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Refrigerator joke story

Complete works of refrigerator jokes and stories

1 After a singer finished singing, Wang Feng turned and said, Come on, tell me about your dream. I am so excited. I want to tell my goddess loudly that I love you and I want to give you a lifetime of happiness! Na Ying: Well done. Say her name. A: Zhang Ziyi, I love you! Hey hey hey.

I have been losing weight recently. I have lunch with my mother-in-law Mother-in-law said: Eat more, will you get sick? I said: lose weight, and then eat your son and not me. My mother-in-law said: If you are fat, my son will not want you. I'll tell you a rich man, and then I'll split the dowry 50/50? Is it broken?

3. Remember to check the vital capacity in junior high school, and everyone lined up to exhale at the filter. At that time, after I measured my vital capacity, the value was more than 3000, but a classmate behind me actually blew out a 168. The doctor frowned and said, even fart is more than yours! ? God-like Chen

4. Another young man also went to the temple and asked the Zen master: What should be more meaningful to start the autumn festival? The Zen master took two duck eggs, one raw and the other salty, and smashed them on the young man's head. Zen master asked the young man, which egg hurts? The young man replied: Salted eggs hurt. The Zen master said: If you are bored, go and find something to do. There is nothing better than a calendar! J-beiy

Sasha came back from school and said happily. Grandma, I broke two school records at the school sports meeting today. ? Oh, my God, then who will be responsible for compensating others? Make the sun and the moon early

6. Being called a stupid bird by his mother because of poor grades, the child said unconvinced: There are three kinds of stupid birds in the world, one is flying first, and the other is too tired to fly. Mother quickly asked: What about the third one? The child said: this kind of thing is the most annoying. If you can't fly, you will lay eggs in the nest and ask the next generation to fly hard. . . Love is just one word (Sister Xiang found it in the comments, welcome to share jokes).

7. I told my roommate that I had an appointment with a girl at night, and my roommate reminded me when I was leaving. Take safety measures and protect yourself. If not, I'll lend it to you. ? No, no, I have it myself. ? Then I immediately opened the drawer, dug out a knife and went out with it. Overnight soybean milk mother gave me a hot drink in the morning. I asked: Drinking overnight soybean milk won't cause diarrhea, right? Mom said: just relax and pull boldly! ? Suddenly I felt something was wrong.

8. Ask everyone in the circle of friends? What would you do if someone blackmailed you with your underwear and a man's bed photo and asked you for money, but you didn't give it and posted it online? ? People ask me three questions that go straight to the soul? Am I thin? Are my underwear nice? Is that guy handsome? If the answer is yes, I can send it anywhere I like. He won't send it, I'll send it myself.

9. The science man went to his girlfriend's house to meet her parents. It happened to be raining heavily that day. As soon as I entered the door, I heard my girlfriend and mother complain: Your father went shopping, knowing it was going to rain, and he didn't take an umbrella when he went out. ? The scientist picked up his unfolded umbrella and rushed out. Girlfriend: You haven't met my dad. Who are you going to give an umbrella to? ? Science and engineering male way:? No problem, I can infer your father's appearance from the appearance of you and your mother. ?

10. Roll call after class. If you don't come, your final grade will be deducted 50 points! When I saw a senior, I jumped over inexplicably, and he shouted: Teacher, you didn't get to the point! ? The old teacher who is over sixty bowed his head and said, No ~? 1 1. The waiter just told me that the old couple at the next table are old customers. Since the small restaurant just opened many years ago, the couple have often come over and packed one or two dishes to take away, which has never stopped for decades. I was very moved and vowed to marry a wife and cook in the future! ! !

12. Husband and daughter-in-law are sleeping in bed. He saw his daughter-in-law lose a hair, so he picked it up and put it on himself. The daughter-in-law said:? What are you doing with my hair? Husband said:? Pretend you're interrogating me and asking me where this hair came from! ? She said seriously: Tell me honestly, where did you get these hairs? Husband calmly said:? From a pig

13. I received a text message this morning, saying that they have arrested my son and I will kill the ticket if I don't give 65438+ million. As soon as I saw that I was a liar, I was going to ignore it. After a while, the other party called directly and said sincerely: Please respect our work! Reply at least one message, our team has a performance appraisal! ? Nothing is easy now!

