What are the speaking principles that need to be grasped in social situations?

Speaking in social situations is not an easy task. Some people just don't grasp the principle of speaking appropriately in social occasions, which causes a lot of unnecessary troubles and reduces their charm in social occasions.

Be kind to others.

I believe that many people want to gain respect and attention from others in interpersonal communication, which requires us to use all kinds of eloquence skills as much as possible to make emotional contact with each other and actively convey and express friendly feelings to each other.

Being friendly to others often leads to better relations between people.

(1) Being nice can lead to communication.

Communication with anyone starts with a stranger, which requires being friendly to others. Take the initiative to show kindness to an unfamiliar person and express the desire to communicate, which is easy to be accepted by the other party and get a friendly expression from the other party. Only in this way can the two sides achieve communication and become friends. One night, a friend was bored and strolled alone in Park Road. At this time, an old man in his fifties came face to face and greeted him kindly and easily. Friends feel that each other is friendly and respond accordingly. Soon they were getting better and better, chatting very speculatively and happily. It was not until late that they reluctantly said goodbye. Since then, the two have maintained and continuously developed their relationship, becoming "friends who have forgotten the new year". The old man is a scholar who studies youth issues. The communication between the two people is of great help to Lu Xiao, and the other party has also gained something. This wonderful relationship is formed by taking the initiative to show kindness. In reality, many people are not good at being nice, not to mention people who are far apart, and even colleagues and neighbors are indifferent to each other and turn a blind eye. It turns out that the relationship is very thin, which is a pity.

(2) Being friendly can resolve communication conflicts.

There will inevitably be such contradictions in communication. At this time, if you can use your eloquence skills and show your goodwill, it means that the clouds in your heart have cleared away and you have the desire to save the relationship. Under the call of your attitude, the other party will be greatly infected, dispel doubts, open your heart and accept your friendly gesture. My two former neighbors, because of the crowded housing, both put sundries in the corridor, and as a result, there was a contradiction because of this. From foaming at the mouth to pointing and cursing, to pushing and shoving, others can't pull it away. Later, the two became strangers, and no one left each other. You can live together, but you can't look up. Once two people were walking opposite each other, and one of them wanted to bow his head, but then another neighbor took the initiative to say hello. The man showed a friendly attitude with a smile on his face. All the old grudges were put aside at once, and then friendly relations were re-established.

(3) Being friendly can keep warm and heat communication.

Interpersonal communication, from the perspective of emotional communication, requires constant emotional communication. Only by constantly using eloquence skills, expressing goodwill to the other party, transmitting emotional signals in time, expressing sincere wishes, maintaining emotional ties and keeping the relationship warm. With the development of communication, mastering the temperature again will enhance emotional enthusiasm, heat up communication and promote the further development of communication relations. Xiao Yao, a young literary artist, took the initiative to show kindness to his predecessors who had made achievements in the field of literature, so that they began to have contacts and formed a certain relationship. Xiao Yao cherishes this feeling very much, and expresses his unusual relationship with his predecessors through a more positive and enthusiastic attitude when meeting, regular visits, heart-to-heart talks, announcements after grades and special greetings on holidays. In this way, the relationship between the two people has been continuously consolidated and warmed up, becoming a pair of very congenial and close literary friends.

If you have realized the importance of expressing kindness to others, then the next step is to consider what kind of way you choose to express kindness.

(1) Good posture

When you are faced with a relative stranger, and you are embarrassed to express your goodwill to the other person with eloquence, it is also a good choice to express it with gestures. After all, body language is also an important part of eloquence and an important supplement to eloquence. Compared with language, it not only spreads a huge amount of information, but also is more subtle, sincere and infectious. Under special circumstances or in a small scope, its function is more obvious, which is irreplaceable by other means such as language. For example, in the first communication, a look, a gesture and an action can convey the friendly meaning truly and implicitly, naturally and appropriately, without being blunt and reckless. Good posture is more effective in silence than in sound. For example, a handshake, a high-five, and a smile on the lips are all more real, warmer and more infectious. Body posture can be roughly divided into three parts: one is the face, including facial expressions and eyes; The second is gestures; The third is body posture, that is, body posture other than face and gestures. People with rich postures are always good at using and coordinating various postures.

