Ask for a funny four-person sketch script ~?

In the Spring Festival Evening of 2006, Huang Hong's "neighbors" were hard to find in the first four sketches.

There is also Zhao Benshan's "Kung Fu" line: Zhao Benshan: I heard that he became an improper chef, changed the hotline to prevent cheating, and dared to threaten not to be cheated again. The cruel reality has reached my psychological defense. If I don't sell him something this year, I won't be able to fulfill the topic I promised the audience for three years.

Disciple 1: Master, go in!

Zhao: Don't worry, make a harassing call first. (On the phone) Yes. Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello. I'm here to lend you a pair of anti-fraud hotlines. I am Lao Fan's senior. With years of experience, I can make a clear judgment on whether you are fooled: someone is selling, please press1; Someone sells a car, please press 2; Someone has a brain teaser, please press 3; Someone sells stretchers. Call 1 10 directly.

Zhao: Hello!

Fan: Hello!

Zhao: Excuse me, are you Master Fan?

Fan: Who are you?

Zhao: I'm ... I have a question to ask you directly.

Fan: Well, you say.

Zhao: I have an old sow with white flowers in the dark. In the morning, she opened the door together and ran at a speed of 80 pulses per hour. She hit a tree and died!

Fan: killed? Is there anything wrong with the pig's eyesight?

Zhao: Both eyes are 1.5.

Fan: Will there be any mental illness?

Zhao: I am mentally healthy!

Fan: Then how could he be killed?

Zhao: That pig can't turn sharply!

Fan: I said you don't follow the routine! Press 3 for a brain teaser! In that case, let me ask you a question.

Zhao: You say.

Fan: It's the Spring Festival. Our family didn't buy new year's goods, only a pig and a donkey were left. Do you think I should kill the pig or the donkey first?

Zhao: Then you kill ... (to the apprentice) I'll give you two more chances.

Disciple 1: Kill the donkey first.

Zhao: Kill the donkey first.

Fan: Congratulations, you got it right. So do pigs.

Zhao: samples! Sad! Really makes me feel sorry for you! How can I rest assured that I am about to wander the rivers and lakes alone?

Disciple 2: Master, let's kill the pig first.

Zhao: That donkey thinks so, too! I'm telling you, it's not good for you to kill someone first on this issue. Why don't I answer? Just because I think there's something wrong. Did you get a look at him? He developed from one track-minded in those days to two blocked ends now!

Disciple 1: Master, he is amazing. Let's go home!

Zhao: You can't go back! Selling abduction to make it limp; Selling cars made him lose his head; If I don't get rid of him in ten minutes, I can't be a teacher with you two anymore.

Disciple Qi said: Master leads the door, fooling people!

Zhang: OK. Look me in the eye. Get in the car! Beautiful him!

Disciple: Is Master Fan there?

Fan: Who are you? Excuse me, do you consult ... (looking at Zhao) ouch! Oh, dear! Ah! Ah! Ah! ..... What's that look? Quite chic! Very 6+7? ! How did this all-powerful fool get into this situation? Oh, my God, my God, did that angel sister give me that tone? The pig hit the tree. Did you hit a pig? Did you rear-end the car? Why did you change three more?

Zhao: I have missed you for three years.

Fan: Fool!

Zhao: I've come to confess to you.

Fan: Keep fooling!

Zhao: My apprentice testified.

Fan: The group tricked me into coming. It's no use, you idiot. As long as we kind people are alert to you, what will you do? There will be some brain teasers soon. There is a monkey on the ground and seven monkeys on the tree. These are two monkeys, or eight monkeys.

Zhao: Maybe three monkeys, maybe nine monkeys.

Fan: Why has it changed again?

Zhao: pregnant with a monkey.

Fan: Is it interesting?

Zhao: It's boring. It's not the initial stage of giving you a brain teaser. I came to apologize for being with you. For three years, the most sorry person in the world is Chef Fan. What a nice person. I always tell you why you think I lied to him. More honest and more honest, you say me, you hit me twice, you can't do it. You can't talk if you scold me. That's it. You forgive me anyway, and I won't forgive you here. Forgive me sincerely.

Fan: Ah-ah! Still blowing. Listen, fool, hey, keep fooling.

Zhao: Help me up.

Fan: Can you stand up? Ah, ah, ah, go, take two steps. Take two steps. Come on, let's go. Well, this is wrong, isn't it? Everyone is watching. If anything happens, it's none of my business. Why do you always hang lanterns? Do you always stand up? what can I do for you? Let's get this straight, okay?

Zhao: Do you want to hear it?

Fan: I want to hear it.

Zhao: Have you received your letter?

Fan: I will believe you as long as you stand up.

Zhao: Then you can go. I can stand up.

Fan: Hum, go ahead.

Zhao: It's a long story. I remember it was the first snow in 2003, a little later than the snow in 2002.

Fan: What did you do with the lyrics? If you have something, just say it.

Zhao: I won't play with you. I will apologize to you today.

Zhao: load the goods quickly! Look familiar?

Fan: Is this the hundreds of dollars you cheated me of?

Fan: Nothing has moved.

Fan: Which watch is this?

Zhao: If you wear it on your hand, you won't read.

