A collection of selected weekend humorous text messages

1. Without the help of friends, there is no way to escape the dangerous world. Without relatives to care about, I just wander around in the busy streets. Without your blessing, the world would be filled with sorrow. How many text messages have you sent me in a year? No wonder my head turns gray with worry!

2. Being one year older, you need to understand many things: it will be windy when it rains, it will snow when it snows, the steel plate is hard, it will freeze at minus ten degrees, and if you eat too much, it will Hold on. Remember, friends won’t tell you these things!

3. Your performance is really good: you eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty, you know how to sit when you stand for a long time, you know when your body temperature is high and you know it is fever, and you know how to grin when you are happy. Comment: You are normal, keep up the good work!

4. You are a lovely giant panda. I really want to hold you in my arms, touch your soft body, feed you the greenest bamboo, and then look into your eyes and say to you: Dude, you didn’t sleep last night, okay?

5. I have no regrets as my clothes become wider and wider, I feel haggard because of Yi; I am tired of running around for you, I call you several times in my dreams, I scrimp on food and clothing, save money, and work hard to chase you. So infatuated for that? My dear house, who else but you?

6. I sent you a gift by express delivery, please check it carefully. I believe it will bring you infinite happiness and special surprises, and maybe you will scream with joy. The courier may deliver goods to your door at night, called...stinky mosquitoes.

7. Is it hot? I send you the breeze, which is refreshing and refreshing; I send you the cold water, which is cool and refreshing; I send you the ice cream, which is cold and cold. Still hot? There is no other way but to use a trick, you... just run naked. Coolness means "summer", happiness means "summer".

8. Smile and express your happiness; smile and let your teeth feel the carefree wind; smile and let your worries disappear; smile and let your anger turn into a nod of goodwill; smile again , Okay, rub your facial muscles and stop being stiff!

9. You love to wear colorful clothes, visit colorful shopping malls, drink colorful drinks, eat colorful fruits; fly colorful kites in the colorful wild. Your life is colorful, you are really a sex demon!

10. Long time no see, I miss you without interruption. I look forward to you so much that I sweat all over my body. I miss you so much that my hands and feet tremble. I care about you so much that my mouth twists and my eyes twist. I am so tired from texting that my legs dare not stand. If you have a conscience, reply to the text message to comfort me!

11. I heard that you have been suffering from insomnia and dreaminess recently. I know that this is all caused by money. In order for you to sit back and sleep well, the best way is to let me take care of your savings. Please let me help you suffer!

12. Give you a flower with red petals, red stamens, red receptacle, and red flower stem; give it to your mother-in-law with a happy smile, give it to your wife with crooked eyebrows, and keep it for yourself It can also be exchanged for money, also known as money spending.

13. Money is only available, but the heart is hesitant. There is no car and no house. There is no wife and the heart is wandering. There is no care but sightseeing! I see your confusion, at least I am better than you, I wish you the best! You must have confidence and courage if you are weak!

14. Missing you makes my heart panic, thinking about you makes my spleen and stomach tremble, looking forward to you makes my clothes wider, looking forward to you makes my heart hesitate; please don’t think too much, I just want you. Laugh every day, you can still pick up money when you lower your head, and you can still see gold bricks when you raise your head.

15. Yellow peaches, plums and red apples, may your lovesickness bear fruit; pumpkin, beans, green cabbage, girls will love you every day; Fanta green tea boiled water, may you have good dreams every night; orange, cucumber iced black tea, You get whatever you want.

16. Although you were bullied by dogs in Huluo Plain, if you go to your buddy's territory, who will touch you? Try it and see if I don't kill him. I heard that you were bullied just now. Let me send you a message. This text message comforts you: take good care of yourself and be happy and healthy!

17. The temperature rises every day, and the temperature is *** at most. Prices are rising every day, and every month is spent. I have a bad temper every day, and I get tired of scolding people until I get hurt. But you can play ball, fetch food, and fetch water, but you can't fight!

18. You are the God in my heart, you are the sky in my heart, you are the popsicle in my heart in summer; you are the air in my life, you are the water in my life, You are three quarters of my life. Have a cool day.

19. I made an outfit for you, Chaplin’s hat, Jackie Chan’s tuxedo, Old Man’s belt, and Nike shoes. Don’t be surprised, I want to make you a living treasure in the hearts of people all over the world. .

20. If I had money, a big house would make the anti-evictions angry, buying a car would make the car owners angry, and buying a piece of land just to watch him have fun, the most important thing is Buy a good body and make that hospital mad.

