The third serial of workplace psychology is difficult to communicate. What is the root cause?

Communication is really difficult. I have trained others in "efficient communication" many times, and I have also heard many big coffees talk about their views on "efficient communication". However, this problem is still the root of many communication problems in life.

In the workplace, when we narrow down to work, it is relatively easy to analyze. Moreover, as long as you are an adult working person, whether you are starting a business or working, the people you contact the most every day are in the working atmosphere. Communication in professional scenes, we assume that it is only communication matters related to workflow or management. After careful analysis, I want to find the most fundamental reason that affects communication. First of all, we should understand the nature of communication, then find the reasons behind it, and finally see if these reasons have deeper similarities. Therefore, we must first understand communication, look at communication positively, and face up to how difficult this "difficult problem" is and why it is so difficult. Then, by analyzing the problems existing in communication between oneself, others or organizations, we can finally achieve the goal of improving the communication level with others.

"I have made it very clear, but he still wants to do his idea and give it to me. I will say it again, and finally go back and forth several times to achieve the effect I want. "

"I was very polite once or twice at first, but then I couldn't control it. It was really difficult to hold back my emotions."

"If someone bothers me, can I go back in my way?"

"In the process of dealing with things, I began to arrange such work for me. I'm ready, but it's not like this at the scene. It was completely different from the beginning. Moreover, when I put forward my own opinions during the implementation, the person in charge told me that it would be good to do what he meant, and nothing else would be said. Finally, he also found that I was right, but he didn't admit his mistake and didn't mention it again. I especially want to make it clear to him, but he thinks I am particularly stubborn and particularly disobedient. "

"Don't you understand? Why didn't you do it right? "

"The customer said is clinch a deal. Our company is very likely. I was happy for a long time, but the end result was not us. My manager told me that I didn't understand what the customer said. "

Sometimes, we will find out why it is so difficult to form good communication between people. In particular, this kind of poor communication will greatly affect your mood. Why is this happening?

Let's look at communication first. Do people really understand communication?

"Communication is a process of transmitting and feeding back thoughts and feelings between people and groups, so as to achieve ideological consistency and emotional smoothness."

We have noticed that there must be a process of feedback on the basis of communication and transmission of thoughts and feelings. In the end, we should be consistent and smooth sailing.

Then, it shows that communication can't be one-way at least. The idiom "Play the lute to a cow" well explains the mentality of many people when they encounter difficulties in communication, especially when they can't understand your "intention". People should pay attention before they associate. If you want others to accept your meaning, then you need the other person to agree with you on the ideological level and be fluent on the emotional level, which is possible.

Many communication trainings have mentioned that there are many obstacles in communication, which will affect the effect. Objective factors such as poor environment, language barrier and cultural differences can be "ignored" in the working environment, unless you often miss the train in the office, and the noise should not be so loud as to affect the sound transmission.

So what is the biggest obstacle in communication? We extract some from many people's summaries:

1. The background is so different.

People of different age, nationality, culture, education, occupation, gender, status and personality will have different feelings about the same situation, which is often the root of many communication obstacles.

For example, when I was in Hainan, I often ate steamed bread. Aren't you going to eat? Only eating rice is the staple food, which is the common knowledge here. For example, when I was working in several foreign companies, an official asked six talents in the company to "guess" that they were looking for me because he kept asking where others were, and everyone in the company called me by my English name. "Your company saw the boss don't call total? God, this is completely incomprehensible! ! ! "？

2. Inertial thinking limitations

Experience is a double-edged sword. Experienced people can judge many things through these experiences, but those experiences are also easy to form a rigid, solidified and self-righteous impression of something or someone, and it is easy to jump to conclusions when communicating with others.

For example, my colleague in the car saw that the car in front was difficult to park in the parking space, and he proudly said, "This level must be a female driver!" ... and then, after verification, they will always be different, "Look, right?" ……

3. Not interested, even annoying

Many people think that it is the "biggest obstacle" in the communication process, that is, the other party is not interested in the person who expresses it, or is not interested in what this person says. This will not give you the appropriate communication results at all.

For example, parents who urge marriage and "leftover men and women" are recommended by their parents to meet. If you are not interested, "oh, oh, ok, I see, I will be satisfied!" " . Another example is that the girlfriend is excited. "You know, I ordered my favorite dish for you today. Please try it." Boyfriend is considering where to take you. "Oh, I ate two bites. The movie starts in ten minutes. Let's go first. "

4. Differences in knowledge and cognition

Gorky said that books are the ladder of human progress, and Bacon said that knowledge is power. Knowledge can broaden people's horizons, change people's way of thinking, make people more thoughtful and have deeper language. Therefore, when chatting or communicating, we should have a general judgment or understanding of each other's knowledge level. If the thinking and management logic are not systematic, it is also a long-standing problem for many middle and high-level managers.

