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What is French humor?

It is difficult to explain it with some French humorous jokes. See how you feel.

Highlights of French humor

1. Letter of complaint to the Minister of Defence

Dear Mr. Minister,

I am honored to write to you and report on the unprecedented embarrassing situation I have encountered at present. The cause of the incident is simple: I married a widow, and she had a newly-grown daughter. After marriage, we had a son. My father, widowed in middle age, just married the daughter of my new wife and had a son.

In this way, my father became my son-in-law, because he is the husband of my stepdaughter. However, my stepdaughter is also my stepmother because she is my father's remarried wife. Moreover, the son born to my wife is the child of my stepmother's mother, so he and my stepmother are half-brothers, which means my son has become my uncle. As for the son of my father and stepmother, of course, he is my grandson, because he is a child born to my wife's daughter. However, because he is also the child of my stepmother, my grandson is my half-brother.

In short, I am the stepfather of my stepmother and the brother of my stepmother's son, so I should be my own grandfather. Therefore, according to the provisions of the Military Service Law that three generations in the same family cannot serve at the same time, I hereby request you to exempt me from military service obligations.

Pay high tribute to your Excellency.

2. Reply to the Commissioner of Inland Revenue

Mr. director,

I was honored to receive your letter the other day, reminding me for the third time to pay the income tax I owe. First of all, I want to explain to you that I fully admit the fact that I owe taxes, and I am very eager to finish and pay taxes as soon as possible.

However, I must point out to you that you are just one of my many creditors, though unusual. Out of honesty, I have to pay off all these debts.

So at the beginning of every month, I will hold a lottery at home, write the names of all creditors on a piece of paper and put them in a hat, and draw them at random. The creditors who are lucky to be drawn will be given priority in paying off their debts. I sincerely hope that your name will appear in the near future.

With the highest respect.

Ps: In view of your rude and impolite letter the other day, I regret to inform you that you will not be able to participate in the debt repayment lottery next month.

Talk about politics

When little Pierre came back from school, he said to his father, "Today we learned civil politics, and the teacher talked about many strange things, such as the government, the people, the working class and capitalists, and the future generation. I don't understand, dad, tell me about it! "

Dad said, "How can a child understand such a complicated thing?" Let me give you an example. For example, in our family, my father is a capitalist and my mother is a government. Give the money earned by dad to mom, and mom will spend it carelessly. Our nanny works all day and is a working class. Pierre, you are a part of the people, and your little brother must be a new generation in the future. "

In the middle of the night, little Pierre heard his brother crying and knew there was shit in his pants. Go to my parents' room and let them look after my brother. It turned out that my mother was sleeping soundly and my father was gone. Hey, why did dad squeeze into the nanny's crib?

The next day, my father asked Pierre, "Do you understand everything I told you yesterday?"

"I see."

"Then tell me."

"Capitalists fool around with the working class, and the government turns a deaf ear to the voice of the people, making the next generation suffer in a pile of shit."

4. Japanese tourists

A Japanese tourist came to Paris to play. I called a taxi from Charles de Gaulle airport and went straight to the Eiffel Tower with great interest. On the way, the Japanese guest found a motorcycle passing by like lightning, and could not help but pat the French driver on the shoulder: "Look! Suzuki motorcycles run really fast, made in Japan. " After a while, he saw a car passing by and said to the driver, "Toyota, how fast you drive, it's made in Japan." The driver didn't seem to understand and didn't answer. After arriving at the Eiffel Tower, the driver said coldly, "Here we are, 500 francs." The Japanese said in surprise, "So expensive?" The French driver pointed to the meter and seemed a little helpless to say, "This thing is driving too fast, made in Japan." (Later, when the Japanese guy returned to Tokyo, a busybody asked, "How is Paris?" He replied, "I don't know. The photo has not been developed yet. " )

tell jokes

In a bar in a small town, a passing guest came one day. When the guest came in, he heard the man at the bar say, "24!" " "The words sound just fell and I saw the customers who were drinking in the bar laughing. Outsiders find it strange. Then the man said, "47!" There was another burst of laughter. The foreign guests couldn't help asking their neighbors what was going on. It turns out that all the people who come here to drink are regulars in the town, and everyone likes to tell jokes. But the number of jokes is limited, and those are repeated over and over again, so after a long time, everyone simply numbers the jokes to avoid repeating them for so long. Outsiders found it very interesting and shouted, "69!" "Sure enough, everyone laughed again, but there were no other jokes so cola. I just heard someone say, why don't I know this joke?

6. What time is it?

A truck driver drove all night and rested in the parking lot outside the city before entering the city in the morning, ready to take a nap. Unexpectedly, many people came out to run in the morning. When they saw the truck, they looked at the window glass and asked the driver, "Excuse me, what time is it?" The driver replied, "7 o'clock 15." Later someone asked, "What time is it?" "It's half past seven." The sleepy and tired driver can't help it. He wrote "I don't know the time" on the paper and posted it on the window. I was just about to go to bed when I heard someone knocking at the window: "Hello! It's 7: 45. "

7. French kissing

Remember, in Leon, French kissing is not French, but a fusion of two languages.