21. The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead, and the writer dies on the text message; when writing a text message, it hits the wall, and the gold star shines; the text message is a funny tsunami, and somersaults on the beach: after reading this text message , you can laugh happily!

22. On Valentine’s Day, I feel envious when I see other people in pairs; on Women’s Day, I feel jealous when I see ladies on holiday; on Children’s Day, I feel envious when I see children receiving gifts; today is finally the 525 Love Yourself Day. No need to envy others, treat yourself well

23. "Your Honor, I can no longer live with my wife. She is too rude. She threw a plate at my head 10 years ago." "Why? Are you applying for a divorce now? "Because she has been too targeted recently!"

24. She usually cares a little, and occasionally has small quarrels. There is no place to scratch the itch in life, and troubles arise again and again. . Let’s have a little fun today and send you a text message to make you laugh. 527 is my wife’s day, I promise to rely on you for the rest of my life.

25. I find that I am really loved by everyone, flowers bloom when I see them, my car is like a car, my beer lid pops open when I see it, and my car automatically blows out my tires when I see it, why don’t you come and worship me soon. If I love myself, I just want to live a wonderful life.

26. I am a rare person. I can scare away millions of troops from the front, stop thousands of troops from my back, ward off evil spirits at night, and scare gangsters during the day. The most important thing is that I have a high IQ and can send text messages. You Don’t laugh at 525 Narcissism Day. Please repost it and see if it will help.

27. The miser went out on business and was afraid that others would secretly drink the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup. After a while he came back and found a few more words on the note: I spit out it too!

28. Care is not a firework, which will disappear after burning out; longing is not a flower, which will wither after blooming. Lifelong friends, friendship is precious, the weekend is here again, text messages send comfort, I wish you a happy weekend, no worries, no worries and no fatigue! I wish you, dear customer, a happy weekend!

29. The highest state of friendship: everyone is well. , do not disturb each other. The highest state of love: love each other and stay together until old age. The highest state of life: no regrets, no complaints, crying and laughing. The highest level of greetings: always remember, keep in touch on weekends!

30. A true friend is not an episode in life, but a permanent confidant. I will cherish this friendship between you and me forever. The weekend is here as promised, may the fatigue leave and happiness stay in my heart! I wish my dear customers a happy weekend!

31. Have a good mood, and a sincere blessing, may you and your family Spend the weekend relaxingly and happily on this cool day. I wish my dear customers a happy weekend!

32. When the weekend comes, forget about working and socializing, change out of all your suits and shoes, and curl up your tail between your legs. Sleep wherever you want, let you be free, be as noisy as you like, even if you have random thoughts, I hope your thoughts will come true and be happy and smile!

33. Sometimes I am busy, sometimes I am tired, sometimes my heart is tired; sometimes I am lazy, sometimes I am lazy It's very annoying, sometimes my heart is very messy; sometimes I call you, sometimes I send text messages, sometimes I really think of you. It’s the weekend, let’s go shopping together!

34. I hope you love studying like the Slow Goat, be as smart as the Pleasant Goat, be as cute as the Lazy Goat, and be as enthusiastic as the Boiling Goat. Find someone else. Big Big Wolf who loves you unswervingly, enjoy the fun of life together!

35. Treat health as work and work hard; treat happiness as life and live seriously; treat happiness as a dream and persist; Peace is a blessing, carry it with you at all times; treat the weekend as a long vacation, may you smile and develop. Customers, happy weekend!

36. The green leaves accompany the flowers and take care of them all the way; the white clouds accompany the blue sky, always weathering the storm; care accompanies friends, showing happiness and worry-free; I accompany you in anticipation and wish you well from afar: This weekend, customer, I wish you happiness!

37. Signing orders in friendship on weekends drives away loneliness and coldness, deepens friendship and connects more, worries and sorrows are scattered with the wind. Have a glass of wine with friends, and you will have all the happiness and sweetness. If you are busy and have no time, my blessings will be warmer! I wish you a happy weekend!

38. What is the most painful thing on weekends in winter? The most painful thing on weekends is the day It’s too cold; what’s the most painful thing about weekends in winter? The most painful thing about weekends is that it’s cold and you have to work overtime.

Don’t worry about working overtime, customers, remember to have a happy weekend!

39. I haven’t contacted you for a long time, and my thoughts are growing. Although I am not by your side, I still care about you; although I don’t speak much, every sentence It's heartfelt, a few numbers convey affection, and it's always in my heart. It’s the weekend again, I wish you a leisurely and good mood!

40. I give you 50,000 yuan, 10,000 yuan for health, 10,000 happiness, 10,000 peace, 10,000 good luck, 10,000 happiness, and 1 *** Fifty thousand red bricks. Hehe, build a beautiful castle by yourself!

