Tell us some new jokes

Drinking Jokes 2008-09-12 15:46 Drinking Jokes

1; A drunk man was staggering on the street, his ears were full of blisters. One of his friends met him and asked him what was going on. "Damn it, my wife put the hot iron next to the phone. When the ring rang, I mistakenly used the iron as the receiver." "Then what happened on the other side?" The drunk man stared: "This Why don't you change the side if it hurts?"

2; A drunkard staggered over and asked a girl who was walking beside him: "Please tell me, miss, my How many bags are there on your forehead?" "Three," the girl replied timidly. "Thank you!" the drunkard muttered, "I have to touch five telephone poles before I get home..."

3; The night shift operator at the Regal Hotel received calls from the same man 10 times in a row. On the phone, the man just repeated a drunken sentence: "Excuse me, when does the hotel bar open?" When the operator heard this for the 11th time, he was furious and said angrily: "Remember, idiot, the door opens at 9 a.m. "Open the door early." The drunkard begged, "I'm locked in the bar. I want to leave!"

4;A drunkard came home and climbed into bed to wake up his wife and said: "Dear, our house is haunted!" His wife sat up and said, "What did you say?" The drunkard said, "When I came back just now, I went to the bathroom, and as soon as I opened the door, the light came on." His wife said, "It's true. "Yes!" He nodded vigorously and said, "It's absolutely true!" His wife thought for a while and said, "Do you still feel a gust of wind blowing?" He said quickly, "Yes! How do you know?" At this time, his wife slapped him hard and said, "Damn it! This is the third time you've peed in the refrigerator when you were drunk!"

5; In order to explain the disadvantages of drinking, a doctor put Two worms are placed in a bottle filled with wine and a bottle filled with water. The little bug in the wine died quickly, but the one in the water was still struggling. The doctor said to the people around him: "Look, this is the harm of drinking." At this time, an alcoholic in the crowd shouted: "That's right, people who drink will not have this kind of worm in their stomachs! "

6; Two brothers went to drink. When they drank until they were red in the face, one of them was worried: "My wife is very powerful, and she may not let me in the house." "I will teach you a trick. When you came home drunk, you took off your clothes outside the door and then rang the doorbell. When your wife opened the door, you quickly threw your clothes into the house. She must have let you in when she saw you naked. " The next day, the two met again. "Hey! Did your wife let you in last night?" "Oh, forget it! I walked to the door and took off my clothes. The door opened and I threw my clothes in... Then a voice came from the door: Please note that it is closed now. The next stop is the children's playground."

7; The police were patrolling in an alley at night and found a drunk man leaning against a telephone pole, crying. They found it strange. He stepped forward and asked, "Sir, what's wrong?" The drunk man cried and said, "Mr. Police, you came just in time. Please think of a solution for me quickly, because my urine keeps flowing!" The policeman then I walked over to take a look and found that the water tap next to the telephone pole was not turned off properly.

8 The manager was drunk and vomited in the toilet. A man was urinating at the same time. The manager said angrily: "Why are you pouring wine when you agreed not to drink?" The man stopped suddenly when he heard the sound, but he farted. , the manager was furious: "Damn! Who opened another bottle?"

9; A thief sneaked into a mansion and rummaged through the cabinets. When he was about to leave, the owner came back, and the thief hurriedly grabbed the bottle next to him. With a sack on his body, he squatted in the corner of the living room, not daring to express his anger. The owner came into the house smelling of alcohol. He saw something in the corner of the living room and walked over. He touched the pocket repeatedly and kept mumbling: "What is this? Huh?" The thief was made very uncomfortable and impatient, and shouted loudly: "Pumpkin! Idiot!" The owner was not satisfied after hearing this. He kept complaining: "Why didn't you tell me earlier? I kept guessing for a long time!"

10; A drunk man got on the wrong bus twice, but the third time he finally got on the right one. . I met a priest in the car. When the priest saw how drunk the man was, he crossed himself on his chest disapprovingly and said: "Drunk in wine and debauchery, my child, is the road to hell!" "Why, is it possible? Did I get on the wrong bus again?"