(2) Greetings and friendliness

When people meet and contact, the most basic way to express their feelings is to say hello. Greeting is a respect for others and a reflection of someone's eyes. Because greeting is usually a way of communication in the first meeting and instant communication, it is a way of communication, and it can also be used as the starting point of communication. Most greetings have no actual content, just some cliches and nonsense. For example, "Have you eaten?" "It's a beautiful day.". But its original meaning is not in the content itself, but in the way of showing goodwill, it will give people a very cordial and warm feeling. Of course, greeting needs to be tasteful and flexible. Smiling is an effective way to greet people with facial expressions, giving people a warm feeling. You can also say "hello", pie mouth and other vivid ways. Greetings are also different in depth. When shallow, smile and say hello. When you are deep, you can hold hands and look at each other.

(3) Chatting well

After work, chatting with each other is also a kind gesture, and it is more in-depth and rich. Because only when they form a certain relationship and reach a certain level can they sit together and chat. In other words, chatting is a sign of a mature relationship. By chatting with the other person, you will undoubtedly send a message to the other person: the other person is in a certain position in your mind, and your behavior is a sign of intimacy and closeness. The other person will accept you and feel encouraged. Through this small talk, the relationship between the two sides has been deepened and developed. The problem to pay attention to in chatting is timing. Don't disturb others, otherwise it will cause misunderstanding and make them afraid to make friends with you and accept your kindness.

See different people and say different things.

"When the Woods are big, there are all kinds of birds." People have different personalities. Some people are inside, some people are inside, some people are outside, and some people are outside. From this perspective, all kinds of people you face will present four forms: inside and outside, inside and outside, inside and outside, inside and outside. "Say what you see", and communicate with people with different personalities with different eloquence skills.

(1) Be honest and smooth with people at home and abroad.

In interpersonal communication, some people are straight and angular, and maybe these people are not very likable. Because they are often straightforward, emotionally exposed and too soft-hearted. Such people are often very serious and leave no room; Work input, too prominent; Energetic, it is inevitable to make public; Great, forget the balance. If they insist that it is my fault, I will admit that I will never push things around; If it is your fault, it is your fault. It's good to blame. People with this personality are all people who practice both inside and outside. The appearance is consistent and impartial, which is a good evaluation of these people.

When dealing with people of this character, the first thing to follow is honesty when dealing with eloquence. People at home and abroad will not hide, duplicity. They are trustworthy and worthy of respect, so treat them with sincerity, care and love. If you are hypocritical and doubt them, they will often have a strong dislike, and they will also show this dissatisfaction on their faces, thus widening the psychological distance between you. The second thing to pay attention to is to speak tactfully. People at home and abroad are dull and inflexible, which often puts some people in an awkward position, so we should pay attention to tact when dealing with them. When you see a smooth population at home and abroad, you should take appropriate measures to change the subject when you attack sharply. Or say some humorous words appropriately, or praise him cleverly and guide him. Inside and outside are pure-hearted, upright and selfless people. You shouldn't be angry with them just because they stabbed you. A great writer at home and abroad received a letter, the author of which was a young man at the peak of his life. The young man said that he would write a novel with him. The great writer was a little angry after reading it. He wrote unreservedly in the letter: "Sir, why are you so bold?" I actually want to put a noble horse and a humble donkey in the same car. "The young man had a brainwave and wrote at the beginning of his reply:" Dear sir, how can you flatter me like this and compare me to a horse? In the second half of the letter, the young man wrote in detail his writing specialty, potential, necessity and feasibility of cooperation and his influence on the growth of young people. The great writer laughed when he received the letter, and immediately replied, "Friend, you are very interesting. Please send me the manuscript. I'm happy to accept your suggestion. "In this case, the young people misinterpreted the original intention, humorous, sincere, unexpected, and persuaded the great writer.

(2) Be polite to people outside the circle.

When going straight will hurt others' self-esteem, when being angular will put them in an awkward position, and when the square can't achieve satisfactory results, some people will adopt a smooth and flexible strategy. Obviously it is correct, we should stick to it without hesitation, but because the resistance to persistence is too great, we will play dumb against our will; Obviously wrong, we should refute it with confidence, but for our own self-interest, we suppress silence. These people tend to weigh the pros and cons of everything and never take things personally. These people are inside and outside the circle. They live an honest and clean life, are experienced in dealing with the world, are passive in Nuo Nuo, and are cautious, principled and flexible. Because they are smart and capable, but they are not exposed, their emotions are invisible, they are stable and versatile, and they are often comfortable in complex interpersonal relationships and interest relationships.