A joke:

The nouveau riche boss interviewed the company executives. "Manager Li, which university did you graduate from?" "Mr. Chen, I graduated from Harvard Business School." Boss Chen folded his hands. "Oh, I studied Buddhism. Well, what does this have to do with company management? "

5. Emotion is out of control and erupts.

Self-cultivation advocated by the Chinese nation for thousands of years is nothing more than controlling emotions and making good use of others' emotions, no matter which one says. When people are "emotional", they should completely avoid communicating with others or making any decisions. So as not to be incoherent or outspoken, hurting people and hurting themselves. On the other hand, it is very useful to express emotions appropriately and reasonably, especially intelligently, because if there is no emotion in your voice, the other person's understanding of your words will be incomplete.

Chatting in the case of emotional disorder may become like this:

A: "This dress is really nice!"

B: "What do you mean? You mean I'm not beautiful, right? Looking at clothes every day? I knew you couldn't get used to me. You can divide it if you don't like it! "

A: "? ......."

6. Inaccurate expression

Difficult or inaccurate expression is often called "topic terminator". Many times, it is because I can't find the right words to convey my meaning, or because I didn't fully understand the topic halfway, I decided to express my views. Such people usually speak without malice or even goodwill, but what they express is not quite right. ...

Zou's new graduate:

A: "Can you give this document to the general manager for me?"

B: "Mm-hmm, ... I'd like to die" ... all kinds of black lines. .....

These are the subjective factors that affect the normal communication between people in the enterprise. From these factors, can we find out their * * * and summarize the more fundamental subjective factors? In fact, under such restrictions, internal communication is possible. This kind of communication is aimed at profit, guided by the smooth and efficient completion of work, and aimed at teamwork and smooth communication. After I summarized, a key word suddenly appeared in front of me: respect! This attitude determines everything, first of all, the respect for the company, the profession and the work, and then the respect among colleagues.

Let's look back at the so-called question above:

1, if the background is different, you really know how to respect each other, and you will know more about the background and cultural differences. You all came to the same company. When you find a colleague with a certain religious belief, the first thing is to accept it, and if you want to accept it, you must respect this fact, and then you can learn more about each other's sensitive areas that need special attention.

2. Inertial thinking limitations. From the bottom of my heart, first of all, we should respect our environment and people. If we can't respect them, you will be trapped in your own inertial thinking and look out with glasses. However, if you don't accept each other's inertia with good respect, it is impossible to understand each other, let alone understand them. Then it is not impossible to "empty the cup" from the heart and re-examine your current environment. In fact, it is very simple;

3. Not interested. Whether you are not interested in other people's things and words, or others are not interested in your words and deeds, it is obvious disrespect. It's really limited to people with connections. Of course, unimportant people or things can be uninterested, but things between colleagues, especially things at work, should be "interested" as much as possible. You must first meet the minimum standards and respect what others say to you. If you show interest in other people's affairs, you will be more respected. Similarly, as an expresser, you should first assess whether the other party will be interested. If what you say is too boring or unconstructive, or has nothing to do with the other party, it is difficult to arouse the interest of the other party. So you should also be mentally prepared, and your expectations are not high. It doesn't matter if the other party is not interested in your words for some internal and external reasons and is left out in the cold. You can find an opportunity to talk about it next time, or pave the way to explain your relationship first;

4. Differences in knowledge and cognition. If it is in a big social environment, of course, the difference will be great, but for the same company, the difference will be small. Even if there are differences, out of respect, when you speak, first, you should be able to find the strengths of others and accept what you know better than yourself. It's better to ask for advice carefully. Second, if you read a lot of poetry books, don't always show off, but communicate with others in a language that you can understand from the perspective that the other party can understand. Otherwise, it is difficult for others to accept this "inhuman" communication, and communication will naturally be affected;

5, emotional out of control, outbreak, but also a sign of disrespect for people, between the boss, boss, peers, subordinates, if your emotional control is the same level, it means that you are doing better. No matter how it is controlled, it is at least fair. However, emotionalization is a great disrespect for people. There is no doubt about it. If the two sides respect each other in communication, it is conceivable that one side will not rush into it.

6. Inaccurate "topic terminator". This situation is a bit special You can't say you don't respect others at all. It's just that some people comment because they can't understand what others are saying for many reasons. Therefore, listening more is the best respect. Don't be the one who makes the situation awkward or funny. Similarly, when such colleagues appear, as yourself, don't just laugh at or ridicule such colleagues, or criticize or blame others behind their backs, but take the initiative to explain the differences in understanding. You can refer to my previous article-indulging in a wrong behavior or choice may ruin your world.

