Text version of Guo Degang’s most classic and funny cross talk content

I want to be happy Guo: Let me introduce you, mainly him. Yu: Why mainly introduce me? Guo: This person’s name is Yu Qian Yu: It’s me Guo: My idol Yu: Well, it’s not about Guo: I have a car and a house Yu: No Guo: It’s amazing, let’s go to this stop, hey Yu: Isn’t that all? Guo: You are so energetic. Look at this face. The eyes are like meatballs, the ears are like dumplings, the nose is like garlic, the hair is like vermicelli, the beard is like kelp, and the mouth is like a bean curd. , the teeth of broad beans, this chaotic head in the Northeast Yu: a pot of vegetables Guo: famous Yu: not to mention famous Guo: people are envious of you there, I envy you Yu: Oh, you envy me Guo: When will I be like you, very happy? Yu: I'm very good. Guo: Famous people are easy to mess around with. They can do anything. Yu: Not necessarily. Guo: When will I be considered a station? Yu: How do you do it? Already? Guo: I see people with cars and houses living in bungalows, and I feel envious from the bottom of my heart. Do you think I am wrong in pursuing a happy life? Yu: That's right. Guo: Is that right? Yu: Okay. Guo: I must be happy. Yu: Yes. Guo: I have to start a business. I have to get rich. Yu: Okay, let's make it. Guo: I must first have a good person. Yu: Oh, I exercise. Guo: Fortunately, I don’t drink too much. Yu: Oh, I don’t have this problem. Guo: I don’t play mahjong: I don’t like to play cards. Guo: I just smoke a little more frequently. Yu: I like to smoke. : Later I watched a health program on TV, which said that smoking is harmful to health and can lead to sudden death: To Guo: It scared me. I gritted my teeth and stamped my feet. This started from: Did you quit smoking? Guo: I won’t watch this show anymore. Yu: I quit watching the show. What do you think? Guo: For my health. Yu: Ah! Is it for health? This is Guo: I want to be happy, I am afraid that people will look down on me. Yu: This is Guo: I am a serious person, with a clean background, a good old-fashioned citizen, with all kinds of martial arts skills, warm-hearted, Good to help. If you have difficulties, you will help. If there are no difficulties, you will help even if you create difficulties. Yu: You actually created difficulties for people. Guo: I was afraid that others would look down on me. The gas station at the door made me angry. Yu: Then why did I find you? Guo: They all drive there to refuel. They add 200 yuan and 300 yuan. After adding, there are gifts. Yu: Give them a newspaper or something. Guo: Give them a map. Yu: That would be better. Guo: Each person can get a big map. Zhang, I’m going too, pushing my little motorcycle at: Motorcycle Guo: It’s an extra 10 yuan! Yu: 10 yuan Guo: Finished. Where can I get a map? Yu: Mainly maps. Guo: What do you want that thing for? Where can you go? Yu: It’s not far. Guo: Don’t you just give me gas? Give me one. Where are you going? Just tell me and I will point it to you. Yu: Just point it to you. Guo: Okay, I’m so angry! Yu: Don't be angry with me. Guo: Look down on me. I am a person with strong self-esteem. Ah ~~~~, let me show you how to do it. Yu: What are you doing? Guo: There is a Cantonese-style tea restaurant in front of our door. Rich people go there to have breakfast in the morning. Yu: Have morning tea. Guo: I will go too. Yu: Are you going? Guo: Why should I just fry the liver and send it away? Yu: Oh, no way. Guo: Take a big step forward and pay 100 yuan. Yu: Yeah. Guo: Bang. Yu: Wow. Guo: Come on, 100 yuan. Come early. Yu: 100 yuan. Come on early. Guo: 100 yuan. Come on early. : Sorry, sir, we don’t sell half portions. Yu: I only bought half a portion for 100 yuan. Guo: It hurts my self-esteem too much. Yu: Yes, it is indeed. Guo: I went again at noon. Yu: I’m still going. Guo: I’m still sitting in that seat, and I’m looking for the waiter, come here! Is there any lobster? Yu: Lobster? Guo: Oh, sir, yes. . . Is there a two-foot-long lobster? Yu: You want it to be this big? Guo: Let me show it to you. I’ll be back later. I’m sorry, sir, it’s two feet two, hum! What a shabby restaurant that doesn’t even have a two-foot-long lobster.