When dealing with people of this character, the first thing to pay attention to in eloquence is politeness and rationality. People with inner and outer circles are easy-going on the surface, but in fact they hate rudeness, evil and rudeness. They can't be close friends with such people. If you want to shorten the psychological distance with such people, you must show your positive, healthy and upward communication mentality. Only in this way can we get the recognition of such people. The second thing to pay attention to in eloquence is moderation. A person with an inner circle and an outer circle will not show his dissatisfaction on his face even if he is quite disgusted with others. On the surface, he is friendly to you, but his heart makes you unpredictable. Therefore, when treating them, we should pay attention to discretion and discretion, and don't push your luck just because he has a smile on his face.

(3) Organize people with inner and outer circles.

In life, some people are good at studying "personnel" and focus on personal interests. When the head is low, the incense burns and the relationship is pulled. Confused, confused. When you start, you will start. He is not only tactful and sophisticated in dealing with people, but also has no inner constraints and commandments for himself, and rarely asks the true meaning of life. When you meet something good, show your face, and grab something favorable; When something bad happens, something unknown, something unprofitable, just push it. This figure is a person with an inner ring and an outer ring.

Dealing with people with this personality, not only in speaking, but also in various occasions should be organized. Because deep down, they don't have any rules to follow, so they may play tricks that look gorgeous and bright, but actually harm others and benefit themselves. We should clearly correct their improper practices, and don't be embarrassed to tell the truth because we love face too much, which will wronged ourselves. In addition, when working with people with inner and outer circles, be careful and don't trust them too much. People with inner and outer circles are well aware of their own characteristics, so they are also afraid that others will be disloyal and faithless. Therefore, when dealing with such people, we should send them a clear signal: if you keep your word, then I will keep my promise. Under the guidance of this practice, they can drive on the correct communication track. Wang Er of a company is a typical person with an inner circle and an outer circle. One thing can illustrate this problem. A colleague went out on business, and Wang Er smiled and asked him to bring him something. After his colleague delivered the goods he bought to him, Wang Er just forgot to give money. After ten and a half days, Wang Er asked seriously, as if nothing had happened, "Did I give you money? Don't be embarrassed! " One hundred and eighty dollars. Who can be serious with him? In this way, Wang Erbaibai made a little bargain from his colleagues, and he was very happy with the success of his little skill. In this case, Wang Er seized people's weaknesses for personal gain. In this regard, Wang Er's colleagues should not conceal the truth. He should make it clear that Wang Er didn't give money. In this case, you will neither suffer nor offend Wang Er.

(4) Be flexible with people inside and outside the circle.

Some people are passionate on the stage, just like a gentleman, but they are doing some ugly things off the stage. This kind of person is full of benevolence and righteousness in front of the leaders and the masses, but he knows exactly what kind of person he is in his heart. A person with this personality is a person with an inner circle and an outer circle.

When dealing with people of this character, you should pay attention to the flexibility of your speech. To deal with this kind of person, the first task is to analyze his true heart according to all aspects of information, and then prescribe the right medicine and guide him skillfully. Only in this way can they be brought into the correct communication track. Xiao Song wanted to go through the marriage registration formalities with his lover before going abroad, but Director Yan, who received them at the Marriage Registry, said, "Xiao Song, you are still two months away from the registration age! There are provisions in the law, not to mention two months, that is, two hours is not enough. " No way, two people went home with sad faces. The neighbor who worked in the Public Security Bureau said after hearing about it: "The birth time on the ID card is not accurate. How can it be two hours away? " Besides, according to our local regulations, a situation like yours should be taken care of. Well, when you go again tomorrow, tell them that Director Yan, a classmate of Director Li of the Civil Affairs Bureau and the late section chief of the Public Security Bureau, said that Director Yan was miraculous and sympathetic to the people's feelings, and would actively strive for leadership support and give him a care index. "The next day, this statement really took effect. Director Yan pondered for a long time and said to them, "Yesterday afternoon, we just received the documents from our superiors. Young men and women with special circumstances should be taken care of. So, you fill out the registration form "So things went smoothly.

