A funny and sarcastic joke

A cold joke that makes people laugh, fresh and powerful, and shocking irony!

First, at a class meeting, the monitor wanted to know how many people came, but he felt that there were many people and few people. Why don't you just count the countless people, so he thought for a moment and said, "Everybody, raise your hand and I'll count."

Second, a villain died in the town. In the funeral notes, everyone said nothing. The host asked, "Didn't you leave some good memories for the deceased?" After a long time, a barber began to say, "His hair is sparse; Every time I shave, I shave well. "

Third, the customer's newly bought bicycle is not locked, so ask the store. Customer: Why is the bike I bought unlocked? Shop assistant: Because we are not a chain store.

Fourth, wife: Lao Zhao's family is really rich, and a mouth is millions or tens of millions. Husband: What is money? Lao Zhao is engaged in bacterial research.

5. A couple is walking in the park. They saw a man and a woman sitting on a bench kissing. The wife asked, "Why don't you do this?"

The husband replied, "honey, I don't know that woman!" " "

Six, a person to the bank to withdraw 1000 yuan, count to 600 yuan, he put the money in his pocket. The bank clerk asked, "Why didn't you finish counting?" The man said, "You are right to count so many, and there should be no mistakes below."

Doctor: "Your child has rubella." Mother: "How is that possible? He has never been abroad! " Doctor: "Measles has been abroad."

The doctor said to the patient, "You need to eat more fish, because fish contains more phosphorus." "Doctor, but I want you to help me cure the disease, not to shine at night!"

A mother took her twin sons to the store to buy clothes. She left when the shop assistant tried on their upper bodies. Mother said angrily, "Why don't you let them look in the mirror and see if it fits?" The clerk said innocently, "They just need to look at each other."

The bell of Huang Xiao's house was broken, so he called a worker to repair it. But wait left and right, and no one comes. So I called and asked, "Why didn't anyone come to repair it for so long?" The worker said angrily, "I went several times and rang the doorbell for a long time, but no one answered the door." . . "

One day, a group of friends got together. Everyone felt bored, so they suggested buying a card to play. As soon as the poker equipment was unpacked, a girl shouted "Don't unpack!" "Everyone is very confused. Sister shyly explained: "There are ghosts inside. "

Twelve, one day, the canteen chef said to the boss, "Boss, it's time for a new pot." The boss said, "Why change the pot again?" The cook replied, "There is no oil in the pot all the year round, and the bottom of the pot is rusted."

Thirteen, the fat girl asked the racetrack manager: "When did a camel come to your racetrack, and it was bimodal?" Manager: "It's not a camel, it's the horse you rode last time."

14. Ask for a costume TV series. The story is that the hero falls into a cave and eats mushrooms. Is his martial arts very good? Some people say it's The Carving of the Feathers in Jin Jian, others say it's The Condor Heroes, and the last person answers: Super Mary. .....

Fifteen, a person posted: I just had a fight with my brother. He is in the living room, I am in the kitchen, and there is a knife in the kitchen. What should I do? Ren Lei replied: Peel an apple for my brother and tell him not to get angry!

Sixteen, someone brought his girlfriend back, and his friends felt familiar when they saw her. "Girl, what did you do before? How do I look more familiar? " "Import and export." "wow! I remember, I remember, you sold me food! "

17. The lawyer said to the client: "Your lawyer's fee for this case is 80,000 yuan in total, 20,000 yuan in the early stage, 1 10,000 yuan per month, after half a year." The party concerned said, "It seems to be buying a car by stages." The lawyer said, "Yes, I bought the car by installment."

The customer's neck was cut by the barber's razor for the second time, and he asked for a glass of water. The barber brought water and asked him if there was any hair in his mouth. The customer said coldly, "No, I want to see if my neck is leaking."

Composer: "It took me 10 years to write this lullaby!" Publisher: "What took you so long!" Composer: "Because he always urges me to sleep."

A man and a friend went boating in the lake and the boat capsized. He fell directly to the bottom of the lake, and his friends rushed to save him. The friend asked, "Can't you swim?" The man said, "Yes, but the stone says' No swimming here'!"