14. My wife has pimples on her face, and she complains: Why does my face always grow pimples? I said:? Because God is jealous of your beauty. ? My wife is very happy. She looked at me and asked? Then you are not handsome, why do you have acne? I said:? Because God is punishing me for lying. ?

15. I went to the courier company to apply for a job. Nobody was there at 9 o'clock. I left my resume at the door and was hired.

16. I had dinner with a friend today. He took his wife with him. At the dinner table, I asked him how to catch up with his wife. Before he could speak, his daughter-in-law said, Both of them were too reserved to hold hands just now. They invited me to go to the movies or horror movies and hug each other when they came out! I like to show it to my friends. I haven't had time to say anything. His daughter-in-law went on to say: I like the way he looks pale and hides in my arms! ... look ... look!

17. I: Dad, mom, I decided to be independent and live alone from now on. ? Parents:? Yes, son, that's great! ? Me:? I left your luggage at the door, so be careful living outside. ?

18. One day, I had a whim and used a photo of my husband and children as a mobile phone screensaver. The child saw it and asked me why I used her photo as a screensaver. I said: because the mobile phone is in my hand every day, you are the treasure in my hand! ? My husband is very emotional and asks:? I was in that picture, too. Am I the treasure in your hand? I gave him a disdainful look and said, you think too much. I want you to know that you will never escape from me. ?

19.？ As a student, I often read books in the school self-service bank, and one day I was suddenly taken away by the school police. I work hard. Is it wrong to stay up late reading? . ? Yes, but the book "The Working Principle of ATM Machine" is really not suitable for reading here! ?

20. In the middle of a friend's party, my friend said to drive back first. I said: how can I drive back after drinking two or two liquors? ! ? He proudly said:? Absolutely no problem, I know people from the traffic police team! ? Wocao, you have a lot of contacts! Who do you know? My father was just caught drunk last week! ?

2 1. Good people really get what they deserve. For example, a girl lost her money on the crowded subway this morning, and I told her in time after seeing it. Sure enough, I took her seat when she picked up the money.

22. The writer's friend invited him to dinner, and the writer said: I was invited to write a manuscript today, and I need time to revise it. Tomorrow. ? The next day, my friend met the author. He said that in my memory, you never revised your article. Who asked you for a manuscript today and changed your writing habits? The screenwriter giggled and said: It's my wife. I revised the critical letter five times before she was satisfied. ?

23. One night, my fourth-grade daughter was doing her arithmetic homework. She asked me: 1 17 divided by 3? I answered for her. She then asked: 140 divided by 4 is what? I answer again. When she asked me the third question, I said, Why do you always ask me instead of solving it yourself? She said,? The book says you can use any method. Asking dad is the fastest. ?

24. Girlfriend: Ah ~ Why are your calves as thick as your thighs? Me: Can you put it mildly? Girlfriend: Ah ~ Your thighs are as thin as your calves!

At a party in our company, there were all kinds of drinks in KTV, such as whisky, green tea, gin and tonic, and red wine sprite. Ask a colleague what to drink. He said:? Wang laoji versus jiaduobao. ? .......

25. The king is always lucky to hear a meaningful sentence. What is the Chinese translation? Kings are always lucky? No, the answer is:? Wang Laoji? .

26. When I was a child, my mother would read before feeding me. When I ask her what she is looking at, my mother always tells me with a smile. It's a collection of parenting experiences! ? I am very touched. I didn't find it until I could read. My mother read the Handbook of Piglet Breeding.

27. My little nephew failed the exam. When he got home, he was severely beaten by his father. Ask him if he hurts when he's done. He actually said: you can entertain yourself. So his father decisively beat him again.

28. Two couples have dinner together. My boyfriend gave me a piece of meat and said, it's hot, be careful! ? The sister paper next to me saw it and stared at her husband: You see, people are still afraid of scalding her daughter-in-law. You don't care about me! ? His boyfriend calmly said:? Your IQ is higher than hers. ?

29. The first time I drank coffee, it really happened. There is a sister paper next to it. In order to pretend to drink often, I said to the waiter, Give me some coriander. When I saw my sister paper, it was a mess in an instant.

30. q:? What animal is as big as a cat and looks like a tiger? A:? Little tiger?