"Talk to people and cut the crap", although it is a bit ugly to say, is indeed a very practical code in practical communication. Facing different people, we should adopt different eloquence skills. Only in this way can you communicate with others more smoothly.

Take care of others when you speak.

In interpersonal communication, when you talk to others, you must always realize that both sides have the dual roles of speaker and listener, and realize the two-way nature of verbal communication. In other words, we should realize that our responsibility is not only to express our ideas clearly, but also to consider how to use eloquence to make the other party interested and easy to understand, and adjust the content and way of our speech according to the feedback from the other party. To this end, we should pay attention to the following four aspects:

(1) Select the appropriate topic.

Chatting with acquaintances can naturally lead to various topics directly, but when you meet someone for the first time or participate in a social activity, you should seriously consider how to choose a topic. When we meet for the first time, it is inevitable to introduce ourselves. In a sense, self-introduction is a key to social interaction. If this key is used well, it can make you happy in social activities; It may bring you all kinds of difficulties. So, how to introduce yourself to achieve the success of communication? Generally speaking, introduce yourself in moderation. Some people like to make a self-deprecating introduction first to show modesty and respect. In fact, this is unnecessary. Under normal circumstances, the other party may think that you are a cliche and insincere; Maybe I really thought you didn't care, that was self-defeating. Of course, we should also avoid showing off our erudition from the beginning and make ourselves look sharp and daunting; Or make people think that you are boastful and flashy. Only by seeking truth from facts and introducing yourself properly can we give people the impression of being sincere, frank and accommodating.

After introducing ourselves, we should choose a topic. In order to make the topic become the medium of initial conversation, the basis of in-depth and detailed discussion and the beginning of unrestrained conversation.

(2) Pay attention to the dialogue between the two sides

Social conversation is not only different from talking to yourself personally, but also different from speaking in public. It's a dialogue composed of listening and speaking. The essence of dialogue is not that you take turns saying one sentence at a time, but that you echo each other. A truly successful dialogue should be a process of mutual reply: every sentence of one's own should be a continuation of the last sentence of the other party, and one should respond to every sentence of the other party, and be able to quote and repeat it appropriately in one's speech. Only in this way can we really communicate psychologically.

In order to have a successful dialogue, we should avoid the following nine incorrect ways of dialogue: interrupting others' conversation or grabbing others' words to disturb others' thoughts; Ignore the use of explanation and generalization, making it difficult for the other party to understand your intention for a while; Because of his distraction, he forced others to repeat the topic they had talked about; Asking questions continuously like a cannonball makes people feel at a loss; Careless about other people's problems, empty and irrelevant; Explain a phenomenon casually and jump to conclusions, indicating that you are an expert; Avoid reality and be empty, without revealing emotion, which makes people puzzled; It is boring to emphasize some irrelevant details inappropriately; When others are full of interest in a topic, you feel impatient and forcibly transfer the topic to your own interest; Pretend that the correct views and pertinent suggestions are wrong, and make the other party suspect that there is teasing in your words.

(3) Change the topic when appropriate

There are two situations where you need to change the subject:

One situation is that you have lost interest in the topic you are talking about, but the other person is so Tan Xing that it is difficult to talk to him. At this point, you don't have to listen, but you should ask an enlightening question, or take a sentence from the other side, and naturally lead to another question of mutual interest. In this way, the other party's self-esteem and peace talks have not been damaged, and they have not even realized it.

On the other hand, consciously and sensitively observe each other's reactions, feel their hints and restrain their Tan Xing. For example, when the other person shows a tired look, enough is enough.

(4) Pay attention to every detail

In conversation, if you can pay attention to the following details, it will have the effect of improving interpersonal relationships. These details refer to:

Let others speak first, on the one hand, you can show your modesty, on the other hand, you can also take this opportunity to observe each other and give yourself time to measure and space for deliberation.

No matter who you talk to, you should know something about the other person and avoid some taboo topics, such as personal privacy, illness and things you don't want to mention, otherwise it will cause the other person to be unhappy. You should learn to read what you say, and once you find yourself accidentally touching each other's taboos, you should avoid them immediately when you are unhappy or embarrassed.