41. I opened Thunder, with no limit to the traffic, and the blessing speed was super fast, and I downloaded a lifetime of health, happiness, happiness, good luck, and peace for you. Contact me when I have time and I will send it to you!

42. The strong fragrance and tenderness of sesame paste cannot compare with my blessings and affection; Sanjiu Weitai is as considerate as a friend and cannot compare with me. The text messages are heart-warming. I wish you a good mood every day!

43. Your career is empty, your life is empty, you will go crazy thinking about it; your wallet is empty, your house is empty, so you have to go out to work; your love is empty, your love is empty, and you are not alone when you are alone. easy. Work hard!

44. If I am a spider, I will cover you with my health net; if I am a big tree, I will cover you with happiness; if I am a fairy, I will protect you with peace. But I am neither, I can only wish you happiness with all my heart!

45. I dug a mine specially for you, with gold list nominations in it. My heart is silver, my copper heart is forever, aluminum wins against aluminum, potassium court Happiness, there are worries, worries, and endless paths!

46. Build a pyramid for you with blessings. The top of the pyramid is health, and the top is happiness, happiness, good luck, happiness, and peace. There is also a basement where you can run down and have a laugh.

47. Dig some soil and plant my thoughts in it. A few 12345, if there are no flowers or grass, only red banknotes will grow. Who says feelings are not taxed, I still have to spend a dime to think of you.

48. Let us know each other for a long time, and the friendship will naturally become deeper. Although the contact is less, the missing is more. I wish you more happiness, more happiness, and more days. More moisturizing.

49. Happy mind: a happy spirit, happy emotions, full fighting spirit, unremitting efforts, practice every day, and you will become a successful hero and a happy hero!

50. I treat you to a big dinner today. Happiness is the dessert, happiness is the main dish, and health is the rice. If you want to eat anything else, feel free to order it. As long as your wishes come true, go smoothly and safely, I will pay for everything!

51. Work should be like blowing up a balloon, giving yourself encouragement; life should be like shooting basketball, giving yourself flexibility; health should be like playing basketball Billiards, position yourself. My friend, I wish you happiness!

52. This is the "Happy" brand text message. It is exclusively produced and of high quality. It has the effect of dispelling worries, relieving fatigue, prolonging life, eliminating diseases and disasters, and attracting wealth. If one person receives it, the whole family will be happy.

53. Happiness binds you, and then throws you into the sea of ??good luck, letting you float and float, shake and shake. May you be picked up by someone called Health, and your wish of being happy every day and having peace in your life will come true. !

54. My friend, wash away your worries, throw all your sorrows into the pot of wishful thinking, let me light the fire of blessings, and wish you a 100% happy life, happiness and beauty without compromise!

55. A timid patient was pushed into the operating room. He asked the doctor and nurse to take off his mask. The doctor said no, it was against the rules. When the patient heard this, he became anxious and said, "Don't lie to me." He was afraid that something would happen. Are you recognized by me?

56. Cockroaches are too rampant nowadays, spreading germs and destroying food; after careful consideration of the thirty-six strategies, the beauty strategy is the best; first brew your emotions and call it ambiguously: Zhang Lang! It must be so happy that it faints, you take the opportunity to cut off its intestines!

57. I will be happy to receive your message; I will be surprised to hear your voice; thank you Give me selfless spiritual encouragement. The problem is that now I am mainly materially poor. I think if you invite me to dinner, this problem will be solved.

58. No matter how red the flowers are, they still need the green of the leaves; no matter how powerful the bird's wings are, they need the help of air; no matter how white the teeth are, they still need the support of lips and teeth, even if the flowers are stuck on cow dung.

I said, without you as fertilizer, how can my flowers and plants survive?

59. Happy New Year, happy New Year, I can’t bear the New Year without you! My wife won’t let me! I miss you secretly! Give me a kiss in the dead of night It makes my heart itch, my dear you! Wuliangye

60. It’s the Chinese New Year, and I’ll give you a couplet! First couplet: Eat when you should, drink when you should, don’t take it to heart when something happens. Second line: Taking a bath, looking at the watch, feeling comfortable every second. Hengpiao: Just be happy!

61. I will remember the good scenery, I will miss the good seasons, I will treasure the good information, I will cherish the good friends, and I will keep the good smiles. Stay, I will give you my best wishes, and wish you a happy weekend!

