The girl is very sad now, and I want to tell her some jokes. I don't know what to say!

1) female: do you really know everything about me? I like my height and weight best and hate it most. Tell me!

Man: Height ... (scratching his head) Flat shoes go to the chin and high heels go to the ears. Weight (while thinking), I can carry you on my bike, and I can barely climb a 30 slope. If I hold you, I don't think I can walk two meters. You like pinching me with pointed nails best, and hate watching football and other girls most.

2) Female: Hum! So what do you like about me? Don't say "many"! For example!

M: A lot (a little proud). For example, if you have a cold, you will have no strength to quarrel with me. For example, you no longer ask me to pick you up from work, but just call you every morning; For example, you say that roses are not as affordable as Chinese cabbage; For example ... (Look at the woman's face and shut up)

3) W: Suppose your mother and I fall into the water at the same time. Who will you save first?

Man: Didn't you say you learned to swim?

4) W: What impressed you most about me?

Man: It must be marriage! Love has finally come! (Heart: Who can forget the day when the enemy completely fell! )

5) Woman: Tell me the difference between me and your ex-girlfriend!

M: She is an endless chess game, and you are an endless chess game.

6) Woman: To you, I am not as important as your dog!

M: If you stop talking, you can still eat leftovers. Of course, you are still important.

W: Do you think I should wear a ruby or a diamond ring?

Man: You'd better wear ... wool gloves.

8) Female: Can you only love me all your life?

Man: Of course! (imagine: add "hour" after one, haha! )

9) W: What would you do if you lost me?

Man: I don't want to drink tea. I just want to drink! Celebrate! )

10) female: now, are you still thinking about other women?

Man: Your mother! Her old man loves crucian carp soup. I'll buy some for her tonight.

1 1) female: (thinking happily) the three words you want to say to me most are ... give you a chance! (expectantly)

Man: Stop asking!

18 received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that it would make uniform clothes for a big company and so on. I grabbed the gap between each other's speeches and blurted out: "Our company is not in dressing the!"

The other party whispered for a few seconds, said "I'm sorry" and hung up.

Teacher of our university: I'm looking for three students, a man and a woman. ...

The class began to look around, looking for Chris Lee.

20 nights self-study back to the dormitory, Lu Yu fairy mm one day, and then follow.

I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building.

I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman?

Later ... later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

2 1 Allen class, the teacher is passionate: how many heroic children are lingering underground? ...

The graduation works of 22 students are made of big red cloth and sewn on black robes.

The teacher who answered the question asked: Why does Phoenix use red instead of other colors?

When that classmate was excited, he blurted out: Because the phoenix is burning! ! Three seconds later, the students who came to see the defense laughed hysterically, and my stomach was twisted with laughter!

When I was in junior high school, my teacher called recite Mulan words (the teacher was BT), and I was nervous.

When my brother heard that my sister was coming, he slashed his knife at his parents (pigs and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed and laughed at themselves, and I forgot all about the rest. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me ~ ~

Heaven and earth, Dou E is more unfair than me!

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "