Funny homophonic joke

1 A man keeps a pig. He was annoyed with it and wanted to throw it away, but the pig knew the way home and threw it many times without success. One day, the man abandoned the pig and took a bus. He called his wife that night and asked, "Does the pig return?" His wife said, "Go home." The man was very angry and shouted, "put it on the phone quickly, I'm lost." Three turtles came to a restaurant and asked for three cakes. As soon as things were served, they found that there was no money.

The tortoise said: I am the oldest, of course, I don't have to go back to withdraw money.

The tortoise said: it is most suitable to send a small tortoise.

The little turtle said, I can go back and get the money, but after I leave, none of you can touch my cake! The tortoise and the tortoise promised, and the little tortoise left.

Because their bellies were empty, the tortoise quickly ate up his cake. However, the little turtle has been missing for a long time. On the third day, the tortoise was so hungry that they all said, let's eat the tortoise's share.

Just as they were about to start eating, the little turtle's voice came from next door: "If you dare to touch my cake, I won't go back to get the money!" " "When you wake up in the morning, there is a dead mosquito lying next to the pillow, and there is a suicide note next to it: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. Too thick, I have no face to live in this world, Lord! Please forgive him, I killed myself. Four little rabbits shit.

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Q, it replied: I pinched five teachers to ask Xiaoming questions in class, and Xiaoming stood up without saying a word.

Teacher: Xiaoming?

Teacher: Xiaoming

Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!

Xiao Ming: Zhi ~ 6 Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a dark shadow passed by and Pig Bajie hurriedly carried a rake.

I chased him out and came back after a while and said, Shit, Yang Liwei ... An ant was walking in the forest and suddenly met an elephant. The ant quickly got into the soil and stretched out a leg. The little white rabbit was curious and asked, What are you doing? The ant whispered to it: shh … don't make any noise, watch me trip … 8 The first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, but didn't catch anything and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I'll kill you. 9. The white rabbit and the big bear are squatting under the tree to shit.

Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You'll know when it's dirty. That's disgusting.

Heart!

The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Isn't it?

Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass and walked away. 10. Am I a polar bear (animal joke)

It's cold!

Bear: "Mom, am I really a polar bear?" 」

Mother Bear: "Of course! You were born to me and your father, so of course you are a polar bear. 」

After hearing this, the bear was still very suspicious, so he went to ask Father Bear …

Bear: "Dad, am I really a polar bear?" 」

Papa bear: "silly boy, of course you are!" " And a purebred polar bear! Because dad is a pure polar bear and your mother is a pure polar bear, of course you are a polar bear. 」

"That" bear still doesn't believe it, so ask Papa Bear.

"Why do I feel cold? 1 1. The mouse had to marry the bat because she couldn't find a girlfriend. People laughed at him, but the mouse said, "people are at least stewardesses!" ""12 Two frogs fell in love and got married and gave birth to a clam.

The male frog was furious and said, bitch, what's the matter?

Mother frog cried and said, Dad, I had plastic surgery before I met you. 13 ducks and crabs ran to the finish line together, and it was a close call. The referee said, a pair of scissors, stone and cloth!

Duck is furious: Shit, are you trying to lie to me? When I give out cloth, he always scissors 14. One day, a family of three flies went to the toilet to eat. When Mother Fly and Father Fly are having a good time, Baby Fly asks Mother:

"Mom, mom, why do we eat shit?"

Father and mother flies look at the baby and continue to eat without saying a word. After a while, the baby flew and asked:

"Mom, mom, why do we eat shit?"

Mother fly was furious and said angrily to the little fly, "Go! Don't ask such disgusting things when we eat! " 15 Snail A snail was walking on the road, and a turtle ran over him from behind. Later, the snail was taken to the hospital for emergency treatment. When the snail regained consciousness, the police asked about him. The snail replied, "I don't remember, everything was too fast ..."16 lion shit is better than bear shit. The lion and the bear shit under the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his excrement was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion excrement is better than the bear, so adopt it. ...