62. The gentle breeze blows, March is sunny, the grass grows in the south of the Yangtze River, the water in the north of the Yangtze River is warm, the plum blossoms outside the mountains are fragrant, the willow trees are stuffed, and it is another outing. It’s Fang season, what I actually want to say is... New Year is here, spring is blooming, when will you treat me to dinner?

63. Living is so tiring: I have to line up to get on the bus, I love you and suffer, and I haven’t eaten yet. Fragrance, it is easy to get drunk after drinking, and you have to pay taxes when making money! Even sending a text message to Xiaozhu has to be charged! Happy New Year to you.

64. The reporter asked the soldier what motivated him to be so brave? The third-class hero said: Fight for the motherland! The second-class hero: They occupied our houses and women! The first-class hero: The company commander issued bulletproof Clothes, I later found out it was a cotton-padded jacket.

65. There is a slight breeze in the quiet morning, and the slight breeze has a slight coolness. In the slightest coolness, there is my gentle greeting! I hope my greetings can eliminate your scorching heat, Bring you a good mood for the day!

66. In terms of class, you are the boss; in terms of career, you are a white-collar worker; in terms of ability, you are the backbone; in terms of talent, you are the elite. Therefore, we all sincerely praise you for being: old, white, boned and fine! Hahaha... I wish you a happy Spring Festival!

67. Busy life only takes away time, so always care about your friends in your heart. , a greeting and a blessing, I wish you a happy weekend on this beautiful and joyful day!

68. Every day I have a dream, so that you will receive my blessing and your heart will be happy. Troubles can be eliminated. Sleep is as ripe as a pig and as sweet as milk. When you wake up early, you can see the beautiful sunrise. Good night, let the dreams begin to enter.

69. A god said to me in my dream: " Steady, accurate, ruthless, tolerant” I have never understood. It wasn’t until I took the train that I realized the true meaning. I pass on the proverb to you, and I hope you can grab a seat when you go home for the New Year! Happy New Year.

70. I will give you the heaviest poop gift since I had poop. You will definitely eat a pound and eat more. If you feel that the poop volume is not enough, please poop yourself

71. May Day Golden Week! Super value luxury tour, full tractor transportation, climbing mountains to tour Beijiang, digging taro, eating sweet potatoes and picking chicken dung fruit! The whole trip only costs ten yuan to enter a five-star hotel (hotel)! Sign up now Let's do it!

72. Don't panic when you meet a dog on the road. Fight it bravely. There are only three results at most: first, you win, you are better than the dog; second, you win. If you lose, you are not even as good as a dog; third, if you are tied, you are as good as a dog.

73. The butterfly complained about the bee, because the belly is not small, and there are so many sweet words in it, but it just doesn’t say it to me. It’s annoying! The bee complained about the butterfly, because it wears a strange flower, and the two antennas on its head are as long, but it doesn’t. Send me a message, annoying!

74. Love reminder, seven quits after meals: one quit smoking, two quit eating fruits immediately, three quits relaxing, four quit drinking tea immediately, five quit walking in vain, six Jie takes a shower immediately, Qijie goes to bed immediately! Bajie: Do you remember?

75. After so many years, do you know how hard it is for me to find you? I have traveled all over the world just to find you. A face like yours, this is my business card, you are welcome to come to my plastic surgery hospital at any time! - Expert in Misleading People

76. If a man doesn’t pick up girls, he will feel sour; if a woman doesn’t pick up girls, she will feel sad. Being irritable; not picking up girls when they are around is a labor reform; picking up girls when you see them is doing justice to God.

77. Sister, sister, I love you, and I will sing a love song to you. It's cold, it's warm and caring, it's happy, it's anxious. I missed you even while squatting on the toilet, so I sent a short message.

78. Modern teachers are highly skilled in martial arts. They all know how to throw "darts", and they also have magic weapons for teaching. It is either homework or exams.

79. For men, twenty is semi-finished product, thirty is finished product, forty is fine product, fifty is top grade, sixty is top grade, seventy is waste product, and eighty is souvenir.

80. Ikkyu is smart, has a bright head, has many ideas, and has a kind personality; Xiaoye is beautiful, has a gentle temper, has an ordinary life experience, and blushes often. .

81. China has been famous for its famous wines since ancient times. Lifting the girl's leg, drinking wine; lifting the young man's leg, drinking golden seed wine; lifting the old lady's leg, drinking wine from Gujing; lifting the old man's leg, drinking Holy Spring Dry Beer! Lifting your leg, drinking cheap man spring wine!

82. In order to get the first place in running, you comb your hair in a streamlined style; in order to get the first place in dancing, you keep spinning like a top; in order to get the first place in the exam, you don’t dare to pick up girls but make tea instead; see how fast you can hold it in, text message I wish you a good mood!