Let’s have some shredded potatoes. Yu: Well, it’s still shredded potatoes! Guo: I have my revenge, I have my revenge, I have my Yu: Ah, I was shortchanged by others. Guo: I cannot be inferior to others: You have to be better than others. Guo: What others have, I have to have: Yes, Guo: What others don’t have, I have to have. Come to my door and visit me. I’ll also get a big plasma TV at home. Yu: You can also buy one. Guo: I’ll ask a friend to save one for me. Yu: Do you want to save a plasma TV? Guo: Save one, as big as a wall Yu: So big Guo: Big TV, Motorola brand Yu: Does Motorola make TVs? Guo: When I saw that there was no one around, a voice came from the TV: "The TV you are watching is not in the service area!" Yu: The TV is not in the service area. Guo: It's so wicked. Oh, there's no sense in it. This 300 yuan was wasted. Liao Yu: Isn’t it all in vain? This Guo: I suspect he can find a carpenter to do it for me. Yu: If you do that, you won’t be able to make a sound. Guo: Anyway, I want to be happy, and I want to be a master. Yu: Ou Guo: I listen to symphony, I watch ballet, I watch tap dance Yu: OK Guo: Let’s do a tap dance from abroad, Tatetat, I like this, I just like tap dance and allegro, and I don’t like anything else. Yu: You two are not next to each other. Far from it. Guo: It’s the same, one rings in the hands and the other rings under the feet. I just love to watch it. I was sitting in the front row, and a shoe flew down from the top. It said: Shoe? Guo: People make mistakes, horses have random hoofs, and the next day I am gone again. Yu: Do you cherish this? Guo: I want to get that one. Yu: Thanks for going over there. Guo: I want to get a pair. It would be great. Yu: Ah Guo: I want to be happy. Yu: Okay, you want to be happy. Guo: I can’t let others compare with me. How can I make a fortune walking on the street? Yu: Just think about it. Guo: How can I be happy? A car came next to me. It was running fast. It was raining all day long. It splashed water all over me. He drove away. I was all wet. I was so angry. Drink, you are amazing. You, you drive so fast. Ben Dawei Yu: This is bullying Guo: Didn’t I teach you the five principles and four beauties when you bought the car? Yu: Do you still talk about this when buying a car? Guo: Don’t you just have one more cover than a tricycle? Yu: Far from it. Guo: Do ??you think your status as a driver is high? ah? You have been educated to be a gangster, do you know that? Yu: I’m still well educated. Guo: Turn around, I’ll find a brick, and I’ll shoot it. Two policemen came over there, "Stop! What are you doing?" "Shopping." Yu: Look at your nonsense. Guo: "ID card, temporary residence permit, employment permit" "I'm a local" "Do you think the locals have it?" Are you going shopping with a brick?" Yu: There are none in other places. Guo: Listen to my explanation, I'm a good person, don't think too much about it. Hey, when I turned around, I had a witness. My girlfriend came over there. Yu: Oh, object. Guo: Hey, my girlfriend came over there. My girlfriend and her boyfriend came over there. Yu: Just wait a moment, your brain is not working right now. Your girlfriend came here with her boyfriend? Guo: Duo Keke Yu: How sad! Well, how did you come here? Guo: The two of them came here holding each other's arms. Yu: OK, don't talk about this gesture. Guo: Raise flowers. Yu: Raise flowers? Guo: Yanghua, my girlfriend Yu: Is your girlfriend’s name Yanghua? Guo: Yes, the compound surname is Shuixing. Yu: Is it watery? ! Guo: Come on, come on, I’ve been looking for you for two months, but you haven’t even called me back. "Who is this?" "This is my boyfriend." "Hello, hello, hello." Yu: You're so polite. Guo: He's more polite than me: "Senior, hello, hello." "What's the matter with you? "Yang Hua, I can't find you." "I forgot to tell you, let's break up." "What's wrong with you? I've been laid off since I haven't seen you for two months?" Guo: "I'm in a very bad situation right now. I'm not making money in business, and all my friends have given up and turned to the bright side." Yu: What are you talking about? Guo: "You're the only one left. You can't be like this. I'm sincere to you. I'm worth nothing except dying for you." Yu: That's no good for you. Guo: “Don’t talk nonsense, ah, don’t talk nonsense.

