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1, the wife is yelling at her husband: "I finally know you now, you are a selfish guy!" You always keep your mouth shut. My wife, my oil painting, my salary, my ... everything seems to be not yours at home. Remember, if you don't get rid of this bad habit, I'll divorce you ... Hey, what are you rummaging through in the closet? ! I'm looking for our pants. The husband replied.

A young couple who are about to get married are very happy to have their son. I want to hire a nanny, because I am too busy at work. Because the house is too small, the couple have differences on how to arrange the nanny. The husband wants to hire a beautiful young girl, but the wife is uneasy and wants to hire an older nanny. The husband said, "When you get older, people will not be able to work." So I don't agree. Finally, the husband gently offered to ask his wife's sister for help. But I am afraid it is not inconvenient for a family. The wife said, "You mean turning my sister into a family?"

A noble lady is about to get married. Her mother told her: "don't take off all your clothes at once when you sleep on your honeymoon." You should keep a little reserved. " After returning from the honeymoon, the groom asked his mother-in-law, "Is anyone in your family insane?" "no! What's wrong? " "Your daughter wore a hat to sleep every day during our honeymoon."

The bride is a very devout believer. As soon as she got married, she posted on the bedside: "I need you every day." The next day, the groom put his note aside: "Oh, God, please give me strength!" " "

5. Woman: "I want to formally warn you that my husband will be back in an hour." Man: "But I didn't do anything rude." Woman: "I know. If you want to do something, there is only less than an hour left. "

6. Once upon a time, there was a man named Daxiong. When he was dying, he called his wife to the bed and warned her: "After I die, you must never steal someone casually, otherwise, every time you steal someone, I will roll on the ground!" Say, Nobita will die! A year later, Nobita's wife went to hades for something important. Yan Luowang spent a long time wondering who Nobita was. Finally, she mentioned Nobita's last words before he died, so Yan Luowang suddenly realized, "You told me so!" Then he shouted inside: "Hello! Gyro bear, someone is looking for you! "

7. I really don't understand the world of women.

Yesterday, my wife was going to give birth. She was in great pain. Finally, she could not choose caesarean section. While preparing for the operation, she said weakly in my ear, "Honey, can you tell the doctor if you can help me ... smoke some fat ..." During the operation. Damn it … by the way … liposuction … that's awesome! What time is this? I still want to lose weight. I really don't understand the world of women.

8. Nima, this is how fate is arranged.

I went to get a marriage certificate with my daughter-in-law the other day. When I finished the formalities, the clerk had to give me change. I only had four, not five! As soon as the wife spoke, she did it! On the way back, my daughter-in-law said that she would be the boss at home in the future. I asked why, and my daughter-in-law replied that I paid 5 yuan for the marriage certificate and 4 yuan for you! Damn it, fate has been arranged like this!

9. You have too much meat on your face.

I saw a buddy laughing at his girlfriend's face the other day. I did the same thing last night. The wife smiled and decisively pressed the hang-up button, and then called back and said, "You see too much meat on your face, so you hung up the phone with a smile!" " The other end of the phone: "Not only your sister, but my mother used headphones! ! ! "

10 depends on who we are competing with.

In the morning, my wife asked: Is my chest small? Answer: That depends on who you compare with. The wife asked angrily, where else have you seen other people's breasts? Answer: men's bathhouse.