Monkey King Thrice Defeats the Skeleton Demon's Journey to the West

(Narrator: According to legend, Tang Priest and his disciples went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. On this day, four people crossed Heifengling and came to a valley, which was deserted and inaccessible. Four people are tired from running, so let's rest here ...)

Don: True scriptures are rare, and the belly is drumming. I haven't eaten for eight days. I want to eat grilled ribs, Bajie, Bajie. I really miss my teacher. Go and cook some vegetarian dishes!

Pig: Master, the price of meat has gone up recently. My meat is more valuable than yours. It's too dangerous for me to run around now. I'd better let Monkey go.

Don: Pigs have pig's thoughts, and people have people's thoughts. If a pig has a human brain, it is not a pig-then it is Bajie!

Sun: (with a wry smile to Bajie) Hum, if you look like a steamed stuffed bun, don't blame the dog for always following you. Master, didn't we just become vegetarian last Tuesday? Why are you hungry again?

Don: (impatiently) You monkey head, don't talk nonsense. Can't you see that you are so hungry for the teacher? When I went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures, many girls and monsters scrambled to see the elegance of being a teacher. How can I disappoint many girls in soup powder? (Catwalk around the field, stop and pose)

Sun: Come on, come on, come on, don't flinch. Can't I go?

Don: You're getting annoying. Let's go! Well, it's really annoying to say it. I'm telling you, it's hard to be a man, but it's hard to be a celebrity. It is even harder to be an old man. Too many people stare at you. Really, rape is easy to hide, but psychosexuality is hard to prevent. I don't understand it. It's too cold up there. . . . .

Sun: (impatiently) Please, please, give me a break, Pig and Friar Sand, and take care of Mr. Tang. I'll be back soon.

(Sun Xia)

Sha: When did Big Brother learn so many bird words? Sounds like a fake foreign devil. Maybe he has been abroad, too?

Pig: Brother Sha, I don't know this. Nowadays, speaking foreign languages is a fashion in China. It is said that even beggars' sect disciples have to take CET-4 and CET-6 before they can be promoted.

Sha: Oh? Do they also want to enter the international market?

The first field

(for a moment, it was a waste of time)

Tang: (stabbing Bajie with his arm) Hey, Bajie, look, there's a beautiful girl coming.

Pig: Master, really! How beautiful! Be real! (drooling in a daze)

Sha: (disdainful) What aesthetic? She looks like my second aunt. Alas, after staying in the mountains for a long time, I feel very handsome when I see the female monkey.

Don: (ashamed, gently) Sin, sin ... Bajie, you are crazy again. (Handing a handkerchief) Wipe the saliva from the corners of your mouth ... Needless to say, it's not bad, but it would be better if it were fuller. ...

White girl: Just so-so. Sister Hong Kong is the third (Whitestorm comes over).

Sha: (standing in front of Don and nervously asking) What's your last name? Call it? Where are you from? Where are you going? How many people are there in the family? How many acres of land per capita? How many cows are there in the field? Is there a witness for the temporary residence permit? Say, say, say, say, say.

White girl: Master, my little girl is polite. I am a good man, a white-collar worker, a backbone of the unit and an it elite. People give me the reputation of white, and online says Sister Furong is next. Let me introduce myself first. I think it's only a matter of time before I become famous. I think I can be famous in any way, with exquisite appearance, good figure and developing breasts! I am a very self-respecting person, and I will never take it off. At first glance, you are all lecherous. Are you playing tricks on me again? (Put your body in an S shape)

(Tang, Pig's Head and Sha have a chill at the same time)

White girl: Master, you are hungry. My family opened a steamed stuffed bun shop in front. Steamed buns are big and thin, and they smell ten miles. They are very famous in Beijing, and they are definitely not paper. I promise you will have a meal and think twice before you do.

Sun: (walking up and down the court) Hey, hey (Dai), don't seduce my master. Master, don't worry, I'll come!

(Sun Ju calls with a stick, and Bai Bian hides behind Tang and says)

White girl: Don't you dare hit my mother, or I'll sue you for sexual harassment. There's someone above me. I know the director of Jinan People's Congress. I'm not afraid of him blasting me. I'm afraid of you? I will fight with you, master. Please help me. . . (Turn behind the Tang Priest)

Don: (reaching out to protect the white) You monkeys are becoming more and more unruly. Such a good girl still hurts me after being shot, and she has no weapons of mass destruction. If she is killed, the prime ministers and parliamentarians of the United States and Germany will protest against our absence.