There are only two kinds of people in the world.

There are only two kinds of people in the world: one divides everything into two; The other kind of people are all others.

9. theorem

Cats have nine tails. Verification process:

A cat without eight tails.

No cat has more tails than other cats.

Complete the certificate.

10. My math level

My math level is not high, mainly because of the following three reasons:

First of all, I'm completely uninterested in mathematics. The second is because I can't count anything clearly.

1 1. Letters from freshmen to their parents

Dear Mom and Dad:

I have been in school for three months, and I feel sorry that I didn't write until today. Now I'll report to you on the latest situation. However, before you continue reading my letter, please sit down if you are standing.

I'm actually doing fine. Shortly after entering school, the fracture and concussion caused by jumping from the window in a dormitory building on fire have basically recovered. I have only been in the hospital for two weeks, and my once blind eyes can see now. In addition, severe headaches only appear once a week at most.

Fortunately, when I jumped out of the window, an unknown cashier in the opposite store immediately informed the ambulance personnel and took me to the hospital for emergency treatment. After leaving the hospital, she enthusiastically took me to her home. In fact, her house is very humble, just a single room without windows in the basement. Although it was a little crowded for two people, we had a good time. Although this girl is twice my age, we still love each other. We decided to get married. Although the wedding date has not been fixed, it must be before her big belly is seen by others.

Yes, Mom and Dad: I will be a father soon. I understand that your parents are eager to be grandparents. I believe that your love for your little grandson is no less than the love you gave me when you were a child, and you will like your daughter-in-law better. Although she hasn't studied for a few days, she is very talented and ambitious. Although her religious beliefs are different from ours, I still remember that you have always taught me to be tolerant and tolerant. I also know that you will never care that her skin looks darker than ours.

I believe you will love her as much as I do. Besides, she is about the same age as your parents, and you will get along well and be very happy. By the way, I forgot to tell you: her parents are also very good people. Her father, a famous mercenary gunman, met her mother while on a mission in an African tribe.

Now that my report is drawing to a close, I want to tell you that there is no fire in my dormitory, I have no fractures and concussions, I am not in hospital, I am not engaged, and there are no dark-skinned women in my life. It's just that I got 5 in physics, 8 in math and 13 in biology. I want to help you understand the relativity of things.

Hug you.

12. Corsicans

French President Jacques Chirac went to Corsica to run for office. At the mass meeting, Chirac announced loudly: "I want to reduce taxes!" " People cheered: "Yes! ! ! Chirac shouted again: "I want to increase the family allowance!" " There was another cheer: "Yes! ! ! "Chirac was even more proud and further assured:" I guarantee that each of you has a job! "" "The meeting suddenly fell silent. I don't know who took the lead and shouted, "Down with Chirac! "

13. Swiss

What is Switzerland?

The French say that the Swiss are educated Belgians.

Wife and dog

"When I first got married, I went home every day. My enthusiastic wife took slippers and asked me to put them on. The dog at home is barking next to it. "

"What about now?"

"Whenever I go home, the loyal dog gives me slippers to wear, and my wife barks at me."

15. Optimists

A salesgirl said, "I met the most optimistic person in the world today. A bald man came to me to buy medicine for baldness. He went to buy a comb as soon as he got out of my counter. "

16. Mom's words

Well, I should have listened to my mother when I was a child, and now I regret it!

-Oh, what did your mother say?

I don't know. Didn't I tell you that I don't listen to my mother?

65438+

Wise men and fools play games, and the rules are as follows:

If a fool can't answer the riddle told by the wise man, he will be fined 1 franc; If the wise man can't answer the riddle told by the fool, he will be fined 100 francs to show fairness.

The game begins. A wise man will first ask:

"An animal has four legs, and its cry is aiming. What kind of animal is this? "

The fool replied, "I don't know." This is 1 franc. Take it. "

The wise man asked again:

"What animal has four legs and its cry is' woof-woof'?"

The fool thought for a long time and replied, "I still don't know." This is 1 franc. You can take it. "

The wise man felt very sorry and said to the fool, "You also have a riddle!" " "

The fool thought for a moment and asked, "What animal has eight legs in the morning and only four at night?"

This stumped the wise man, who had to hand over 100 francs. But he was unwilling and asked the fool, "What animal is this?"

The fool said, "I don't know." This is 1 franc. You can take it. "

What is dust?

Teacher: What is dust?

Student: After the orange juice in the mud is drained, there is still dust residue.

19. overspeed

Someone was stopped by the police for speeding. The police and the criminal started the following conversation:

"Please show me your driver's license, sir."

"I don't have a license. The last violation was taken away by the police. "

"Where is your car license registration certificate?"

"What proof? This car is not mine, I copied it on the side of the road. "

"Stolen?"