There are many kinds of relationships between people. If there is mutual demand, the more people care about each other, the more thoughts and feelings will be exchanged, and the relationship between them will form a special intimacy. Without mutual needs, they will not care about each other, and the relationship is only a range imposed by various external factors. Care about each other's intimate (intimate) relationships, such as: family, lovers, friends, confidants, classmates, colleagues, comrades-in-arms ... Among these relationships, there are strong genetic relationships, all of which are acquired relationships with different degrees of looseness, and the degree of your "demand" or "cherish and attach importance" to this relationship determines your willingness to respect it, which will ultimately affect the intimacy of the relationship. If you pay enough attention, you will get enough respect. The communication between these relationships will definitely be higher or stronger than the looser relationships such as customers, business, business, neighbors and passers-by. With the development of the times, the relationships among netizens, game friends and book friends are close in the virtual world. They are also based on mutual respect and face many communication obstacles with each other.

Therefore, mutual respect is the basis for colleagues (superiors, peers and subordinates) to communicate more at work, because this communication frequency is the most intensive. If you don't have or the other person doesn't have this kind of good respect, then there will be no mutual emotional communication, and it is impossible to achieve the unity of thoughts, that is, communication is dead. Therefore, I understand that communication depends on respect. Apart from objective factors, there are several subjective factors that need to be overcome, but the premise must be full and basic respect for others, so that I will not make or make fewer mistakes. At the same time, your respect will win the respect of others, forming a virtuous circle, and the communication and feedback between people will naturally be different. Pay attention to others' respect for you in time. Sometimes it's not the other person's deliberate disrespect, but the reason. Why is there such "disrespect"? In fact, it is because there is no "emotional savings", that is, there is not enough communication with others, or there is not enough intersection. Whether or not to truly respect others is the key. Everyone will feel others' respect for themselves, but not necessarily the same.

Of course, it is easy for many people to see that there is an ultimate "solution", that is, all people do not add any emotions and emotional components when communicating, "just talk about things, don't talk about emotions, don't talk about people." Approaching and trying this ideal state will undoubtedly improve work efficiency and success rate. But as a person, it is impossible to have no emotion, and it is undoubtedly easy to achieve between machines. The reason lies in psychologist alfred adler's book Inferiority and Transcendence, in which he describes: "Everyone has a natural drive for the will to power, which integrates personality into a general goal and tries to be a perfect person without defects. So envy others, surpass others and conquer others are all manifestations of this pursuit of superiority. But at the same time, it is also believed that the result of pursuing superiority is twofold. It can not only inspire people to pursue greater achievements, make people's psychology grow positively, but also ignore the needs of society and others because of the pursuit of personal superiority, thus creating a "self-esteem complex", which makes people lack social interest and become arrogant. "

Are you such a person? How many people around you have such a "self-esteem complex"? Do they have different plots? In this way, can you understand why it is sometimes difficult to communicate with people? At the same time, with this theory, should we keep our mentality after entering the workplace and try not to let ourselves become so arrogant and unable to communicate too early?

I have done it myself, but the other party still has problems. What should I do? Do we give up when we meet someone who respects others and doesn't understand? Actually, it's not, but it's multifaceted for everyone. We can find suitable and reasonable ways to enhance understanding and deepen feelings with different types of people. Just like an unpleasant but valuable saying to the old saying, "Talk to everyone, talk nonsense." Seriously analyze your own world, not directly change it. In fact, you can't have the ability to change others or objective conditions. However, changing and adjusting yourself can change "your world". Because "your world is your mirror". ?

Finally, if you want to improve your differences with others, it seems very difficult to respect others, reach a good emotional and ideological foundation with others, and then influence others' feelings and their own understanding. In fact, it can be achieved after a period of running-in. Whether the final result is the best or not depends on yourself. You will find that in a company, there are always people who can communicate with everyone most smoothly, and you will also find that there are always people who have some problems when communicating with others. No matter how big a company is, there is always one who does the best and one who does the worst, and the average level in the middle often represents the level of internal communication in this company. The higher this level, the higher the communication efficiency. Now, with the help of tools, especially the Internet, all kinds of software, apps and programs on the mobile side can achieve better and more efficient unmanned communication. However, your writing level and the clarity of your story will still affect the acceptance of others. Therefore, everyone in each team should learn to respect each player better and establish better, faster, more accurate, efficient and precise communication. It is necessary for the whole team to establish a "high degree of mutual trust and interdependence" on the basis of mutual respect, unify thoughts and emotions, formulate unified standards, solve the six communication obstacles mentioned above, and finally achieve the most efficient communication.

Finally, give some enlightening "chicken soup" to some friends who have great confusion in the process of interacting and getting along with others.

Alfred adler-