take a sister paper car in the morning and I will take the co-driver. Every time the green light is on, the agent always looks dignified and nervous ... On the contrary, when he meets the red light, he is very relaxed, and he stops for the light honestly ... I said, the new traffic rules are really fucking good ... The agent doesn't answer the phone, looks ahead and slowly says, "See the red light, and you will be practical!"

35. Some people complain that plants vs. zombies are really deceptive, and they always remind that "there is a big wave of zombies approaching". For this reason, I played day and night all year round, and NND has never seen a "big wave zombie"!

The man didn't hurry home until the next morning. His wife asked why. The man replied: A yellow light flashed at the intersection last night, and it didn't return to normal until after six o'clock this morning. The wife asked why she didn't call. Man: 3 points for driving and calling! 6 points for running a yellow light! Reverse, reverse, malicious retrograde, penalty! I had to wait until the man was shivering with cold. Wife: Why is it so cold in the car? It snowed all night. I've been rubbing the number plate outside, and the number plate was blocked by 12!

37. Man: "Wife, you are the cutest person I have ever met! -"Female:" Trojan horse! -husband, I like you this have never seen the world ... "

38. A rich second generation proposed to a beautiful woman. The man said, marry me, baby. The beautiful woman shook her head. You will send me 999 roses. The man promised to come for real, okay? The beauty shook her head. I wanted a car to cut the cake, and the man realized it with tears. The man said, is this okay? In order to buy cut cakes, I have gone bankrupt, and the beauty shook her head. Finally, I want you to run the yellow light 12 times in Beijing. The man collapsed and went out to throw himself into the river.