Not free at all. He will accuse you of cruelty to animals. People are going to shout the Tang priest threat theory again.

Sun: (rushing forward, raising a stick and knocking Bai to the ground) The tiger is not arrogant and impetuous. Do you think I'm Hello Kitty?

Born and cooked, it's really hard.

Pig: Oh, my God! The Monkey King, you don't have a long memory again. Last time in zhenping county, you broke the paper tiger in Zhou Zhenglong and were found guilty. You said that we destroyed the good situation that tigers emerged in the prosperous times and tigers roared to shock the national prestige. How much trouble we've caused.

Sha: (crouching down and trying to catch his breath) Oh, it's a pity to die. What a nice girl. Brother, if the master hadn't given the Jade Emperor two houses on the Third Ring Road in Beijing last time, you would have been sent to Hongtong County, Shanxi Province to burn bricks. How expensive the houses in Beijing are. This is an impulsive punishment.

Sun: Master, she is a demon. No one should stop me. Whoever stops me is in a hurry.

Don: (shivering, taking a step back, looking scared) Wukong, you don't work in urban management, do you?

Bajie: (Handing the handkerchief to Tang to wipe the sweat) Master, ignore him and wipe the sweat.

Don: (picks up a handkerchief to wipe his face and suddenly stops to look) Shit, I said Bajie, your nose in this handkerchief is still wet. The teacher has a runny nose all over his face.

Pig: (shy) Hehe, Master, I'm sorry. I have rhinitis recently, and I forgot to use Biyanning this morning.

Sand: (Holding up a pack of paper towels and facing the audience, I sincerely say) Hu paper towels, with strong suction, fragrance, dry net lining and wings, can be used at night when they are big, so that blowing your nose from any angle will not leak sideways. After blowing your nose, your nose will be drier, cooler and more secure. Master, use mine.

Don: (Nodding) You still hurt the master.

The second field

(After a while, an old man came on stage, saw the woman who was killed and jumped on her daughter. )

Dad Bai: (crying) My daughter, who killed you? Master, tell me, who killed my daughter? She has just joined Super Girl, and everyone agrees that she will play with Chris Lee.

Don: A match made in heaven? Who plays this man? Old man, I-I don't know how she died. Does she have beriberi, foot-and-mouth disease, mad cow disease or heart disease?

Dad Bai: You must have killed her. I will fight with you and let you know my ability. I drove a horse in Nanjing, and I blocked a Hummer on the expressway. My car is equipped with an alarm. I'm afraid of you? You pay for my daughter's life (grab Don's hand and drag it out)

Sun: Don't hurt my master (lift a stick and knock the old man to the ground)

Don: It's over, it's over. You monkey head are in trouble again. I don't have a house to send anymore. The owner's property is just some quilt stocks. Speaking of stocks, I tell you, the last time God transferred ownership, Lingxiaobao Store became a big house, with the Jade Emperor as the leader, the old gentleman in the throne and the immortals in the Antarctic all had computers, and they just looked at the big market and stopped working there. So big, not afraid of excitement.

Sha: (reciting with tears) How much sadness can you have, just like PetroChina.

(Recite affectionately, others look into the distance)

I am standing on the top of PetroChina 48 yuan.

Looking down the hill with tears in her eyes.

Look at that towering well tower.

Look at the spectacular black oil blowout.

Look at the busy shareholders by the derrick.

Look at the smug smile of the banker after cheating money.

I am standing on the top of PetroChina 48 yuan.

Lament that the chairman wants to repay the heartfelt words of the shareholders of the motherland. . . . . . .

Pig: Come on, come on, what time is it to recite poems? Let's run before the police come.

Third field

(An old lady walks on stage and shouts)

White mother: Daughter, old man, go home for dinner.

Pig: Well, Master, I can't leave. The old lady found me. It's up to you.

Don: Don't panic, old man. I'm sorry. My apprentice just played with a stick here in Jay Chou and accidentally killed a little girl and an old man. Do you think it is your family? If so, I'm really sorry.

White mother: Ah! (crying, lying on the ground) My daughter, my old man, you died miserably. You left in such a hurry. Do you have enough travel expenses? Don't worry, I'll burn more paper money for you later. After receiving it, you should save money. Buy the fund for the rest. The stock is too unreliable and the banker is too dark. . .

(The old lady stands up, looks at Tang bitterly, and then begins to sing cruelly. )

I said you were cruel. Use your innocent eyes.

I lied twice and took it seriously.

I said treat me like a stupid, soft ear.

Just a moment's atmosphere made me angry ~

Sha: (stops the white horse and says to the white horse) If it is better than Jay Chou, I prefer Jay Chou. Jay Chou must have been away from home before. How nice it is for you to listen to his classics. ...

White mother: (The old lady came up to arrest the Tang Priest) You pay for my daughter and husband.

Sun: (holding up the stick and hitting the white horse) You monster, you want to hurt my master and eat my stick.

White mother: (cursing while hiding) You hit me? Old lady, I'm the boss of the porcelain-touching gang in Nanjing. People in the Jianghu call me Mrs. Xu, who touches porcelain. Be careful if I sue you for hitting me. My son is a policeman, and someone in our family is in court. I am the biggest in Nanjing. . . . .

After a while, the old lady is knocked to the ground, and Wukong takes a breath. )

Sun: I'll hit you. Look at you. It's finally quiet. (Facing the audience, his left hand rested on his hips, his right hand clenched, and his forefinger waved above his head) Hum! This is called not abandoning or giving up.

Sha: Shit, it turns out that the master elder brother is from Gangqi Company. No wonder.

Don: (Hands folded) Life is precious, but pork is more expensive. Wukong, you have killed too many people, and my teacher can't protect you. Let's go The master's stock market crash can't save you. Run for your life. ...

Sun: Master, little brother. Take care. Well, let it be.

Monkey King Thrice Defeats the Skeleton Demon

On this day, Tang Priest and his disciples came to the foot of a big mountain. )

Tang Priest: Disciple, what is this place? The ancient road is west to white, and the small bridge is empty. It's beautiful!

Wukong: Master, it's been several years since you left Dongtu Datang. Why are you still like this? It's just a stone mountain. What is there to see? Say you are a terrapin (bie), for fear that Guanyin's sister will scold me. Finding a stone on this mountain is more knowledgeable than you! How can you cover all people like you? At least we know a little magic, even white can kick you over at once. You have brought us endless trouble, please learn something else!

Tang Priest: Shit! I was just relaxing. You are such a mother-in-law, complaining and nagging. Do you want to hang out? (Blue flower points to Wukong)

Friar Sand: Well, well, everyone is out to work for Guanyin Tathagata, so why bother?

Tang Priest: I'm talking to your big brother. When is your turn to interrupt? (Hands tied around waist, like a woman) Please, I have put your big brother's golden cudgel on your head. Will you come again?

Friar Sand: Good! I shut up!

Tang Priest: Bajie, the teacher is going to talk about you again. Although you have lost some weight recently, although Friar Sand doesn't like to argue with others, he just chooses his daily luggage ... Don't do that.

Bajie: I did it for the good of everyone! My old pig is easy to get hungry when walking, so it is inevitable that everyone will go to lent, which will inevitably delay the time to learn from the scriptures.

Tang Priest: I was wrong about you. Just ride there all the time.

Friar Sand: #% * @ $ "

Tang Priest: Wukong, let him say so. I am really hungry, so please come!

Wukong: Me again? Is it your turn to go?

Tang Priest: Theoretically, I should go to Huazhai, but I'm too hungry to go now. . .

Wukong: OK, I'll go!

Bajie: Wait a minute. What if someone, a demon or something comes to rob you later?

Friar Sand: Come on, look at us with bald heads and beards. What shemale dares to rob us?

Bajie: pervert!

Friar Sand: Huh? Did you see it too? Yes, my beard is burnt. ...

Bajie: Stop! I mean, perverts will rob us!

Tang Priest: Yes! Wukong, something will inevitably come out of this wilderness. look ...

Wukong: What a bother! If I had known this, I would have gone to learn the scriptures myself. Fortunately, I was prepared. Look!

(Everyone): Ah! It's the power grid!

Wukong: Not bad! This is the bodyguard power grid, with low power consumption, simple operation, adjustable voltage and high safety. It has both AC and DC models and a unique leakage protection device, which is especially suitable for families with children at home. Its unique folding design is more convenient to carry, and it is a must for home travel! And not expensive! From now on, as long as you call our free direct dial number, our staff will come to the door for installation and debugging within 24 hours for free! And I will give you a beautiful electric ear-digging spoon!