Social psychologists have found that most people don't like people who always say "I". Therefore, we should avoid exposing our talents too much and say, "How can I do it?" You should know that modesty is always acceptable. Generally speaking, people always accept a person before accepting his opinion.

Be sincere in your conversation. A glib tongue, even if you have a good opinion, is hard to be accepted.

Proper humor can make people feel profound philosophy in laughter. Proper use of humor can add an active and pleasant atmosphere to social interaction. However, interesting conversation comes from the organic combination of one's cultivation and talent, which cannot be forced. If you only tell jokes with low style for the sake of funny results, or even insult others, it can only show your lightness and boredom.

Idioms can reflect personality, but most of them are a burden to language. Even if the content is quite attractive, if you add a number of idioms such as "this", "that", "hmm" and "ah", it is like adding a handful of sand to cooked white rice, which is hard to swallow. Therefore, the mantra as a language burden should be cut off.

Try to let the other person finish before interrupting. If you really need to interrupt halfway, you should also ask the other party's permission and say in a consultative tone, "Excuse me, may I ask a question?" Or "May I interject?" This will avoid misunderstanding.

If several people talk together, you should be careful not to pay attention to only one person and ignore others. Besides your interlocutor, you can occasionally visit others with your eyes. For a silent person, try to make him talk, for example, ask him, "What do you think of this?" This will break the silence and lead to his words tactfully.

Understand the importance of communication

In interpersonal communication, if you want to be friends with others, you must first communicate with others. Because only through communication can we understand each other, seek common ground while reserving differences, coordinate relations, and then create friendship and become friends. Therefore, if you want to make many friends, you must master the eloquence skills to win friendship.

(1) Take the initiative to strike up a conversation with the other party.

Words come from the heart. Only by talking to others in words can others understand you better and you can understand others better. Communicating with others through conversation can promote and deepen communication. Two old people often go to the newsstand. Lao Zhang always chats with the stall owner while reading newspapers and magazines, and finally buys one or two newspapers and magazines. The stall owner and regular newsstand customers soon knew that Lao Zhang was an interesting and tasteful man and respected him more and more. The other old man is always expressionless and silent. It is strange that he either bought the newspaper and left, or left after reading it. In fact, the old man is a freelance writer. He came to the newsstand to buy a sample magazine. It should be said that the purpose of his coming here is more clear than that of Lao Zhang. But he is always taciturn and others don't know him, so it is difficult to get the respect and reverence that others should give him. It is not difficult to see from the two old people that in daily life, more conversation means more communication and trust, more opportunities to win the favor of others, which is conducive to interpersonal communication.

(2) Sincerely eliminate misunderstandings

It is normal for people to have conflicts and frictions, and the key is to communicate more. If we talk to each other, we will gain understanding, gradually run in and then move towards harmony. In particular, some unnecessary contradictions, as long as a little explanation, will clarify the facts, clarify right and wrong, and turn both sides into enemies. Xiao Xu is the highest educated person in the unit, with strong ability and high enthusiasm, but he just didn't get timely affirmation and praise from the leaders. Therefore, Xiao Xu is not hostile to the leader, and even thinks that the leader is a person whose style, morality and talent are questionable. In fact, the leader's performance to Xiao Xu is to see in his eyes and enjoy in his heart, but he has his own plan: to ask more of young people and praise less, in case they become cocky. So he argued for Xu Lai, which led to Xu's misunderstanding. Fortunately, the leader discovered this in time, made a realistic comment on Xiao Xu's performance, and explained his thoughts and intentions. Xiao Xu listened to the dark clouds in his heart and immediately dispersed, and made a profound self-criticism. In this way, the two sides have eliminated misunderstandings, enhanced understanding and made communication harmonious and natural. This tells us that when a contradiction occurs, it is most likely caused by misunderstanding, so we must pay attention to it, explain it in time and communicate.

(3) Make your ideas clear.