Fan: Well, brother-

Zhao: Is this the end of our feud? And it, in recent years, is this wheelchair that has delayed our feelings. I must smash it in front of you today.

Disciple: Master, you can't smash it. Master, this wheelchair is a witness to your brother's reunion.

Zhao: Don't talk nonsense. Can't pull me.

Disciple: Master, alas, Master!

Fan: Brother, fight if you want. Brother, you are so sincere! The children are right. It is not only a testimony to our reconciliation, but also a reminder to me to avoid being fooled again in the future. I collected it.

Zhao: No, how can you accept the money that students give me?

Fan: OK, I'll pay more.

Zhao: How much did it cost?

Disciple: Two thousand.

Fan: Me, two thousand.

Zhao: I'll give it to 2.5 thousand.

Fan: Me, three thousand.

Zhao: Me, 3,500.

Fan: I'm four thousand.

Zhao: I'm five thousand.

Fan: Deal.

Zhao: You are a chef. Hey hey.

Fan: You called 5000, and I stayed. Deal!

Zhao: That's not true. You remember wrong. How did you shout it out?

Health: I heard it was Chef Fan.

Fan: What, what?

Health: No, the master shouted.

Zhao: It's a mess. Well, it doesn't matter who shouts. Look, let's see. It's a little messy Who shouted first?

Fan: I called first.

Zhao: How much did you shout?

Fan: Me, two thousand.

Zhao: Me, 2,500.

Fan: Three thousand.

Zhao: 3.5 thousand.

Fan: Four thousand.

Zhao: 4,500.

Fan: Five thousand.

Zhao: You see, it is very clear.

Fan: Hey, it's a little messy, a little messy.

Zhao: You can calculate again.

Fan: Don't talk to anyone. I'll do the math myself and touch it myself.

Zhao: You will be confused by yourself.

Fan: Stop it. Two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand, three thousand five hundred, four thousand, four thousand five hundred, five thousand, hey.

Zhao: You did it backwards. You ordered two thousand.

Fan: Two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand.

Zhao: No.

Fan: Two thousand, two thousand five hundred, three thousand, three thousand five hundred, four thousand, four thousand five hundred, five thousand.

Zhao: That's right.

Fan: Oh dear.

Health: I remember wrong, you shouted.

Fan: No, no, big brother, after I shout 4 thousand, you just shout 5 thousand, right?

Audience: Yes!

Zhao: Well, it's a mess. Since my brother and I agreed to accept it, shall we shout it again? Let's find out who is calling this 5 thousand. What is the starting price?

Health: Two thousand.

Fan: Me, two thousand.

Zhao: (falling vertebra) Deal! It's not messy this time.

Fan: You're not calling?

Zhao: I'm afraid I'm confused again.

Health: You shouted this time.

Fan: Well, all right. Do not move. Do not move. This wheelchair is mine. Do not move. I'll pay you two thousand.

Zhao: Brother, you shouldn't ask for money, but you have to save face if you want to save face, don't you? You shouldn't want it, but, but it's not your character not to give it.

Fan: I'm fooled if I give it to you.

Zhao: cheated? I tell you, at all, I don't want to. ...

Fan: I robbed it instead.

Zhao: You misunderstood. I want to ask you. ...

Fan: Stop pretending. From the moment you entered the room, you used bitter medicine, playing hard to get, and the master and apprentice cooperated with the plan to smash the car and fell into the vertebral trap. I only used one.

Z: Cooperate.

Fan: I'll give you a plan.

Zhao: Walking is the best policy.

Fan: No!

Zhao: I failed. Do you know why I failed? The chef didn't look at the menu, but he took a fancy to Sun Tzu's Art of War. Leave!

Disciple: (Xiang Fan) Master!

Fan: Hey, hey, master, master.

Zhao: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I am here. What are you two doing? What are you doing?

Disciple: Master, I'm so sorry. Your IQ is too low to learn from you. What should you do? Let's go. We will miss the no.2 bus.

Zhao: Oh dear!

Disciple: Master is in the class, and disciples worship me!

Zhao: God, the world is really crazy. The mouse is the cat's maid of honor. Oh, my God!

Disciple: Master! Please accept us!

Fan: Hey, kid, there are no cliffs in the sea of misery. Just turn around and study hard. Give you a red envelope during the Spring Festival.

Zhao: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Can you two take this money? Didn't I pay you both last month? Sad!

Fan: Come on, one for each person. Take it. Take it.

Zhao: Sad.

Disciple: Master Xie

Fan: Oh, no, no. You're welcome.

Disciple: Master, Master, take it off!

Zhao: Anti-treachery.

Fan: Oh, it's impossible to prevent! But this is a big scam. I won't accept you. You fool around, fool around. Am I still in a wheelchair?

Zhao: What do you want?

Fan: What about your promise to the audience?

Zhao: What promise?

Fan: Where's your stretcher?

Zhao: Develop it yourself!

Fan: Hey!

Zhao: This is for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened.

Fan: Oh, you took great pains for me. Thanks to my superior plan, I opened the red envelope. Chinese New Year, send you a pair of couplets:

Turn around for a year and shake your destiny for a year.

Thank you for learning from your mistakes.

Zhao: I'll give you another batch.

Become a useful person by self-study