Humorous campus jokes

Humorous campus jokes, the last thing in life is jokes. Jokes are short and simple, but they are often unexpected. Jokes are a pastime in our lives. Here are some humorous campus jokes for everyone.

Humorous campus jokes 1 1

1. My deskmate is so annoying that I can't calm down in my seat for a while.

Helpless, I drew a 38th parallel on the table and said to him: Those who crossed the line are all mine.

As a result, he sat on my desk shamelessly.

2. A class chooses a class flower. A dinosaur-level girl said: If I am elected as a class flower, you can tell your husband in a few years that I was more beautiful than the class flower in the department when I was in college. You deserve to marry me. As a result, this woman was chosen as the class flower.

3. The Chinese teacher in senior high school gave a poem saying, "Stop and sit in the maple grove late", and the teacher said, "This is sitting in love", and everyone burst into laughter …

4. A classmate is very confused. I lost my watch last month, and the QQ signature was changed to: The watch went to find a thief; I lost my mobile phone on the bus this month, and the QQ signature was changed to: mobile phone to find a watch; Today, I got lost in the street. Later, the QQ signature was changed to: I'll find my mobile phone. ...

College girls hate three things most: one is that they are not spicy enough, the other is that they have never been with handsome guys, and the third is that a bunch of words all look alike.

6. When I first went to college, I missed classes every day. One day, I went to class on a whim and happened to meet the teacher who called the roll. After all the points, my name no longer exists. I stood up in anger and asked the teacher, "Look down on people!" " Why don't you call me by my name! "

My deskmate pulled me and said, "classmate, you may be in the wrong classroom!" " "

7. I was unlucky these days, so I wore a bracelet. My roommate saw it and said, "Hey, it was bought for ten dollars!" "

Me: "Go away, I will personally climb Mount Tai to invite you!" " "

Roommate: "How much is it?"

Me: "Ten dollars."

8. Once in class, a classmate was very hungry and made instant noodles. In order not to let the teacher find out, he put away the book and buried his head, but the heat still came out.

The teacher said calmly, "Who is this classmate who is obsessed with reading?"

the second

1, since entering the examination room, it has won the favor of the test paper. I told the test paper that it must have been soaked in rain and dew. But if you don't listen to the paper ~ I won't ~ I won't ~

2. A tall boy passed me with a bowl of soup in the school canteen. It was very crowded, so I was close to the bowl. I was afraid the soup would spill on me, so I took a sip.

3. A junior high school student's English is poor. When you are in a good state, 26 English words will be calculated into 28. I didn't understand, so I asked why. He said he used his hand to index. I saw his fingers follow the sound of "stretch, no, slide" when he recited W, and finally there were 28!

The teacher says that you are all flowers of the motherland, so throw the hornet's nest into the classroom and lock it up.

When I went to look for a job after graduation, the interviewer said to me, "At your age, even if I give you 5000 yuan a month, you can't save it. Just like spending money indiscriminately, 2500 yuan a month is enough." I was speechless

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1. When the bell rang, the teacher said angrily, "Why do you go to the canteen like hungry ghosts after class?" I am late. There is no food in the canteen? Nobody is allowed to run today. "

The students looked at the teacher and shouted, "teacher, please run slowly." You haven't called to stand up after class! " "

When I failed in the exam, I apologized to the teacher (female): "I'm sorry, I was wrong."

The teacher snorted: "What's wrong with you? You are absolutely right. How can you be wrong! "

3. A boy is in a daze in class. The teacher asked, "What are you thinking? Don't concentrate on listening in class. "

The boy replied, "I miss you."

The teacher stayed for a while and replied shyly, "You are good or bad!" "

4. Remember that there is chemistry class in junior high school. No matter what the teacher does, the class is still noisy. At this time, I heard the chemistry teacher holding a test tube and shouting, "Don't be quiet, believe it or not, I'll kill you all!" "

The class was quiet for a while, and then no one dared to make trouble in chemistry class.

5, hospital intern, just bought some cold medicine, no money. I'm going to borrow 30 yuan from my teacher, so I asked her, Teacher, do you have 30 yuan?

As a result, she said, "Guess?"

Suddenly I was speechless … I saw her smile and say, "I'm 32 this year …"

Humorous campus joke 2 1, college entrance examination, math exam, very cool, accidentally fell asleep, still dreaming. The invigilator told me: wake up, students. There is still half an hour to hand in your papers. Let them dry. They are too wet to bind. ...

2. The teacher reprimanded Xiaoming: "Your handwriting is so scribbled that normal people can't recognize it." Xiao Ming said, "But if I want to write one stroke at a time, you will scold me for writing too many mistakes."

My parents came to see me at school and took them to the hotel at the school gate at night. When registering, the front desk casually asked, "Do you have a membership card?" ? I also casually replied ... "Yes". And then ... then there was a severe interrogation of the parents. ...

4. "I am a geography teacher in high school. Yesterday, I talked about the Volga River in Russia. I said: There was once a very famous painting. Do you know what it is? Student: Tracker on the Volga River. Student: Teacher, do you know another very famous song? Me: ... Student: The love of the tracker on the Volga River. "

5. "Xiao Xin made a new girlfriend online, and everyone bragged about how beautiful his girlfriend was ... One day, Xiao Xin looked at his girlfriend's photo and said in surprise," This is really like a fairy ... "

His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy who came to the world, ready to be "amazing"; As a result, there was only one question after reading it: "Did you land face first when you came down to earth?" ? 』"

6. A Qiang is always dozing off in class. The teacher can't bear to wake A Qiang up from his lethargy and ask him, "Do you know why the rabbit lost the race between the tortoise and the hare?" 」

"I don't know," A Qiang replied sleepily. 」

"Because the rabbit is dozing off," the teacher said angrily.

"oh! I see, "if A Qiang thought," all the turtles didn't doze off! "

7. When my classmate was lovelorn, I went to comfort her and said, I'm sorry for your loss. By the way ... after hearing this, the female classmate thought for three seconds to wipe her tears, and squeezed out a smile and said, you are a comfort to so many people. ...

When the bell rang, the classroom was still noisy. As soon as the teacher struck the table, he immediately became quiet. Then the teacher shouted, "didn't you hear the bell?" After a silence, a deep voice came from the corner of the classroom: "When did you hear the bell?"

9. There are six people in a dormitory. The fourth one snores, which often keeps us awake. Once the second one can't stand it, it's a slap in the face. After waking up, the fourth one looked at the second one in horror, and the second one said, Have a nightmare, and the second brother will cover you with a quilt. Old four said sadly, thank you, second brother.

10, Xiao Zhang doesn't like studying, and his grades are very poor. As the university was about to graduate, he asked the professor, "Teacher, what will you study after graduation?" Professor: "job advertisement."

1 1. The girlfriend of the math department wants to break up, and her boyfriend asks why. Woman: You are poor and have a bad personality. The first five people, you love learning, but your grades are in a mess! Man: You exaggerate! Woman: I'm almost there!

12. I have been teaching art and design for many years, and I often encourage students to be creative. Another painting exercise in junior high school is "Association of Hands". There is a black drawing paper in my homework. After reading it for a long time, I didn't draw anything on either side. Only on one side of the drawing paper, I vaguely found the name, class and proposition written in pencil: "I can't see my fingers."

13, people who go to college are sometimes naive. Last week, the new monitor of our class took office and announced at the class meeting that the whole class would be organized to travel on the first day of the New Year's Day, and the destination was decided by the whole class through voting. As soon as I opened my mouth, I discussed with my deskmate where to play, and finally we decided to go to the zoo. For convenience, I wrote a "zoo" on the ballot.

After receiving the tickets, the monitor sang in front of his classmates: "One vote for Nanshan Ski Resort, One vote for the Great Wall …" Suddenly, the monitor raised his hand and shouted: "Who wrote this 200? The funds for this activity are limited, so you can not play, but you can never send 200 yuan! "

14. Teacher knowledge of nature introduced all kinds of poisonous snakes in the forest to the students on the blackboard and taught them all kinds of emergency measures.

The teacher then asked, "What should you do if you meet a cobra?"

The student said eagerly, "break its glasses first!" " "

15, the most charming short message: the meteor of love says to you: love+love = very love, love-love = the starting point of love, love * love = infinite love, love/love = the only love!

Humorous campus joke 3 1, pestering the female teacher to confess to her when I was in college, and she said that she would promise me when I graduated.

Five years later, I found her and cried and begged her to say, teacher, can't I not chase you? Please let me graduate, and don't deliberately fail me again.

At the induction ceremony, the teacher gave me a badge and asked me in front of many students in the audience, "How do you feel?"

I said with tears in my eyes, "The badge pin pierced the meat ..."

3. Just pull a junior high school girl from the street. More than 95% are rich, and more than 60% are 100 yuan.

Just drag a junior high school boy out, and more than 70% don't bring 30% of the money. 30% not only have no money, but also owe money to others.

Classmate, do you believe it?

I heard that girls wearing bras to sleep will affect their chest development, so I personally took off my deskmate's bra in math class today.

I did it for her own good. I wonder why she hit me. Hehe, I deserve to be flat-chested for life.

When the roommate was lovelorn, we advised him to cheer up and said, "In fact, your girlfriend may feel bad."

Roommate: "If you feel bad, prove that she still likes me. Then why abandon me? "

"This ..." I quoted the classic. "It's probably called abandonment with joy!"

6. In math class, the teacher talked about a multiple-choice question. After the phone call, he asked me which ABC to choose. I didn't listen to the lecture and subconsciously said, "Huh?"

Teacher: "Don't use Pinyin next time, yes, choose A"

I ......

7. The physics teacher said that we seemed to be in love in her class.

We all ask why!

The teacher adjusted her glasses and said, because people in love have zero IQ!

Then turn around and write on the blackboard! !

8. In the evening, a student climbed over the wall to surf the Internet. The head teacher checked his bed and saw that there was no one on it, so he slept directly on it.

The next day, the students came back and saw someone on the bed. They patted and asked, "Who is that in my bed?"

The head teacher lifted the quilt and sat up and said, "Are you back?"

Then I called my parents. ......

9. Classmate A wanted to go back to his seat, and another classmate B blocked the way, so classmate B said to classmate A, "I opened this road, and I planted this road. If you want to pass by, please stay and buy road materials. "

At this time, the teacher stood outside the door and said, "Can I swipe my card?"

10, the class teacher suddenly transferred my top three female deskmates and replaced them with a big idiot who is dumber than me. I don't agree to ask the head teacher why.

As a result, the class teacher told me earnestly: "I want to improve your academic performance in another way." You should understand that negativity is positive, right? "

1 1. I wanted to sleep in this morning, so I didn't go to class. I fell asleep in a daze. Suddenly the class teacher called and hung up decisively. I waited two minutes to call back: "teacher, I was just in class." Now I'll call you back when I get out. What can I do for you? "

"Oh, nothing. I just checked the dormitory and saw that you slept soundly. I'll call you and tell you it's time to get up. "

I ......