Friar Sand: Brother, I see it. I have a battery!

Wukong: Good boy! ~ ~ ~ ~ I'll go now!

Tang Priest: Wait a minute! Wukong, take the water tank on Friar Sand's back. This time, you will spend more food to fast. The teacher is a little hungry!

Wukong: ... I see! (Wukong steps down)

At the same time, in the cave of this mountain, the Bai family of three are watching TV.

Dad Bai: TV programs are really boring. There is nothing to see all day. I haven't seen it since I bought it Put something else on!

White daughter: I told you, you should install an antenna. It was in the mountains and there was no signal. Of course, it's just snowflakes.

White mother: In my opinion, evening will be more useful. Just turn off the sound and we can use it as a desk lamp!

White daughter: Forget it, I'll ignore you. I just watch Westward Journey every day! (Picking up the newspaper on the table and reading it for a while, he says to his white father and white mother) Great, it says here that the Tang Priest is coming! Eating his meat can not only prolong life, but also relieve cough and phlegm, clear throat and moisten throat. We have no reason to miss the opportunity arranged by God!

Dad Bai: Golden voice and throat treasure? Go out and have a look!

Bai Daughter: But I heard that there is a triad society under the Tang Priest, led by the Monkey King, who caused havoc in Heaven 500 years ago!

White mother: the Monkey King? Is it the supreme treasure in a Chinese Odyssey? I know.

White daughter: That's fake, eh! There's really no way. You boil water here and wait for me to catch him!

Dad Bai: Look out! Kid!

(The daughter in white comes to the Tang Priest's resting place ...)

White daughter: Hello, masters!

Tang Priest: Hello, little friend. What are you doing alone?

White daughter: I'm going home. My home is not far ahead. Grandparents have cooked the meal, wait for me to go home for dinner!

Bajie: What? Is there a meal? Master, eldest brother hasn't come back for a long time, so let's take the little one home.

Tang Priest: You are so rude. People don't want us to go. How dare you ask a teacher? You are an old pig begging for food from other children. Are you ashamed?

White daughter: Never mind. My family is also a Buddhist. My parents will be very happy if everyone goes together.

Tang Priest: Oh? Is there anyone else in your family?

White daughter: There are only three of us in my family.

Tang Priest: It's really a couple and a baby, which is beneficial to the country and the people! Friar Sand, you put away the power grid. We won't wait for Wukong.

(Wukong just came back at this moment)

Wukong: Hum! Eat my old grandson!

Tang Priest: Stop it! I won't say anything about you if you hit the child, but you should aim more accurately. You almost hit me!

Wukong: Sorry! I'm sorry! I called again. Hey! Eat my old grandson!

White daughter: Ah! (Instantly killed) [Thought: Shit! That's too bad. It is said that children are the future masters. Why am I the first to die? ]

Bajie: Great! Big brother killed someone!

Friar Sand: Hum! How rare and strange!

Tang Priest: Bajie, your eldest brother killed so many creatures along the way, please stop! But Wukong, you are wrong this time. I just asked this little friend that there are three people in her family. She is an only child, not an unplanned birth. You shouldn't have killed her

Wukong: Master, where are you from in Fiona Fang?

Tang Priest: Maybe camping?

Wukong: Show it to your mother!

Tang Priest: Don't you dare scold me!

Wukong: If it weren't for Guanyin's sake, I would have hit you!

Tang Priest: ◎ ※▲ @&#■☆ 〓 ◆ ■ .......... (Hooping spell)

Friar Sand: Master Mo Nian!

Tang Priest: Sorry! I forgot to put a gold ring on you.

Wukong: See what else you can do!

Tang Priest: OK, I'm convinced. Let's eat first!

Wukong: How nice it is so early!

The two pots of water in the cave have been boiled dry, and the white daughter hasn't come back yet. )

Dad Bai: Wife, why hasn't the daughter come back yet?

White mother: Yes, I must have gone to the pond at the foot of the mountain to play with that handsome frog. No, I have to discipline her. The college entrance examination will be held next year. I can't fall in love early!

Dad Bai: You are crazy! Have you ever seen a pile of bones marry a frog? Science fiction? Wesley? Save it.

White mother: Only you understand! No, I must find him!

Dad Bai: Hum! Woman!

White mother: Wrong! It should be called banshee

? (White mother is here ...)