Let me tell you, you can’t eat enough, and you can’t do anything. Do you know?" "Yes, yes, let's go, okay, I wish you happiness, ah! " Yu: No shame or shame. Guo: She is very happy. What should I do? Yu: Yes. Guo: I'm so angry. My bricks. Yu: What are you doing? Guo: The police asked me: "What are you doing? ! "I threw it aside to avoid tripping others." Yu: I learned to be smart this time. Guo: I feel bad. Yu: Ah, I'm sad. Guo: Where is my happy life? I looked at my watch and saw that it was time to eat. I opened the door and entered the big hotel. I took all my chances. Yu: Let’s go in. Guo: That’s it. Let’s get the menu. “Sir, what do you want to eat?” "No vegetables, no vegetables," Yu: No vegetables? Guo: Fried rice, shark's fin fried rice, 80 for a bowl. Yu: Shark's fin fried rice. Guo: I'll give it all, but it's nothing. Yu: Okay, okay. Guo: 80 for a bowl of shark's fin fried rice. Once it was served. I searched with chopsticks for ten minutes but couldn't find the shark fin. Guo: "Get the cook." The cook is here, "What are you doing?" "Let me ask you, I spent 80 yuan on shark's fin fried rice and spent ten minutes but couldn't find the shark's fin. Can you tell me where the shark's fin is?" ! "My name is Shark Fin." " Yu: It's so embarrassing. Guo: "It's an honor to meet you. You're busy with your work. Thank you." Yu: Don't be polite to anyone. Guo: He's gone. How can I eat it? Yu: There's no shark fin. How can you eat it? Guo: I am a very self-respecting person. I stood up, ran to the bathroom, and stood in front of the big mirror. The water sprayed my face. "Cough" Yu: Luoyiluo (Lao 4 sounds) Guo: "You are a great person." Yu: Tell the mirror Guo: Guo Degang, I admire you, with your hard work, you will definitely have a great time! Guo: Sing a happy song! Success. You will succeed. I wish you happiness. You will definitely be happy! I turned around and stood at the door of the bathroom. (Sighed) I felt much calmer. A man came out of the bathroom... . Yu: (Surprised expression) You stayed in the women's restroom for a long time? Guo: No one told me. Guo: It's too dangerous. Run Yu: Run Guo: The two groups behind are chasing me. Yu: Why two groups? Guo: The first group is the cook, "Give me the money for the shark fin!" "A woman came out of the women's restroom, dragging her husband and saying, "Hit him, beat him." It was him just now, and I didn't even dare to come out. He was talking nonsense to the mirror. "Everyone came here and beat me up. Yu: I was beaten unjustly. Guo: grabbed my head and hit it upwards. There was a rolling shutter door next to me. Take my head, dang, dang, dang. The door opened, and an old man came out and said, "Buy. What? " Yu: Are you buying something? Guo: "The one who hit people" "Oh" Yu: Hey, look at how popular you are. Guo: There is no humanity. Although I travel the world and do chivalry, I am still a mortal. It hurts even after being beaten, and I vomited after drinking too much: Nonsense Guo: I struggled to move forward, why is this so? I want to be happy. Yu: That’s right. Guo: Why do they all have cars, bungalows, and villas, and spend 4,000 yuan on some perfume? There is no one in our alley who earns 1,000 yuan. Yu: (Surprised) Yes! Guo: I ride a bicycle to work and earn 400 yuan this month. Yu: Good guy: I use alkaline noodles for laundry and steam salted duck eggs to celebrate my birthday. Yu: I live in a slum. Guo: I want to get rich. I swear to myself. When I walk on the street, I shout "I want to be happy!" "As I was walking forward, there was a noise from a car behind me. When I turned around, several cars came, some from urban management and some from joint law enforcement. I ran away and asked Yu: What are you running for? Guo: Do ??you care? Run, I ran to Yu. : This is not like talking. Guo: I was running through three alleys. There was a kebab on the side of the road. There were more than a hundred kebabs on the shelf. I grabbed them and said, "I'll give you money after you finish eating." While I was eating, the joint law enforcement car Here, this kid ran away with the stove in his arms. Yu: If you have such a brain, how about you stay on the right path? Guo: This is my happiness. This method can be used to eat baked sweet potatoes or buy CDs. .