Distrust and estrangement do great harm to communication in interpersonal communication, which is often caused by mutual unwillingness to express themselves and lack of understanding. Therefore, if you want to gain the trust of the other party to facilitate communication, you should pay attention to generosity and naturalness in your manners, and don't be arrogant and narcissistic. What is frank and straightforward is absolutely unambiguous. Only by confessing yourself to others will others believe you, so as to confess yourself to you and realize effective communication between the two sides. Less than usual, he doesn't like to talk, and even rarely tells others about the school magazine, so that some people don't understand, which leads to cynicism from people around him: "I didn't expect there to be a big editor in our school!" ~ Don't send text junk! " "Our teaching task is heavy enough, even the students have reduced their burdens, so don't add any more burdens to us!" Less than knowing that this is caused by less communication with people who don't know themselves, he went his own way and said frankly: "If I don't run this publication, I can do more teaching and research and publish more articles. This is called fame and fortune. I am not stupid, I am willing to sacrifice time, contribute to the school, and think about the teachers. " Xiao explained himself clearly, and in the later days, he contacted and communicated with others to help others know himself better, and finally he was recognized, understood and supported.

(4) Be lenient with others and win respect.

"It is convenient for others, but also for yourself", which means that the interests are equal. That is to say, only by being kind to others can others be kind to you, thus further strengthening contact and communication through tolerance and understanding. This requires us to correctly understand and treat each other's shortcomings and deficiencies in communication, and show our good feelings to each other through conversation and explanation, so as to understand each other and get along well. Just like the above example, a colleague said that starting a school magazine was a waste of words, and he was extremely cynical about it. But Xiao Shao didn't give an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, because he knew that this colleague had a heavy burden: he taught Chinese in two classes of senior three, and he was the head teacher. In addition, his old mother is paralyzed in bed and needs his care. She really has no energy to contribute to the school magazine, but she is afraid of being laughed at if she doesn't contribute. Knowing that this situation is less than approaching him actively, he explained that running a magazine is mainly to cultivate students' practical ability, and the teacher only manages it, not for the teacher. At this point, the colleague was embarrassed, apologized to Xiao Shao and had further communication with the other party. Therefore, when others have shortcomings, especially those that are detrimental to their own interests, we must forgive others and forgive others to win their respect. There is no doubt about the importance of communication, but many people don't really do it in actual communication, causing many problems. If you can re-examine your communication problems and adjust your eloquence skills and strategies, I believe your interpersonal communication will be more successful.

Solve unnecessary arguments

In the process of interpersonal communication, the communication between people occupies an extremely important position, and it is even more necessary to show your eloquence at this time. How to resolve unnecessary arguments in communication is the key to good interpersonal relationships.

A witty priest is giving a wonderful sermon. Finally, he affirmed his own value and emphasized that everyone is God's wealth and angel. Everyone living in this world should make good use of the unique gifts given by God and then give full play to their abilities.

A man in the crowd disagreed with the priest. He stood up, pointed to his ugly flat mouth and said, "According to you, man is an angel from heaven. Is there an angel with a broken nose? "

Another woman with short legs also stood up and expressed deep sympathy, thinking that her short legs were not God's perfect creation.

Instead of confronting them head-on, the priest replied with ease and confidence, "God's creation is perfect, which is absolutely good. You two are angels from heaven, which is also correct, but-"He pointed to a friend with a broken nose, "When you fall to the ground, let your nose land first."

The priest pointed to the woman with short legs: "And you, although you landed on your feet, forgot to open the parachute."

The pastor's confident and humorous answer is a model for properly solving the argument. Everyone has his own principles and positions. When the two sides stand in opposite directions and hold their own opinions, it is easy to cause arguments, but arguments are the worst way to communicate.

Clever use of circuitous ways to resolve disputes and urge the other party to accept our views is a skill that you must be familiar with in the process of showing your eloquence and communicating well with others.

It is not only superficial skills or skillful mechanical changes that really achieve this eloquence. You should also rely on your correct attitude, firm and wise judgment and humorous words to successfully resolve unnecessary arguments with each other.

In the face of the other party's doubts, we must not be confused by the other party's persistent position. It is necessary to guide the other party to agree with their own position through their eloquence, and then promote the change of their views. This is not only an eloquence skill, but also a wonderful way to establish good interpersonal relationships.

Learn to "beat around the bush"

In daily communication, it is generally said that speaking frankly and quickly is sincere and welcome. But sometimes, the effect is not good, which destroys the harmony of interpersonal relationships, and in the worst case, it will cause trouble, which violates the original intention of verbal communication. And sometimes deliberately bypass the central topic and basic intention, talk about related things and reasons, that is, "beating around the bush", but often you can.