White mother: Masters, did you see a little girl pass by here just now?

Tang Priest: We are new here too. We didn't see anything.

Bajie: Right! Even if we saw a little girl, we didn't kill him!

Wukong: Shit! Are you a pig brain?

Bajie: Right?

Friar Sand: Second brother, please say less.

White mother: What? (Seeing the body on the ground at a glance) Who did this?

Tang Priest: I told you to deal with the scene after killing someone, otherwise it would be easy to be caught. Look, I was right, wasn't I?

Wukong: Shut your crow mouth!

White mother: Ah! ~ ~ ~ ~ Daughter, (finger) Who killed her?

Tang Priest: Not me.

Bajie: Not me.

Friar Sand: Not me.

White mother: That must be ... (pointing to the horse) What a world this is! Even horses can kill people!

Bajie: Come on, it can't be ridden by others. How can we kill people? There is another one standing over there.

White mother: I know, isn't he the Monkey King? But I can't beat him, Ma. You can only let me kick my foot to get rid of it. (Kicking the horse)

? Wukong: Be careful that I accuse you of cruelty to animals! (intense)

? White mother: You, you, (afraid). . . My child in bad karma died miserably! (crying)

Wukong: You can have another child when the child dies. I see you are still hale and hearty, and your husband is in good health, right? Why don't you go home and have another one

Tang Priest: Wukong, you killed someone's children. How can you talk to someone like that?

Bajie: That's right.

Wukong: Go!

Tang Priest: In that case, I'll give you twelve taels of silver. Take it back and bury your daughter first.

White mother: Twelve taels? Send beggars?

Friar Sand: Donor, twelve taels is enough. I only pick one or two a week!

White mother: It's not easy for me to have a daughter. It's just a price, twenty taels!

Bajie: Robbery?

Tang Priest: Twelve Liang.

White mother: Nineteen beams.

Tang Priest: Fourteen Liang.

White mother: eighteen taels.

Tang Priest: Sixteen beams.

White mother: Deal!

Wukong: Dai! Eat my old grandson!

White mother: Ah! ~ ~ ~ ~ (dead)

Tang Priest: Wukong, people didn't say anything about eating me. Why did you kill me again?

Wukong: I hate women who bargain with others. Anyway, they are monsters, and they have saved sixteen taels of silver. Why not?

Tang Priest: Hmm! There is something in what you say. Let's go and don't forget to get the money back!

(Finally, Dad Bai can't wait. He chased him all the way ...)

Bai Dad: Are you monks who went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures?

Tang Priest: Yes, I'm a monk who went to the East and the West to learn Buddhist scriptures, or Tang Priest for short!

Dad Bai: How dare you monks! How dare you hurt my wife and children!

Tang Priest: Shit! The whole family is here. I really don't understand. I'm just a monk. How can you live forever after eating my meat? Even so, how did the monsters along the way know?

Dad Bai: Look at this!

(Everyone): Huh? Westward Journey Daily?

Dad Bai: Yes, this is a newspaper published by Tianzhu. Editor-in-chief Tathagata, you must subscribe to monsters along the way. Once a day, we keep pace with your development.

Wukong: Is Tathagata so boring?

Dad Bai: Nonsense! Otherwise, where are you from? In this way, Tathagata can also be the editor-in-chief to earn some spare money. They have already calculated it. The newspaper advertisement also said that Tang monk meat can live forever!

Tang Priest: That's a lie! I want so much meat, I'll eat a piece myself first, so why bother?

Dad Bai: Hum! You also travel at public expense in the name of learning from the scriptures!

Wukong: What? Are you kidding? Along the way, we have no medical care, no fixed residence and no fixed income. Really can't. We set up stalls, play circus, sell singers and sell artworks. What haven't we done yet?

Dad Bai: Oh? Life is quite colorful!

Friar Sand: Why don't you try?

Dad Bai: OK! Anyway, everyone in the family is dead. Why don't we go together?

Wukong: Yes, there are many friends and many roads. Let's go together!

Tang Priest: Isn't there another person's fee along the way?

Dad Bai: It doesn't matter. I can go up the mountain to cut wood, fish in the lake, wash clothes and cook, and watch the children wash dishes. I can do anything and I won't give you any trouble.

Friar Sand: Good! From now on, you are the youngest apprentice of the master, and the burden will be handed over to you.

Dad Bai: I am willing to help!