Yu: Anyone who sets up a stall will do. Guo: I want to be happy. Yu: Don’t mention this all the time. Guo: I must be happy. I can’t live like this anymore. Am I satisfied just by eating some mutton skewers? Yu: Not satisfied. Guo: The first step. Yu: What about the second step? Guo: Try to make me earn 500,000 Yu every month: You are so poor that you are crazy. Guo: I will fight, fight. Today starts with: Oh, 500,000 Yu. Guo: I earn at least 500,000 Yu every month: How to earn Yeah you? Guo: Even if I have to sell my kidney, I still want to earn half a million yuan. Yu: Even one of your kidneys is not enough. Guo: I’ll sell you another one. Yu: What are you doing with me? Guo: I must be happy. I do business. Yu: Do business? Guo: If you want to do big business, what should you do? Hey, do you think Qin Shihuang’s Terracotta Warriors and Horses are valuable? Yu: It’s valuable. Guo: What if I carry one? Carry it to Vietnam, I'll make a fortune by selling it, come on, come on. Take two out. Yu: You still have two, the security guards count them every night. Guo: Yes? Yu: Ah Guo: So advanced? Yu: What have you seen? Guo: I’m not good at math, so I can’t count this. Take two out and he counts... Hey, you and your dad are free now, right? Yu: What are you doing? Guo: I'll cover you two with mud and just stand there. I want to sell it and get the money to come back to pick you up. Yu: (hurriedly) What should you do if you can’t sell it? Guo: Just watch it. Yu: Don’t watch it. Our father and I will die. Guo: Did you see that this time there is such a human nature? Yu: Is this called human nature? Guo: You can’t support my happiness. Yu: I can’t support it. Guo: I’ll do it myself! Yu: Do it yourself. Guo: I do a big business, and I empty out the stove at home. Yu: What are you doing? Guo: Do ??a business? Yu: What business? Guo: Pet crematorium Yu: This is the first time I heard about this Guo: Nowadays, people keep dogs and cats. If they are not kept in good condition, they will die. Yu: Yes Guo: Bring it Yu: What for? Guo: I'll burn it for you. After burning, get a box and take it home. This is a thought. Yu: Ashes Guo: No one does it. Yu: Yes, no one does this. Guo: This is called Feizhi, right? Once opened, the business became popular. Yu: Oh, someone is coming. Guo: Come and cook here, cats and dogs. Of course, there are also those who cause trouble. Yu: Yes. Guo: Ah, 500. "How much is it?" I said, "500. It's written there." Stick it there, with 35 centimeters as the boundary, 500 for the lower part and 800 for the upper part. Yu: Oh, let's talk about it. Guo: " Can I give you 20?" "You hate it!" Yu: 20? Guo: I want 500. Remembered "500 for under 35 centimeters" "No, did it take so much effort to burn a cricket?" Yu: Did you burn the crickets too? Guo: "Don't talk nonsense, it's a rule, you know it!" Yu: Don't bargain. Guo: "I came here yesterday, even if it costs 1,000, I won't even burn it for him." Yu: What? Guo: Camel Yu: That can't be burned Guo: I won't burn it for you Yu: It's not that big of a stove Guo: "Let's go! Let's go!" "I'm leaving? You really don't care? You can leave, just give me the money for the mutton skewers!" ” Yu: Those who want an account