"You can also say so! Oh, I remember, the certificate and certificate of the car should be in the small drawer in front of the seat, with a pistol in it. "

"What? ! Do you have a pistol? ! "

"Yes, I just used this gun when I was robbing a car. By the way, the owner's body is still in the trunk. "

"What, what! Say it again! "

"Yes, open it yourself."

The policeman was shocked and informed his superior at once. When the superior heard the news, he rushed to the scene and had the following dialogue with the criminal suspect:

"Please show me your driver's license, sir."

"No problem. Here it is. Please check it. "

"Then whose car is this?"

"Of course it's mine. Look, this is the car license registration document. Do you think the owner's name is me? "

"Then please open the small drawer in the front seat and let me see if there is a pistol?"

"What? ! A pistol? See for yourself if there is a pistol here. "

"This is puzzling. So there won't be any bodies in the trunk of the car! "

"Who made this rumor? Did your colleague also say that I was speeding? "

20. Money

Dear friend, do you know?

Money can buy a house, but not a family;

Money can buy a bed, but it can't buy sleep;

Money can buy clocks, but it can't buy time;

Money can buy books, but not knowledge;

Money can buy titles, but not respect;

Money can buy medicine, but not health;

Money can buy blood, but not life;

Money can buy prostitutes, but not love;

In a word, money can't buy happiness, but it will bring endless troubles. As your good friend, I must let you out of your misery. Please send me all your money and let me suffer for you!

After 2 1.9 1 1

Americans cross the road.

When Americans cross the street, they look left first and then right. If no car comes, look at the sky again. If nothing happens, they can cross the street.

What to build on the ruins of WTC?

After careful consideration, George W. Bush decided to establish a …

Airport.

22. Bar dialogue

A lonely man walks into a bar and has nothing to say with his boss:

"Chirac will run for president again ..."

The boss hurriedly stopped to say:

"Don't talk about it. No one can talk about politics in my bar. Too boring. "

The man changed the subject and said:

"I heard that Paul II ..."

The result was interrupted again: "Stop talking about religion, it's boring."

"Let's talk about football. Recently, the PSG team in Paris has repeatedly lost and fought ... "

"Don't mention it, how many people will fight with me because of talking about football ..."

The man couldn't bear it, held his breath and asked, "Then let's talk about sex?"

The boss replied happily: "Good!"

"I x you uncle!" (This is, of course, a Beijing dialect translation. The original text is: "Bon, ben va te faire enculer")

22. You and your marriage have six misunderstandings.

One:

A woman marries because she thinks men can change, but men can't.

A man marries because he thinks that women will not change, but women will change soon.

Second:

Women worry about the future until they find a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he finds a wife.

Third:

A man's success lies in that he earns more money than his wife spends.

A woman's success lies in finding such a man.

Fourth:

Married men live longer than single men, but married people want to die earlier.

Five:

A man will spend 10 yuan to buy something that he likes very much but is only worth 5 yuan.

A woman will spend 5 yuan on something that she doesn't really care about but is worth 10.

Sixth:

The last sentence of a couple's quarrel must have been said by a woman. What the man said later was the beginning of a new round of quarrel.

23. How about learning a foreign language?

Two French girls were walking in the street and met a tourist. Tourists ask:

Do you speak English?

Two beautiful girls stared at each other and shook their heads.

-Do you speak German?

The two girls still blinked and shook their heads.

-Holland?

Two girls still shook their heads.

Czy mówi? Pani Bo Polsku?

Two girls still shook their heads.

The tourists finally gave up hope and left. Mei Mei said thoughtfully, it seems that we have to learn a foreign language.

Mei Yimei thought about it and said, isn't that guy who knows four languages useless?

24. A puppy is better than a wife.

The puppy's mother never gives you any trouble;

When you throw dirty clothes all over the floor, the puppy will be very happy;

Puppy doesn't mind having another puppy in your life;

Even if he forgets his birthday, the puppy doesn't care;

The later you come back, the happier the puppy looks.

25. arranged marriage

The old man said to his son, I have made an agreement for you.

Of course, my son is not satisfied: you don't need to find it for me.

The old man said: That girl is the daughter of the President of the Republic of China.

The son said, if so, you can still think about it.

The old man went to see Chirac at once and told him: I have found a good son-in-law for you.

Chirac felt ridiculous: You found a husband for my daughter? You're not sick, are you?

The old man said that the young man is the executive vice president of the World Bank.

Chirac thought for a moment and said that if this is the case, it can still be considered.

The old man then called the governor of the central bank: I recommend an executive vice president to you.

The president of the World Bank is impatient: I have a vice president!

The old man said: that young man is the son-in-law of the President of the Republic of China.

The governor of the central bank thought for a moment and said, in this case. . .

26. Like my father.

Child A asks Child B: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Child b replied: I want to find a job with a monthly salary of 10 thousand euros, like my father.

Child a said enviously, your father is great!

Child B said: Yes, my father also dreams of finding a job with a monthly income of 10,000 euros.