83. When guests come to Africa, they are called hackers. Doing what you like is called love. Expressing one's emotions is called ***. Vomiting after drinking is called drunkenness. There are pigs like you, so they are called pigs!

84. Before going out this morning, please clear the brain cache from Monday to Friday, release the memory of the happy cortex of the brain, and open the pop-up window of the working cortex of the brain. Program, relax and have fun for two days. I wish you a happy weekend!

85. The busyness of work reduces only the contact, but the longing for friends becomes closer. A text message or a greeting contains true sincerity. I wish you a happy weekend!

86. Because looking forward to you is my spiritual sustenance, because missing you makes me waste time, and because missing you makes me work hard quickly. My world is wonderful because of you. You are the motivation for my work and the source of happiness on weekends.

87. The weasel called the chicken: Today is the weekend. I will pick you up in the car to go to karaoke and have a midnight snack. The chicken agreed. As a result, the chicken became the weasel's midnight snack. I wish you who are reading the text message a happy weekend, and be careful to guard against wolves!

88. Sit in a happy car, step on the happy accelerator, hold the comfortable steering wheel, ignite the happy car, and set off for the weekend destination; go traveling, it will dissipate your week's boredom ;Wish you a happy weekend!

89. The phone vibrates, and I’ll give you a ***; the screen lights up, and makes you shine; the *** rings, and I want to relax with you; a text message is sent, and my friends care about it; the weekend is here. , give a gentle greeting. Have a good weekend!

90. The summer heat is gradually disappearing, the cool breeze has arrived, the smell of maturity is permeating the fruit fields, and the joy of autumn harvest is rolling in the fields. What we harvest is not only maturity, but also the charm of the entire season! Happy weekend!

91. Sleeping is an art, eating is an art, and shopping is an art. Happy weekend, no one can stop us from pursuing art! May your weekend life be filled with art and happiness!

92. Give me a piece of beauty to make you feel good on the weekend, give me a piece of care to make you proud, give me a piece of youth to make you immortal, give me a piece of dream to make you realize it, and give me a piece of friendship without any need for repayment. Only if I give you another copy will you be safe!

93. Follow one's heart and be leisurely; be casual and indifferent; follow the circumstances and be happy; be casual and clear; be at peace with the situation and be calm; follow one's will and be detached. The weekend is here, and my blessings are never random. May your happiness follow you everywhere.

94. As time goes by, the appearance will easily age; when the pressure is great, the body will easily collapse; when the distance is far away, the relationship will easily weaken; when the mood is bored, the spirit will easily wilt. Send you text messages to relieve your worries, connect with each other to relieve boredom, and spend the weekend in a good mood.

95. The sky is blue, the sea is wide, and the beauty of life always remains; the clouds have dispersed, and even on the other side, weekends are so lazy; forget your sorrows, smile, and the road to life is still wide. I wish you a happy weekend and may you still be happy!

96. The sky was tired, so it gave up the sun and chose the moon and stars. The flowers are tired and give up their beauty and choose fruits. You are tired after a busy week. I hope my greetings can dispel your week's fatigue! Have a great weekend!

97. A meteor streaked across the sky, and I asked it to bring you a few blessings. Who would have thought it would say: I do big things, but you have the nerve to ask me for such a small thing? Hey, I have no choice but to send you a text message: It’s the weekend, remember to be happy!

98. Be happy every day, smile every day, go smoothly every day and not worry, miss you every day without stopping, think about you every day, I hope you are always in a good mood, I send text messages, you come to laugh, and have a happy weekend , you are the prettiest.

99. I heard people say that if you receive a blessing this summer, your ideals will grow in spring and summer. Even in the scorching summer, they will grow like summer flowers, so I send you my warmest blessings. , wish you happiness all summer. have a good weekend!

100. Decadence and depression can only make life as haggard and thin as autumn leaves. Pat the dirt on your body and look at the road in the distance. No matter it is full of thorns or smooth, face it with a smile. Go on, the weekend is here, be happy.

101. The breeze blows gently, the clouds fly gently, the thoughts follow gently, the friendship gently pursues, and the greetings accompany gently. I hope you will not get drunk when drinking, not tired from work, be in a quiet mood, and be happy. times. The bitter summer is not bitter, happy weekend.

102. It’s not hard to work hard for life; keep your health and put on clothes in time when the weather is cold; cherish your friendship and keep in touch with your friends so that they don’t grow distant; the weekend is here again, friendship is always there, and the text messages are not finished. I wish you good health.

Organized by: zhl201704